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Chapter 161 - what pain feels

The city lights blurred beautifully outside the car windows while Yuna kept staring at the diamond ring resting on her finger. Even now, minutes after the proposal, her heartbeat still refused to calm down completely.

Everything felt unreal.

The press conference.

The confession.

The proposal.

Ethan's words still echoed endlessly inside her chest.

For the rest of my life.

Yuna smiled faintly to herself again while turning the ring slightly beneath the passing streetlights.

Beside her, Ethan noticed immediately.

"You've looked at that ring at least fifty times already."

Yuna looked up defensively. "Because it's pretty."

"It's a ring."

"It's my engagement ring."

Ethan glanced at her calmly before looking back toward the road again. "Same thing."

Yuna laughed softly. "You really don't understand romance."

"I proposed."

"After publicly announcing marriage without warning me."

"That was efficient."

"That was terrifying."

A faint smirk appeared briefly on Ethan's face again.

Yuna loved seeing that expression now.

It made him look younger somehow.

Less cold.

She slowly moved closer toward him in the seat before resting her head lightly against his shoulder.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

The silence felt comfortable now.

Warm.

Then suddenly Ethan spoke quietly.

"So now you're completely mine."

Yuna blinked softly before looking up at him.

Ethan kept driving calmly, one hand resting against the steering wheel while city lights reflected across his sharp features.

"You work under me," he continued evenly, "and you're going to become my wife."

Yuna immediately laughed softly. "That sounds less romantic and more like a business contract."

"It's still true."

She smiled faintly before teasing quietly, "Possessive."

"Yes."

No hesitation.

No embarrassment.

Just complete honesty.

Yuna shook her head while laughing softly again.

Then Ethan added more quietly—

"I think I finally understand this feeling."

Her expression softened slightly.

"What feeling?"

His eyes remained fixed on the road ahead.

"You."

Yuna's heartbeat slowed.

Ethan rarely explained emotions properly.

But when he tried—

It always sounded real.

"I spent years thinking I only wanted to protect you," he murmured quietly. "Then I thought maybe I only wanted control." His jaw tightened faintly. "But every time you got hurt, it felt wrong inside my chest."

Yuna listened silently.

"And every time you smiled at someone else…" A faint humorless laugh escaped him. "I wanted to ruin their day."

Yuna immediately burst into laughter.

"That's jealousy, Ethan."

"I know that now."

"You're emotionally developing."

"That sounds unfortunate."

Yuna smiled warmly before intertwining her fingers with his free hand carefully.

Ethan glanced briefly at their hands before continuing quietly—

"I think you gave my feelings back to me."

The sentence hit her harder than she expected.

Because suddenly she understood what he meant.

Ethan spent years shutting emotions away.

Burying them beneath anger, control, and survival.

But somehow—

Yuna slowly brought those feelings back piece by piece.

Yuna squeezed his hand softly. "You always had feelings."

"No."

"Yes."

Ethan shook his head faintly. "Not like this."

Yuna looked at him carefully now.

The terrifying Ethan Devereaux feared by half the city sat beside her quietly trying to understand love for the first time properly.

And somehow—

That felt more romantic than perfect words ever could.

Eventually Yuna looked out the window again.

But after several seconds, confusion slowly appeared on her face.

The road looked unfamiliar.

She frowned slightly.

"…Ethan."

"Hm?"

"This isn't the way home."

Ethan remained calm. "I know."

Yuna sat up properly now. "Then where are we going?"

A small silence followed.

Then Ethan answered quietly—

"To my real home."

Yuna blinked softly.

"What?"

Ethan slowed the car slightly as the city gradually faded behind them. The streets became quieter now, lined with older trees and large private estates hidden behind iron gates.

"I want you to meet my mother," he said calmly.

Yuna's expression immediately softened.

"Your mother?"

Ethan nodded once.

"We're going to take her blessing."

Warmth spread quietly through Yuna's chest hearing that.

Because despite Ethan's coldness toward most people—

He still cared about things like this.

Family.

Respect.

His mother.

Yuna smiled faintly. "Okay."

But then another thought appeared.

"…What about your father?"

The atmosphere inside the car changed instantly.

Subtly.

But enough for Yuna to notice.

Ethan's expression darkened almost imperceptibly while his grip against the steering wheel tightened slightly.

For several seconds he didn't answer.

Then finally—

"I don't have a father."

Yuna looked toward him quietly.

Ethan's voice remained calm, but colder now.

"A man like him doesn't deserve that title."

Silence filled the car afterward.

Yuna remembered the story from earlier immediately.

