Hey guys!
I never understood people being mad at "woke stuff" in their movies. If you really don't wanna see black people or gay people or women in your movies then just watch something else, dude. There's like 100 years of movies, there's no damn way that you can't find one that you like without bitching about the woke mob on Twitter.
That's it, enjoy the show!
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I may not have given Heaven enough credit.
This park was truly baffling, it was huge for Christ's sake! Charlie and I were just standing outside of the entrance and I couldn't even see the top of the entrance, that's how big it was. Shaking off the shock, we both approached the gates and walked right through. I thought for a second on why this place doesn't have any admission we need to pay, but then I realized it was Heaven and I just shrugged it off.
Finally getting inside, I just stared at all the rides and attractions. There were rollercoasters that were literally piercing the clouds above us, carousels that were going at 100 miles an hour without anyone falling off and food stalls that smelt like the embodiment of happiness. "Let's go on that one." Charlie said, grabbing my arm and pointing at the teacups. I want to go on something cooler like that coaster, but why not, y'know?
***5 SECONDS LATER***
"WEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I held on for dear life as the world revolved around me faster than I could perceive. I dunno how the FUCK Charlie was enjoying this, I felt like I was gonna die! I dug my fingers into the cup as hard as possible, all the while trying to keep my breakfast safely inside of my stomach instead of expelled on everything in front of me. Thankfully, my prayers for my safety were answered soon, as the ride stopped and I walked off with shaky legs like I just got my back blown out.
"That was so fun!" Charlie exclaimed, not even gazing at the poor man beside her. "Let's go on that one next!" She said, grabbing my arm again and this time pointing at the same carousel that I dismissed earlier. For a second, I thought about refusing, saying that I'm not feeling good, but then I looked up.
Charlie seemed genuinely happy, like she was really enjoying this…
"Yeah, sure."
So for the next hour and a half, I was subjected to the worse torture known to man: faking like you like something in order to make someone else happy. If I spin any more, I think my head'll fall off my shoulders. I'm pretty sure I look like an even more sickly version of Kaito Momota if he was black.
Unfortunately for me, my suffering was not over yet.
"Ooh, ooh, James, let's go on that rollercoaster over there!"
If anyone needs clarification, yes she was talking about the roller coaster that went so high that I couldn't even see the top of it with my Sharingan or my Byakugan. I could've found solace in the lines, but Heaven in its infinite amazingness decided that lines just weren't a thing and anybody could get on any ride they wanted to even if it was already in progress. It looked like some superposition, alternate dimension bullshit, but I was too motion-sick to give a rat's ass.
In an instant we were teleported up there and already in seats next to each other, the coaster already slowly going up to its maximum height.
"Charlie, since we're probably gonna die, there's one secret I feel I have to share with you… I did not care for Deltarune Chapter 2."
"What?"
"Did not care for it."
"What do you mean, it was the funniest chapter with the best characters!"
"Chapter 1, 3, and 5 were all funnier and the only stand-out character was Berdly. To be honest, I never really played through the whole thing, I just did the weird route or loaded from chapter 3."
"You never fought Queen!?"
"No, never."
"What do you even not like about the chapter?"
"It insists upon itself, Charlie, it insists upon itself."
"What does that even mean–"
VVVRRRROOOOMMMMM
Our argument was cut short unfortunately, as we were both sent straight to HELL.
…Okay we weren't literally sent to hell, but I don't think it was inaccurate to say that we were going down so fast that we were burning up, hell, I actually was burning up! It might be because I'm a sinner in Heaven, but we are literally going so fast that I'm actually burning up a bit like a rocket coming down from space. I used Crystal Caeser to make myself a little make-shift suit of armor to protect myself and enjoy the coaster as much as I can!
UURRRPPP
Oh, there goes my breakfast.
When we got off, Charlie said something about going on another ride, but at that point I was already slumped on the ground.
Niffty, you truly were wife material, I wish I could've married you before I died.
Angel Dust, you didn't deserve what happened to you, I wish I could've helped you while I was still alive. I also wish I could've fucked you as well, you had a phat ass.
Daki…Lay off the anime porn, Boku no Pico is L faps, Plus-Sized Elf is way better,
Goodbye…Everyone…
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...
...
Bleh.
"James?"
"Go away, I'm dead."
Charlie just sighed and decided to pick me up and carry me over to a food stall. I thought it was a little embarrassing for me as a grown ass man to be carried in a princess carry, but as a grown ass man I have two heated fun-bags in my face, so who's embarrassed now? Y'know, when it comes to tits vs ass, I think I'm on the side of ass, but Charlie is making a very great argument for the other side.
