[Room 301 - The Waiting Room]
We pushed open the doors.
The room was massive. It was a lecture hall filled with rows of desks and hundreds of rough-looking ninja. The air was thick with testosterone, sweat, and unwashed mesh armor.
As we stepped in, the noise died down. Everyone stared.
"Whoa," Naruto whispered, looking around. "There are so many people!"
"Stick together," Sasuke ordered, his eyes scanning the crowd. "Don't let them intimidate you."
I leaned against the doorframe, chewing on a toothpick I'd found in my inventory.
[Observation Haki: Ping.]
I scanned the room.
Grass Ninja: Looking shady. (Orochimaru is probably wearing someone's face right now).
Rain Ninja: Looking wet.
Sound Ninja: Looking like mummies wrapped in toilet paper.
And then, the Kunoichi.
[Passive Skill: Anatomy Scan - Active]
[Target: Generic Sand Kunoichi] -> Pass.
[Target: Generic Rain Kunoichi] -> Pass.
[Target: Fu (Waterfall Jinchuriki?)] -> Wait, is she here? No, canon divergence check. Nope, just randoms.
"Kenji," Sakura hissed, nudging me. "Stop staring people! You're drooling!"
"I'm assessing threats, Sakura," I wiped my mouth. "That girl over there has a very... threatening posture."
Suddenly, a blur of purple and blonde launched itself at us.
"SASUKE-KUN!"
Ino Yamanaka flew through the air and latched onto Sasuke's back like a koala.
"I missed you so much! Your hair is so long now! It's so emo!"
Sasuke grunted, trying to pry her off. "Get off me, Ino! You're heavy!"
"Aww, don't be like that!" Ino rubbed her cheek against his.
"Ahem," I cleared my throat loudly.
Ino froze. She looked up and met my eyes.
"Wrong lap, Ino," I smirked, glancing pointedly at her skirt. "I recall you preferred a different seating arrangement last night."
Ino turned bright red. She let go of Sasuke and landed on her feet, smoothing her skirt nervously.
"I... I don't know what you're talking about!" she stammered, avoiding eye contact.
"Did you get the leopard print?" I whispered as she passed.
"Shut up!" she hissed, but her face was burning.
"Troublesome," Shikamaru sighed, walking over with Choji (who was eating... again). "Can you guys keep it down? You're drawing attention."
"Hey, everyone!" Kiba shouted, walking over with Akamaru and Shino. "Looks like the Rookie Nine are all here! We're gonna crush this exam!"
"Quiet down, puppy," I patted Kiba's head. "Grown-ups are talking."
"I'm not a puppy!" Kiba snarled.
"Are you sure?" I held up a dog treat (System Item). "Sit."
Akamaru sat immediately. Kiba... hesitated.
"Damn it!" Kiba yelled.
"You guys might want to keep it down," a soft, polite voice interrupted us.
We turned.
A young man with silver hair, round glasses, and a Konoha headband walked over. He had a friendly, trustworthy smile. The kind of smile a used car salesman wears right before selling you a lemon.
Kabuto Yakushi.
[Threat Detected: Kabuto Yakushi]
[Status: Spy / Root Agent / Snake Lover.] [Danger Level: S-Rank (Hidden).]
"You're the rookies, right?" Kabuto adjusted his glasses. "Cute. But look around. You're making the seniors nervous."
He pointed to the room. Several Rain ninja were glaring at us, fingering their kunai.
"I'm Kabuto Yakushi," he smiled. "I've taken this exam seven times. So I guess you could call me a veteran."
"Seven times?" Naruto blinked. "Wow! You must suck!"
"Naruto!" Sakura scolded. "Be polite!"
"It's okay," Kabuto laughed. "But because I've been here so long, I have data on everyone. With my Ninja Info Cards."
He pulled out a deck of cards. He channeled chakra into them, and stats appeared.
"I have info on Rock Lee, Gaara of the Sand... anyone you want to know about."
