Hey guys!
I keep seeing this guy on my tiktok fyp that ONLY talks about BBW's and literally that's it. His entire fucking page is talking about fat women and it's gotta be the funniest shit ever, dude.
Enjoy the show!
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Who is the Roaring Knight?
It was the new question on everyone's lips, the hot piece of information that some people would kill to have. He had only been here for 3 days, but brought down the crime rate in all of hell by 11037%, making a utopia!
…Was that cool?
My fantasy isn't even that far off to be honest. Right now I'm just normally in a coffee shop, just chilling while watching the TV inside and it was talking about me, yeah that's right, me!"
HELL 666 NEWS
"And we're back, folks!" A very cheery but also very fake voice said. The woman who said it was comically thin with blonde hair and a red blazer. "I'm Katie Killjoy, and something very big has happened since I last appeared, right in my hometown of Sin City."
"Indeed, it has. It seems like a crackhead with black armor has been going around and assaulting random people." Her co-host said, being a blonde man in a blue suit and red tie while weaning a gas mask.
It's a shame he wasn't able to talk much before Katie cold-clocked him instantly. "Shut the fuck up, Tom." She said in a very sweet tone that was as fake as Kim Kardashian's butt.
She acts like nothing happened, shuffling papers on a desk and looking back at the camera. "Yes, there are reports of a man called The Roaring Knight going around and enacting… 'justice' on the common people of Hell."
After her sentence, a picture of me was shown on the screen and to be honest, I never thought I looked that creepy until now. I was uncannily long, sprawling arms and legs along with my oversized claw definitely being more than a little creepy.
"I personally think that he ain't all what he seems. Who's willingly going around fighting crime? He's definitely defiling the poor men and women he 'saves' unlike Voxtech, our sponsor for this entire station!"
"Well actually–" Tom said, slowly getting up from Katie's hit. "I think it's inspirational how someone even within the face of eternal suffering can find it in them to truly do good–"
Tom was immediately slammed into the table, getting knocked out on the floor. "Shut the fuck up Tom, nobody cares what you think." Katie said off-handedly before returning back to actually doing her job. "Next up: Does Alastor have a tail, and can you sniff it?"
Yo, I feel like that Captain America image right now, I probably look so tough…Or just stupid, one of the two. Either way; darkness is soon approaching and THE ROARING KNIGHT shall not let crime prevail.
I pay for my food and realize something horrible. I got taxed on that coffee… Is there a hell IRS!? Oh God no, the IRS was bad enough on Earth, why did it follow me to Hell? I gotta get outta here, I'm crazy enough to dress up in full black armor and beat up random people on the street, But the IRS? Noooo thank you.
I'm kidding of course, but it'll be very bad if I gotta explain how I got thousands of souls without getting an actual job.
***APARTMENT**
I don't think I've said it, but things are getting pretty weird at my apartment. For example, in the middle of my room there's just an altar. It was there when I came back from my first day and I couldn't figure out its purpose until the next day.
It somehow produced spirits. They kinda look like white and yellow versions of Celebi from Pokemon with some unique stuff. There's been two so far, the white ones seem more wispy and with the air while the yellow ones have really spiky hair and fly around much faster. I guess they're air and lightning.
I assume that these are wind and lightning spirits, but I genuinely couldn't understand how they're here and why that altar is here as well. I suppose that it came with the beginner package I got when I first came here, but didn't install itself until I was acquainted.
I dunno, wibbly wobbly stupid spacey wacey.
The thing that I've learned is that for some reason they like me and actually help me. Last night when I came back I saw a few of them actually trying to clean the house. They couldn't do anything much physically, but I saw the air ones gather up all the dust and put it in the trash while the lightning ones just sat on some appliances to get them working without turning them on.
But they can also merge into stuff. Yesterday one of the air ones merged into the broom so I could sweep more efficiently since it apparently takes a lot of power to do what they just did. For some reason when they merge into stuff, they can put their element into it, making it like an enchanted object.
Again, I don't know how, but I got an idea.
It is time for the ROARING KNIGHT to begin his righteous hunt!
***ROARING X KNIGHT***
I leaned back, putting my arms up and allowing my shadow armor to fly onto my hands, knocking them back a little bit. Soon, the shadows coalesced onto my head, shaping it into my iconic helmet.
I beat my chest 3 times, my armor finally manifesting as my chest-piece on the third.
I put my arms into an X shape before putting them back out, the legs to my armor finally manifesting itself as well. Soon, 2 air and lightning spirits came across my legs, funneling themselves into the shadow armor to create a light white glow and the left and yellow glow on the right.
Soon, I finished my transformation with an iconic JOJO POSE!
***ROARING X KNIGHT***
…Listen, I also don't know what the Hell that was. I guess that magical girl stuff was actually real.
…Lemme just get outta here before I do more of those stupid ass poses.
***HOURS LATER***
Alright, tonight actually seems calm, but that doesn't really matter in Hell. My first night was somehow an exception from all of this, cuz the following days when I go on patrol it's like people just do this crime stuff for the love of the game.
After I had stopped my… Sixtieth? Seventieth? (DON'TTHINKITDON'TSAYIT) I decided to take a break on a rooftop where I just caught my breath for a little bit. It'd been like 6 hours since I had first come out and I'm only really feeling winded right now.
This superpower stuff is really something else. Huh?
However, while I was catching my breath, the black ticket soon started to come down from the sky. I have no idea what it was or how it gets to me in the first place, but it's been helpful so I don't really care.
However, instead of just going down like a normal piece of paper, for some reason it stops in mid-air, makes thousands of copies of itself and then… Dio poses???
