Agent Phil Coulson's mild-mannered charisma had always been a terrifying, weaponized asset.
At least in Hawk's eyes, this smiling, unassuming man with a receding hairline was immediately identified as a very good person. Facing Coulson's polite inquiry, the pig didn't hesitate for a single second.
"Captain of the Order of Scraps Disposal!" Hawk puffed out his little pink chest. "Hawk! Reporting to you!"
As Hawk answered, one of the massive, floppy ears on his head lifted up, stiffening perfectly to perform a crisp military salute to Coulson.
This absurd scene made Coulson smile cheerfully once again. After the pig demonstrated his complete harmlessness, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents holstered their weapons. Obviously, no heavily armed tactical unit was going to stress over a little pink pig, even if he could talk.
Coulson paced over to Thor's side.
The massive Asgardian was still trapped in a suffocating pit of his own grief, unable to pull himself out of the mud.
"Where do you come from?" Coulson asked, looking down at him. "What is your purpose here?"
"Father... Mjolnir..." Thor stared blankly at the silver hammer, muttering incessantly. He had absolutely no intention of paying attention to the man in the suit.
Seeing this, Coulson sighed and shrugged helplessly. He gave a nod. Behind him, two tactical soldiers stepped forward, grabbing Thor by the arms and hoisting him up. Regardless of his broken spirit, the man was an intruder who had just assaulted S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel.
Meanwhile, the completely ignored Hawk had stealthily trotted right up to Mjolnir.
He had watched everything Thor had just done. Hawk was genuinely curious; could this block of metal really be that heavy? Or was there some tricky human magic attached to it? It hadn't budged a single inch, no matter how hard the blonde giant had pulled.
Driven by his bottomless curiosity, Hawk walked right up to the pedestal of earth and tilted his oversized pig head to examine the weapon.
Hawk's behavior naturally caught the attention of Coulson and the other agents. However, none of them moved to stop him. After all, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best men had tried to pull it with heavy machinery, and no one had been able to lift this hammer.
"You want to try?" Coulson offered generously, gesturing to the hammer with a polite smile. "Be my guest."
Hearing this and receiving official permission, Hawk's eyes narrowed into determined little slits.
Instantly, the two massive ears pressed against his head extended outward like prehensile limbs, wrapping tightly around the leather-bound handle of Mjolnir.
Thor, being dragged away toward the exit, saw this. He opened his mouth to warn the creature, but stopped himself.
'I have lost the qualification to lift Mjolnir,' Thor thought bitterly. 'What right do I have to stop him?'
KRA-KOOM!
The moment Hawk pulled his ears upward, a blinding, thunderous light burst through the center of the room. Wildly arching, hyper-charged lightning ignited everything it touched.
"Move! Move!" Coulson yelled. He and the quick-reacting soldiers scrambled, diving outside into the mud just as the structure went up in flames.
A moment later, the heavy plastic tent fabric was completely vaporized, leaving only the blackened, melting steel-pipe frame.
Hawk was pulled high into mid-air by Mjolnir.
The sky, which had been full of stars just moments before, was instantly choked by a massive, swirling vortex of dark storm clouds. Countless, deafening bolts of lightning struck down from the heavens, surging directly into the floating pig.
The magic of the All-Father engaged. Scaled-down, shining Asgardian armor materialized across Hawk's plump, pink body, complete with a tiny red cape fluttering majestically in the howling wind.
The heavens themselves were congratulating the birth of the new God of Thunder.
Down in the mud, Coulson and Thor stared with perfectly round, wide eyes. Their jaws were virtually unhinged.
No mortal or god could have ever expected that a little pink pig was worthy. No one expected that simply picking up the hammer could cause a localized atmospheric apocalypse.
As time passed, the roaring thunder slowly began to dissipate. Mjolnir restrained its divine power, and Hawk gently drifted down from the sky, landing softly in the mud.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. soldiers immediately raised their rifles, prepared for a threat level of unknown proportions. Even Coulson stepped forward cautiously, looking at the armored pig with a deeply scrutinizing gaze.
"Mr. Hawk," Coulson called out over the rain, keeping his voice perfectly level. "How... do you feel?"
"Feel?" Hawk blinked his beady eyes, looking down at the legendary weapon in his trotter. "Does feeling incredibly tingly and numb count?"
