Chapter 95 - Chapter 96: The Drunk Crane Tree

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Rasa, the Fourth Kazekage, had come from the distant Land of Wind, and he was in a hurry. He refused Crane Tree's suggestion to rest for a few days. On the very first day, right before everyone, he signed the peace treaty.

Watching the noticeably rushed Rasa, Crane Tree felt something was off.

"My wife's due date is near. My apologies, I cannot stay longer. Please excuse my rudeness!"

In a whirlwind of arrival and departure, Rasa was gone, leaving only a gust of air in his wake.

"…"

If only everyone could be this considerate, Crane Tree sighed inwardly.

"…"

Nara Sōsai's mouth hung open slightly. Watching the spot where the Kazekage had vanished, he offered a heartfelt compliment. "The Kazekage is… remarkably undemanding."

"Is that even a compliment?" Uchiha Masako blinked.

"Isn't it?" Nara Sōsai nodded, pleased with himself. "It's my sincere feeling!"

Masako's eye twitched. Your sincere feelings aren't necessarily compliments!

"Wait."

Crane Tree frowned, a look of faint confusion crossing his face. "Did the Kazekage just say he was having a baby?"

Uchiha Masako stepped forward to correct him. "Lord Hokage, the Kazekage said his wife is having a baby. Men can't have babies."

"…"

Crane Tree stared at her. Did she really need to repeat that? Of course he knew men couldn't have babies.

"The Kazekage's wife is having a baby?"

He raised an eyebrow.

Oh.

So little Naruto's future sand-brother was on the way.

No wonder Rasa was in such a rush. He hadn't even warmed his seat in Konoha before bolting. Crane Tree hadn't even gotten a good look at the faces of his entourage.

With peace treaties signed with all the major villages, Konoha's era of peace was firmly established. The big tasks were done. The village entered another period of rapid development.

Crane Tree settled into a steady routine of office life. Thanks to the Administrative Department and Nara Sōsai, it was… tolerable.

One day, a single green leaf drifted onto Crane Tree's desk.

He knew. Summer was coming again.

"Lord Hokage," a voice beside him said. "You've been staring at that leaf for over fifteen minutes."

Nara Sōsai, sitting at the desk for the Head of Administration—positioned right next to the Hokage's—pointed at the clock on the wall.

"Ahem."

Crane Tree cleared his throat, a bit guilty. "Sōsai, we're still young. We need a little… sentiment sometimes!"

He picked up the leaf, his expression profound. "Look. It's just a leaf. But it symbolizes—"

"Lord Hokage, there are two hours left until the end of the workday. We can discuss the leaf's symbolism after that."

Nara Sōsai offered the standard, dead-eyed smile of an overworked salaryman.

"…"

Defeated, Crane Tree picked up a document. Beneath it, his face was a mask of regret.

This was his own fault. He'd been the one to suggest moving Sōsai's desk into the Hokage's office, thinking it would "improve efficiency and oversight." A stupid decision. Now, he was the one being supervised.

"Damnit," he muttered through gritted teeth.

"Lord Hokage, you've been staring at this page for over three minutes. By my estimation, each page contains a maximum of three hundred words…"

Sōsai's voice was a curse echoing in Crane Tree's mind.

In that moment, Crane Tree understood Obito. Leaving this village early was the right choice! Why was a mere spy working himself to death?

A bright, liberating path seemed to wave at him.

"Alright then!"

BAM!

A deafening crash. The Hokage's office door exploded into splinters. From the swirling dust, a woman's figure emerged.

Nara Sōsai watched the uniquely destructive entrance with numb eyes. He didn't even bother checking who it was. Instead, he turned to the wide-eyed newbie from the Administrative Department sitting nearby.

"Remember to call someone to fix the door later."

"Yes, sir!" the newbie replied, nodding as if entrusted with a vital mission.

"…"

Sōsai looked away. Maybe he should go easier on the innocent interns. It was making him feel guilty.

"Crane Treeeee!"

Darkness. Crane Tree's face was buried in softness. But the familiar voice and… texture told him who it was.

Lady Tsunade.

"Missed me?" Tsunade hugged his head tightly against her chest, her eyes sparkling.