It soon reverts back into one ticket and manages to get itself on my helmet.
My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally–
I'm not reading all that bro.
1x Silver Ticket: Stop 50 crimes
Roll?
Yuppers.
[Inland Empire]
|Elite Trait|
Disco Elysium - You are unusually attuned to your supernatural instincts, to the point where you randomly hear supernatural insights and even get flashes of the future that you need to decipher. Honing this sense can allow you to get insights into the world around you that you otherwise wouldn't get. On the other hand, not having control over this trait can make a schizophrenic unable to distinguish reality from intuition.
Holy crap, that's actually amazing. I got a schizophrenic spider-sense. I do actually need to train this, I can't go out acting like Toko Fukawa.
I try to clear my mind and use the Inland Empire, focusing my sense on what happens in the future. I don't think I'll get anything useful, but just the ability to know something in the future is super great–
StAtiC DaTe SaturdaaaAYyY. TherE Or yoU DiEe.
…Holy hell. I did NOT expect that.
Y'know what, let me just go back in the house and try not to freak out about a.. Static date? What the heck even is that?
I get up from the roof and try to go back home, but something stops me. Down there is a woman getting forcefully pinned down by 3 men in beige trench coats.
…Just this one thing.
I jump down and I don't waste any time, punching the first guy into the wall, grabbing the other one and throwing him into the wall while taking the last one to SUPLEX CITY!!!
I was gonna try to ask if she was okay, but something bugged me a little…
The bugs.
See, the three dudes I just knocked out didn't feel like people when I hit them or touched them and the reason for that was because they were literally masses of bugs inside of human clothes. I saw them gather up and go up the walls before I finally turned my attention to the woman.
"Finally~"
She said under her breath before reaching behind her back, pulling out a knife with a wide smile and rushing at me with it. She was way faster than I expected, I even had some trouble dodging her first wild slash and the subsequent ones after them.
She's also pretty strong, the only slash that I didn't miss actually denting the shadow armor a small bit. "Look woman, I don't know your problem, but I was simply trying to save you. You don't gotta try and kill me."
"Oh, I know." She said and now that I got a good look at her face… She's the woman from the trafficking ring! Why the hell is she trying to kill me now?
Soon, I decided to just go onto the roof, using my claw as a grappling gun to have a straight shot up there, however, it seems like she's much more than she seems, simply jumping up with me and throwing her knife at me.
I managed to catch it, but she was already on me with more knives, attempting to peel my armor like an orange for some reason. "Look, lady, why're you doing this?"
"Because you're a bad boy, Knight!" She says without missing a beat, speeding up her attacks a little bit. I had to rely on Inland Empire a little bit just to dodge a few.
"But I'm not a bad boy, I'm a good boy, I'm trying to save you and other people!" I yell, having to roll on the ground to evade her blows, only to see her standing there, now without a smile.
"...Really?"
"Y-yeah, I'm a good boy, I'm a good person, okay?"
"...You're no fun then."
!!!!
ThE LefT
With only my instincts, I managed to redirect the knife coming from the left, but it was useless anyhow, the woman somehow spawned another knife in her hand and…
Stabbing me in the stomach without me having a chance to do anything about it.
I fell to the ground, holding my stomach, only to have to quickly grab a knife aiming for my skull. "W-w-what the fuck, lady, why're you doing this?"
"You're a good boy…" She says, inching the knife closer without any effort. "I only like bad boys."
"Well h-have you ever been with a good boy?" She stops inching the knife closer, which I take as an opportunity to respond. "I-if you've only been with bad boys, then maybe you'll like a good boy one time, right?"
She didn't say anything, instead reaching down for my helmet. The shadows tried to keep it on my face, but she simply ripped it off like it was paper and stared at my face, her one eye widening.
"It's you…" She whispered under her breath and after a moment she took the knife and threw it away. "Alright, I decided. I'll take you on a date on Saturday. If you aren't as entertaining as a bad boy, I'll kill you, K?"
She doesn't give me a chance to respond, simply beginning to walk off. "6 PM, I'll find you." She says before going to the edge of the roof and becoming a mass of bugs that fall off the roof.
…Holy shit
…Holy fucking shit!
Crap, that was the scariest thing I've ever experienced in my life, I thought that I was gonna die there.
So why…
Why am I so excited about it?
The feeling of my life being on the line, the thought of death only being a stroke away…
It fills me with so much excitement!
Before I could keep talking about my boner for fighting, the black ticket soon came down again and landed smack dab on my wound.
Rip me like a bad boy ;)
Sense of humor, why don't ya?
1x Silver Ticket: Convince Niffty to not only try out good boys, but spare you and go on a date.
1x Bronze Ticket: Figure out your nature.
Roll I guess. Lemme try to get back to the house while you do.
[Daki]
|Elite Familiar|
Demon Slayer - As one of the Upper Moon demons, Daki has incredible physical abilities and regeneration but a severe vulnerability to light. Her Blood Art allows her to manifest extremely durable obi from her flesh that she can freely control and even detach to act as a sentient minion.
[Hacker]
|Uncommon Trait|
You are great at interfacing with technology and leveraging your skills to get into networks. (A/N: Reroll if you are in a medieval world)
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THE END
Now I admit, I've been fudging the rolls so far by not allowing familiars, but since this is chapter 5 I thought that I should lift the restrictions… Just for me to get Daki!
I haven't watched Demon Slayer, so I dunno all of her intricacies and stuff, but should I add her to the harem? I also have something else planned for her if she doesn't, so just wait on it.
Ok byeeee!