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Chapter 37: Stumbling Into a Fairyland... Newkama
Passing through the long tunnel of the ventilation shaft led to a nation of perverts.
...Yeah.
You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Don't worry. Neither do I.
A dazzling grand hall. Dozens of perverts. Drinking, singing, and a massive ruckus. Uh... I am currently inside Impel Down, the greatest maximum-security prison in the world... right?
"Nfu~fuffu! To think you managed to find your way here on your own. As expected of you, Candy Boy. Or rather... the Invisible Phantom Thief, Line Boy!"
As I stood there gaping, a heavily made-up okama with a purple perm and a crown, towering at what had to be four and a half meters tall, approached me with a menacing, loooooming aura. This character was three times as intense as Rozuo, the Firefly Squid Mermaid okama I'd met back on the Sabaody Archipelago. I unconsciously recoiled.
"Ah, um, well..."
"We were fully capa-ble of watching your battle on Level 4 along with the Candies. To think you actually managed to defeat that Magellan... unthinka-ble. I suppose that's exactly what I should expect from a 1-billion-Berry bounty head."
The purple-permed giant presented me with a spread of food and drinks while wiggling their hips. ...This is way too suspicious for me to eat.
"...H-How exactly did you watch my fight? More importantly, where am I!? Who are you!?"
"Oh, so you desire to know who I am? It's understanda-ble. Nfufu, very well. I shall teach the clueless Line Boy... absolutely everything about this place. I'll tell you... I'll tell you..."
"Tell me...?"
"NOT TELLING!!!"
"You're not going to tell him!? We've been had!"
The surrounding perverts all chimed in simultaneously to react to the purple-permed giant's gag. The sheer unity of their comedy routine made me recoil even further.
"..."
"Well, jokes aside, I shall tell you. Where this is, who I am, what kind of skin lotion will be trending this year... everything."
"...I couldn't care less about the skin lotion."
"Hee-haw!!"
This purple-permed person was a non-stop gag machine. Listening to their story, his (her?) name was Emporio Ivankov. Commonly known as Iva-sama. The Queen of the Kamabakka Kingdom, an island somewhere in the Grand Line populated entirely by okama.
...Wait, a country populated entirely by okama... how the heck do they reproduce...?
I was curious, but I definitely didn't want to ask. If it was the same method as Amazon Lily, it would be far too horrific.
Anyway, setting that aside, regarding this place we're currently in... Apparently, it's situated in the space between Level 5 and Level 6 of Impel Down, a location built inside the walls known as Level 5.5. A secret flower garden constructed secretly by the prisoners without the guards ever noticing. Its name...
"Aaaah~~, Newkama Land!! Hee-haw!!!"
Or so they say...
Prisoners managing to build this massive secret base without a single guard noticing was honestly way more shocking than the existence of a floor below Level 5. I mean, dozens of prisoners had vanished from their cages and slipped into this place, right? And on top of that, they were regularly stealing enough food and supplies from the upper levels to sustain a daily, non-stop party for all those people...
How have they not been caught!?
For the world's greatest maximum-security prison, their security has more holes than a sieve, doesn't it? Even back in Dressrosa, whenever things went missing, it caused a massive uproar with people shouting, "It's the work of fairies~!"
"Nfufu~, by the way, we catch all the information within the prison using the Visual Transponder Snails we raise here. We also steal newspapers from the trash, so we're perfectly up to date on outside information as well! That's why I know all about your past exploits, Line Boy."
"...I see."
...Seriously, the prisoners are just doing whatever the hell they want in Impel Down... It's a bit ironic coming from me, an intruder, but I'd really like them to tighten up their security a bit. This is supposed to be the greatest prison in the world, after all...
"By the way, Line Boy. You're quite the smooth operator yourself."
"Eh? What do you mean?"
"Using Straw Hat Boy as a smokescreen to infiltrate all the way down to Level 4 without anyone noticing..."
"Eh..."
