Once I got home, I started analysing the mysterious phone with the magic the old geezer taught me.
If supernatural beings existed, it was better to know what I was dealing with.
'Hmm… low-level magic,' I muttered.
Judging by the structure… whoever made it wasn't very experienced.
Either a beginner…
Or someone who didn't care about being careful.
Even though the magic type was new to me, reverse-engineering it was easy.
'Gotcha.'
I could sense the general location of the phone's creator. To pinpoint it exactly, I'd have to get closer tomorrow. For now, I'd keep it on me.
Shower, brush teeth, bed.
Sleep… the one magic that never betrayed me.
————————-
[Monday]
'School time is the worst time,' I muttered, trudging down the street like a man walking to his own execution.
Sunday was productive…
I'd reorganised the Freedom Fighters with Mr Pork Chop and Big Nanny. Merging the gangs had gone smoothly, thanks to their terrifying efficiency.
Now it was Monday and life had other plans.
I kept thinking: why are schools basically prisons? Fences, timetables, teachers on patrol… detention for acting up. Did prison copy school, or school copy prison? No one knew.
One thing I did know: I had an inmate friend named Kasumi.
As usual, she was already at her desk.
'Good morning, Kasumi.' I said.
'Guddo moningu, Di-ran.' She smiled.
How can someone smile like that at 8 a.m at school?
'Did you do anything fun yesterday?' I asked.
'I only studied.'
'You should try having fun sometimes.' I teased.
Before more chit-chat could happen, the three boys in front of me leaned in.
'Hey, come out for a sec.' The first one said.
'Why?'
'Because we want to talk to you.'
'How about no.'
'You piece of shit!' The first guy stepped forward, but his friends held him back.
'Can't you just say it here?' I asked.
'No, it's private.'
'Then don't say it. Too lazy.' I muttered.
The guy looked ready to explode, while his friends awkwardly grinned.
Kasumi whispered.
'Do you know them?'
'Those three? Nope.'
I frowned.
'Why would I know a group of perverts?'
'We're not perverts!' The guy shouted.
'Sure,' I rubbed my chin. 'The three guys in the protagonist's class are always either perverts or NEETs.'
He grabbed my desk and yanked it closer.
'Now we can talk.' He said smugly.
The classroom went silent.
Everyone's eyes turned toward us.
'What are you going to do, prick?'
I glanced past him. 'Holy crap?!'
'What?' The bully tilted his head.
'Why is that woman naked?!'
'Where?!'
He spun around, confused, to see… a blank whiteboard.
'Liar!' He yelled. 'You think you're funny?'
'No.'
The moment he turned back…
*THUD*
I smashed his head into a desk.
He slumped over. His friends stared in horror.
'Still want to chat outside?' I asked casually.
They ran off like a horror movie gag.
Tripping over their own feet in slow motion.
Kasumi peeked behind her notebook. 'You're going to get in trouble.'
'So fighting back isn't allowed?'
'Yes.' She said, nodding.
…
I hate this school.
—————————————————
'Do you know why you are in my office, Di-ran?' The bald principal asked.
'Yeah because the baby needed mommy's help.'
'Don't you dare talk to my son like that.' She pointed at me.
'I can tell you spoil him.'
I turned to face the middle-aged woman.
'You block his ears and only tell him what he wants to hear and not the truth.'
'Don't lecture me on how to raise a child, you child!'
'What did you call me? You old hag.'
'Settle down, let's keep it civil.'
The principal wiped his shiny head.
'So Di-ran, why did you smash a fellow student onto the table?'
'Because he was asking for it.'
'I would like to speak with your parents, young man!' The mother raised her voice.
'Sure, let me get a spiritualist to help me connect to the dead hotline.'
'You little shit!'
'Ma'am, I need you to calm down.' The principal spoke.
'But this little shit thinks this is a joke!'
'Ma'am, both his parents are dead and he is a transfer student.'
'Then can't we get his legal guardian or deport him back?!'
'Oh, let me pass you my phone so you can talk to my legal guardian.'
I reached into my pocket and grabbed nothing.
When I pulled my hand back out, a middle finger was sent flying her way.
'I CAN'T TAKE IT!'
Just before things could escalate any further.
I stared at her.
'Obey.'
*Snap*
She immediately ceased all action.
'Is there anything you need from me, young boy?'
'The incident isn't my fault, it was your son. You should raise your son to behave.'
'Okay.'
She stood up from her chair.
'The problem is resolved, principal. I will take my leave.'
When she walked out, she was swinging her hips seductively and when she closed the door, she cast a long gaze at me.
*Close*
'I really need to stop using that.' I mumbled.
When I turned back to face the principal, he was looking at me strangely.
'Umm, why are you looking at me like that?'
'Like what?' He blushed.
'Like you're in love with me.'
'Why would I be in love with the most handsome, most beautiful person in the world?' He shyly said.
'Oookay….' I said.
'Anyway…'
He leaned back in his chair.
'Since that matter is resolved, you will not be getting any punishment, however, school property was damaged, so…'
'You would have to pay, since you were the one who did it.'
'But, for you,' He reached for his desk drawer. 'I can make an exception.'
He placed a dildo on the desk.
'What the fuck?' I moved back.
Blushing, he held both his cheeks.
'I can waive the cost if you let me fuck that tight boy hole of —'
'I'll pay!'
I immediately dashed out of the room.
I wanted to know why he had a dildo in his desk, but that was the least of my concerns right now.
'Why are my powers acting up?!'
I remember my hypnosis only affected the person whom I wanted and they would obey my orders.
But this?!
This was at a whole new level of insanity.
'Just, what did you do to me, God?!' I screamed into the open air.
Of course, no answer came back.
———————————————————
[Back at the principal's office]
'Sigh. He ran away.'
The principal sadly placed his dildo back.
'Am I not beautiful enough?'
He stood up and walked toward a mirror.
There a bald middle-aged man stared back.
Fat to the point his shirt was holding on for dear life.
And ugly to the point he looked no better than an orc from video games.
'He was so handsome.' He blushed.
He opened another drawer and there lay hundreds of photos of other students' mothers.
Originally, he was planning on raping them, by using the same methods he used today.
But now… he had opened his eyes.
He has seen true beauty.
'Disgusting. Why did I ever think they were beautiful?'
He began to scrunch all the photos before he threw them in the bin.
'All I ever need is you.'
He opened the student gallery and stared at the photo of Dylan.
He ran his fingers along the digital photo.
'Just thinking about you makes me so horny.'
He sat down in his chair, a photo of Dylan booted up on his computer.
'You're going to be mine. Di-ran.'
He unzipped his pants and -
I'll save your eyes.
Just think healthy stuff, like, he was hot, so he needed to cool down.
—————————————————————
[Back to Dylan]
'Is everything alright, Di-ran?' Kasumi asked with worry.
I sat down on my chair and slumped down.
'No… nothing is alright. I think I would need to cut my eyes out.'
'Don't say that. Even the darkest tunnels have an exit.'
She gently patted my shoulder.
I have seen some nasty stuff during my time as a hero.
But nothing had traumatised me to this level.
I'm afraid.
The man who defeated the demon army, the demon king himself… the man who saved countless worlds… now knows what fear is.
Not for kingdoms.
Not for worlds.
But for his very own… butthole.