ARDELLE'S POV:
'What is wrong with that stone?' I wondered.
My chest was tight with a confusing heat. My body had gone numbed, cheeks still burning with shame of what he had done before the entire camp.
'Had he truly gone empty-headed?'
The shift in him was unforeseen.The great stone monument had suddenly developed a heartbeat that was beyond my comprehension.
Why was he being so… intimatelyapologetic?
I watched him from a distance, my fingers tracing the shoulder where his lips had lingered and I shivered.
Shaking my head to discard the abrupt interaction. My first instinct was to find the one person who had been my friend.
I scanned the bustling camp, searching for the familiar flash of Aldwin's golden hair but couldn't find him anywhere.
I circled back toward the edge of the supply wagons, my head ducked low, searching for Aldwin's familiar tawny cloak.
Instead, I ran straight into the one person I was trying to avoid.
"Oh, back again~"
Oh Lord, the eyes, the smirks and attention. The very thing I wished to avoid.
I felt so ashamed when Sir Zack smirked at us, even whistling at us.
Lord Kaldric stood by a stack of crates, his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at me like nothing happened.
The dark, wild look in his eyes from the stream had settled into something unreadable, worsening my bubbly sensations.
"Wh-Where is Sir Aldwin?" I asked quietly, not daring to meet his eyes, my voice trembling with a mixture of fury and lingering shock.
"I need to speak with him."
Lord Kaldric didn't move. He tracked the movement of my hands as I smoothed my skirts, his gaze heavy.
"You're looking for my in-command?"
"Yes. Now."
He looked toward the rising peaks to the north, where the treeline thinned into the mountain. A light dusting of white already there.
"He's gone. I sent him ahead into the snow to scout the pass. He won't be back until morning, if the winds hold."
My heart gave a sickening lurch.
"Into the snow? Alone? The sky is turning gray, My Lord, and the winds are picking up. Why would you send him now?"
"Orders are orders, Ardelle,"
"It's dangerous!" I snapped, my anger momentarily replaced by a cold knot of dread.
"Do not underestimate my in-command, woman. He is not as gentle as he looks. He can handle wind." He let out a huff and walked away.
I turned on my heel, pacing toward the edge of the camp, my eyes scanning the distance for any sign of a lone rider in the white haze.
A surge of genuine panic.
If Aldwin froze because of Lord Kaldric's impulsive commands, I would never forgive him. He was the only kind person I had met.
I marched toward the far side of the picket line, hoping to find a scout who had seen which direction he took.
I rounded a large supply tent, my breath catching in my throat—
And stopped dead.
There, sitting comfortably on a stump with a whetstone in one hand and his sword in the other, was Sir Aldwin.
He was perfectly dry, perfectly safe, and, to my utter bewilderment, softly humming a folk tune to himself.
"Hmm. Hmm. Hmmm."
I blinked, "Sir Aldwin?"
"Ah, Lady Ardelle!" He looked up, offering a bright, easy grin.
"Back from your... stroll by the water? I heard the scenery was quite lively today."
I ignored the jab, my confusion increasing.
"When did you get back? Lord Kaldric said you were miles away in the snow. He said you'd been gone for hours!"
Sir Aldwin chuckled, shaking his head and returning to his blade.
"The snow? My Lady, I haven't left this stump for over an hour. I've been right here, sharpening steel and minding my own business. Why would the Commander say—"
He paused, his eyes widening as he looked past me toward where Lord Kaldric was likely still standing. A slow, knowing smirk spread across the knight's face.
"Ah," Aldwin murmured, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.
"What?" I blinked.
"Nothing."
"Why did he lie?"
"Who knows, My Lady?"
I turned my head slowly. Lord Kaldric was standing twenty paces away, meticulously cleaning his gauntlets.
He didn't look up. He had lied. He had manufactured a disappearance just to keep me from seeking the other man's company. When he sensed my stare, he looked back too.
I stared at him with narrow, suspicious eyes. He simply looked at me, his expression of feigned innocence, before he turned and ducked into our tent without a word as I followed him.
The tent flap fluttered shut behind me, sealing out the biting wind and the prying eyes of the camp.
Lord Kaldric was already there, unbuckling his sword belt with a maddening calmness that was infuriating, he had no regard for his actions.
He didn't look up as I entered. He didn't offer a word of greeting. He simply acted as if he hadn't just fabricated a mountain mission to keep me isolated.
"Why?"
He paused, his fingers lingering on the silver buckle of his belt.
"Why what, Ardelle? It is late. You should rest."
"Why did you lie to me? You told me Aldwin was gone. You told me he was in danger in the snow." I stepped closer, my face twisting into displeasure, glaring at him for his unbearable demeanor.
"I was scared for him, Lord Kaldric! I thought he was out there freezing while I was tucked away here!"
He finally looked at me with a bored look, "He is my soldier. His whereabouts are my concern, not yours."
"He is my friend!" I snapped, the heat in my chest finally boiling over into a sharp sob I hadn't expected.
