"IZUA! HE'S NOT BREATHING!"
My face soaked with tears and sweat, I kept reaching across his chest, hoping to dislodge whatever was blocking his airway.
I had suddenly woken up to the sound of him convulsing...but it was already too late, even though he was still moving.
Izua grabbed his feet, though I didn't want to let go.
"Put his head down!" Izua shouted after bursting into the room, his face as white as a sheet.
"I don't know...I don't know..."
"JUST DO IT!"
He was trying his best to make him cough while I stood there, too shocked to do anything...
Ugh...how...how could I have let it come to this?
Is it because I didn't send that letter...? No, because...actually, I don't know. Maybe it's my fault; no one has told me otherwise
My vision quickly became blurry, and my pupils no longer knew where to focus.
Euria stopped moving, truly out of air.
Izua shook it as best he could, but all I could see was...the stationery and pencil holder still under my bed...
"Damn...breathe..."
Izua was slowly starting to give up, but I could just see the pencil rolling toward me, the metal holder around it slowly detaching.
I removed the pencil from the holder and broke off the wooden end, leaving only the metal part.
I opened Euria's mouth to reach inside and forced the metal end down her throat as best I could. I didn't know what I was doing; I'd never seen anyone do that before...
In my head, it seemed logical, being also my last hope to prevent him from choking.
I sucked as hard as I could on the remaining, rather thin tube.
It wasn't sucking anything up, so I pushed it in deeper, although I was having trouble sucking.
I don't know by what miracle, but this tube, which was supposed to hold a pencil the size of a finger, had managed to clear a little of the mucus from his throat because I could hear a whistling sound.
"Do it again!"
I kept going as long as I could until a tiny part of his throat was clear of phlegm. I waited for him to regain some strength before giving him very hot water to drink, hoping to bring the rest down.
I was the one who was most out of breath in the end... having felt my heart stop when he stopped moving.
He was now able to cry and tell me that his throat hurt... while Izua looked at me with some expression on her face
It was a face I had never seen before, very serene and grateful.
"Mom...I'm in pain..."
"We're going to do some inhalations..."
Izua was taking care of it as she watched me struggle to catch my breath.
I retrieved the pencil holder, looking down. I should probably apologize to the emperor for breaking what he had given me.
Everything would be alright in the future. I would pay more attention to Euria and make sure her throat didn't get blocked again.
It wasn't long before I fell asleep on the edge of the bed, holding his hand in mine, drained of energy in just a few minutes.
I had been so scared that I came to think that if he really died, I would die with him.
"I'm sorry...that I can't...take care of you...like my mother did...with me."
I lay asleep for a long time, as if in a coma, forced to see all sorts of futures that were unsuitable for anyone
The cold mixed with the heat in my body, forming a lump in my lungs and making it difficult to breathe.
I woke in waves, to blow my nose and cough up what I could, not wanting it to stay in my lungs too long.
Izua came to give me some hot herbal tea with Euria, who seemed better and was sleeping snuggled up against me.
"I sent Sola to Haina's. Amaiera didn't want to go, so I told him he'd stay in his room."
"Thank you..."
I felt calmer, sensing that Euria's fever had gone down a lot. I smiled and stroked her head.
"He's so strong~ I'm so happy. I feel so light."
"It's the fever that's making you say such silly things. You mustn't let your guard down now that things are going so well."
"Maybe...but I'm sure he'll be fine. I feel it deep down..."
I tried to drink but spilled it all over my chest, not having properly gauged the strength I still had in my hands.
"I've messed up... it'll dry, luckily Euria is dry..."
"You could be more careful, what if you get burned on top of the illness, huh..."
"I'm perfectly fine, it wasn't hot enough."
Amaiera had strict rules for going out. He had to cover his face with a cloth to avoid getting germs, and Izua always made sure to wash her hands thoroughly before cooking for him. It made me a little sad to see him like that, and I really wanted to hug him, but I couldn't move. Finally, two days later, Euria, who was feeling better, was finally able to go into the living room where he kept warm in front of the fireplace. Most of the time he was with his brother, who was still careful not to get too close...while me...I was going through as many bad times as good.
"You know, when I was little I used to paint a lot. My sister loved my paintings, but she always sold them even though we had plenty of money. You know my sister, right?"
Izua narrowed his eyes as he watched me ramble on about everything that came to mind whenever I got carried away because of the fever. Lately, he often gave me this kind of negative look without me really understanding why.
"You cook well~ It's better than anything I've made in 6 years..."
When the fever slowly subsided, I ached so much all over that I couldn't even sit up. In the end, Izua didn't know which state was best or worst for me. Not knowing what to do, he had tried several times to get the doctor to come, but since the doctor was also affected by the illness, he was at a loss.
"The doctor can't come? It doesn't matter, I'm better than yesterday~ You know, this illness comes from the front just above us. They're probably all dead already and losing many battles by now. Do you want to know how I know?"
"Not really. Just eat." He said in an exhausted voice as he tried to get me to eat for five minutes already, which I did very slowly because I had a lot to say.
"I tell you the future, I don't control it. And the emperor came to see me, he told me to send him everything I knew about the future in letters that I slipped into your things. It's funny, isn't it? I didn't believe it at first either, but I guess all those battles were—"
I was taken aback by the spoon falling to the floor. Izua stared into my eyes, unsure of what to say. He wondered if what I'd just said was feverish nonsense or the truth, which he hoped wasn't the case.
"You should be careful. You've made a mess...and I'm not cleaning up, okay?"
"Stop acting like a child for a bit."
He stood up abruptly and left the plate on the chair. I simply stared at the door, wondering what his problem was, before collapsing from exhaustion, something that usually happened suddenly after a few minutes when I thought I was feeling great.
Izua came back to clean while I slept, sweeping the floor while Amaiera desperately asked him for food, unfortunately finding the pile of stationery already sealed with his name on it, as well as the last of my letters
He locked the door so as not to be disturbed by the children and began to read it, his eyes bloodshot.
"They're all dying, they're all dying. The children, the women, and the warriors, they're dying, they're dying sick or killed. They're starving, everything is burning. They're burning corpses by the hundreds, they're contaminating themselves. It's the air, everything you breathe is diseased. You too, protect yourselves, because in your castle they're already dying. They're suffocating and losing their minds."
He let go of my head, looking at my pale face and wheezing breath before quickly putting a cloth over his face as I had advised Amaiera to do in my euphoria the previous days
He opened the window as I did and left the room, realizing it was Friday. He quickly grabbed the papers he hadn't finished filling out, as well as my letter from last week, before galloping off, leaving Amaiera without answering her questions, hoping the messenger would still be there despite the snow.
Luckily, he arrived at the pub in time, still covering his face, afraid the air would contaminate him too.
"This letter. Take only this...."