"Alright, show's over," I said, clapping my hands. "Konohamaru, take your squad and go practice your espionage. If you can sneak into the women's bath without Jiraiya catching you, you pass level one."
"Who is Jiraiya?" Konohamaru asked, tilting his head.
"A Sage. A legend. And a rival," I said ominously. "Now go. I have exams to dominate."
Konohamaru saluted with tears in his eyes. "Yes, Boss! I won't let you down! I will become the King of Stealth!"
He ran off, dragging Udon and Moegi.
Sasuke looked at me, adjusting his arm warmers. "You're corrupting the Hokage's grandson."
"I'm educating him, Sasuke," I corrected. "There's a difference. Barely."
[The Academy - Exam Day]
The atmosphere in the Academy was heavy. Hundreds of Genin from different villages were crammed into the hallways, leaking killing intent like cheap cologne.
We walked up to the second floor.
A crowd was gathered in front of a door marked "301".
Two Chunin were blocking the door, beating up anyone who tried to pass.
"Give up!" one Chunin sneered, kicking a generic background character in the gut. "The Chunin Exams are too hard for babies like you! Go home and drink milk!"
Rock Lee (in his magnificent green spandex) was on the ground, holding his cheek. "Ugh... they are too strong..."
Tenten was beside him, helping him up. "Please let us pass! We just want to take the test!"
Sakura walked up. She looked at the sign. She looked at the floor number. She looked at the faint distortion in the air.
"This is a Genjutsu," Sakura announced confidently, flipping her pink hair. "This is only the second floor. Room 301 is upstairs."
"Correct," Sasuke smirked. "I noticed it the moment we walked in."
The Genjutsu shimmered and broke, revealing the sign as "201".
"Smart," the Chunin grinned. He threw a kick at Sasuke.
Sasuke moved to block. But before he could—
WHOOSH.
Rock Lee blurred. He caught the kick. He blocked Sasuke.
"Hey," Lee said, his demeanor changing instantly. The 'weak' act vanished. "I lied about being weak."
He looked at Sakura.
[Target: Rock Lee] [Status: Determined / Horny for Pink Hair.] [Fashion Sense: -100 (Spandex disaster).]
"My name is Rock Lee!" He gave a thumbs up, his teeth twinkling with a literal ding sound effect. "You are Sakura-san, right? Please be my girlfriend! I will protect you with my life!"
Sakura recoiled in horror. "No! Absolutely not! Your eyebrows are too thick! They look like caterpillars!"
Lee slumped against the wall, crushed. "Caterpillars..."
"Don't worry, Lee," I walked over, patting his green shoulder. "It's not the eyebrows. It's the jumpsuit. It leaves... very little to the imagination."
I glanced down at his crotch.
"Or perhaps... too much? You're practically smuggling plums in there."
Lee blinked, looking down at his outfit. "Kenji-kun! This suit is breathable and aerodynamic! It is the pinnacle of youth! Gai-sensei gave it to me!"
"It's a crime against fashion," I countered. "But I respect the hustle. Confidence is key."
Then, a figure stepped out from behind Lee.
Neji Hyuga.
[Threat Detected: Neji Hyuga] [Status: Genius / Fatalist / Angry at Main Family.] [Byakugan: Active (Veins bulging).]
"Hey, you," Neji looked at Sasuke. "What's your name?"
"Identify yourself before asking others," Sasuke retorted coldly.
"I am Neji Hyuga."
"Sasuke Uchiha."
Sparks flew. Rivalry established. The Uchiha vs. The Hyuga.
I leaned against the wall, watching the testosterone fly.
"And you?" Neji turned his pale, vein-popping eyes to me. His expression shifted from arrogance to confusion. "You... why do you have so much chakra? It rivals a Jonin. Which family are you from?"
"I am not from any family," I shrugged. "I am an orphan. Self-made man."
Neji narrowed his eyes, clearly disbelieving. "Impossible. A commoner cannot possess such reserves without a bloodline. It defies destiny."
Crap, I thought. He can see my MP bar. Time to deflect.
I put on a shocked, scandalized expression. I covered my chest with my hands.
"Hey," I whispered loudly. "Are all Hyuga like you?"
Neji blinked. "What?"
"Do you like to use your Byakugan on others normally?" I stepped back. "Huh? What are you, a pervert?"
Neji's stoic face cracked. "I beg your pardon?"
"You're using it right now!" I pointed at his bulging veins. "You're looking through my clothes! You're checking out my 'chakra', huh? Is that what you call it these days?"
I turned to the crowd of Genin.
"Hey everyone! This guy has X-Ray vision and he's staring at us!"
The girls in the hallway gasped. Ino covered her chest. Sakura stepped behind Sasuke. Even Temari (who had just arrived) looked disgusted.
"Do you look at Tenten while training with your white eyes?" I accused, stepping closer to Neji. "Do you watch her stretch? Do you analyze her... 'chakra points'?"
Tenten froze. She looked at Neji. "Neji... you don't do that, right?"
"I—No! That is absurd!" Neji stammered, his composure shattering. "I am analyzing his strength! His chakra network!"
"Likely story!" I shouted. "So, did you only see my chakra? Or did you see something else? Is it really you asking me about my chakra being 'huge'... or were you impressed by something else?"
The boys in the hallway realized what I meant. Simultaneously, every male Genin placed their hands over their crotches and took a step back from Neji.
"Pervert," Kiba whispered. "Classic silent type."
"Unyouthful!" Lee gasped.
Neji was stumbling now, his face flushing a rare shade of pink. "I-It's not like that! The Byakugan is a noble tool of war! I do not use it for—"
"Oh really?" I smirked, leaning in close. " Then explain how you know Tenten isn't wearing her standard underwear today?"
Neji froze. "What?"
"You noticed, didn't you?" I whispered, but loud enough for Tenten to hear. "She's not wearing the standard issue. She's wearing the safety shorts I... ahem... returned to her yesterday. You checked, didn't you? You checked to see if she was secure?"
Neji opened his mouth. He closed it. He looked at Tenten.
Tenten turned beat red. She remembered I stole her shorts yesterday. She remembered putting them back on.
"NEJI!" Tenten screamed, slapping him.
WHACK.
"I didn't!" Neji held his cheek, his dignity in ruins.
"You..." Neji looked at me with pure, unadulterated hatred. "You are vulgar. You are trash."
"I'm Kenji," I winked. "And my eyes stay up here, buddy."
I turned to my team.
"Let's go. It's not safe here. There are predators about."
As we walked up the stairs to the real Room 301, I heard Neji trying to explain himself to a furious Tenten and a disappointed Rock Lee.
[System Notification]
[Reputation Update: Neji Hyuga (The Closet Pervert).]
[Shameless Points: +1,500.]
"Too easy," I chuckled. "Destiny my ass."
"I am practical. Good luck in the exams, Hyuga."
Author's Note:
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