"No" I answered truthfully.
The only thing i know is that My name was something that my mother came up with. My father had told me that one time.
That time, he had a smile on his face, a genuine smile and a soft expression, the kind that I had seen only once, that one time, in my whole life, on his face.
Back then, I thought he was talking about Mother Gilda, but I suppose not.
"I see. The thing you remind me of is.." The mana in his hand stopped swirling, solidifying into a delicate, glowing pink object ...A flower, "...this."
I know this one. I recognized it instantly.
"A Lotus ?"
"yes, do you know lotus are considered to be a symbol of purity, rebirth, resilience. It initially start its life under water when young. But it doesn't stay there. It pushes through the filth, eventually it rises from murky, muddy water to bloom pristine above the surface."
He then looked at me, "And one of its other names, in a different language, is 'Ren'. Whoever named you was, maybe pretty sure about what your childhood holds for you and perhaps it was also her wish and prayer that you will rise from the mud, just like the flower."
I didn't know what to say. No. I didn't have anything to say.
Just when it felt like I was out of words to speak, the song in the party hall stopped.the music from the Great Hall suddenly shifted. The upbeat tempo of the banquet died down, replaced by the sweeping, romantic swell of a violin concerto.
"...it looks like the ball dance is about to start" He said as he looked at the closed terrace door.
The Ball Dance, is an essential part of a noble's party.
In this event, there are three rounds. And the first dance partner of a woman is normally her spouse or fiancé.
If she does not have any, and she still wishes to dance, she can take her father or brother as her partner.
The first round of the dance was a woman's most important social statement. If i were to follow the laws of the Empire, I should have been inside, waiting for a brother who might never even ask or a father who would never see me.
"Then," the mana lotus vanished and he offered me his hand, a gesture of a dance invitation from a man to a woman "May i ?"
I looked at his hand. His palm was filled with calluses—rough, hard skin that spoke of hundreds of hours spent swinging a sword or a staff. It wasn't the soft, pampered hand of a Noble heir. And then I turned to look at his face then again at his hand.
As I said before, the first round of Dance is quite significant for a woman.
But if it's him...
I accepted his invitation and placed my hand in his. His grip was firm, warm, and steady.
"I... I am not quite good at dancing." I warned him.
"Neither am I. But..." He looked around "there's no one to see. No critics, no nobles, no 'perfect' people. So, nothing to be embarrassed about either."
But there's still you. The words could not leave my lips as we started dancing.
Inside, the hall would be a blur of spinning silk and loud laughter. Out here, it was just the two of us. I was clumsy at first, my feet heavy and uncertain, but at every turn, he was there.
He guided my waist and led my steps with a precision that caught me before I could ever make a blunder.
Is this his level of 'not good' ? I wondered. He moved with a quiet, predatory grace, turning the terrace into a private ballroom. We danced in the moonlight, the only light coming from the stars and the faint glow of the Mana lamps.
The music reached its crescendo and faded into a final, lingering note. We came to a stop, the silence of the night rushing back to fill the space between us.
"You lied" i accused him, my voice still breathless from the dance.
"About what ?" He asked with a mischievous smirk, The same as before.
"You said you were not good at dancing."
"Hmm... I did say it. But," He said with a pondering expression and then looked straight into my eyes
"Did you enjoy it ? Our little dance ?"
"...yes." I answered truthfully. It was the first time I'd felt light in years.
"Then it was worth it."
Before I could respond, the terrace door creaked open. A maid in the distinctive Dark Red and White livery—the colors of the Royal Household servants—stepped onto the terrace.
What's a royal maid doing here ?
"Your highness!" she called out, her voice crisp and urgent.
Your highness ? My heart did a sudden, violent somersault. Don't tell mee... Is he...
She came and stood before Tyler "your highness! Her majesty is calling for you."
Hmm ? Wait... Black hair ? Tyler ? Of course!
He is the third Prince!
"Is she ? Gotta go then" he said with a carefree expression.
"Lady Ren, i suppose this is the end of our meeting."
"....yes"
I am too shocked to say anything or greet him back.
Ugh... I just lashed out on a Prince! Did I do anything else that was rude ?! It's not going to affect my family, right ?
He followed the maid towards the door and before going in the hall, he turned around one last time.
"And Ren Von Volk"
"....yes ?"
"the person you'll need to spend the most time with is yourself," he said with a light nod, his voice dropping into that ancient, serious tone again. "So, learn to Love that person, even if a little, okay? And..."
"If you ever get haunted by negative thoughts again, just look back to this conversation again. To the words I spoke to you, for you."
He turned back "...Then, Bye!"
And with that, he left.
-Click!
The door clicked shut. I collapsed, crouching in a fetal position and burying my face in the silk of my frock.
Ugh! He was a prince! a prince!
I replayed every emotional outburst, every effort to keep him away, every clumsy step of the dance. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
Ah! I want to disappear!
Finally, after a few minutes of self blaming, my head calmed down. And a sudden thought struck me.
But.... How did he know? Why did he talk as if... as if he knew exactly what happened with my mother?
*****
My Aunt Gilda looked down at me, her smile as warm as ever "Yes ? Ty."
Beside her, the Grand Duke, Theodore, sat like a statue carved from mountain stone. He hadn't said a word, but his presence was a suffocating pressure in the air.
or maybe it is just my perception of him or my battle senses warning me. He wouldn't release his presence when my mother is here, after all.
I don't know if it is the right time or not.
hell! I don't even know why I am even bothering with this mess.
Is it because Ren used to be a character I liked ?
Or is it because she's a child who is being systematically broken by a jealous servant? A torture that no child should ever go through.
well, It doesn't matter.
I did make a promise to myself, after all. Following the advice i gave her, the person I'll need to spend the most time with is myself. So, I should at least, learn to keep the promises i made to myself.
I will do whatever the hell i want. my heart wants.
The only thing that does matter is that...
If I don't do it now, I might- no, I will regret it later. I know it. Just know it.
I already have enough regrets in my bucket as it is, not gonna add more. not anymore.