"Even if I wanted to feel sorry for you, you picked the wrong enemy."
The moment Minato spoke, his figure blurred and vanished from where he stood. The special kunai in his hand cut through the air with a sharp whistle as he struck straight toward Obito's chest.
At the same time, far away in a secure Konoha safe house several hundred meters from the battlefield, a blue-white flash flickered across the room.
Uchiha Tsukiko landed neatly on the tatami.
One of her hands was still gripping Kushina's shoulder tightly, while the other protected the newborn Naruto with unbelievable care. The second her feet touched the floor, she let out a long breath.
"We're here," Tsukiko said quickly. "Sister, breathe slowly. This room only smells like lemongrass. There is absolutely none of that horrible stink from that weakling outside."
Only after saying that did she finally release Kushina and look down at her own sleeve with disgust. During the explosion earlier, some tiny, unspeakable particles had clearly landed on her clothes.
Kushina, weak from childbirth, was still pale and exhausted. But the moment she saw Tsukiko's expression, she could not hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing.
The laughter pulled at her body at once, and she hissed in pain.
"Tsukiko… you little menace…" Kushina gasped, holding Naruto close. "Why in the world did you prepare something like that in advance?"
"Originally?" Tsukiko rolled her eyes while opening a storage scroll. "It was for Danzo."
She slapped the scroll open, and a pile of medicine, nutrition supplements, bandages, and emergency tools appeared in front of her.
"But fate gave that gift to someone else first."
She knelt beside Kushina and started sorting through everything at surprising speed.
"Sister, lie down first. I'm not a medical ninja, but I brought a recovery tonic. It works really well. The only problem is that it tastes like bitter melon died twice before being boiled."
Naruto kicked his tiny legs in Kushina's arms, his little face scrunching slightly as if protesting the noise around him.
Tsukiko leaned in and tapped his nose very lightly.
"Little Naruto, you better remember this," she said. "Your sister Tsukiko sacrificed a limited-edition outfit tonight to save your tiny life."
Then she lifted her head.
And just like that, the familiar sparkle of trouble returned to her eyes.
"Sister, stay here and rest. I'm going back."
Kushina's hand shot out and grabbed the corner of Tsukiko's sleeve.
"You're going back?" she asked with clear worry. "That man's space-time jutsu is dangerous. It's too strange."
"Strange?" Tsukiko put a hand on her own chest with false pride. "In front of me, he's just a younger brother among younger brothers."
Then, as if she had just remembered something important, she pulled out a small spray bottle from her pouch and shoved it into Kushina's hand.
"If any of that smell drifts this way, spray this twice. I call it Super Refreshing Air Mist."
Without giving Kushina time to answer, Tsukiko formed a seal.
In the next instant, the Flying Thunder God activated again, and she vanished in a flash.
Back at the ruined delivery site, the battle had already turned fierce.
Obito had lost all calm.
He moved like a madman, attacking with violent force from every angle. The warped pull of his Kamui threatened to drag Minato in again and again, but Minato's movements were like light itself. Every time danger closed in, he was already gone.
Then Tsukiko's voice dropped from above like a cheerful curse.
"What's wrong? Still angry? Was that not enough for you? Want dessert too?"
Obito looked up sharply.
There she was.
Tsukiko sat cross-legged on a broken beam high above the battlefield, fanning herself with a paper fan she had apparently found somewhere. Her face looked completely calm, even disgusted, as if she were watching something dirty instead of standing in the middle of a deadly battle.
"You came back…" Obito's voice sounded like it had been dragged through fire.
"Of course I came back," Tsukiko said with a grin. "The fun part just started."
The red pattern in her left eye began to spin.
"Epitaph."
In her vision, the next few seconds unfolded clearly. Obito, furious at the smell still clinging to him, would rip away the ruined outer layer of his clothing and try to use Kamui to close the distance on Minato instantly.
Tsukiko slapped her fan shut.
"Brother Minato!" she shouted. "Throw a kunai two meters to your front-left!"
