Tòumíng called bullshit immediately, pointing an accusatory finger at Cfuar.
"That's complete bullshit! The lizard is just a jackass who needed an excuse to attack me! He didn't understand those calculus questions! This is all just elaborate bullshit!"
Think Tink The Tinkerer's grin widened, his yellow teeth gleaming. "Wanna bet?"
He grabbed three new pieces of raw meat from a cooler and arranged them in a line on the floor. Then he turned to his whiteboard and started writing with manic enthusiasm.
"Alright, Cfuar! REALLY hard question this time!"
He wrote:
Consider a smooth, compact, oriented 4-dimensional Riemannian manifold M with boundary ∂M. Let ω be a closed 2-form on M representing a de Rham cohomology class [ω] ∈ H²(M;ℝ). Suppose that the restriction of ω to the boundary ∂M vanishes, and let g be a Riemannian metric on M such that the scalar curvature R satisfies R ≥ 0 everywhere. Using the generalized Gauss-Bonnet theorem and Stokes' theorem, determine which of the following statements is necessarily true:
A) The integral of ω ∧ ω over M equals zero
B) The Euler characteristic χ(M) must be non-negative
C) If additionally ω is symplectic on the interior of M, then the integral of (ω ∧ ω + R*vol_g) over M is bounded above by 32π²|χ(M)|, where vol_g is the volume form induced by g
Think Tink The Tinkerer stepped back. "Meat A is answer A! Meat B is answer B! Meat C is answer C! Which one, Cfuar?!"
Cfuar stared at the meats for approximately three seconds.
Then ate the piece representing answer C.
Tòumíng scoffed. "How do you even know that's the right answer?! That question doesn't even make sense! You're just pretending he's right!"
Think Tink The Tinkerer pulled out an advanced calculator—the kind used for graduate-level mathematics research—and started typing in the problem. He input variables, checked the theorem conditions, verified the boundary constraints, calculated the integral bounds.
Several minutes later, he turned the calculator around to show Tòumíng the screen.
ANSWER: C - CORRECT
Tòumíng stared at the calculator, then at Cfuar, then back at the calculator.
"He probably just ate that piece of meat because it was slightly bigger! That's it! He's going by size, not actual knowledge!"
Think Tink The Tinkerer's expression became pitying. "You're just jealous because Cfuar is smarter than you. You probably couldn't even answer basic questions."
"I CAN TOO!"
"Okay! What's 55 times 6?"
Tòumíng shut up immediately. His hands came up, fingers extended, and he started counting under his breath. "Okay, so 50 times 6 is 300... and 5 times 6 is 30... so..."
His fingers moved through the calculation slowly, lips moving silently, brow furrowed with concentration.
Twenty seconds later: "330!"
Think Tink The Tinkerer nodded slowly, mockingly. "Correct. It took you 20 seconds. Cfuar could do that in 3 seconds. Maybe less."
"That's impossible! Regular lizards can't do math! Their brains aren't—"
"That's because Cfuar ISN'T a regular lizard."
Tòumíng paused, his curiosity overriding his defensiveness. "Why not? What did you do to him?"
Think Tink The Tinkerer's expression became proud, almost fatherly. "I infected Cfuar with a substance I synthesized! It quadruples neuron production in reptilian brain tissue! Specifically in the areas associated with pattern recognition and mathematical processing! He's essentially a super-intelligent lizard!"
Tòumíng's eyes went wide. "That's... that's actually really cool."
A pause.
Then his expression shifted to hopeful. "Do you have any spare? Could I maybe have some? Pretty please?"
Think Tink The Tinkerer's face immediately became serious, almost alarmed. "TERRIBLE idea. Very bad. Do not recommend."
"Why not?! If it makes you smarter—"
"The one guy I tested this substance on believed he was a lizard."
Tòumíng's face went pale. "REALLY?!"
Think Tink The Tinkerer laughed—a genuine, amused sound.
"Nah. He just became a vegetable. Total brain death. Cognitive function ceased entirely within forty-eight hours."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!"
Tòumíng stood up abruptly, his broken bones protesting the movement but adrenaline overriding the pain. "I'm leaving! This is too much! You're insane!"
"Wait! I have to set up the phone for you!"
"I don't need help setting up a phone! I'm not an idiot!"
Tòumíng pulled out the phone he got from the bin. or rather, what he THOUGHT was a phone. He'd just grabbed the first rectangular thing he'd seen without actually looking at it.
Now, holding it in the light, it became apparent that this was NOT a normal phone.
The device was thick, easily 1.2 inches, maybe more. It had a black armored cover that looked like it could survive being run over by a tank. The dimensions were roughly 6 inches by 3 inches, making it significantly larger than a standard smartphone.
Think Tink The Tinkerer's expression brightened. "OH! You grabbed the CUSTOM one! That's my favorite!"
"What the fuck is this thing?!"
"It's a phone I built! Solar-powered, so you never have to charge it! Able to access all WiFi networks instantly, no passwords needed! Built-in low-complexity electronic infiltrator that can interface with any device within thirty feet! Your location can be tracked at all times, very useful for rescue operations when you inevitably get kidnapped again! And it has TWO modes!"
He grabbed the phone from Tòumíng's hands and started demonstrating.
"Normal mode is just like a regular phone. But when you put in the code, which is 'I love Cfuar' by the way, case-sensitive, it switches to HACK MODE! In hack mode, you can interact with any non-proxy-protected electronics! TVs! Printers! Traffic lights! Security cameras! Basically anything with a circuit board!"
He typed in the code and the phone's interface completely changed, showing a list of nearby electronic devices and their vulnerability status.
"Also has 5GB of RAM and 1TB of storage! Which is probably overkill but I don't believe in doing things halfway! OH! And it comes built-in with Minecraft! Full version! All the updates! You can play Minecraft whenever you want!"
Tòumíng stared at the phone, his brain struggling to process all this information. Then he just sighed—a long, exhausted sound.
"I don't even have time to be surprised anymore," he muttered.
He took the phone, tucked it into his pocket, and started walking toward the door, waving dismissively over his shoulder.
"Take care of Xuān Láng and Háo Héng! Don't let them leave the building alone for a while! Black Hawk is still looking for them!"
"Where are you going?!" Think Tink The Tinkerer called after him.
"HOME! To sleep! In a bed! Like a normal person!"
"You're still injured!"
"I'LL HEAL!"
Tòumíng limped out of the workshop, leaving Think Tink The Tinkerer and Cfuar behind, the sound of the lizard being fed more meat fading as he climbed the stairs back to ground level.