The citizens of the Union of Terra Soviet Socialist Republics (UTSSR) lived with a single, persistent question burning in their minds.
Why is it that our beloved and respected Father of the People and the Revolution, Chairman Comrade Vladimir Park, does not age?
Could it be that some elixir of eternal life truly exists within the frozen reaches of our motherland?
They harbored doubts, and upon those doubts, they built more questions.
How, indeed, could our dear Chairman Comrade remain untouched by the ravages of time?
"So, tell me... why is it that you do not age?"
...And that was the very question Kal'tsit put to me.
Why on Terra was she asking this now, when the ink on our alliance was barely dry?
"Wh-why ask such a thing? We have only been partnered with Babel for a few days. Are we truly on such intimate terms that we might discuss private physical matters?"
I spoke while wiping beads of cold sweat from my brow.
That woman, Kal'tsit... it was painfully obvious she suspected me. She smelled the 'Old Human' scent on me, the lack of bestial traits that defined the current inhabitants of this world.
Is it a sin to lack animal ears? Is that the crime?
I haven't met them yet, but Skadi and Specter don't have ears either!
Well, if she had intended to kill me, her Arts would have turned me into a human kebab long ago, so that wasn't the issue... but seeing her glare at me with such blatant suspicion, I couldn't help but curse under my breath.
I only tolerated it because this insufferable woman was terrifyingly powerful.
Was it Skullshatterer? Or Crownslayer? I recalled Kal'tsit utterly dismantling one of those Reunion officers in the records... or perhaps it was a fragmented memory from a life long past. It had been so long, the details were a blurred haze.
Regardless, I had no desire to answer her.
"Is it so difficult to explain your longevity? Did you perhaps grind up and consume other humans to achieve it?"
The audacity of this woman.
In truth, I was simply too embarrassed to say it.
But if my silence led her to declare that the 'Reds' were inherently suspicious, Theresia might actually sever the alliance. That would be a diplomatic catastrophe for the movement.
Kal'tsit continued to bore into me with those two green eyes of hers.
Good heavens, it felt as though she were about to fire lasers from her pupils.
I agonized over it. I wrestled with my pride. Finally, I conceded.
Sigh... well, it's not as if it has any relevance to the biology of 'New Humans' like her. I might as well tell her and be done with it.
Who could possibly win against that spiteful emerald gaze?
"Fine, fine. I will tell you. But listen quietly; it is a long and... peculiar tale."
Ultimately, I chose to reveal the truth.
***************************
"Alya, can I... can I try licking that? It looks like a candy. It actually looks quite delicious."
"A-Ah! Uncle! What are you doing?! Take this!"
"GAH!!"
The time was approximately two years after my arrival in Victorian Birmingham.
Alexandra—Alya—had grown significantly, her physique beginning to take on a mature, womanly silhouette, but I wasn't interested in her body. I was coveting the Originium crystals embedded within her skin.
Besides, Alexandra was meant for Laman. I consider myself a romantic at heart, a believer in pure love.
The reason I coveted the Originium on her arm was simple: it glittered with a light that suggested it would taste like sweet, green grape hard candy.
It radiated that same artificial, mouth-watering luminescence of the cheap, mass-produced candies sold in large bags back home. I couldn't resist it.
I had lunged forward with a strange impulse, only to be met with a stinging slap from the now-matured girl.
I only wanted to taste the crystal!
"I just wanted to lick the Originium..." I groaned, reaching out from the floor where I lay.
But our Alya swatted my hand away and screamed.
"If you want to lick Originium so badly, go buy your own and eat it! I am a lady... Ugh!"
Ah, I had made a tactical error.
Pure Originium would have cost a fortune, but industrial-grade, unrefined shards? I could easily afford those with my translator's wages.
Actually, even a small amount of refined Originium was within my budget if I was only licking it.
And so, I headed to the local vendor. Using the full breadth of my intellectual wit, I haggled the price down by half and walked away with a handful of the stuff.
***************************************
"So... tell me, Vladimir. Do you... harbor an affection for young children?"
Kal'tsit looked at me with eyes full of unfiltered contempt.
Oh, normally that would be a reward for a certain kind of person, but to hell with that—I'm not a degenerate!
I am a man of normal tastes! A man of revolutionary principles!
I am absolutely not a pedophile!
As my face turned a frantic shade of crimson from sheer indignation, she offered a swift, hollow apology.
"...My apologies. I shall... respect your 'preferences.'"
No, you wretched woman, I told you I am not a pedophile!
"...No. You are wrong! That is not it! I am not that kind of man!"