Even clad in the divine armor of Asgard, Hawk's personality hadn't changed a single bit. He was still profoundly simple and wonderfully ignorant.
Coulson, who had just been terrified that the situation might escalate into a supernatural war, let out a massive, invisible sigh of relief. That clear, foolish gaze could not be faked. The pig looked exactly like a naive college intern on their first day of work.
The suffocating tension vanished. The soldiers lowered their weapons, exchanging bewildered, nervous smiles.
Except for Thor.
At this moment, Thor's facial expressions cycled through a violent, agonizing spectrum. Unwillingness, profound regret, absolute shock, and reality-breaking confusion.
He had played out many possibilities in his mind over the last hour. He had imagined someone physically stronger than him, or perhaps a warrior more righteous and pure of heart, stepping forward to lift Mjolnir.
But this specific possibility had never once crossed his mind.
'Mjolnir was lifted by a pig...' Thor thought, his soul leaving his body. 'I... I am worse than a pig.'
Of course, at this moment, no one was paying any attention to Thor's existential crisis.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. technicians swarmed around Hawk, their various scanning devices lighting up. At the same time, Coulson knelt down and immediately began pitching the excellent dental and medical benefits of joining S.H.I.E.L.D.
This was an entity possessing literal, god-like power, and its host was a naive little pig. If they didn't trick him into signing a government contract right now, when would they?
[The Edge of the Crater]
"Brother..."
"Huh?!" Thor gasped.
Loki, who had used his magic to sneak out of the golden halls of Asgard, suddenly materialized by Thor's side. He had come specifically to twist the knife and trick his brother with a few well-placed lies.
But as Loki looked past Thor, a tiny, tender pink pig clad in Asgardian armor and holding Mjolnir caught his eye.
The God of Mischief froze. The sheer, staggering absurdity of the scene temporarily short-circuited his silver tongue.
'A new Thor? And it's a piece of livestock?' Loki thought, his illusion flickering slightly. 'Has the All-Father's Odinsleep finally addled his mind?!'
While Loki was reeling in total confusion, Thor was overjoyed.
His brother had actually come to find him! Could it be that his father had already changed his mind? The look Thor gave Loki was full of desperate, shining hope.
"Loki!" Thor whispered. "Is it Father?"
Loki blinked, rapidly forcing his gaze away from the armored pig and remembering his script. He composed his face into a mask of perfect, tragic sorrow.
"Father is dead, Thor."
"Ah?" Thor's smile collapsed.
"He died of grief and anger," Loki whispered, his voice trembling flawlessly. "Because of you."
"Ah???"
Thor's knees gave out. He lowered his head, fat tears streaming instantly from his blue eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately hoping this was all just a cruel hallucination.
Seeing Thor's utterly broken reaction, Loki fought the urge to curl his lip in disdain. Their father was the God-King Odin; how could that ancient powerhouse kick the bucket so easily from a mere argument?
'Thor...' Loki thought smugly. '...is really too easy to fool.'
"Why?!" Thor sobbed. "Why did it turn out like this?"
"Your banishment, the looming threat of war from Jotunheim..." Loki sighed heavily. "It was simply too much for Father's heart to bear."
By the time Thor looked up, Loki's eyes were also glistening with manufactured tears. Seeing his little brother's grief, Thor felt an even deeper, suffocating pain rip through his chest.
"Can I... can I go back?" Thor asked, his voice cracking.
"No, Thor," Loki said gently, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder. "The condition for the truce with Jotunheim is your permanent banishment. This is the last time I will ever come to see you. From now on, the heavy burden of the throne will rest on my shoulders. Live well in Midgard, brother."
The magical projection dissolved into mist, leaving Thor completely alone in the mud.
In the eyes of the S.H.I.E.L.D. soldiers standing guard, the massive blonde intruder seemed to be having a complete mental breakdown, weeping and talking to thin air.
But over by the crater, Hawk was watching.
While the human soldiers saw nothing, the magically imbued pig clearly saw a man wearing a ridiculous green horned helmet speaking to Thor. And as the conversation went on, Thor's crying had become more and more heartbroken.
'What a mean guy with silly horns,' Hawk thought, munching on a S.H.I.E.L.D. ration bar he had found in the mud.
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