Crane Tree tapped out, signaling his need for air.

Tsunade looked down at him fondly—he'd grown so tall—and tightened her grip. She grabbed his waving hand.

"My goodness! Crane Tree! You have calluses!" she gasped dramatically. "I have a special hand-care regimen. I'll give it to you later!"

She went back to stroking his long hair.

"Lady Tsunade," Nara Sōsai ventured, watching Crane Tree's legs kick weakly. "Perhaps… let the Hokage breathe?"

"Let him go? Hah! And who are you to Crane Tree?" Tsunade's eyes narrowed, suddenly suspicious. Was Crane Tree seeing someone? Which village bastard had tricked her pure, innocent little Crane Tree?

Sōsai's eye twitched. "Is it possible… I'm just concerned for the Hokage's immediate physical safety?"

Tsunade frowned. She looked down. Oh. She might have been squeezing a little too hard.

"You okay, Crane Tree?" she asked sheepishly, releasing him from the brink of suffocation.

"Peachy," Crane Tree wheezed, stars dancing before his eyes.

[Host, why didn't you activate Infinity?] the System asked, puzzled.

[You're a robot. You wouldn't understand.]

[…] The System watched its host's dizzy state. True. It didn't.

"Sis Tsunade, what brings you back?" Crane Tree's vision finally cleared. He looked her over. In just a few years… she'd gotten even bigger.

Don't get the wrong idea.

He was just noting she'd aged. Someone like Tsunade… who wouldn't be happy to see her?

"Sis Tsunade, it's been too long! Let me buy you a drink!"

He stood up enthusiastically, linking his arm with hers, and flashed her a brilliant smile. Tsunade was momentarily dazzled. She let herself be led out of the office.

"Lord Hokage, the paperwork…" the newbie murmured, looking at the mountain of documents. But her voice trailed off as the Hokage's back receded. "He must have been so happy to see Lady Tsunade, he forgot all about work!" she decided, sitting back down with a determined, self-encouraging nod.

"Ah…"

Nara Sōsai, who had seen it all, was utterly defeated. Knowing the Hokage as he did, there was no doubt. This was a blatant, premeditated escape from paperwork under the guise of "catching up."

In a cozy izakaya, soft music played. The air was rich with the smell of alcohol and grilled food. Crane Tree and Tsunade had taken a corner booth.

"This, this, this… and a whole case of this!" Tsunade pointed at the menu without mercy.

Soon, their small table was covered in bottles.

Crane Tree instantly regretted his offer. He'd just wanted to ditch work. This… was escalating.

"Ahahaha!" Tsunade planted her hands on her hips, giving him a wicked grin. "We're drinking till we drop today!"

Crane Tree forced a smile. In his past life, he'd only ever had cheap beer. Nothing like this arsenal.

"Ahahaha!" Tsunade saw right through him. "My little Crane Tree is all grown up now!"

Crane Tree's face contorted. Grown up? Don't phrase it like that!

"And a grown woman should know how to drink!" Tsunade sliced the top off a bottle with her thumb and set it before him. "Your big sis is here. Let's have some fun!"

She opened one for herself, took a huge swig, and looked at him expectantly.

Crane Tree swallowed, took a cautious sip—

Fire exploded in his mouth, burning down his throat. His eyes went wide, watering.

"Ahahaha!" Tsunade roared with laughter. A few patrons glanced over.

"Hm? Is that Lady Tsunade?" Yūhi Kurenai, out for a meal, looked toward the boisterous corner. From her angle, she only saw Tsunade's bold posture.

Hatake Kakashi sat across from her. His one visible eye immediately spotted the person opposite Tsunade.

"…"

Of all people… the Hokage.

Might Guy, busy devouring his meal, didn't look up. "Really? I wonder who's brave enough to drink with Lady Tsunade!"

"…" Kakashi glanced at Guy. His actions showed zero curiosity.

"Crane Tree! A woman never says she can't do it! Bottoms up!" Tsunade put one foot on the sofa, tilted her head back, and chugged the entire bottle. She set it down, face perfectly calm. "Your turn!"

Crane Tree gripped his bottle, rallied his spirits, and shouted, "You're right! A man never says he can't do it! Bottoms up!"

