With a handful of water cupped in his palm, Kao splashed his face, staring at his own reflection.
The mirror gave a cold rejection, but his eyes lingered there. Gradually, the water drained back into the sink as if it belonged there. In the end, only drops remained on his skin as evidence that he had washed his face.
'It's been a while since I forced myself to remember everything.'
What he had poured out was years of suffering, but when they became a story, they were worth only a few hours.
Each life is a story, and no chapter is permanently closed. When we decide to open a new one and close the old one, that old chapter becomes a story—a very valuable one.
But no one understands that most closed chapters run deep. They are painful, and we want to forget them.
Deep inside, Kao never closed that chapter. He just locked it.
'It's scary...'
He stood alone, with nothing but the sound of running water from the tap answering his thoughts. His hands rested on the cold tiles of the sink, his hair falling into his eyes.
Kaopun... Kaopun...
The voice of his brother calling him was only a memory.
'His voice... how he always calls me. No, I can't forget. Think, Kao.'
He closed his eyes, trying to recall, but the sweat running down his body and his trembling frame were already warning him, telling him to just forget it. It was time to move on.
But how could he accept it? He never had. Not until he died.
He hit the sink, faster and faster, until his right hand became red. With one last thud, Kao stopped. His miserable mind was already drowning.
...
Clank!!!
"Ohh! Mok, I searched everywhere for you. Where did you go?"
Doctor Paul, his uncle, had been looking for him after the session ended with Kao. He opened the door of the consulting room just to check if Mok was outside, but the nephew and uncle opened the door at the exact same time.
Mok tried to slip away from this awkward situation. "I... I was outside. I got bored after lying in bed."
His uncle's eyebrows furrowed, sensing Mok was lying.
"But Uncle, why do I feel like you're interrogating me?"
"I'm not. I just didn't see you. Why can't I worry about my son?"
A pout formed on Mok's lips, unimpressed by his uncle's words. Patting his back, his uncle took out a card and told him to buy anything he wanted. Even with a grumpy face, Mok accepted it.
"I can buy anything I want..."
"Mmh..."
Mok secured the card in his pocket, and his uncle took a breath of relief, glad he had dodged a bullet.
"But Uncle, where is Kao?" Mok asked, sitting on the chair.
"He is in the washroom. I forgot to ask you. You didn't know he was taking sleeping pills?" Uncle Paul asked, taking notes from the session with Kao.
"I had a vague idea because of his sleep problems, but when he's with me, he won't take them, so..."
"Let me be frank, Mok. Not as your uncle, but as his doctor. The pills Kao has been taking for years are illegal."
"What?" Mok almost bolted up, but Uncle Paul calmed him down.
"Only a few doctors prescribe them—like doctors with records. This medication..." Uncle Paul stared at his phone, where the photos Mok had sent him were displayed, before continuing. "He can't take this. Mok, tell me, if an alcoholic suddenly stops drinking alcohol, what happens?"
"They'll go mad... I heard some even sui..." He stopped midway, lowering his head.
Uncle Paul stopped writing. "I can't prescribe medicine. Either he can be admitted, or he must not be left alone. His hallucinations will only get worse over time. I prefer him to be admitted." Then his tone became serious. "Mok, I can't risk my patient's life. You two talk."
He took out a form that he had almost filled out, except for two columns.
"Kao currently has no guardian. When I read his previous files you sent me, I saw Artit's grandfather's signature. I saw it, right?"
"Khap. Artit's family has taken care of Kao since school."
"Then discuss it with them and sign this. Our hospital has special quarters. If he agrees, he can stay there."
Hesitantly, Mok took the forms, but he was not happy.
'He's still a kid.' Uncle Paul held Mok's hands. "Don't worry, he will be fine. Isn't that why I am here?"
"Khap..."
Throughout their conversation, Kao still hadn't come out.
"Uncle, let me check on him. But where is the washroom?"
"Oh, inside the session room."
Mok nodded as he stepped inside.
...
Kao, on the other hand, was washing his face, not once but countless times. He still felt cold and was not satisfied.
"Phi..."
Despite his calm voice, Mok's mind was not peaceful.
"Phi..." He gently reached for Kao's shirt and hugged him tightly from behind. Mok didn't hate the smell of sweat on Kao's clothes. He inhaled it as if it were his own.
Kao's damp hair brushed against Mok when Kao turned his head.
"What's wrong? You're scaring me..."
"You saw every mess of me." His bitter smile broke Mok's heart. "I'm kinda embarrassed. Mok, don't you think..." Kao viewed his reflection, "...it's heavy for you?"
Tightening his arms, Mok tilted his head before burying his face in Kao's neck. 'I don't hate it... It makes me feel like I'm someone who is precious to you.' He didn't have the courage to say it aloud.
"Can we go back...?" Somehow, Mok hated this place.
"Can we...? Did your uncle say we can go?" Kao coughed.
Panicked, Mok cupped Kao's cheeks.