The dog.

The violence.

The fear.

Five-year-old Ethan running away from home.

Her chest tightened softly.

Ethan stared ahead at the dark road while speaking quietly.

"A father is supposed to protect his child." His jaw tightened faintly. "Not make him terrified to come home."

Yuna's heart hurt hearing the bitterness hidden beneath his calm voice.

"He cared more about power than people," Ethan continued quietly. "Everything was about control."

The irony of those words didn't escape Yuna.

Because Ethan himself sometimes acted controlling too.

But unlike his father—

Ethan learned how to care.

How to protect instead of destroy.

Yuna slowly moved closer again before resting her hand gently over his.

"You're not like him."

Ethan stayed silent.

"You know that, right?"

The passing headlights reflected briefly across his face before fading again into darkness.

For a moment he almost looked uncertain.

Then quietly he murmured—

"Sometimes I worry that I am."

Yuna immediately shook her head. "No."

"You've seen what I can become."

"I've also seen what you choose to become."

That made him glance toward her briefly.

Yuna's voice softened.

"You get angry," she admitted quietly. "You say terrible things sometimes." A tiny sad smile appeared. "And honestly, you scare me occasionally."

Ethan looked away slightly after hearing that.

But Yuna squeezed his hand gently.

"But you never abandoned me."

Silence.

"You stayed."

The words settled deeply between them.

"Even when you didn't understand your own feelings," she whispered softly, "you still protected me."

Ethan didn't answer immediately.

The car slowly turned through enormous black gates then, entering a massive private estate surrounded by tall trees and dim golden lights.

Yuna's eyes widened slightly.

The mansion ahead looked old but elegant, standing quietly beneath the night sky like something untouched by time.

"This is your house?"

Ethan parked slowly near the front entrance.

"My mother's house," he corrected quietly.

Yuna looked at him carefully now.

The coldness in his expression earlier had softened slightly again.

But sadness still lingered underneath.

Then Ethan finally turned toward her fully.

"You don't have to meet him."

Yuna blinked softly. "Your father?"

"Yes."

"You think I'm scared?"

"I think he ruins everything he touches."

The hatred in Ethan's voice felt painfully genuine.

Yuna slowly reached up and touched his cheek gently.

"Then we won't let him ruin tonight."

Ethan stared at her silently for several seconds.

Then finally—

Very quietly—

He leaned into her touch for just a moment.

And Yuna realized something heartbreaking then.

No matter how powerful Ethan became—

Part of him was still that lonely five-year-old boy searching for somewhere safe to belong.

For a few quiet seconds neither of them moved inside the car.

The mansion lights glowed softly outside while cold night air touched the windows faintly. Everything around them felt strangely calm compared to the chaos of the day.

Yuna kept looking at Ethan carefully.

His expression had become distant again after mentioning his father, but she could still feel the tension beneath his calm face.

Slowly, Yuna lifted his hand gently and intertwined their fingers again.

"You know," she whispered softly, "when I first met you in college, I thought you were just arrogant."

Ethan glanced at her briefly. "That's accurate."

"No," she smiled faintly. "Now I think you were lonely."

That made him go silent.

Yuna continued quietly, "You acted cold because you didn't know how to trust people."

Ethan looked away toward the mansion outside.

"My father taught me that trusting people is dangerous."

"Your father taught you fear," Yuna corrected softly. "Not truth."

The words lingered heavily between them.

Yuna slowly leaned closer until her forehead rested lightly against his shoulder again.

"You're going to become different from him," she whispered quietly. "Because you know what pain feels like."

Ethan's fingers tightened slightly around hers.

"That doesn't automatically make someone good."

"No," Yuna admitted softly. "But it gives them a choice."

Silence filled the car once more.

Then Ethan suddenly asked quietly—

"And if one day I become too much?"

Yuna lifted her head slightly. "Too much?"

"If I become cruel," he murmured. "Or controlling." His eyes lowered faintly. "If I hurt you."

Yuna stared at him for a second before answering honestly.

"Then I'll fight you."

A small surprised breath almost escaped him.

Yuna smiled faintly. "You think I'm weak?"

"No."

"I'll yell at you. Slap you probably."

"That part sounds familiar."

"And then," she whispered softly while squeezing his hand again, "I'll remind you who you really are."

Ethan looked at her silently.

The cold powerful man feared by everyone suddenly looked strangely vulnerable beneath the dim car lights.

Then quietly—

Almost too quietly—

He asked,

"And who am I?"

Yuna smiled softly through the silence.

"The boy who remembered a little girl's kindness for twenty years."

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