"So, what in the name of Shukaku's dusty balls are we doing here?" Haru asked in confusion as he scratched the back of his head. "More importantly, what in Kurama's fuzzy butt am I doing here!?"
Sure, he had expected to be escorted to his upcoming classes soon after making his spectacular introduction, but he hadn't exactly been expecting to cook something right off the bat! Didn't these people have the slightest bit of decency in their moronic souls? He was busy, for crying out loud.
"We are supposed to start our first class." Soma shrugged nonchalantly. Who or what the heck were Shukaku and Kurama? More importantly, why would Haru swear on their balls and butts?
"I can see that, smartass!" the blond retorted with a twitching eyebrow. "What I want to know is why the teachers interrupted me when I was busy?"
"You were busy with what, exactly?" the redhead asked pointedly. "I saw you uselessly wandering around like the rest of us."
"I was putting the moves on a babe!"
Soma sweat dropped. Should've seen that coming.
Come to think of it, he did see the blond juggernaut sitting on a bench with a girl, his arm draped over her shoulder and whispering something into her ears. If the smoke coming out of the poor girl's ears had been any indication, it must have been something embarrassing.
Seeing the redhead's dry look, Haru sprung up and pointed at him. "Don't give me that look! It's in my righteously perverted nature. However if someone sees me with a bunch of prudish virgins, my reputation will be ruined!"
"As if you've gotten laid" Soma retorted with a scoff.
"Oh believe me, if I told you the number of times I have slept with different women, you would die of shock." Haru replied dismissively. Actually, he wasn't lying about the revelation. Jiraiya's teachings had corrupted him before Tsunade had the time to warn him about said corruption.
When you spend three years with a man as perverted as hell, you are bound to catch some of that accursed disease known as the Pervert Syndrome. It was contagious after all.
He had started his perverted empire—at least that's what Naru had called it—from the Leaf Village and extended up to the other four Great Nations and Villages. Needless to say, instead of being acknowledged as the Hero of War after ending and becoming what he was today, he was deemed as the hero of something entirely different.
Sighing in disappointment, the physically young blond looked around the practice room and saw, much to his irritation, scowling faces of bad-tempered students. Concluding from their resentful expressions, Haru deduced that these youngsters were still ticked off due to what he had said to them during the Opening Ceremony.
Two hours had passed since his introduction and they were still sore about it? These guys could really hold a grudge! The only solution he could think of to deal with their collective problems was … that they really needed to get laid!
Seeing as they were in no disposition to stop scowling anytime soon, Haru did the only sympathetic and considerate thing he could do to make amends for what he said and done at the ceremony. He smirked smugly, flashed them his middle finger and gleefully basked in their infuriated growls.
Yup, that worked nicely. And they say that Haru Uzumaki is a bad guy, he was the nicest guy there was!
He would've congratulated them had they approached him like real men and even given them a bowl of ramen for having the balls to do so. But seeing as they were a bunch of wimps who couldn't even stand up for their pride, flashing them the middle finger was the soundest and "politest" solution.
Speaking of ramen, he really needed to dine on a bowl or dozen and soon!
"Pay attention!" a rough voice, dripping with French accent, declared through the room, gaining the undivided attention of the students. Standing at the front of the class was a man of middle age clad in a white chef uniform with light blond hair, traces of old age evident on his visage in the form of wrinkles.
"Good morning, my young apprentee, zhe moment you step foot in zhe kitchen, you are expected to cook extraordinary food. Today we'll be cooking Beef Bourguignon; however zhis exercise will be in pairs."
Hearing the announcement, every student moved toward one another or at least towards those who they thought would help them in their upcoming test. Soma paired up with a timid brunette, who oddly enough, was writing "man" on her hand over and over again with a horrified look.
From the looks of her, she was obviously nervous and the odd habit was undoubtedly a way of getting rid of said nervousness. However, why would a girl need to write "man" on her hand to gain a boost in confidence? Shouldn't she be writing "girl or woman"? She certainly was an oddball!
