I have always wanted to be better version of myself,
Like I plan my day every night but I just can't do or complete some of my tasks,
Sometimes I get lazy and sometimes I get plain stupid,
Like I thought I could talk to a random girl I saw in bus stand easily,
But my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my mouth,
Like I know what to talk but I just can't,
And that day I knew,
There is a great difference between thinking and giving advice to others and doing the same task ourselves,
Like I was giving communication tips to my friends but I can't even talk to a random person properly,
It is just my emotions mess everything up,
The biggest mistake we humans make is,
We think we can control our minds but I believe that is fucking impossible,
It is very difficult,
Like, I had made all the plans in head about how to deal with certain situation,
Like what to do if this happens or anything else happens even after preparing for everything,
Sometimes,
Something I have never thought happens,
Or sometimes I never follow the plans properly like I fuck it up,
Like I do stupidest of things,
Like,
I once used all my 100$ saving to do day trading,
The rules I made were something like this,
1: Only take 3 trades every day.
2: Only risk 4$ dollar every trade,
3: No news trading,
4: Only buy micro lots,
5 Take screen shot before taking a trade and explain the reason behind taking the trade by drawing in the screenshot or writing in journal app,
They look like simple and easy rules to follow,
This humble ones of yours is such an idiot,
I fucking never followed any rules,
I just used to take a trade without taking screen shot or even explaining in journal app why am I taking a trade,
I used to buy when price up and sell price went down,
And biggest joke,
The fuck is Risk management?
I used to risk 20 to 40 dollars in single trade,
My emotions control was pure failure,
I just can't explain,
The FOMO I felt when missing a good trade and I wanted to feel good and earn money quick,
So, anyone thinking they can earn through trading,
I will tell you it is fucking hard,
And yeah, I used to brag that, I can do it easily,
No man it is fucking hard,
Off course I will try again and try to stick with my rules,
Yeah, I had done paper trading before taking real account,
But the dopamine u feels when winning a trade is impossible to describe,
And oh god the FOMO and anger I felt when I lost a money while trading,
I just can't have a losing day,
My sleep was fucked, I just couldn't go to sleep knowing I have taken a trade,
Like I know I have taken Stop loss but it felt so good when market fluctuates in your winning direction,
And, most of all market showed me I was not some once in a lifetime's genius,
Or my strategy was greatest of all,
The contempt I felt towards other who lost trading money cause they couldn't stick to rules is undescribable,
So, I want to thank market for showing me,
How lowly I am and I have many things to learn,
Day trading is hardest thing I have ever tried and I don't regret losing those 100$ because I learned something that even 1000$ can't make me learn and that is arrogance is last thing I should have,
Cause I was just a frog in a well,
The rabbit hole of trading goes way deep,
But I will never give up,
I , Basanta despise the people who have given all hope,
As how can one lose hope until one lives,
Because the pen of destiny lies in our hand,