"… Nunnally…" he uttered her name again as she sat there in her wheelchair not a few feet away from him.
He was still frozen to the floor, having fallen off the side of his bed in his old room. In his… former home of Ashford Academy.
"Oh… big brother! Big brother!" Lelouch couldn't say anything. Not even when the little girl leapt off of her chair to latch onto his neck, hugging her brother. "You're finally awake! I—I'm so happy!"
Tears started to fall from her face. She was crying. His beloved little sister was crying in his arms and couldn't stop herself. Instinctively, his hand caressed the back of her head. The familiar tresses of hair were soothing, as anything of his sister's presence always had been to him.
'What's going on…?' he thought. 'Where… what is this?!'
Lelouch's mind raced to answer the dozens of questions popping up, but some part of him whispered to him to stay still. To enjoy this familiar warmth.
"How… is this possible?" With a conclusion to draw from, he couldn't help but ask aloud. "Nunnally? I… Hadn't I… been killed?"
"Lelouch," pulling away, tears still in the corner of her eyes, the once-blind child asked. "What was the last thing you remember?"
'The last thing?' Images of the Magus Killer flashed through his mind. The click of a trigger, the blinding muzzle flare of the gun, the immediate pain shooting through his eye. All of that, he processed in an instant, one of the most painful experiences Lelouch had ever felt.
"… I remember… dying… I was… stabbed." It wasn't a lie. However, as far as Lelouch knew, he might be dead again. But Nunnally only ever saw Suzaku running him through at the parade.
He was supposed to have died then. The Zero Requiem that had been fulfilled was paid for by the death of the Demon Emperor.
Or… so the story should go.
But Nunnally didn't relax her grip. On the contrary, it tightened. "That's wrong! On that day, you… you didn't die! I don't know how it was possible, but you survived your wound. The sword really did go through you, but… it didn't hit any vital organs!"
How was that possible? The plan was for him to die. Not a false or faked death. A literal end. One that could be proven with a simple autopsy for legitimacy. It wasn't like Suzaku to miss either. He was a trained soldier who knew full well of Lelouch's intent.
But despite all that, Nunnally continued to tear into his chest as she continued.
"Thankfully, the doctors were able to save you. Don't worry! We made sure no one learned about it. I heard from Suzaku! You… you planned on killing yourself… for the sake of everyone, didn't you?!"
"Suzaku… did?" Then… did that mean Suzaku had intended to miss? Really? After everything he did, that man still chose to spare him? After Euphemia—?!
"But… you didn't wake up…" Nunnally's voice cracked. "You spent the last six months in a coma. I was so… so…" Sniffling, she buried her face to his neck once more. "Lelouch, I'm so happy you're back! I'm… so happy you've... you're finally… finally awake! Oh, big brother!"
As she continued to bawl, Lelouch couldn't help himself instinctively reassure her with head pats. His dear little sister rarely let herself go like this… but when she did, he'd always fall back on old habits, taking on the role their mother couldn't and calming the child as best as he could.
But… that didn't stop his mind from racing. 'I… was in a coma… all this time? Did it mean that everything that happened in the last few days… was nothing but a dream? A parallel world… a magical war… historical figures from across time… and… Nobu...'
His chest tightened at the thought.
'Was it all just… a dream? Was that war… just a distant fantasy… of my half-dead mind?'
It couldn't be, for him everything felt real. Far too real. The Holy Grail War, the Servants, Oda Nobunaga… All of it. But… to fall into such a fantasy world, a different Japan but with magic and heroes blown out of proportions… all because he was in a coma?
It wasn't implausible.
Did he dream of the infamous Japanese daimyo as his Servant and then partner? But why? Because he'd reminisced about his past as a rebel leader for the sake of the Japanese at first? But then… the people he'd met during that time. Arturia and Gilgamesh… Kariya and Sir Lancelot… Were they… all of them… just hallucinations? His mind playing tricks in a desperate attempt to stay sane in unconsciousness?
The arrogant nobles like Kayneth, the horrors of the magi society in the form of Zouken, the terrible fate of innocent children like Sakura… did it allude to the horrors he'd faced, the trauma he'd dealt with in this reality? That of his father, the Geass order… Nunnally…
Was it all… just a dream?
It didn't make sense. Lelouch couldn't understand it. But his attention immediately returned to Nunnally.
"Wait, you said 'we'." Sensing a discrepancy, Lelouch asked. "What do you mean, Nunnally?"
"I wasn't the only one who knew about you… Zero knows about it too. And so does Big Sister Cornelia, and Big Brother Schneizel! The rest of the student council… they helped me too. Milly, Nina, Rivalz… and Kallen! They all missed you!"
These names. The faces of people from his past showed up in his mind. He cared about them but why did it feel strange to think about them now.
"Zero… saved me?" Why? Why would Suzaku do that? He was meant to help Nunnally in her role in the future, not to save him, the world's Demon!
"You're asking 'Why'. Aren't you, big brother?" Lelouch froze as the girl seemingly read his mind. Her tone became more sombre. "Isn't it obvious? Because we don't want to lose you! I don't want to lose anyone anymore! And neither does Suzaku or anyone else! Don't think I'd accept your plan just because you were thinking for my sake!"
"But… why would you—?"