"You don't have a fever. Stop washing your face. Let's go back. Wait a minute." His hands moved through his pockets. "I don't have any wipes. I always have a small packet of wipes."
"It's okay... Let's go back."
Mok wrapped one of Kao's arms around his neck, seeing that Kao had no strength to walk.
"Mok... can you go outside?"
"Why?" He unlinked his arms and grabbed Kao's waist, but Kao did not respond.
"I... I want to vomit. I feel..." A surge rose in his stomach. Clutching, he suddenly knelt on the floor, tilting his face toward the ceiling.
"Phi..." Mok tried to understand what was going on.
"If my head is high, I won't feel like vomiting." Kao opened his mouth slightly, taking a deep breath.
Mok also went down on his knees.
"But why are you holding it in? You can throw up here."
Kao shook his head. "It will get dirty."
"No..." Mok's voice shook. "We can clean it."
Mok let Kao's head rest against his chest. Kao still stared at the ceiling.
Neither of them spoke.
They just stayed there, even when Uncle Paul rushed in with a nurse and panicked seeing them like that.
"Give them space. Let's go..."
....
His heavy eyelids slowly opened to the moving scenery. He cast a glance at Mok, who was focused on driving, then closed his eyes again.
A black Bluetooth earpiece was in Mok's left ear.
"Thank you, P'Artit."
"Mmh. We only have those files I sent you. There was an incident at the previous hospital, but it's a relief Nut had already made a copy beforehand."
"Uncle said it would be best if he wasn't left alone."
"Don't worry, Mok. When he has no class, he's busy with K9 and the bar."
"Khap... then where should I drop him?"
"Nut will pick him up. You can go back with Kao's car."
"Khap..." Mok repeated, his voice low.
On the other end of the line—
"This file... didn't I already sign this?"
Artit was checking company files while the secretary was sweating because of Artit's mood swings.
"Complimentary market trade with the current trend between ours and ORIs Company. I have already scheduled the meeting... but you delayed it, saying some of their ideas were plagiarized, so..."
"P'Artit," Mok called. "Then I'm cutting the call."
"Okay, see you on campus. Also, Nut, pack some food for you guys to take."
"Khap..."
The call ended. Mok took off the earpiece and drove until he saw the sign for Paradox Bar.
A figure was already waiting, carrying a large food container.
The engine stopped, and Kao woke up.
"Mok... what's wrong?"
"Well..." His voice trailed off, and Kao spotted Nut waiting for him.
"Are you sure you can drive?" Kao asked, caressing Mok's hair.
"Mmh... I can..."
Their eyes met, longing for each other and sharing the same thought: 'Don't go.'
But neither of them spoke.
Nut had already come closer to the car, opening the door for Kao, who was completely exhausted. It wasn't a new thing for Nut. He was the one who had always accompanied Kao to the hospital before.
Again, the car moved. Kao waved his hand with a faint smile.
Alone in the car, Mok kept his eyes on the road, but his heart was racing. The tears he had held back finally dropped onto his pants. He wiped them repeatedly, telling himself they were just tears. His nose was red, his chest ached, but he remained composed.
...
Mok couldn't forget that day at the hospital. Even the next day, when Kao came to pick up Little Noi, Kao and Mok barely spoke.
Inside the dorm room shared by the four of them—
Toffee, Lamon, and Phayu were loud as usual, while Mok stayed on the bed, covered in a blanket.
"Would there be any need for makeup?" Toffee groaned like an old man.
"But you are Dracula. Of course you need it," Lamon stated a fact. "I'm a cross-dressing idol, and Phayu is a ghost who died centuries ago. Even his makeup is whiter than Dracula's."
"Lamon, so you're saying I need more white makeup?"
"No!" Shouting, Toffee rose from the floor, startling the two of them. "I want to be a cute Dracula." His hands shifted upward as he spoke, acting as if he were performing a stage play.
"In your dreams... Which bloodthirsty character is cute?" Lamon strongly disagreed. Though he was unhappy because his theme was cross-dressing, he felt like the unluckiest one in the entire music department. "That damn note... I wish I had drawn a frog or something..." he cursed his own luck for pulling that paper from the box.
But in the corner, one more person was miserable. Though the ghost costume was visually stunning, Phayu hated the makeup.
"Mok got the secret masked lover... Lucky him," Lamon exclaimed with a worried expression.
Sigh...
Toffee took a breath.
Sigh...
Phayu did the same.
Soon the room was filled with sighs.
"Ohh, it's raining..."
The sound of pearls brushing the ground was like healing for the ears. The three of them ran to the window, while Mok didn't even move from the bed.
"He really doesn't look well..." they muttered, pretending to enjoy the rain.
"Can we buy his favorite drink?"
"Let him sleep..."
"He was crying, though..."
The three boys chatted as the raindrops grew louder. They wished Mok would wake up, even if it was just to get mad at them for being too loud. Maybe the boys became louder on purpose, hoping Mok would wake up.
'Mok, wake up...'
'Don't be sick...'
'We miss you... wake up...'