Sasuke stepped forward. "Do you have info on—"
"Wait," I interrupted, stepping between Sasuke and Kabuto.
I looked at the four-eyed spy.
"Kabuto-senpai," I smiled. "I'm not interested in sweaty guys like Lee or Gaara. Do you have... other data?"
Kabuto blinked, confused. "Other data?"
"Yes," I leaned in. "Do you have the three sizes of the Exam Proctor, Anko Mitarashi?"
The room went silent.
Kabuto stared at me. His permanent smile faltered.
"I... excuse me?"
"You heard me," I said seriously. "Or maybe Kurenai Yuhi? Or the Mizukage? You said you have info. Don't tell me you only collect stats on dudes? That's a bit... suspicious, Senpai."
"I... I focus on combat statistics," Kabuto stammered, actually thrown off balance.
"Lame," I scoffed. "Give me that."
[Skill: Steal]
Swish.
I snatched the deck of cards from his hand before he could react.
"Hey!" Kabuto reached out.
"Let's see..." I flipped through the cards. "Gaara... Lee... Neji... boring, boring, boring."
I stopped on a card.
"Oh? What's this?"
I held up a blank card.
"Kabuto Yakushi," I read aloud. "Adopted by the Medical Corps Chief. failed the exam 7 times. Average stats."
I looked at him. My eyes narrowed, dropping the act for a split second.
"But it says here... 'Hobbies: Collecting bodies and playing with snakes.'"
Kabuto froze. His glasses glinted. The killing intent spiked for a microsecond—so fast only I noticed.
"You're joking," Kabuto laughed nervously, snatching the card back. "It doesn't say that."
"Must be a typo," I shrugged, handing the deck back. "Anyway, your data is trash. Call me when you have the swimsuit edition."
I walked away, leaving a slightly rattled super-spy behind.
Suddenly, a blur of motion.
The Sound Ninja—the mummies—attacked.
Dosu (the guy with the speaker on his arm) lunged at Kabuto.
"You talk too much, four-eyes!"
WHAM.
Kabuto dodged, but the sound wave hit him. His glasses shattered. He fell to his knees, vomiting.
"Pathetic," Dosu sneered. "And you rookies... are next."
"Hey," I called out from behind Dosu.
Dosu turned. "What?"
I was holding something.
It was a pair of round, silver glasses.
Kabuto touched his face. He wasn't wearing his glasses. But he had just vomited because they broke?
"Wait," Kabuto whispered. "My glasses are... there?"
"Nice frames," I tried them on. Everything was blurry. "Prescription is terrible though."
I looked at Dosu.
"You broke his spare pair, Mummy-Man. That's rude."
"Give those back!" Kabuto shouted, realizing I had stolen them off his face before Dosu attacked, meaning the attack hit... nothing? Or did I swap them? He was confused.
"Enough!"
A explosion of smoke erupted at the front of the room.
"Shut up, you maggots!"
A massive banner unfurled:
Proctor of the First Exam: Ibiki Morino.
Ibiki stood there, scarred and terrifying, flanked by a dozen Chunin proctors.
"I am Ibiki Morino," he growled. "And your nightmare begins now."
He scanned the room. His eyes landed on me.
He paused.
He remembered the "Midnight Gardner" incident at the administration desk. He remembered the bag of cash.
His eye twitched.
"Except you," Ibiki pointed at me. "If you try to bribe me, I will skin you."
"Wouldn't dream of it, sir," I saluted. "I prefer... intellectual exchange."
"Take your seats!" Ibiki roared. "It's time for the written exam."
I sat down next to Hinata.
"Hi, Hinata," I whispered.
"H-H-Hello..." she squeaked.
"Don't worry," I placed a pencil on the desk. "If you get stuck... just look at my paper. I have Omniscience."
(I didn't, but I had the System and a copy of the answer key I bought from the shop for 50 SP).
[System Notification]
[Exam Phase 1: The Written Test.]
[Objective: Don't get caught cheating.]
I grinned.
"Time to cheat like a legend."
Author's Note:
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