Snapping from his train of contemplations, Haru noted with a sweat drop that no one was approaching him to ask for partnership. That was rude! What was there to not like about him? He was strong, smart and charmingly handsome! They should be fighting over the honor of being his partner!
Despite his egotistical claims, he could certainly understand why no one was approaching him. He was about to inform the teacher in charge about his dilemma when he noticed something or rather someone he should have noticed on the first second of entering the class.
His perverted senses were getting dull if he had overlooked such a scene!
A busty purple haired girl dressed in a crimson Chinese dress with two slits on either side of the dress, showcasing an unhealthy amount of creamy leg and an exceptionally developed rear end. The red dress was hugging her voluptuous curves so nicely that it appeared a second skin rather than a dress.
Despite being so beautiful and voluptuous, none of the students seemed to have the guts to approach her as well. However, while the students weren't partnering up with him due to his grand introduction, she herself was apparently the cause of her own isolation.
Her eyes were focused into a death stare, impassively drilling into the whiteboard of the class. Peering into her eyes from the sidelines, the immortal blond picked up on something that the others could not see.
So, she was not being an Ice Queen due to haughtiness but something else? Interesting! He loved melting Ice Queens and those with Tsundere attitudes.
Not dwelling on the thought, Haru grinned widely and moved across the room to approach her table. Several sets of eyes followed his movements like a hawk as he calmly approached the table of the aforementioned girl and carelessly sat on said working table.
"Hello there, cutie." Haru greeted with a grin. "It seems you and I are gonna be partners for the practice."
Not hearing any response from her, the blond teen couldn't help the sweat drop when she dismissed him with a huff, crossing her hands under her considerable chest.
He would have loved to watch those babies jiggle but at the moment he was too annoyed to notice their enthusiasm. "Hey hey, when someone approaches you, sweet cheeks, you are supposed to smile an award winning smile and welcome him with open arms!"
"And if I don't?" she asked with narrow eyes, ending her "give him the silent treatment" charade.
"Then a full blown kiss on the lips would suffice!" Haru retorted with a perverted giggle. "Since you didn't welcome me with open arms, I suppose we will have to cut straight to the kissing part."
Miyoko Hojo gave the strange blond a blank look, confusion and disbelief evident on her face. Was this guy for real? They hadn't even met for two seconds and he was already planning on kissing her! She had heard that he was a sweet talker and a hopeless pervert from some of the girls who had been victims to his perverted assault, but this was something entirely different.
"So which one, a simple one or would you prefer the one with the tongue?" the blond questioned with a snicker "Personally I recommend the one which involves the wrestling of tongues; it soothes the spirit and elevate the… something!"
"How about none." she deadpanned.
Haru visibly deflated. "That's no fun; it's like saying the teacher doesn't wear underwear and is going to wear a skin tight speedo!"
The cold hearted girl could only shake her head and gape at him in disbelief. "That's the single most ridiculous example I have ever had the misfortune to hear!"
The mental image of Master Chapelle wearing a skin tight speedo, widely smiling and flexing his wrinkly biceps was so disturbing that Miyoko was ready to almost vomit.
"Don't worry your pretty little ass on it" Haru countered with a grin and serenely ignored her glower at the "pretty little ass" remark. "The name is Haru Uzumaki, by the way"
"Miyoko Hojo, it's an annoyance to make your acquaintance." she retorted with a scowl, crossing her arms under her chest.
"Aw you are so sweet!" the blond commented sarcastically. "You know just the right thing to say to make a guy feel special."
"Part of my talents." the Chinese girl bite back blankly.
Tough crowd. Haru mused with a deadpan.
"I will be writing zhe recipe on the board, you have 1 hour to present your dish. If zhe dish is not to my satisfaction and not worthy of an A, it will be an automatic E!" the instructor declared brashly and stood up from his chair to write the aforementioned recipe.
"Anyway, who is this old dude?" Haru questioned meaningfully as he hopped off the table and leaned against said counter, hands crossed over his muscular chest.