We eventually got our food. Charlie got 3 funnel cakes, some deep-fried butter and some ice cream. Some lesser men may be worried about her getting fat, real based men like me, love fat bitches and will encourage it all the way. More weight just means more to grab onto and love in my opinion.
While she got all of that, I personally got a couple of kebabs and like a whole plate-full of sliders. It would be very close, but I think that Heaven's cooking and food just barely beats Niffty, but it would be super goddamn close since they're both just so damn good. In only a few minutes we both scarfed down our respective meals.
Man, this day is amazing, even if I was just dying a couple of minutes ago. I don't think anything could bring me down!
***ELSEWHERE***
"What the FUCK, Sera!?" Adam yelled, slamming his hands on her desk as he glared at her.
Just yesterday after he had found out about the contract, he stewed on it for a bit. Adam was a lot of things, a loud-mouthed jerk, not serious, a hedonist, but he has never been called stupid by those who truly know him. So before he confronted Sera, he decided to do his research into everything he could.
He remembered every single word about the contract and actively looked through the words one by one painstakingly, making sure that he didn't miss some hidden little loophole, a half-truth or something, but no, it was just a contract. It enraged him, thinking that his boss had willingly let an Archfiend into Heaven without any plan to assassinate him, so now he was finally going to confront her.
"Adam, please calm–" She tried to retort, but was cut off.
"No, I'm not gonna fucking calm down, you dumb bitch! Is your brain in your ass or something or do you not realize what happened the last time an Archfiend even fucking existed!? Do you even remember all of the casualties that happened, or are you too busy smelling the stink of your own shit to even think about them?"
"Adam." She said, the authority in her voice made him be quiet, even if only for a moment while she spoke. "If you would let me speak, then I could explain everything to you."
"Like what, huh?" Adam said with a bark of laughter that quickly shifted into more anger. "Like you not even having a plan to kill that son of a bitch where he stands?"
Sera sighed before reaching out to the left, a piece of parchment materializing in her hands before he laid it on the table. "It's insulting how you think I do not have a plan for this." She said as she snapped her fingers and the contract that she made with Lucifer began to reveal itself on the parchment.
All of it was the same thing that Adam saw yesterday, except for the fact that there was a noticeable stain of yellow behind the words. He rubbed his fingers on the words, the normal ink smearing off and revealing the text underneath.
[However, if James Richardson says an active threat against Heaven or makes himself suspicious enough to believe he is a threat, then he will incur the wrath of Heaven and be able to be killed with the combined power of the exorcists and Adam Kadmon personally.]
"This…" Adam trails off, being in a bit of shock seeing the text. The yellow ink was special, something even older than himself, something that was in Eden. At first it was normal being sap from the tree of knowledge, but when Lucifer introduced sin in the world, this sap had gained the ability to falsify or hide things when written down.
"Indeed, Adam." She states simply, folding the contract up and making it disappear. "All I need you to do tomorrow is to get under his skin, make him mad enough to attack you or even get aggressive in any way then you can kill him."
Adam looked over it one more time in his mind before nodding…And then lifted up Sera's desk, flipping it over completely and blasting all over the room, dirtying it with burn marks. "That's for not telling me as soon as you could and leaving me stressed out, you fucking bitch." He said casually before walking out and slamming Sera's door.
Even though that made him feel a great bit better, no matter what he did, he couldn't shake the feeling inside of his chest, the insidious feeling of something being wrong, for in his gut he could tell that there was something that wasn't answered, a question without an answer yet.
How was an Archfiend even made if nothing divine could've been in hell?
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THE END
Do y'all mind if I rant a bit?
Toji and Kenjaku from JJK should be getting WAYYYY more slander and I'm not crazy. This guy Toji is somehow one of the most popular characters in the damn franchise when this guy did basically NOTHING. He snuck a tired teenager Gojo one time and fucking died the moment he was fully rested and healed. Why the FUCK is he so popular?
Kenjaku too, this guy does not get shit nearly enough. Not only is he a 10 times rapist at the very least, but he also fist "bushcamper" more than Yuta. One time, he snuck a six eyes user that was less than a year old, this dude SNUCK A BABY and somehow he has managed to avoid slander all of this time, man FUCK THAT. Y'all aren't convincing me that the JJK fandom can read at all.
Anyway, the next chapter should be the last of the chapters set in Heaven and should be about the third to last chapter for this arc. The next few will probably be longer, but also less frequent at about one per week.
Ok bbbyyyeee!