"I don't know what your ultimate goal in infiltrating Impel Down is, but even I feel like I've been completely outplayed."
Ivankov offered a sly smirk. Wait, never mind that... did you just say "Straw Hat Boy"? You mean Luffy, right?
"D-Do you know where Luffy is right now!?"
"Nn?"
I buzzed up into the air with my Tail Copter and flew right up to Ivankov's humongous face.
"If you know where Luffy is, tell me! He apparently took a massive dose of Magellan's lethal poison, so I have to go save him immediately!"
"...Oh my, this is an unexpected twist. How unpredicta-ble. I was absolutely certain Straw Hat Boy was nothing more than a disposable pawn and decoy for you, Line Boy..."
"He's my friend! Luffy said he wanted to save Ace, so I came all the way here to help him! Nothing more, nothing less!"
"Oh, is that so. Nn~fufufu, today certainly is a day where the beautiful flowers of friendship are in full bloom..."
Ivankov sat down heavily on a massive sofa.
"To cut to the chase, Straw Hat Boy is here."
"Eh...? Really?"
"Straw Hat Boy's friend, Mr. 2 Bon Boy, carried him here."
"Mister Two Boing-Boing?"
Who is that? Just like how I met Arlong, did Luffy end up meeting some weird prisoner too?
"Both Straw Hat Boy and Bon Boy were critically injured and near death, which was terri-ble, but for the time being, they've narrowly escaped it."
"Really!? Thank goodness... Do you have a doctor here?"
"No. I used my formida-ble ability."
"Ability? ...What kind?"
Is she a healer, like Mansherry?
"The Horm-Horm Fruit. That's the name of the Devil Fruit I ate."
"Horm-Horm?"
Hole-Hole...
Digging out a hole... Digging out an A-hole...
I see. The side effect of eating that fruit is what turned this person into an okama... I instinctively covered my own backside with both hands.
"Horm, as in hormones. In other words, I am a Hormone Freely-Manipulating Human. Gender, body temperature, pigmentation, growth, tension... I am a human body engineer, capable of modifying a person from the inside out."
...I was completely wrong. It was "horm" for hormone. I pulled my hands away from my backside.
Wow~, so you can modify the human body using hormones? Gender... body temperature... pigmentation...
Growth...
"Growth, you say!?"
"!?" Flinch.
My sudden, booming shout made Ivankov's intense face look even more startled.
"W-What is it?"
"No, I mean, well... Ivankov... no, Iva-sama! Queen! Goddess!!"
"Why are you suddenly acting so hum-ble..."
"U-U-U-Um! W-With the power of your Horm-Horm Fruit! C-Could you... could you make my height bigger!? Is it possible!?"
"Height...?"
If it's this person... if it's this person's ability... then maybe my dream could finally come true. I realized it instantly.
There's no time like the present! And action must be taken immediately! I slammed my head into the floor with enough force to crack it, performing a full-blown dogeza before Ivankov.
"I! Have a dream!!"
"A dream?"
Remaining in my dogeza position, I spilled my guts to Ivankov, detailing my upbringing and my life in Dressrosa. About Viola, about Monet, about fleeing my homeland in search of the Huge Huge Fruit... I even threw in a bit about Esune for good measure.
"...I see."
"I want to become a huge man, get super popular with the ladies, and live a life of pure bliss! That's my dream!"
"...Do you honestly believe... that you can't be popular with the ladies and live a life of pure bliss unless you become a huge man? Is that what you think is reasona-ble?"
"?? Well, yeah, obviously."
What kind of painfully obvious question is this person asking?
I mean, sure... I learned on Amazon Lily that you need a big heart as well as a big body to be popular... And I know there are women like Hancock who can fall in love with men smaller than themselves, but still...
『 I'm happy about your feelings, but... I'm sorry, Line. I'm a human, and you're a dwarf. For a romantic relationship, I just think our body sizes... our heights are too different... 』
...
