. . . I only put the tip of my toe on the ember. It's insanely hot.
"Get in already. Stop stalling."
"I'm checking… don't rush me."
"Ow, it's too hot. You did this on purpose, Cement."
My feet smell like roasted meat.
"Ha ha ha."
You're laughing, Lyra, because you're on that side.
"I am Lyra Fluxhart, a demon hunter, and I'm also immune to pain."
Lyra stepped on the cactus spines like it was beach sand.
"I'd be immune to pain too if I were wearing sneakers."
Lyra lent me these demon clothes that barely cover my body.
Especially these panties—this is basically a thong.
"No, please, Zafrom, don't take them off—. . ."
"Hold still, Lyra."
That tone was weird.
"Ow, my feet!"
"Ha ha ha, Lyra, aren't you immune to pain?"
Zafrom took Lyra's sneakers.
It feels so good watching someone else get wrecked.
"That's not fair, Zafrom. We won odds or evens so we could choose where we'd stand."
Lyra's feet started bleeding.
"Let's start the game."
Brick turned on the speaker. . .
"This backtrap is special."
"Ah, that feels so good. . ."
What is this?
"Wait, damn it—wrong backtrack."
Brick slammed the button in a panic to change the song.
"So you don't know what JOB is, Brick."
Donkey is on top of Dorian and Brick's mother.
"I don't know what that is. Don't mess with me, I need to change this music."
"Come on, I want it louder. . ."
This sounds like porn.
"So this sound is lullaby music for kids?"
Dorian stared at Brick with a filthy grin.
"Cement, I can't take it anymore. . ."
"Click-click."
"Pretend you didn't hear that, everyone."
Cement changed the music.
"Dad, why did you put that in with my songs?"
Brick wiped sweat off his face.
"I don't know how. You know your father is an ungodly man."
Cement put his hand on Brick's head.
"Hey, let's start already."
While those bastards sorted out their own mess, me and Lyra were hopping like rabbits.
"Click-click."
Now, yes. . .
"Brick, is this trap from Gunna?"
Donkey started dancing. He didn't even care that Dorian and Brick's mother were on top of him.
How do people living in a forest have this tech and music from the world I came from?
"Man, I used to listen to this when I went clubbing in the city of Asterium with my girl."
"Careful, Donkey, you're gonna knock us over."
Donkey stood up on his two legs.
"I didn't tell you to climb on me, so it's not my problem if you get hurt."
Dorian held tight to Donkey.
"Kaela, I can't take it anymore. Brick isn't starting—. . ."
That doesn't count, Lyra. You're cheating again.
"Hey, Lyra, you can't go upside down. Put your feet on the ground."
To the trap beat, Lyra started rapping like this. . .
"Kaela, the first time I saw you, I thought: this girl doesn't notice—she's naked and walks around like a tramp."
"Yeah, oh."
Lyra shoved her hands under her armpits and threw on a rap face.
"Look at this: the demon hunter calling me a tramp, but I'm not hallucinating, hunting demons in random corners."
"Yeah, oh."
I did the crazy sign at Lyra, spinning my index finger near my ear.
"Kaela, to see what I see you need a lot of intelligence, but even with that you wouldn't have my awareness that the world is absolute, and you're just another filthy rag."
"Wow."
How does Lyra rhyme like that? It never crossed my mind that this demon-sick psycho was smart.
"Lyra, don't confuse me with a filthy rag. I'm not cleaning your hands full of shit. Grab your bow and turn around."
Each rhyme we did came with a jump. My feet were black, my toes burned, blood blisters forming.
Lyra kept pulling spines out of her feet—some went so deep into the flesh they nearly hit bone.
"Keep going. Why'd you stop when I was getting excited?"
"Missed. Your aim sucks, Donkey."
You're trying to kill us?
"Stop throwing stuff at us."
I don't even feel anything under my feet anymore. Or did the embers cool down?
"You've got one more minute to finish. Kaela, what are you doing?"
Brick looked away.
Ahhh. This is wonderful. I couldn't hold it in.
"Where's your shame, Kaela?"
Say what you want, I'm not holding my pee.
"Wooo!"
Boo me if you want. . .
"Lyra is the winner, since Kaela peed in her clothes and put out the embers."
You think that, but it happened exactly how I wanted.
"Help me take the spines out."
Lyra's feet had like thirty spines in them.
"Kaela, what are your last words?"
". . ."
Idiot. My jaw is swollen now.
"You weren't supposed to lose, Kaela. Now my rival will—. . ."
Cement's head turned red—very visible, since he had no hair to hide his rage.
"Little girl, you might be small and skinny, but you've got plenty of courage."
Zafrom pulled all the spines out of Lyra's feet.
Lyra covered her breasts with her hands, since they're not exactly huge.
"My master was right. Demons are all perverts and deserve death."
Lyra started kicking Zafrom's head to push him away.
"Ow—why did you do that, demon?"
Zafrom shoved a spine into Lyra's hand.
"Why's the loser crying?"
Zafrom brushed dust off his armor.
"Me crying, Zafrom? Your ego's huge just because you won the first match."
Cement pulled a comb from his pocket and tried to comb his hair, but. . .
"You're really desperate, Cement. Ha ha ha."
Cement threw the comb into the arena and walked up face-to-face with Zafrom.
"Zafrom, if you win the last round, I'll give my wife to you."
Zafrom glanced sideways at the mannequin—meaning Brick's mother.
"Interesting."
"Dad, what are you doing? I won't allow you to drag my mother into this mess."
Brick clenched his fists.
"Shut up. Don't interfere in my business."
Everyone's mouth fell open at what just happened.
"Kaeelaaa. . . I dreamed Brick's mother was dating Zafrom."
"Seraphine, you abandoned me—don't play dumb."
Seraphine, I really want to slap your cute little face, but now's not the time.
"Seraphine, you're awake. You don't know what's going on—. . ."
Donkey told Seraphine all the gossip.
"Lie, Donkey?"
While they did that, me and Dorian—along with Brick, Brick's mother—were planning how to get out of this.
"When are you going to start the fight?"
Lyra is supporting this chaos, damn it.
"If I lose, what do I have to give you, Cement?"
They both entered the arena without even picking their preferred side.
"I want Altus Pervertus's real location."
Cement stayed on the embers and Zafrom on the spines.
But I'm curious too. The urge to run disappeared when I heard the name of that fake god.
"My son, swallow your tears and put on that forbidden music."
And like that, an epic showdown was about to begin—Brick's mother and the real location of the god Altus Pervertus on the line.