"You don't know?" Miyoko inquired, eyebrow arched pointedly. She would have to endure the teen for now since there was no way out of it. The assignment was in pairs after all.
"Nope!"
"That's Master Laurent Chapelle, a master in all things French Cuisine, also known as the 'Chef Who Never Smiles." she concluded with a barely concealed convulsing eyebrow as she observed Haru childishly playing with a knife instead of listening to her.
He asked her a question and didn't have the decorum to even listen to her when she was about to answer? How rude!
"Have you tried tickling?" he probed curiously, profoundly scrutinizing the table knife in his hand. He could feel her irritation, but it was the only way he could melt her cold exterior. The only way to deal with cold hearted individuals was to irritate the shit out of them! At least that's how he did it.
"What?"
"I said have you guys tried tickling the old dude?" he repeated with a scowl. The Chef that never smiles? What kind of moronic nickname was that? It was even worse than what his father had given to the Rasengan. "If he never smiles, chain him down to a bed, bring in some feathers and tickle the shit out of him. He would be laughing like a maniac by the time you are done!"
Despite how crude and insulting the idea sounded, it was still an interesting point.
"You are insane." she asserted with a frown and looked away, veiling the delicate hint of a smile tugging at her lips. Even though she hated to admit it, the mental image of Master Chapelle laughing like a maniac was certainly funny and … disturbing at the same time.
"See, Cupcakes, I made ya smile like you were having an orgasm!" Haru bounced up with a wide grin, causing the red dress wearing girl to stiffen. "Ladies can't resist me!"
"I have no idea what you are talking about." Miyoko stated with a blank face, all traces of a smile vanishing from her face. Though an experienced bystander could see a slight tinge of rosiness on her cheeks and unfortunately for her, Haru was a very skilled observer when it came to certain things.
"Aww you are blushing?" Haru cooed childishly. "How cute!"
"I-I am not blushing!" she blurted out in alarm.
"Denial, huh? What a nice thing, right?"
"I am really starting to hate you!" the purple haired maiden grumbled, teeth gnashing like a disturbed beast. Couldn't he just let it go already? So what if she smiled? She was a human being, not a machine, for crying out loud!
"Ok then, it's decided, we are gonna be friends!" Haru declared decisively, determination raging in his blue eyes like an inferno.
The Chinese girl blinked, wondering if she heard him right. He didn't just say that they were going to be friends right after she declared that she hated him, did he? Maybe she misheard his words. "What?"
"I tend to make friends with those that detest me with a burning passion!" the blond replied sagely, bobbing his head in affirmation. Gaara had tried to squeeze the lights out of him on their first meeting and then they were the best of friends. "Kind of my irresistible charm, so to speak."
Temari had tried to shred his blond ass to pieces after he had complimented the firmness of her rear, but after sometime, they were almost always seen tied at the hips, literally! Though Gaara had tried to remind him about their first meeting after "seeing" him with Temari.
Anko had tried to feed him to her snakes after he had eaten her Dango and laughed at her face, however after chasing him all over the village for the entire day, their wild chase of Cat and Mouse or in their case Fox and Snake had ended in a different conclusion, one which he and Anko had enjoyed to the fullest.
And the list goes on and on! So yup, that confirmed it. He was irresistible!
"What kind of idiotic logic is that?" she demanded with a scowl. Making friends with those who despised him? That was gullibility at its fullest!
"Don't worry, Buttercup, I will have you moaning my name in no time at all!" Sensing her scorching stare literally drilling into his perverted soul, Haru noted his slip of the tongue and chuckled guiltily. "I mean I will have you be my best buddy in no time at all"
The purple haired girl could feel her cheeks glowing from listening to his foulmouthed and vulgar words. His perverseness seemed to have no bounds at all!
"Let me make one thing clear, I don't need your help, I never did and I never will. Just stay out of my way and we won't have any problems." Miyoko declared in a cold voice and twisted around with a huff, all traces of her former tolerating personality disappeared.