"The fundamental premise is that as long as I remain a dwarf, I'll never even be looked at as a man... by anyone... ever..."
"...I see. It is understanda-ble. Then I shall use my ability to make you bigger."
"Eh!? You can!?"
"I can."
"Are you serious!!!!???? P-P-P-Pweeeeese!! I beg of yooouuuu!!!"
No way... no way, no way, no way! Absolutely no way!!! To think that down here at the bottom of hell!! My dream of becoming a huge man!! The day it would actually come true had arrived!!!
"It's finally here!! The ultimate destination of my dream!! Fuhehehehehehe~!!"
"Here I go, then. Emporio Facial Growth Hormones!!"
Ivankov's fingernail extended like a syringe needle with a sharp snikt and pierced directly into the crown of my head with a thwack. Instantly, my body began to pulse and shift.
"O-Ooh... oooooh...!!!"
It's stretching. I'm getting bigger! My line of sight is getting higher and higher! Finally, I'm going to transform into a human, into my dream 8-heads-tall body!!
"...Wait, what the hell is thiiiiiiis!!?"
To cut to the chase, my dream did not come true. ...Well, I did get bigger... but my body stayed the exact same size, and the only thing that grew... was my head.
Forget an 8-heads-tall dream body, this is a 0.08-heads-tall body!
"Stop messing with me!! Change me back!!"
"Oh my, the Facial Growth Hormones weren't to your liking?"
"Like hell they were!!"
"Good grief, and after I went out of my way to make you bigger, it's regretta-ble..."
With another thwack, she pierced me with her nail again, and my body... well, my head, returned to normal.
"Hah, hah... I'm back..."
"Hee-haw! Now then, let's pull ourselves together, and this time, I'll seriously make Line Boy's body bigger... bigger..."
"Bigger?"
"NO I WOOON'T!!!"
"You won't do it!! We've been had!"
Watching the okama cheer Waaah! at this exchange, a genuine, surging wave of killing intent boiled up inside me for the first time in a long while.
"Are you screwing with me?"
"Now, now, calm down... No matter how incredible my ability is, it cannot change your fundamental species. Turning a human into a Fish-Man, a Fish-Man into a Giant, or a dwarf into a human. That is utterly impossi-ble."
"...I see..."
So in the end, to make my dream come true, the Huge Huge Fruit really is absolutely essential...
"First of all, relying entirely on someone else's ability and clinging to it to fulfill your own dream is a massive no-no. Miracles only descend upon the heads of those who never give up..."
"Well, anyway, thanks for treating Luffy. I'll at least thank you for that. You shitty okama, Craponkov-san..."
"I-I sense a great deal of malice in that nickname..."
The lavish array of dishes laid out before Ivankov... I sneakily mixed some earwax into them.
"Haaah... By the way, Line Boy."
"...What is it?"
"Regarding Straw Hat Boy... the truth is, it's far too early for you to be thanking me."
"Fuhe?"
"Follow me."
Munching on his booger-infused salad, Ivankov beckoned me over. He led me to a door that was heavily sealed with chains and locks.
"?"
"GWWAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!!! VWWAAAAAAAAAGHH!!!"
"!!?"
Echoing from inside the room was a heart-wrenching, agonizing scream from Luffy, as if he were being subjected to the tortures of hell itself.
"...W-What is this...?"
"I simply used my ability to excessively draw out Straw Hat Boy's immune system, altering his body into one capa-ble of fighting Magellan's poison. Whether he survives or not will be decided from here on out."
"From here on out?"
"The detoxification process takes approximately two days. Whether he can survive that long depends entirely on Straw Hat Boy's willpower, it's indisputa-ble."
"Eh..."
"If you're worried, take a look for yourself."
"..."
I peeked through a small crack in the door to see what was happening inside. Inside, Luffy was chained down, and his condition was incredibly gruesome. His flesh was rotting and falling off, only for new flesh to regenerate, which then immediately rotted and fell off again... It was a never-ending cycle. Honestly, just looking at it made me want to throw up.
