Tòumíng set up his info on the ridiculously overpowered phone—entering his name, his Apple ID, transferring what little data he had—and immediately called Měi Nán.
The phone rang twice before Měi Nán picked up.
"EIGHT HOURS!" Měi Nán's voice exploded through the speaker before Tòumíng could even say hello. "You said you'd call me back in TEN MINUTES! It's been EIGHT HOURS! EIGHT! Do you know what that does to a person?! I thought you were dead! AGAIN!"
"I'm sorry! I had to save Háo Héng and Xuān Láng because they got kidnapped by—"
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAVE THE GUY WHO BLACKMAILED YOU?!"
Tòumíng paused, considering this. "He's... a nice guy?"
"HE'S ALSO A STUPID GUY! AND YOU'RE STUPID FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE FOR HIM!"
"In my defense, I also saved Xuān Láng, who's actually useful and—"
"I don't care! You could have DIED! You have a habit of almost dying and it's very stressful for the people who care about you!"
Tòumíng felt genuine guilt wash over him. "I know. I'm sorry. I should have found a way to contact you sooner."
Měi Nán sighed heavily, the anger deflating slightly. "Fine. Whatever. I'm coming over tomorrow. We need to talk. Face to face. No more phone calls where you disappear for eight hours."
"Okay. Yeah. That sounds good."
"And I'm bringing alcohol. Do you drink?"
Tòumíng puffed up his chest with pride, his voice becoming boastful. "As of three days ago, yeah! I drink! And I'll have you know I can handle my liquor! I'm not a lightweight!"
This was a huge lie. Tòumíng had gotten drunk exactly once in his life, three days ago at Ghost Claw's rooftop party, and had passed out on his own floor after one ride home.
Měi Nán's voice carried obvious disbelief. "Bullshit. You're absolutely a lightweight. I've known you for a month and you've never touched alcohol. There's no way you suddenly developed tolerance."
"I'm TELLING you, I can handle it!"
"Prove it tomorrow then."
They both laughed—the tension breaking, the genuine affection between them showing through the banter.
"I'll call you later," Tòumíng said, his voice softer. "I promise. Actually later. Not eight-hours-later."
"You better."
The call ended.
Tòumíng was walking along the sidewalk near Ghost Claw's building, heading toward the main road to catch a ride home, when he bumped into someone.
A cute boy—short, slender, with styled hair peeking out from under a hoodie. The collision wasn't hard, but the boy fell backward onto his ass in a way that looked almost rehearsed, too graceful to be a genuine accident.
"Eep!" The boy made a high-pitched sound as he landed.
Tòumíng immediately felt bad. "Shit! I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention!"
He reached out a hand to help the boy up.
The boy—Yu Lin, though Tòumíng didn't know that—reached up to take Tòumíng's hand, and internally grinned. Perfect opportunity. Close contact. Could easily—
But then he glanced down at himself. Baggy hoodie. No makeup. Dark circles under his eyes from a long shift at the café. Street clothes that made him look like any other random guy rather than the carefully crafted femboy persona he used for seduction work.
Fuck. This wasn't the time. He looked like shit. Couldn't flirt effectively when he wasn't at his best.
Save it for later. When he was more prepared. More... open to strategic moves.
Yu Lin took Tòumíng's hand and stood up, dusting himself off. "Thank you! Sorry for not watching where I was going!"
His voice was slightly higher than normal—not full catboy pitch, but softer, more approachable.
"No problem! You okay?"
"I'm fine! Thank you again!"
Yu Lin walked off quickly, disappearing around a corner before Tòumíng could say anything else.
Tòumíng shrugged and ordered a ride on his new super-phone, which accessed the ride-sharing app instantly despite him never having logged in.
The car arrived within minutes. He climbed in, gave his address, and spent the ride staring out the window, exhausted beyond measure.
When he finally reached the villa, climbed the stairs to his front door, entered the code (000001, because Háo Héng was predictable), and stepped inside, a thought occurred to him.
"Wait. Why the fuck didn't I get any skills from beating the blind guy? Or from the prison escape? That was some intense shit! Where are my rewards?!"
Cupid's voice came from inside his chest, sounding slightly embarrassed. "Oh. Right. So... I hid the notification pop-ups because you were in life-threatening danger and I didn't want to distract you. Then I forgot to turn them back on."
"YOU FORGOT?!"
"In my defense, you were very busy almost dying! But I'm turning them back on now!"
Immediately, notification windows appeared in Tòumíng's vision—the kind of semi-transparent overlays that the M.I.N.E. system used to communicate information.
[3 NEW NOTIFICATIONS]
Tòumíng opened them eagerly.
NOTIFICATION 1: SKILL EVOLUTION
NAKED GUN has leveled up!
New Feature Unlocked: Song Integration
Previous functionality: Movie one-liners grant temporary buffs based on quality and appropriateness.
New functionality: Singing appropriate songs perfectly will grant additional buffs. Song must match the situation thematically. Vocal performance quality affects buff strength. Duration and power scale with song choice and execution.
Examples:
Action songs during combat (increased strength/speed) Emotional ballads during tense moments (increased charisma/persuasion) Comedic songs during absurd situations (luck boost/enemy confusion)
Note: Off-key singing or inappropriate song choices may result in debuffs or no effect.
NOTIFICATION 2: SKILL EVOLUTION
STONE CRUSHER has evolved into STONE HENGE!
Previous ability: Create a 1 cubic meter hole in stone/concrete/similar materials. 30-second cooldown.
New ability: STONE HENGE allows creation AND manipulation of stone. Can create a 1 square meter piece of stone and raise it up by 1 meter in any simple geometric shape (pillar, wall, platform, ramp, etc.). Can be used for defense, elevation, or environmental manipulation. 30-second cooldown maintained.
Tactical applications:
Create cover during combat Build makeshift stairs/platforms Block doorways/passages Create barriers
Note: Complex shapes not supported. Stick to basic geometry: rectangles, cylinders, ramps.
NOTIFICATION 3: NEW SKILL UNLOCKED
METALLOID
Ability: Absorb 10% of the durability characteristics of any metal material consumed. Effect lasts 1 minute. 5-minute cooldown between uses.
Consumption method: Must physically eat/chew the metal material. Minimum 50 grams required for activation.
Effects vary by metal type:
Steel: Increased skin durability, resistance to cutting Aluminum: Reduced weight, increased mobility Copper: Enhanced electrical conductivity (resistance to shocks) Titanium: Maximum durability, highest defensive buff
Warning: Eating metal is uncomfortable and potentially dangerous to teeth. Recommend small pieces. Do not attempt to eat molten metal or radioactive materials.
Tòumíng stared at the notifications, reading through each one carefully, his exhaustion temporarily forgotten.
He grinned—a wild, slightly manic expression. "I'm getting a biiiit stronger. The road is only up from here."
"Don't get overconfident," Cupid warned. "You almost died today. Multiple times."
"But I DIDN'T die. And now I have new skills. Better skills. I can raise stone platforms! I can eat metal and become more durable! I can SING for buffs!"
"The singing one concerns me. Your singing voice is... not good."
"IT'S FINE! I'll practice!"
Tòumíng collapsed onto his bed, still fully clothed, his broken bones aching but his spirit somehow higher than it had been in days.
New skills. New tools. New ways to survive the absolute chaos his life had become.
He fell asleep with a smile on his face, completely unaware that Yu Lin—Black Hawk's best tracker—had just made first contact and was already planning his seduction strategy.