Minato blinked again, trying to wrap his head around the situation. This was beyond bizarre, even by shinobi standards. Standing before him was a perfect replica of Naruto—well, almost perfect. This girl had the same snow-white bob-cut hair, the same glowing sapphire eyes, and the same black frilly dress, but there was something unnervingly cold about her. Her expression was blank, her movements precise yet mechanical.
And she had just introduced herself as Bitch.
"Alright," he said slowly, running a hand through his hair. "So, uh, 'Bitch,' was it?"
"Correct," the girl confirmed, her voice devoid of emotion. "You may refer to me as Bitch. Dattebayo."
Minato winced at the monotone delivery of Naruto's iconic verbal tic. "Right. So, you're saying we're inside Naruto's... CPU?"
"Indeed," Bitch replied, gesturing to their surroundings. The space around them was an endless expanse of glowing circuitry and pulsating light, a strange blend of mechanical and organic aesthetics. "Specifically, we are within 2B's core processing unit. On your left is the Emotional Analysis Subroutine, currently inoperable. On your right is the Logic Unit, Mathematical Unit, and Strategic Calculations Interface."
"Uh-huh," Minato muttered, nodding as though he understood any of that. "And Naruto—or 2B, as you're calling her—is malfunctioning?"
"Affirmative. Due to technical errors, 2B is currently unable to process reality clearly. The issue is compounded by interference from the Kyuubi's chakra, which is disrupting her core functions."
Minato frowned. "Wait, the Kyuubi is interfering? How's that possible?"
Bitch tilted her head slightly, as though considering how best to explain. "The Kyuubi's chakra acts as an invasive foreign entity within 2B's system. Its presence has caused a cascade of logical inconsistencies, rendering several key subroutines inoperative. If the issue is not resolved within three months, 2B will enter irreversible self-destruction mode."
Minato's stomach sank. "Self-destruction? You mean...?"
"Termination," Bitch clarified, her glowing eyes unblinking. "2B's existence will cease. Dattebayo."
"That's... not good," Minato said, swallowing hard. "So, what do we do?"
"We must repair 2B's core functions," Bitch replied. "To do so, we must traverse the CPU and access the Logic Unit. However, the Kyuubi's chakra has manifested as an obstruction within the CPU. Specifically, it has created a 'cell' within the system that must be bypassed."
Minato groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "So, let me get this straight. We have to go through some kind of... virtual Kyuubi prison to fix Naruto?"
"Affirmative," Bitch said. "The process will be challenging. It will require both technical expertise and a thorough understanding of foxing."
Minato blinked. "Foxing?"
"Yes," Bitch replied, her tone as clinical as ever. "The act of dealing with a fox. As the Fourth Hokage, you are uniquely qualified for this task. Your prior experience with the Kyuubi is well-documented."
Minato chuckled nervously. "Well, I've sealed it before, but I wouldn't call myself an expert in foxing."
"Your qualifications are sufficient," Bitch said, turning and gesturing for him to follow. "Now, let us proceed. Time is of the essence."
Minato sighed, falling into step behind her. "Alright, lead the way. But, uh, just out of curiosity... why do you call yourself Bitch?"
"It is a designation chosen for its brevity and accuracy," Bitch replied without missing a beat.
"Right," Minato muttered, deciding not to press the issue further. "This is going to be a long day."
Û~Û
Author Note:
To make it clear, Minato rebooted 2B, but not without making a few errors thanks to Naruto bugging him, thus Naruto was back…
And actually, the Hollow Rasengan was in the Forbidden Scroll in this AU, long ago, the Father of all the Shinobi had written something about this. But none could ever achieve this— not even him.
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