"He is the only person in this entire, gods-forsaken army who looks at me like a human being, who… who cares if I live or die…"
My vision blurred. My voice had dropped into a low, broken whisper. Looking down with tears glistening in my eyes.
His gaze sharpened but I was well aware my life or existence was on the bottom of his priority list. I exist in his world as a chattel he owns– That was my worth only.
"You took that away from me today. You took my dignity at the lake, and then you tried to take the only friend I have left."
I hugged my arms around myself, biting my cheek to suppress my cries.
"Do you enjoy it? Seeing me look for a way out, only to find you've blocked every path?"
He threw the belt away and stopped before me. His hand locked on my chin to lift my head and greeted my teary gaze with a tense look.
"You are misunderstanding. Those were not my intentions. I am simply redeeming–"
"Redeeming for what, My Lord? For mistrusting me, breaking my heart, insulting me, or leaving me there to die?" I hissed, removing his hand from mine, refusing to believe in him.
He had hurt and insulted me too many times.
I couldn't look at him without finding myself as nothing but a burden. He had always treated me as one.
I couldn't survive on the crumbs of his false hope again.
He held his hand out to hold me but I shifted back and sat on the edge of the cot, refusing to touch the plate of stew resting on the small table.
I was tired of his games, the coldness, the sudden heat, the deception. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Eat, Ardelle," he murmured.
I turned my head away, roughly wiping my tears, "I am not hungry."
Lord Kaldric watched me for a long time.
Then, he did something I never expected. He picked up the spoon, filled it and shifted to one knee, bringing the spoon to my lips.
"Please?"
The "please" was my undoing.
My eyes went wide with a sudden increase in my heart rate. My body, my heart betrayed me as I took the bite, and then another, as we sat in a heavy, fragile silence that lasted briefly.
"I... I didn't mean to leave you," he explained hesitantly, his voice low.
"Nor did I think of reasonings. I see, I believe, I react. I am... I am like this, Ardelle."
"And it hurts, My Lord. It hurts a lot. Everything I do for you from my heart, you crush it."
"I do not know what else to do with it." He confessed, averting his gaze with an unpredictable sorrow. His jaw clenched, offering me another bite.
I leaned forward, my strength failing me, and rested my forehead against his armored shoulder, seeking a shore he would never provide me.
He shifted, his hand coming up to stroke my hair with a tentative, clumsy grace that only enhanced the heartache.
"I want- need you to understand my duties," he began, his voice stiffening, trying to sound harsh but couldn't, "And not be disappointed... "
"I… I am not disappointed in you, My Lord. You did what you had to. What you must, what you live for."
I felt his chest swell with a brief, prideful breath, but I didn't let him keep it. He hadn't– He might never– realize my feelings.
"But… but…" My body quivered, my shoulder shaking, impotent to carry the pain anymore as I ended up crying a little.
"I am heartbroken that you broke your promise. That it wasn't your hand that pulled me from the snow."
My hands clung onto his stronger shoulder that could support anyone and anything in this world but me. And it was too painful.
"You have every right to be." He breathed out after contemplating my state. Caressing me but it provides no comfort.
"I... I have no consolation for that, Ardelle. I have no excuses. Only an apology." he whispered, burying his face in my neck.
"The last time I felt this alone was when my mother died in the mud."
Sniffling, I pulled back just enough to stare into his unfathomable silver gaze.
"When you left me on that ridge too, it felt like there was nothing left for me in this world. Again."
Lord Kaldric froze. His hand stilled in my hair, his face pale in the lantern light, staring at my face.
"And you know the worst part?" I choked out, overflowing with a grief that probably failed to reach his heart yet I decided to empty my heart.
"That even now, my head is still present for your blade, if it means you complete your vow. If the King commanded you to strike me down to save his honor, I would not run. I would wait for the steel."
The blood drained from his face. His stare turned intense, trying to understand something beyond his comprehension. His hands rested on the side of my neck, wiping the spilling tear with his thumb.
"Truly? You would stay? Even after I broke my promise?"
"Yes," I said softly, resting my forehead against his.
"You.. you… are all I have now. My world, my everything, My Lord… I don't want you to live with shame because of me…"
The shock that crossed his face was immeasurable, "You…"
He didn't finish.
He reached out, his large hand gripping my shoulder with a desperate force and before my mind could register, he pulled me down to his chest.
I didn't fight him. I collapsed forward, clutching his tunic, and finally let out the deafening sob of disappointment I murdered since Hast.
"I will be a burden, an eyesore, clumsy, a fooler, but I cannot be your shame… Your honor is all you have." I looked up at him wretchedly, confessing the truth.
"I cannot steal everything… from my everything."
His eyes softened for me for the first time. He had no idea what to speak, his warmth was all he could offer and held me firmly against his chest.
I cried into his chest, into the cold iron and the warm man beneath it while I prayed that one day I would find affection in my husband's arms.