Not the least bit threatened by her coldness, the immortal pervert remarked something else when she turned around. "Wow! You just gave me a thousand ideas for my next book, Doll face! Can you do that 'angry turning' thing again?"
What the hell is wrong with this boy? I just outright threatened him to stay out of my way and he wants me to do IT again? Miyoko thought in incredulity, and what's with all these preposterous nicknames!?
"Why?"
"Well… umm… you see…" Haru began uncertainly as he took out his faithful notepad. "When you spun around in such an angry way, your front and rear end … ahem … 'girls' somehow channeled that enthusiasm and jiggled in excitement. Being a guy and a hot blooded one at that, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity!"
The purpled haired girl felt her eyebrows twitch madly as she listened to his perverted and indecent reasons. Instead of feeling insulted or threatened by her cold words, he ignored said words and focused on her "assets"? The nerve of this blond moron!
Before she could comment on that fact, the teacher in charge finished writing the recipe and turned to his students with a hard look on his face. "Begin!"
Seeing as the class started, Miyoko reined in her irritation and twirled to the blond with a vacant look on his face, only to sweat drop when she saw him hunched in gloominess and drawing circles on the ground with a knife, murmuring something along the lines of "not seeing the 'girls' again" and "planning to strangle the old coot".
She couldn't help but deliberate what she had done wrong to be put together with a guy like him of all people. Sure, she was not ashamed to admit that he was vividly handsome and powerfully built, probably the most handsome boy ever, but his perverted antics left much to be desired.
"Look, I will say it again, don't get in my way." she announced with a frown and turned to the table to start preparing the dish.
While he did not liked it when people ordered him around, no matter who they were, he could see that she had something to prove. She was the victim of gender discrimination, a common sight in several countries.
Helping others was a part of him, thus perhaps discarding his pride for the time being to help this troubled girl would be of no consequence.
And besides… Haru thought with a perverted giggle. It's always a pleasant sight to see a woman of her beauty move around the Kitchen dressed in nothing but a skin tight red dress!
"Oh don't worry, I ain't getting in your way." Haru assured with a giggle. "I will be staying behind you, Honey Bunny, and offering words of encouragement like 'Dayum, look at dat ass!' and 'shake them cheeks, baby!'"
Miyoko almost cut her fingers when she heard the sheer vulgarity of those phrases. Those were his words of encouragement? She shuddered to think what his words of discouragement would be like.
"On second thought, stand here so I can see you." she declared with narrowed eyes, pointing to the empty space beside her. Knowing that he would be staying behind her and watching her rear, while giggling like maniac was not a comforting feeling in the slightest.
"Make up your mind, sweet cheeks!" Haru whined, before realization struck him, causing his eyes to widen in delight. "Wait, you want me to stand beside you? You sly vixen, you can't resist me, can ya?"
Still giggling like a maniac, the blond immortal walked up to the Chinese girl and draped his muscular arm over her shoulder, pulling her tight to his chiseled chest and stone-like body. His already megawatt grin widened even more when she stiffened and went stiff like a rod
"Don't worry, Baby Cakes, I am aware of my beauty."
For the first time in her life, Miyoko Hojo, the girl who refused to accept any man's help, the girl who outright rejected any requests of dates left and right and the girl who promised to prove herself worthy of being called a legendary chef despite her gender, could not stop her cheeks from burning like a furnace as she felt herself being pulled taut into a steel-like chest.
His overwhelmingly strong and potent scent of nature consumed her entirely. She could smell nothing but the smell of freshly grown trees shimmering in the bright spring sunlight, the smell of a cool stream flowing through endless fields of green.
She could feel nothing but the gentle thumping of his heart, forever held captive in his steel-like chest cavity. She could feel iron-like muscles flexing and rippling with every twitch of movement.
It was all so overwhelming!
It was over as soon as it had begun. Haru removed his arm from around her shoulder, gently smiled at her and calmly leaned against the table with his eyes closed in serenity.