He threw his head back and gulped it down.

"?" Tsunade rubbed her chin. Did she hear that wrong? Must be the alcohol.

"Ahahaha! That's more like it!" Tsunade watched as two bright red spots immediately bloomed on Crane Tree's cheeks. She gave a thumbs-up. "Keep it coming!" She opened another bottle and placed it in front of him.

[Host…] The System was getting worried.

[A man never says he can't!] The thought in Crane Tree's mind was resolute.

[…Okay.] The System went silent. It would trust the host had a plan… probably.

"So, a male ninja is drinking with Lady Tsunade?" Kurenai's eyes sparkled with gossip.

"?" Kakashi, who knew the truth, had a complicated expression. Was the Hokage's alcohol tolerance that bad? He was already talking nonsense?

"Crane Tree… to think the little brat I knew is now the Hokage…" Tsunade drank much faster. A rosy hue touched her cheeks too. She leaned lazily against the sofa, sighing with emotion.

"Tell me about it," Crane Tree took another swig, waving a hand. "If I'd known being Hokage was this much work, I'd have…"

[WARNING!] The System blared an alarm in his mind.

"Huh?" Crane Tree's eyelids fluttered.

The System sighed in relief. Good, the host was coming to his senses.

"Big Tsunade… you hear something?" Crane Tree wobbled to his feet, plopped down next to her, and asked mysteriously.

Tsunade's slightly glazed eyes focused a bit. "What did you just call me?"

[I give up.] The System flatlined.

"Big Tsunade!" Crane Tree leered, his gaze drifting downward to a certain impressive… landscape.

Tsunade's eyes followed his, finally resting on her own ample chest.

"?" A huge question mark appeared above her head. Then, understanding dawned. "Ahahaha! I get it!" She patted Crane Tree's shoulder affectionately. "Crane Tree, don't worry about being flat-chested! With me here, I'll definitely help you grow! Big as mine! No—bigger!"

Pfft!

The System was stunned.

Across the room, Kakashi sprayed his fruit wine all over the table.

"Kakashi?" Might Guy finally looked up, confused by his friend's tomato-red face. "Are you reading Icha Icha Paradise?"

What else could make Kakashi react like that in public?

"Don't be ridiculous, Guy!" Kakashi snapped, flustered.

Kurenai offered an awkward smile. "So… it's the Hokage drinking with Lady Tsunade, huh."

And they were having that kind of conversation.

"No, no, no!" Crane Tree heard her and waved a hand dismissively. He leaned closer to Tsunade with a sly, knowing grin. "Some things… are better when they're on someone else."

"?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow. That was a new one.

"Why?"

"Because… you know!" Crane Tree winked, elbowing her in the side.

"?" Tsunade blinked, confused. "Know what?"

"Bro! Don't play dumb with me!" Crane Tree slung an arm around her neck, his expression utterly lecherous. "I know you, bro!"

Tsunade: "…"

What was wrong with Crane Tree? He seemed… off.

"Anyway," Tsunade steered the conversation back. "Kushina and Minato's kid… right!"

"Ah! You mean little Naruto!" Crane Tree's face lit up with drunken clarity.

"Relax, Naruto's doing great! Half—… no! Miss Rishihui is taking great care of him!" He caught himself just in time. His reason was drowning, but instinct remained.

"Miss Rishihui?" Tsunade was sure she'd never heard that name.

"Oh! The nanny I found for Naruto. She's also the one Lord Third is chasing after!"

"WHAT?!"

The bottle in Tsunade's hand exploded.

She stared, jaw dropped.

Her old teacher? At his age? Was he turning into a lecher like Jiraiya?

Her gaze turned dangerous.

At that very moment, in Crane Tree's home, Hiruzen Sarutobi—acting as Hanzo's persistent shadow—sneezed.

"Third, you may leave." Hanzo's voice was ice.

"I'd like to stay with Naruto a little longer," Hiruzen said, his face grandfatherly and kind.

"You sneezed. You might be sick. Don't infect the child."

Hanzo's tone was final.

"…"

A moment later, Hiruzen Sarutobi stood before a firmly closed door, his heart shattered into a million pieces.

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