Chapter 104:
In Yang Jian's universe S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters
The atmosphere in the conference room was slightly heavy.
Steve Rogers sat on the left side of the long table, arms crossed over his chest, brow furrowed, his sharp gaze fixed on Deadpool across from him.
Deadpool, meanwhile, had one leg crossed over the other, his mask's white eye-pieces exaggeratedly wide, fingers tapping nonstop on the table with a rhythmic tap-tap-tap.
"So, Captain, you're saying you deliberately ignored my comms during the last mission?"
Deadpool tilted his head, his tone full of exaggerated grievance.
"Do you know how many bullets those Hydra agents pumped into me? Forty-three! Forty-three shots! Do you know how itchy bullets feel when they hit your skin?"
Steve took a deep breath, a vein twitching at his temple.
"Wade, I was defusing a bomb at the time. I didn't have time to listen to you complain about bullets being itchy."
"Oh! So that's your excuse?"
Deadpool slammed the table and stood up, pointing at the Captain with exaggerated flair.
"Do you know that to配合 your tactics, I even threw away my Mexican burrito?! And it had double extra spicy sauce!"
"Fuck!"
Steve finally lost it and slammed the table as he stood up.
"If you dare eat a burrito in the middle of a mission again, I'll shove my shield up your ass!"
"Ahem."
Natasha timely cleared her throat, interrupting the imminent Captain America vs. Deadpool verbal war.
These two could argue from morning till night — it was endless.
She rested her cheek on one hand, lazily glancing at Coulson seated at the head of the table, her tone carrying a hint of helplessness.
"Phil, you said there's still one more person coming. Who is it?"
Deadpool's attention was immediately diverted. He spun around to look at Coulson, his mask's eye-pieces instantly turning into starry eyes.
"It wouldn't be Tony Stark, would it?! How can the Avengers be complete without him! Iron Man! Billionaire! Playboy! Philanthropist! And that sexy little goatee!"
"Shut up, Wade." Natasha shot him a cold glare.
Coulson rubbed his temples. He was clearly a little worn out from Deadpool's antics, but he still maintained his professional smile and nodded.
"That's right, it's Tony Stark. He heard that S.H.I.E.L.D. is the boss's organization and expressed strong interest."
"YES!"
Deadpool cheered and bounced straight up from his chair, both hands raised high.
"The Avengers finally have a normal person! Uh, I mean, besides me."
Steve rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath: "If Tony counts as normal, then Hulk could be a ballet dancer."
Everyone couldn't help laughing, but Coulson quickly brought the meeting back on track.
On the other side, Hawkeye leaned back in his chair, twirling a long knife in his hand, his gaze thoughtfully scanning the empty seats.
"So, it's just us for now?"
He raised an eyebrow at Coulson, looking a bit puzzled.
"What about Bruce? Hulk? Don't tell me they've temporarily left the team again."
Coulson straightened his tie, his tone calm.
"Actually, Dr. Banner and Hulk are currently meditating in the Himalayas."
"Meditating?"
Hawkeye nearly stabbed his own finger with the knife.
"You mean that big guy who can tear apart half of New York when he gets angry is now meditating in the snow mountains?"
Natasha let out a light laugh and teased, "Sounds like the boss's suggestion."
"Pretty much." Coulson nodded.
"A monk from the Himalayas contacted us, saying that Hulk's anger energy needs balancing, and the ancient energy fields of the Himalayas can help him and Banner reach some kind of consensus."
Upon hearing this, Deadpool suddenly popped his head out from under the table.
"Whoa! So Hulk is a Buddhist now? Next time we meet, should we call him Green Giant · Dalai Lama Edition?"
Steve rubbed his temples, feeling like he was about to have a stroke.
"Wade, how the hell did you get under the table?!"
"It's simple — maxed out the stealth skill!" Deadpool proudly flashed a V-sign, then ducked back under.
Hawkeye sighed and put down his knife. "Fine. So this mission doesn't have a nuclear option for emergencies."