I slammed my fist onto the desk repeatedly.
I felt like weeping at the weight of this grotesque misunderstanding.
"Ah... I understand."
Her gaze told me that she didn't believe a single word I said. Not one.
You insufferable cat.
Just wait. I'll have my day.
Pushing past her look of visceral disgust, I forced myself to continue the narrative.
**************************************
Having brought the Originium home, I began to lick it with scholarly fervor.
"Mmm! Now this is the taste!"
Mimicking the lines of some character from a disastrously failed video game back on Earth, I sucked and licked at the crystals.
Lick, slurp.
It was actually quite palatable.
I continued to suck on the Originium for hours. I had no translation commissions that day, and my schedule was entirely vacant.
And so, I spent the entire day doing nothing but rolling those crystals around in my mouth until, at some point, I realized the crystals—which should have been insoluble—had been completely absorbed into my body.
"Eh?"
At the time, I thought I was doomed. Everyone knows that when Originium accumulates in the body, it results in Oripathy. I was seized by terror.
I knew 'The Doctor' was supposedly immune, but what if I wasn't?
I spent a month trembling in fear while going about my daily life, yet the result was... absolutely nothing.
...Maxim, who has since passed into the Great Beyond, had confirmed it as well, so it must be true.
Regardless! Ever since consuming that Originium, I changed fundamentally.
My face remained youthful and—in my opinion—quite handsome. My physical age ceased to progress entirely. I had achieved a state of biological stasis!
"...Handsome? Is he suffering from a delusional sense of self-importance? Hmm... Yes... It appears to be so..."
I can hear you whispering, you emerald-eyed demon.
I glared at her, but Kal'tsit didn't seem to give a damn about my annoyance. I almost felt the urge to strike her—not that I'd win.
"So, to summarize: You attempted to lick and suck on the body of a girl ten years your junior, failed, purchased Originium to lick and suck on instead, and it was absorbed into your system, preventing the aging process?"
"Exactly! Wait—no! The first part is a malicious slander!"
"Hmm... attempted to lick a child... licked Originium instead... prevents aging..."
"Take that first part out, you bureaucratic nightmare!!"
Ah, my true feelings slipped out.
Fortunately, Kal'tsit was busy scribbling in her notebook and seemed not to hear my outburst.
"At any rate, is your curiosity satisfied? I must take my leave. The Union has placed an immense burden of labor upon my shoulders, and I am far too busy to dally."
I fled the room as quickly as my un-aging legs could carry me.
Insolent woman... a cat-eared apparatchik who does nothing but misunderstand and slander me all day...
I'm never speaking to you again!
The reports said Theresia was quite normal; how can this woman be so completely different from the records?
...I must be cautious.
I returned to my office and began vigorously sprinkling salt over my coat and dousing myself in perfume.
Ugh... the stench of that malignant green cat is all over me.
**************************************
"Hmm... Certainly an 'Old Human,' but he appears to have no desire for the restoration of his own kind... Rather, his objective seems to be the construction of a utopia alongside the 'New Humans' based on his ideals..."
Kal'tsit remained in her seat long after Vladimir had vanished, organizing the intelligence she had gathered.
She had to determine whether he and the UTSSR would truly be beneficial to Theresia's cause.
Theresia was undeniably brilliant, a being of profound wisdom who worked alongside Kal'tsit.
However, her idealistic nature was a slight liability.
While it was what drew Kal'tsit to her side, it was also why Theresis and his Military Council—the cold-blooded pragmatists of the Sarkaz—held a strategic advantage.
Ultimately, Kal'tsit had been forced to seek out the UTSSR, a powerful foreign entity and a collection of idealists who might actually find common ground with Theresia.
So far, that judgment seemed sound.
However, Kal'tsit did not judge a power solely by its political or military might. She sought to understand its leader.
She began to record her observations regarding the personal character of the man standing above all others, Vladimir Park—otherwise known as Park Si-hoon.
"Possesses a disturbing fascination with young girls... while this was documented in his early years, there is a distinct possibility he currently harbors a preference for women in their twenties and thirties who are eighty to ninety years his junior... An individual with highly dangerous sexual proclivities... Advisable to keep him far from Theresia..."
She concluded the entry with a final observation.
"Prone to sudden outbursts of profanity when emotionally agitated. The trigger for such anger appears to be the aforementioned sexual deviancy. Should the need to manipulate this individual's emotions arise, utilize his proclivities as a point of pressure."
Thus did Kal'tsit fill the final pages of her notes with nothing but strategic slander.
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