"And then? What happened next? Lord Second, stop keeping us in suspense and hurry up!"
Shigaraki Tanuki practically begged, completely on edge.
He never expected to get the chance in this lifetime to hear top-secret lore from ancient legend.
Even if he dropped dead right after this, it'd be worth the price of admission.
"Don't be impatient. I'll speak slowly, and you need to memorize every single detail. Don't screw this up, because not only do you not need to keep this thing a secret, you actually need to spread it around every chance you get."
Senju Tobirama kept his face perfectly calm.
Inwardly, however, he was bitching up a storm.
'Keeping them in suspense? Who is keeping them in suspense? I'm making this bullshit up on the spot. Do they think I don't need a second to brainstorm?'
Using that excuse, Tobirama stalled for time.
Once he finally organized the crazy story in his head, he kept going.
"Ōtsutsuki Hamura went to his mother to cry about his grievances, but before he could even finish snitching, his elder brother, the Sage of Six Paths, hunted him down."
"To avoid getting violated by his naturally depraved older brother, Hamura literally threw himself onto the Sage of Six Paths' Lightning Release…"
Reaching this point, even Tobirama paused for a second.
'Hamura getting pierced through the heart by Lightning Release is true, but why does this plot suddenly feel so familiar?'
"But what Ōtsutsuki Hamura never saw coming," Tobirama continued, "was that the Sage of Six Paths had planned for this all along. He already predicted Hamura would take his own life and ascend to heaven. And so…"
"And so the Sage of Six Paths didn't even spare Hamura's corpse?!" Inuzuka Kiba yelled in pure horror.
"…"
At that exact moment, Tobirama seriously suspected this new generation was completely brain-rotted.
What kind of messed-up thought process even produced a conclusion like that?
"Of course not, you idiot. The Sage of Six Paths revived his younger brother."
"…R-Revived?"
Everyone violently shuddered at the thought.
Even death wasn't enough to escape the guy?
After dying, you just get dragged right back up? That was absolutely terrifying!
"Yes. The Sage of Six Paths used a life tags given to him by the Great Toad Sage of Mount Myōboku to revive Hamura. At the exact same time, he whipped out a hypnosis tags and blackmailed his brother into helping him seal their mother away."
"The Sage of Six Paths knew well that sealing away his overpowered mother was the only way he could become the strongest person in the world. Only then could he actually do whatever he wanted and build his harem."
"H-Harem?!"
"That is correct."
Tobirama paused, taking a deep breath.
In reality, he was just using the pause to cook up the next part of his bullshit story.
As for concepts like harems, wives, and concubines, the current shinobi world could easily wrap its head around them.
In the "filler" garbage fabricated by Black Zetsu—the anime-original content that wrecked the manga's plot and setting—Kaguya had been a concubine to the Emperor of the Land of Ancestors.
In other words, the shinobi world already had the concept of wives and side pieces.
Furthermore, that so-called emperor had no actual power.
Compared to the modern shinobi world, he was, at best, a glorified daimyō of some tiny nation.
The daimyō of the Five Great Nations were never publicly shown with concubines, only lawful wives, but that sure as hell didn't mean they didn't have any.
As for how anyone would actually know?
When the daimyō of the Five Great Nations got wiped out along with their entire families, and the assassins tracked down the household registers—no, the family trees—to exterminate them one by one, it naturally became glaringly obvious whether they had secret side pieces and illegitimate kids hiding at home.
"After that, Ōtsutsuki Hamura was forced to play along with his elder brother, and they sealed their mother away."
"But he was terrified that once the dust settled, the Sage of Six Paths—whose strength was now absolutely broken—would just force himself on him. So Hamura pulled an excuse, claiming he wanted to go to the moon to keep their mother company."
"That's horrifying," Ino muttered. "Just how depraved was this guy for his own brother to be so scared that hiding on Earth wasn't enough, and he had to literally flee to the moon?"
"Indeed. The Sage of Six Paths originally liked girls too. However, the girl he liked got absorbed into the God Tree, and that completely twisted the man's mind."
"If you've read that Limited Tsukuyomi series, you'll notice the Sage of Six Paths has a thing for the Tailed Beasts in it."
"That's not entirely baseless. There's a reason for it."
"Because the girl he liked was absorbed by the God Tree. The God Tree became the Ten-Tails, and the Ten-Tails was later split into the nine Tailed Beasts. So, whenever the Sage of Six Paths fuc—spoke with the Tailed Beasts, it was basically the equivalent of talking to his dead crush…"
At this point, Tobirama closed his eyes, silently prayed, 'Forgive me, Elder Brother,' and pushed forward.
"Just like in another book, where my elder brother Hashirama supposedly sealed the Nine-Tails into my sister-in-law Mito purely because Uchiha Madara once controlled it. That way, he could pretend Madara was still right by his side…"
Shock!
Pure horror!
The younger generation felt like their entire worldview had just been violently shattered.
Fortunately, they had already secretly binged the Strong Man series and the Limited Tsukuyomi books, so they'd built up some mental resistance to this kind of crazy story.
Otherwise, getting blasted with such overly stimulating lore might've actually caused a collective mental breakdown.
As for why they were still reeling despite having read that trash?
The reason was simple. Stuff written in dirty novels wasn't necessarily true.
But who the hell was confirming it right now?
The Second Hokage!
Senju freaking Tobirama!
The actual younger brother of the First Hokage, Senju Hashirama!
The most serious, no-nonsense Hokage in history!
How much did the Second Hokage respect his older brother? How could he possibly slander the man?
Which meant all of this had to be the absolute truth!
"Did you know this?" Tobirama asked. "The thing Uchiha Madara hated most in his entire life was having someone stand behind him."
"It was said that if anyone stood behind him, the guy couldn't even manage to take a piss."
"But strangely enough, during their final battle at the Valley of the End, my elder brother Hashirama stood right behind Madara, and Madara didn't notice a thing. Instead, he just got stabbed to death by my brother's blade."
"Do you know what that means?"
"It means… the First Hokage stood behind Uchiha Madara so often in the past that he'd already gotten completely used to it?" Sakura offered carefully.
"Bingo!" Tobirama pointed at Sakura.
'Maybe he wasn't only used to having someone stand behind him. Maybe he was totally used to getting stabbed from behind too.'
Hinata, who was still flat on the floor playing dead, thought this to herself silently.
"Perhaps you don't know this, but originally, our world had absolutely no chakra. The ultimate source of chakra was Kaguya, but the one who actually spread it to humanity was the Sage of Six Paths."
"After sealing his mother away, the Sage of Six Paths became a wandering monk and roamed the world. He claimed he was just mending the scars of war, but in reality, too many people had died. The Sage of Six Paths had no choice but to suck it up, go against his own preferences, and spread his seeds everywhere."
"Do you actually think the Sage of Six Paths only had two descendants, Asura and Indra?"
"You're gravely mistaken!"
"Those two were just the heirs he poured the bulk of his power into."
"Otherwise, why would there be the Senju clan from Asura, the Uchiha clan from Indra, the Kaguya clan with their bone pulses, the Hagoromo clan, and even random descendants like Kinkaku and Ginkaku all the way over in Kumogakure?"
"All of this perfectly proves exactly what the Sage of Six Paths was doing out there!"
"And since you brats just watched exactly how Naruto and Sasuke awakened the Rinnegan, you should already understand what the most convenient, highly recyclable method for passing on chakra really is."
"That's right. Back in the day, wherever the Sage of Six Paths traveled, he spread his chakra across the land by hooking up with the local men and women!"
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