"H-He has to endure this... for another two days...?"
"Even so, realistically speaking, his chances of survival are perhaps 2 to 3%."
"2 to 3%..."
What the hell kind of impossibly low probability is that? And even if he does survive, taking two days means...
"...Luffy's brother, Ace's public execution is... tomorrow at 15:00, right?"
"That's correct."
"Which means, even if Luffy manages to conquer the poison, Ace will already be dead by the time he does?"
"That can't be helped. He has no choice but to give up. His own life comes before his brother's."
"I see... you're right..."
I handed Densuke, who had been resting on my back, over to Ivankov.
"Nn? Is this your Transponder Snail?"
"I need you to hold onto her for a while."
"I don't mind, but... what exactly are you planning to do?"
"I'm going to go save Ace."
"Hah!?"
I stretched my arms out, cracking my knuckles with a series of sharp pops.
"...You probably don't know this, Ivankov, but Luffy is highly resistant to poison. That's why I believe that Luffy will absolutely crush that 2 to 3% chance and conquer the poison."
"That's quite a lot of trust you have there."
"...But, even if he does conquer it, if Ace is already executed by then, I think Luffy will regret it so much he'll want to die."
"..."
"That's why I'm going to go save Ace in Luffy's place...!"
Because if I were in Luffy's shoes, I know I would want someone to save my siblings, no matter what it took.
"Line Boy. Are you serious?"
"I am 100% dead serious."
"...Well, it's your life, do as you please... But as a courtesy, I'll give you a small piece of advice."
"Advice?"
Ivankov reached into his massive perm and pulled out a single black Transponder Snail. ...You shouldn't be keeping living creatures in there...
"By wiretapping the guards' communications, I've discovered Magellan is still alive, it's quite remarka-ble."
"!"
"After you dropped him into that giant cauldron... it seems the guards were capa-ble of pulling him out."
Well... I guess that makes sense.
"So to save Ace, I have to defeat Magellan again..."
"No. It seems even Magellan took quite a beating. He has currently locked himself inside the medical room's toilet, which is quite misera-ble. So he likely won't be able to fight for a while."
"Eh? Magellan isn't there? Then this should be a piece of cake..."
"Therefore, Magellan decided to release Shiryu of the Rain."
"Semen of the Rain?"
Who is that? Sounds gross.
"Head Jailer, Shiryu of the Rain. A highly dangerous individual who was locked in a cage for indiscriminately slaughtering prisoners whenever the mood struck him. His strength is roughly equal to Magellan's."
"Well, that's bad."
"Yes. And that dangerous individual... along with Vice Warden Hannyabal. Chief Guard Sadie. Four Jailer Beasts. And over a thousand guards... All of those forces are currently being assem-bled on Level 6!"
"Haaah?! W-Wait, doesn't that mean almost the entirety of Impel Down's military force, minus Magellan, is down there!?"
"That is exactly how terrified Magellan is of you infiltrating Level 6."
Talk about overkill for a single dwarf. Damn it...
"...Even knowing that, do you still intend to storm Level 6 completely alone to save Ace Boy?"
"Nnghhh..."
I'm going to save Ace... That's a given. But taking on the military force he just listed entirely by myself is definitely a bit too reckless... If only I had just one more piece... one more fighter on my side...
Ivankov... won't help me, will he... He has absolutely no reason to. In fact, it would be nothing but detrimental for him.
"What should I do..."
Just as I was racking my brain...
"I heard everything!!"
"!?"
It was a sudden gust of wind. For a split second, I honestly thought a swan had wandered in out of nowhere.
"W-Who the heck are you!?"
"I am... Mugi-chan's... friend!"
"Huh?"
"You're going to rescue Mugi-chan's big brother, right!? If so, then please, allow me to help you!!"
Striking a sharp pose right in front of me was...
A highly intense, manly okama with a level of flamboyance about 0.2 times that of Ivankov.
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