"The moment I touched your hand on that day… I understood everything," she tearfully exclaimed, a hand caressing the side of his face. "There's no way… my dear big brother would ever try to become such a villain… without good reason. That time… when I revealed myself to you… you lied to me, didn't you? You said you didn't do what you did for my sake… but that was a lie. I know you far better than that!"
'Then… she'd known all along?!' he felt the weight on his chest grow heavier as she leaned in for a tighter hug.
"I heard about your plan. The others told me about what you did… even before becoming Emperor. About how you stopped our father and uncle. About how you destroyed the Geass Order. When I learned everything about your Zero Requiem, I thought… I thought I'd lose you forever! That I would never see you wake up again! Do you know how scared I was?!"
Verily. But… it was all… for her sake, was it not? To avert the hate of the world from her and those he cared about, he had to create an outlet, a target for all that hate. Which was why he offered himself as the world's scapegoat. A reason to blame for everyone's misfortune.
Was she angry? Sad? She was both. She had every right to be after what he did… And yet Lelouch felt like there was something else to it.
"I—know why you did it, Lelouch! I can understand! But that doesn't mean I accept it! I won't ever let you do such a thing ever again! Not for my sake! But…" Her grip on his chest tightened as her voice softened up. "But… it doesn't matter now! You're alive and with me! That's the most important thing right now!"
Lelouch hugged her back softly. As he did, his gaze wandered about. This place… it truly did resemble home. He truly was… home. But… for how much longer would this happiness last?
Looking out the window, at the night sky of the former Tokyo Settlement, he wondered. Nunnally might be happy right now, but what of the rest of the world? How would the rest of humanity react to the fact that the Demon Emperor was alive and kicking?
"What of the current situation?" He stared blankly and lost. "Nunnally, you… You're the empress now, aren't you? If anyone were to learn about my survival…"
It'd be a bloodbath. The public outcry would call his death a farce perpetrated by the Britannians. Though broken and dismantled, they would all be targets once again. Reveal his death and the united world would be untrusting of one another, seeking out those who harboured and saved him.
Worst case scenario, even the Black Knights under Suzaku would…
'Wait… but what about that place? What of… my accomplice… on that side?' Thoughts flitted over to Fuyuki and the young woman with whom he made a contract.
Should he just dismiss everything he'd been through just like that? Should he just attribute it to an illusion created by his comatose mind?
Accept it.
'What the—?' Lelouch felt like he heard someone's voice in his head. The supposed Master of the Avenger Servant glanced around. However, the room was empty save for himself and Nunnally. 'Was it my imagination?'
"I don't care about being an empress!" His sister's voice called him back to the present. "I'm your sister first and foremost, Lelouch! You almost died for the sake of this world. I don't care about what others would think!"
"But the world—"
"Don't need to know! I will not lose you again, no matter what!" Nunnally shouted. And cried. "Only a few people know the truth… But they won't tell anyone. I promise you that we can trust them! The rest of the world doesn't need to know about you. If it reassures you, with my authority, I can keep you safe, hidden from the rest of the world!" Taking his hand in both of hers, she smiled wistfully. "Yes! That's right! You can even help me like this, Lelouch! You died for this world but there are still many things that must be improved and I need your help. Suzaku, he's trying but… he isn't you and never will be. He can't solve every issue, on his own or with my help, and neither can I! Lelouch, you can help us and continue to fix this world, right?"
Help Nunnally and Suzaku? That wasn't the original plan. His old friend and killer was meant to forever wear his mask and be Zero. It was his punishment as Lelouch's was death and an eternity apart from Nunnally.
That was the Geass Suzaku accepted. And that was the punishment Lelouch had taken on for his crimes. An equal exchange to never get what they truly wanted. One could not die to escape, the other would be forever barred from seeing Nunnally's future through.
His death was meant to be the end of the old reign while his sister and friend arose to rebuild from the ashes anew.
But… but what if he took back his old mask? What if… he resumed his task of being Zero? What if he decided to join his sister and old friend? If Suzaku held back in order to spare him, didn't that mean he intended to work alongside him still? Like old times?
What if the real Zero returned while Lelouch vi Britannia continued to stay dead? He had many masks, so why couldn't he wear his old one again? Lelouch could be with Nunnally while hiding in the shadows. He can continue to challenge the world while being with his loved ones. But—
Accept it.
Lelouch winced when he heard the voice again. Was it his mind pressuring him? He couldn't tell but if it was his own rational thought or just his heart longing to be with his loved ones again.
But… didn't that mean he'd cast away the shackles he intended for himself? Didn't that mean he'd take the easy way out and forsake true atonement?
What of his guilt for those he'd killed? Euphemia? Shirley? Even Rolo?
Isn't it about time to move on?
"But…"
The longer Lelouch looked at his sister, the more he began to believe that it was just a dream.
But in that case, did it mean that Lelouch never met Nobu? Was it really just… his mind mashing things together?
'Nobu… she said that we could finally find the happiness that we were denied.'
Lelouch remembered the words of his Servant. But, if it was indeed just a coma dream, was it actually real? Was her words just… his wishful thinking? Was their promise to each other… just a subconscious yearning? To be free from responsibility?
'Was it not her, but myself, that wanted to start anew? Was it just me, wondering if I had such a right? I… who had planned to die… was spared death. But… does that mean forgiveness? Had I atoned enough?' His heart ached. His mind, more so. 'What am I supposed to do now?'
Accept it.
"Big brother, don't you wish to be with me again? To live in our world once more?"
… Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
ACCEPT IT.