"What? Lord Second, are you saying all of us are actually descendants of the Sage of Six Paths?"
Inuzuka Kiba was both shocked and thrilled.
He lowered his head, staring at his own hands. "Could it be that there's a hidden power inside me too…"
"No."
Senju Tobirama ruthlessly crushed Kiba's fantasy.
Powerful force? At most, the kid could fuse with Akamaru and turn into a giant, furry freak.
"Some of the ones who got pregnant gave birth to the ancestors of the Kaguya clan, the Hagoromo clan, and Kinkaku and Ginkaku over in Kumogakure.
As for the ones who didn't get pregnant, they just received his chakra. They might've been women with bad luck, or they might've just been guys."
"And no matter how insanely powerful the Sage of Six Paths was, it was physically impossible for him to get around to every single person."
"That's exactly why there were people indirectly infected with chakra. After hooking up with people who had already… done the deed with the Sage of Six Paths and been tainted by his chakra, they ended up catching it too."
Senju Tobirama explained this bullshit with endless patience.
It was just that the more he described it, the less it sounded like a mystical energy system and the more it sounded like a damn syphilis!
What was even more terrifying was that, based on the very nature of chakra, living beings in the shinobi world originally had no chakra and lived perfectly fine without it.
But once they got infected, they couldn't survive if they lost it.
Once a person's chakra vanished, their body would go weak and they'd die a miserable death.
Why did this sound not only like a rampant STD, but also like some kind of hardcore drug addiction?
"At the same time, right before Kaguya was sealed away, she left behind a lump of black sludge known as Black Zetsu.
Black Zetsu had no power and couldn't train, yet its mission was insanely difficult: break the seal and rescue its mother."
"After Black Zetsu caught wind of what the Sage of Six Paths had done, it decided to shut him down."
"The reason was simple. To rescue its mother, it needed the power of the Rinnegan."
"Black Zetsu had already made up its mind. It couldn't beat the Sage of Six Paths in a straight fight, nor could it outsmart him, so it had no choice but to wait for the next generation. In other words, it needed the powers of Asura and Indra to combine and birth the Rinnegan."
"But Black Zetsu was also terrified. It worried that the Sage of Six Paths was such a massive degenerate that, in the future, a whole army of 'Indras' and 'Asuras' might pop up. If those 'Indras' and 'Asuras' were just as depraved and freely hooked up with each other, wouldn't that cause a massive flood of Rinnegan to emerge?"
"A single pair of Rinnegan was the key to cracking its mother's seal. Hundreds or thousands of them would be an absolute disaster."
"Even if Kaguya's seal got broken, those thousands of Rinnegan could trigger a massive qualitative change through sheer numbers and just backhand Kaguya right into another seal."
"To stop that nightmare scenario from happening, Black Zetsu started traveling through various nations, preaching rites, propriety, and morality, completely opposing the Sage of Six Paths' degenerate lifestyle."
"Black Zetsu had no physical power. It only had ideas. So spreading those ideas was literally all it could do."
"I actually met Black Zetsu once. The thing claimed that the entire history of the shinobi world had been orchestrated by it. That sounds arrogant, but strictly speaking, it's not actually wrong."
"It's exactly because of the code of propriety Black Zetsu spread that the modern shinobi world even has a basic moral foundation."
"Unfortunately, Black Zetsu's influence was ultimately limited. Back then, the moral code it pushed was purely designed to counter every nasty thing the Sage of Six Paths was doing."
"Because it needed Indra and Asura to fall out and turn against their father, it had no choice but to scrap ideas like brotherly harmony and filial piety."
"As a result, those specific moral concepts only slowly caught on much later. Hell, if they'd appeared earlier, maybe a great 'filial son' like Uchiha Itachi would've never existed."
"Anyway, back to the main point."
"After propriety and moral law swept across the continent, the Sage of Six Paths was forced to stop wandering and founded Ninshū. He started using the religious cult as a massive cover to keep carrying out his shady affairs indoors."
"Indra was the outstanding older brother. Asura was the foolish younger brother."
"Legends say the Sage of Six Paths handed Ninshū over to Asura instead of Indra because Indra was a loner obsessed with power, while Asura valued unity and chased after love. The Sage believed Asura was more like himself."
"That's actually a bullshit!"
"Think about it. What kind of person was the Sage of Six Paths? We've already established exactly what he was. So, if the Sage thought Asura took after him, what kind of freak was Asura?"
"It should be glaringly obvious, right?"
"The real truth was this—Asura, exactly like his father, loved throwing massive sex parties with everyone involved."
"But Indra was different. Brainwashed by Black Zetsu's morality, he actually believed that exclusive, one-on-one love between a man and a woman was what he should pursue."
"This completely pissed all over the Sage of Six Paths' degenerate beliefs."
"The Sage of Six Paths thought Indra's whole 'loving only one person' shtick was totally shameful. He constantly lectured his eldest son and even started leading Indra's friends completely astray."
"Indra's friends, corrupted by the Sage, also started admiring and coveting Indra's good looks. One night, two of them spiked his wine with an aphrodisiac, planning to drag him right down into the gutter with them."
"Indra found out and, in sheer despair, personally slaughtered the two friends who'd already fallen to corruption. At that exact moment, he awakened the Mangekyō Sharingan."
"From then on, Indra completely snapped. He severed ties with his younger brother Asura and his degenerate father. Indra fired up his Susanoo and geared up to get revenge on both of them."
"Asura's own power originally sucked. However, because he'd spent years copying his father and hosting massive sex parties,' everyone had formed incredibly… intimate connections with him."
"At the critical moment, the combined power of all those people—including his father—gathered onto Asura and helped him beat Indra's."
"Years passed after that."
"The Sage of Six Paths, who should've had a ridiculously long lifespan, was knocking on death's door."
"That was because the propriety Black Zetsu pushed had finally swept across the continent like a spring breeze. The Sage could no longer just casually drag people into his massive orgies."
"Meanwhile, the faction Indra founded kept taking shots at Ninshū from the outside, exposing all its filthy corruption to the rest of the world. Ninshū was practically collapsing."
"For the Sage of Six Paths, living without his depravity was a fate worse than death. In the end, he withered away from sheer exhaustion."
"At his sickbed, Asura swore he would keep reincarnating again and again. He swore he'd make sure his older brother Indra became a gay ninja just like him, and that Indra would eventually learn to love orgies too."
"And that exact same night, Indra also rolled up to the sickbed. He declared that he'd reincarnate just as many times. He was gonna find a way to wipe out his father and brother's inhuman ideological legacy, and he'd absolutely never let their sick twisted ways infect him.""
"Huh? Wait, that doesn't make any sense, does it?" Shikamaru interrupted, catching a glaring plot hole.
"Lord Second, didn't you just say the First Hokage and Madara, and Naruto and Sasuke, were…"
'Weren't they reincarnated lovers continuing their destined bond, totally infatuated with each other?'
How the hell did it suddenly turn into Indra making a vow to fight off their depraved agenda?
Something wasn't adding up here.
"You're right. There is no contradiction," Tobirama said smoothly. "But Indra overlooked one massive detail—there was a traitor in the damn house!"
"In order to force Indra's reincarnation to combine with Asura's, Black Zetsu—the very thing that originally preached normal morality—secretly smuggled its own private agenda into that code of propriety and deliberately led Indra's reincarnations completely astray!"