"If this is the result after a whole day, I'm being honest — I'd seriously consider telling you to go kill yourself, my servant."
"Master, I may be a rotten pirate, but I still have my own moral standards. I only rob old ladies and children. I don't rob rich people!" Rider said with an exhausted look.
"I'm surprised you even dare to call that a 'moral standard' and not just 'the standards of an animal.'"
This is Rider's Master. Her name is Ahoe Sult Olnysnaf.
Yeah, that's right. Ahoe Sult Olnysnaf. Get it?
She counted the money Rider had stolen, then contemptuously spat on a rat.
"And the rest of you? There's so many of you and you only brought back this little? Learning from Rider or what?"
"Aguoaguagosiakk—" one of the monsters growled, trying to explain.
"I don't speak dog barking."
"Miss Ahoe, I fear that our morals prevent us from committing acts that even Hell would approve of. Therefore, we resorted to begging, and it was surprisingly effective because everyone here thinks we're disabled," said the only monster capable of proper speech, in the most noble and sincere tone possible.
So you can talk. Why didn't you do that from the start?
"A monster daring to talk about morals? What's next? 'A good pirate never takes someone else's property?'"
The girl sighed, stuffed the money bag into her Gussy bag, and stood on a rock.
"I have a dream."
This time, both Rider and the monsters looked at her as she stood blocking the sunlight.
"That is to marry a rich husband, become the richest woman alive, and have a harem of handsome men just like I've always wanted! Ohohoho!"
Passersby glanced at her for a moment before continuing on their way.
Ah yes, this girl is extremely arrogant, money-obsessed, and has god-tier confidence. Her name perfectly matches her personality.
"Whoa, she really just said that in public. That's wild," Rider whispered to his monster underlings.
"True girl boss. If she went to Hollywood, she'd definitely win an Oscar and become the face of feminism or something," the only talking monster whispered back.
"Shut the hell up or this fanfic is getting cancelled right now!"
After that, Ahoe took out a mirror to touch up her makeup, then sat behind Rider on the motorcycle.
"Drive to the hotel right now. I have a date with some ugly rich guy. What was his name again? Slump? Whatever."
"I want to fight and serve a worthy Master, not work as a taxi."
"So are you doing it or not?"
"Ugh… Disobeying my Master isn't one of my virtues. Fine then," Rider said, feeling drained but still obeying.
The only good thing about her was that she didn't treat him as badly as a typical Magus would.
However, that was also the problem. While "Servant" is the general term for Heroic Spirits that have been summoned, she took the word literally.
Yes, she made him serve her like an actual servant!
This woman was way too vulgar! Vulgar to the point of being disgusting! Even more disgusting than the Master of that red Archer!
"Ah, I'm hungry. Take me to a restaurant right now," Ahoe suddenly changed her mind and told Rider.
"Yes, yes… Boys! Let's go!"
"Ouhhh!"
The motorcycle gang sped off toward the restaurant!
Brrr brrrr…
In reality, the restaurant was less than a meter away from them.
The group turned their bikes a tiny bit and neatly parked them so they wouldn't block the road. Ahoe got off and entered the restaurant.
"Welcome."
A man in his twenties with tanned skin, white hair slicked back, and wearing an apron was washing dishes. His face was extremely serious — if not for the Hello Kitty pattern on his apron.
"What do you have here?" the girl asked while looking around. Rider and his underlings sat far away in the corner.
"The menu is quite flexible. Just tell me what you want and I'll make it," he said gently, carefully checking the plates before putting them away.
Ahoe stared at him for a while… and suddenly got a nosebleed.
She didn't know why, but she suddenly wanted to call him "Mommy" and be taken care of by him like a spoiled child… Wait, what the hell is she thinking??
"Ahem. So, do you have a girlfriend or wife yet?"
…?
Rider and his minions jolted, blinking rapidly as they looked at her, then at the calm young man.
Are you serious?? You're already picking your next target??
"Not yet, miss. I'm not interested, and I'm quite busy taking care of a rather stubborn young lady, so I don't have time. Please forgive me."
"Ah, it's fine. I like NTR."
'WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE SAYING?!!!' Rider and his minions gaped at her terrifyingly negative rizz.
"That was a funny joke, miss. Now may I take your order?" The man smiled faintly, clearly forcing politeness.
She ordered several Italian dishes. Surprisingly, he finished them incredibly fast.
Less than a minute!
"What would you gentlemen like?" Emiya turned to ask them.
"Huh? Uh… just water for us."
"Water? Please wait a moment."
It's just water, what's there to wait for?
He then sliced some fruits into thin pieces, put them into a bottle of cold water, and poured a glass for each of them.
"…What did you just do?"
"Refreshing filtered water."
"…Okay?"
Rider drank the whole glass in one gulp.
Then his eyes widened.
"UOHHHHHH!?!!" Rider's clothes suddenly tore apart. Tears streamed down his face like a waterfall, and his muscles began shining brilliantly like sunlight.
"Captain?!!"
"I feel refined and at peace… The energy in my body is flowing smoother than when I was shooting arrows at children tied to the mast!"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING??" (Lore accurate, duh.)
"Are you satisfied?" The restaurant owner smiled, clearly enjoying the reaction.
"…Will the food be the same as this water?"
"I don't know. Why don't you try it?"
"UOHHHH!!!"
What now??
Everyone turned to look. This time, Ahoe had suddenly transformed into a stunning beauty — her hair was incredibly smooth and glossy, and her figure was perfectly proportioned.
"I feel like my virgin has been restored! As if I'm still pure and innocent!!"
WHAT KIND OF OVERPOWERED BULLSHIT IS THIS???
"Um… Mr. Owner? I'd like to order…"
"What would you like?"
"Can you recommend something?"
"Oh, then how about a simple Japanese meal? That's my specialty."
Clack.
The sound of a door opening came from right next to the counter. A black-haired girl with twin tails wearing pajamas rubbed her eyes, looking lost.
Everyone blinked and stared at her.
"Shirou, is breakfast ready?"
"It's already lunchtime," the owner — now revealed to be Shirou — could only sigh.
"What? I slept that long?" She opened her eyes. Instead of the usual lapis-blue color, they were a red crimson.
…Rider could sense immense power from her. The best choice was definitely not to piss her off.
"Ri— Ashtir, just go back to the room. I'll prepare lunch for you soon."
"Ashtir? Why did you call me—" She looked confused, but then noticed the restaurant was full of customers and realized the situation.
"Ah… Yeah, okay. Make the best stuff later, okay~?" She waved and closed the door.
…
"Your wife?" Ahoe asked.
"…Something like that," Shirou scratched his head.
***
This is the illustration of Robert Judgeson so you can see his face for the first time. Next time I'll torture him, so this is the last time you'll see this handsome face.