What ? That's... That's too young ?
"You are thinking that it's too cruel, right ? Well... You are wrong." She stopped on her tracks and looked back at me "back then, I didn't even know what death truly was. I didn't even know that Human life could actually ...End. So, naturally... I didn't realize the weight of my situation fully, either."
She turned around, to the horizon, her shadow stretching long and thin "My parents, maids, and servants were always sad, when they looked at me. After all, they were aware of my situation, even if I, the victim herself was not. And as time went by, my health worsened and I also realized my situation."
My eyes followed her every footstep.
"The more I showed my pain... The more anxious and worried they became. And I... I didn't like it. I hated that i was the reason for the sadness of the people i loved."
She suddenly spun around, her voice taking on a forced, electric excitement. "And that's when I found something! And i came up with a genius solution! Can you guess what it was ?"
"I can't" i answered.
"Boring! ...I hid my pain and smiled! And guess what ? It worked! Every time I smiled the expressions that others had would ease up. Like magic! And that would make me happy." She said it with uncomparable excitement, as if she were announcing a breakthrough in mana theory. But then, her voice cracked. "I... I don't want others to go through pain for my sake. I don't want to be the reason that others feel pain or sadness."
"I can endure if it's my own but how can I put up with the pain that my existence inflicts on others. When I don't even know the extent of the pain, that I'm giving them!" She continued with a sad voice,
Kind
That's the only word that came to my mind as I heard her talking with that expression. It was the only description that fits her. She wasn't brave; she was agonizingly, dangerously kind.
"So, you see. I do smile, not because I am happy. No. I always smile because this is, or rather was my only way of being happy" she said. There was a tiny drop, in the corner of her eye, reflecting the light of the sunset as she stayed standing at the edge between me and the sun.
"The only solution that i could find to stop hurting others"
She can feel the pain of others and she suffers from that pain herself.
This is why I never listened to her advice of reading novels.
This is the curse of a reader. They feel too much.
Novels make you empathetic. It increases your ability to feel the feelings of others. They force you to live a thousand lives, to feel a thousand heartbeats that aren't even your own.
And empathy, for a man of the Volk house, a house of warriors, is nothing but a curse.
Too much empathy without a strong sense of self is nothing but poison.
"I see..." I muttered. My vocabulary, usually so disciplined and vast, had deserted me. I had no other words left to bridge the gap between us.
She pouted "mhm... That's it ? No word of sympathy ? No grand consolation ? Such a curt response! This is the scene where you're supposed to come up behind me, wrap your arms around me, and whisper sweet, soul-soothing words into my ear!"
I could feel my eyes twitching after hearing her words.
Even at the threshold of our adult lives, even after confessing the tragedy of her own mortality, she was still lost in the delusions of her romance novels.
This girl is way too much lost in her delusions from novels.
"We are not inside a Novel" i responded, regaining my stoic tone.
"We are not," she turned around, towards the sun at the horizon. The sun was half-submerged now, bleeding gold across the clouds. "But, Sometimes.... Sometimes I wish we were. In a Romance novel perhaps. One where the author is kind enough to give us a happy ending."
She was focused on the setting sun and her back was turned towards me.
"The sunset is Beautiful, isn't it ?" She suddenly said. It was an out of the blue statement.
"Not really." I answered, my voice steady. "I prefer the night"
"Heh.." A soft giggle escaped her. She didn't turn around. " Do you even know meaning ? Or are you just being difficult?"
"No, But i Just felt like this would be a better response." I answered with the truth.
"at least your senses are of some use, idiot Theo." She muttered something that i could not hear but didn't ask her to continue.
A happy ending huh. Yes, That would be ...good. For her, and maybe, for ...us
But somehow i couldn't put those words in my mouth.
So, instead of words, i decided to do what I'm best at.
Action.
I took a step forward.
"Heh... I thought you did not have the guts." she whispered. Her voice was thick with a mixture of surprise and triumph.
i was hugging her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, just like she wanted.
"You underestimate me too much."
"I suppose I did," She reached up, placing one hand over mine and using the other to guide my head down until it rested on her shoulder. The scent of her hair—jasmine and old library books—swirled around me.
"... let's stay like this for a bit." She said.
"It will be problematic if someone finds you, an unmarried woman, in such a compromising position with a Duke heir."
"Hehe.. you worry about that now ?" She tightened her grip on my hand, her fingers interlacing with mine. "After everything is done ? When it was done on your own initiative ? It's already too late for backing off that, Theo."
"Besides... Who said I actually want to get married ? And..." She leaned on me more "if we really are caught, I will just have to force you to take responsibility. You'll be stuck with me. Yeah, that doesn't sound too bad. I get to annoy you day and night."
So, she does realize just how annoying she is huh... Well, I can't complain. Since, I like being annoyed by her.
"A count's daughter is forcing a Grand Duke Heir huh...." I said with amusement, Purposefully Ignoring her statement about annoying me.
"Oh ? Sounds fun, doesn't it ? So..." She turned her head slightly, her peach-pink eyes inches from mine, gleaming with the final rays of the sun. "should I take that response as a 'No' ?"
There was a heavy, ringing silence on the roof, broken only by the muffled cheers of the graduates three stories below. I held her, feeling the fragile rhythm of her heart against my chest.
"If it's a responsibility... I can't back off." I gave my honest response, as a man, as a volk and as ...Theo.
"Hmmm~ hmm~" she hummed, a soft, vibrating sound that seemed to signal her satisfaction. "It sounds as if I really am forcing you. But, for now.. I'll stay satisfied with just that."
We stayed like that for a long time, two shadows merging into one against the darkening sky.
"Say," she asked "when will we meet again ?"
She didn't ask 'if' we will meet again but rather 'when' will we.
That's good.
"I... Got a letter yesterday" I said.