The room was dimly lit by the pale glow of moonlight filtering through the frosted windows. Sandayu, Yukie Fujikaze's bespectacled assistant, stood before Team Seven and Lee, his hands folded neatly. His voice was sombre as he recounted the tragic tale of the Princess of the Land of Snow.
"Yukie Fujikaze," Sandayu began, adjusting his round glasses, "is not just an actress. She's Koyuki Kazahana, the rightful heir to the throne of the Snow Country. Years ago, her uncle, Doto Kazahana, betrayed her father, the daimyo, and staged a coup. Her father was killed in the rebellion, and it was Kakashi Hatake who helped us escape with our lives." He glanced at Kakashi, who leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his gaze distant. "She has the hex crystal, a key to unlocking the country's treasure. That's why Doto won't stop until he captures her."
Team Seven and Lee exchanged looks, already familiar with the story from the earlier meeting. But across the room, Naruto, perched on a chair with one leg dangling off the side, was making obnoxiously loud slurping noises as she licked a massive ice cream cone. Her sapphire eyes glowed faintly in the dim light, utterly detached from the gravity of the conversation.
"I shall save the princess," she declared abruptly, her voice monotone but carrying her usual arrogant flair. She took another exaggerated lick of her ice cream. "Dattebayo."
Sasuke's brow twitched, his patience wearing thin. "She doesn't need saving. She needs protecting."
Naruto tilted her head robotically, as if processing his words. "Then I'll conquer the country for her." She straightened dramatically, holding her cone like a sceptre. Her voice shifted into a poor mimicry of what she thought a princess might sound like. "'Oh, Naruto, you're so cool. Dattebayo.'"
Sakura smacked her forehead. "That's not how it works, you idiot."
Lee, ever the enthusiastic one, clapped his hands. "Naruto! That's the spirit of youth! Conquering a nation for love is truly—"
"Shut up, Lee," Sakura interrupted with a groan.
Naruto ignored them, her attention fixed on her ice cream. "I could make the Snow Country into a ninja-free zone. No bad guys. No treachery. Just ramen shops everywhere." She took another lick and made an exaggerated swallowing sound. "And a big statue of me in the middle. Dattebayo."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You're delusional. And what's with the ice cream? You can't even taste it, can you?"
Naruto stiffened. "Rude. I taste… vibes." She held up the cone as if it were an artefact of great significance. "And the vibes are immaculate, Sasuke. Im-ma-cu-late."
"More like pathetic," Sakura muttered.
"Whatever!" Naruto suddenly threw her head back, opening her mouth wide—far wider than anyone thought humanly possible. In one smooth motion, she shoved the entire cone into her mouth and swallowed it in one go.
The room went silent for a beat. Then Naruto, as stiff and arrogant as ever, declared, "Doesn't matter. I'll win anyway. I am, at the moment, invincible—"
"—Dattebayo," everyone chorused in unison, groaning as they did. Even Kakashi, though his voice carried an amused undertone.
Naruto blinked, looking around at them. "Huh? You guys practising to be like me? Good luck! You'll need it. Dattebayo."