"We don't need to rely on Hulk to solve every problem." Steve said in a deep voice.
"Of course."
Hawkeye shrugged. "It just means a little less explosive entertainment."
At that moment, the conference room comms chimed, and Maria Hill's voice came through.
"Coulson, Stark has arrived."
"Finally." Natasha sat up a little straighter and spread her hands.
"I hope he didn't bring Jarvis's main body this time."
Deadpool suddenly popped up from the other end of the table, his tone excited: "Or at least bring some snacks!"
At that moment, the conference room door slid open with a whoosh, and a lazy voice drifted in.
"Let me guess — did I miss any exciting parts?"
Everyone turned to look.
Tony Stark walked in slowly, wearing his signature dark suit without a tie, holding a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.
His gaze swept over the group and finally landed on Deadpool. He raised an eyebrow slightly.
"Oh no."
Deadpool had already rocketed over like a missile, arms wide open to hug Tony.
"Tony! My good bro!"
Tony deftly sidestepped. Deadpool missed completely and slammed straight into the wall.
"Stay away from me. Your suit looks like it was vomited on by a My Little Pony."
Tony wrinkled his nose in disgust, walked to the conference table, pulled out a chair, and sat down.
Deadpool slid down the wall, completely unfazed, and instead rubbed his hands excitedly.
"I knew you'd come! The Avengers are finally complete!"
Natasha looked at Coulson, her eyes clearly saying "Are you serious?"
Coulson gave a dry laugh and decided to get straight to the point.
"Alright, since everyone's here, let's begin."
He pressed the remote. The holographic projector in the center of the conference table lit up, displaying a blurry satellite image.
A strangely shaped aircraft was hovering over the Pacific Ocean.
"What is this? Alien delivery service?" Tony took a sip of coffee and quipped casually.
"Worse than that."
Coulson looked at the group, his expression serious. "This is a Kree Empire reconnaissance ship."
The conference room instantly fell silent.
Steve's face darkened. "Aliens have come to Earth?"
"Not only that."
Agent Hill took over. "We intercepted an encrypted transmission. They seem to be searching for some kind of energy source."
Tony set down his coffee cup, his expression turning serious.
"What are they looking for?"
Coulson nodded. "It's very likely the previously missing Cosmic Cube."
Deadpool suddenly raised his hand, speaking in a sleazy tone: "Question! If we rush over right now and blow them up, does that count as self-defense?"
Natasha sighed. "Wade, this isn't a game."
"It is to me!"
Deadpool excitedly pulled out his dual katanas and swung them twice in the air.
"The Avengers' first collective mission! I'm going to change my suit to a commemorative edition!"
Tony rubbed his temples, somewhat speechless: "Is it too late for me to quit now?"
Steve stood up, scanning the group with a determined gaze.
"No matter what the Kree want, we cannot let them succeed."
He looked at everyone and, without waiting for Coulson's order, immediately called out:
"Avengers, prepare to move out."
Deadpool immediately bounced up, ready to start dancing: "YES! Finally time to fight!"
Tony sighed, stood up, and his nano armor instantly covered his body.
"Jarvis, prepare the new armor. We might have to work overtime."
Natasha and Hawkeye exchanged a glance and stood up in perfect sync.
Coulson looked at this group of wildly different personalities and smiled helplessly.
"Good luck."
Outside S.H.I.E.L.D. HeadquartersHelipad
The Quinjet's engines hummed lowly, the airflow kicking up fine dust from the ground.
Maria Hill stood beside the ramp, holding a data pad, her cold gaze sweeping over the assembled Avengers.
"The mission briefing is simple!"
Before she could continue, Deadpool bounced over beside her, tilting his head to stare at the data pad.
"Whoa, Agent Hill, what shade of lipstick are you wearing today? Lethal Female Agent Red?"
He exaggeratedly winked.
"Or is this the limited edition where I can pull out a gun and blow you away at any time?"
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