Minato did not hesitate for even a heartbeat.
The special kunai flew from his hand.
At the exact same moment, just as Tsukiko had foreseen, Obito tore off part of his ruined robe and lunged forward in his intangible state. But when his body began to materialize for the attack, Minato's kunai was already there waiting for him.
Obito's eye widened.
He twisted away in time, but the attack was broken.
"It's not over!" Tsukiko called again. "Brother Minato, jump!"
With Tsukiko's guidance, Minato's movements became even more frightening. He was already one of the fastest shinobi alive, but now every motion looked unnatural, like he was acting on information from the future.
Obito's expression changed completely.
His attacks, his feints, even the timing of his materialization were all being read.
Those eyes.
Those cursed eyes.
"You little brat…" he hissed, staring at Tsukiko. "What exactly are those eyes?"
Tsukiko grinned lazily.
"Don't stare so hard. No matter how much you look, you're not becoming my fan."
She jumped down from the broken beam and landed beside Minato, though she very deliberately kept a little distance from Obito.
"Brother Minato," she said, wrinkling her nose, "let's finish this quickly. Sister Kushina is waiting, and I'd rather not let that smell linger any longer than necessary."
Minato nodded once.
His face, usually warm and gentle, had become sharp and cold.
He understood clearly that the man before them was still extremely dangerous.
Obito looked at them both.
Then he seemed to finally break.
The humiliation, the rage, the failed plan, the smell still clinging to him—everything pushed him over the edge.
"You…" he growled. "You are all going to die here!"
His hands flashed through seals.
The earth trembled.
Then, with a roar, countless massive wooden roots burst from the ground. They tore through the broken stone and exploded outward like giant serpents, twisting and crashing in every direction.
Wood Release.
"Oh no," Tsukiko said in a flat voice while hopping onto a rising root to avoid another one. "He's throwing a tantrum."
She glanced toward Minato.
"Brother Minato, big move. You want to use the finishing attack? I also have a newly created Super Invincible Cyclone Roundhouse Kick ready."
Even in the middle of battle, Minato almost smiled.
This child truly had no sense of fear.
"Then we move together," he said.
And with that, both of them vanished at once.
Across the battlefield, broken roots smashed into one another. Dust and splinters filled the air. Obito stood in the center of the chaos like a furious demon, but everywhere he turned, Minato and Tsukiko were already moving around his defenses.
Far away in the Uchiha compound, Fugaku stood near the window, watching the disturbance in the distance while holding sleeping Sasuke in his arms.
After a long silence, he thought to himself:
I only hope Tsukiko does not tear down half the village before dawn.
Back at the battlefield, the wooden roots spread wider, crushing rocks, tearing earth apart, and filling the night with thunderous noise.
"So messy," Tsukiko muttered while leaping backward over one snapping trunk. "Doesn't he know the village already has enough dust?"
Minato flashed through the field like a streak of gold. Every movement of his left broken wood behind him.
"Rasengan!"
A spinning blue sphere formed instantly in his hand.
Using the Flying Thunder God, he appeared at Obito's flank and slammed the Rasengan into one of the massive roots trying to seize him. The impact blasted a huge hole through the Wood Release structure, wood chips flying everywhere.
Obito roared from the top of a monstrously twisted trunk.
"It's useless! Here, I am a god!"
His hands moved so fast they blurred.
"Cutting Technique!"
At once, a rain of sharpened wooden spikes burst from every side, filling the air like a deadly storm and trying to lock down all movement.
Tsukiko's eyes sharpened.
"Brother Minato!" she shouted. "Blind spot at three o'clock! There's a gap!"
Minato shifted instantly.
Exactly as she said, that side was thinner. He broke through.
Obito was about to push forward again when a new sound tore through the battlefield.
A piercing cry of lightning.
"Chidori!"
A sharp blade of crackling electricity shot from the side forest and drove straight toward the giant tree where Obito stood.
Obito's single visible eye widened.
"Kakashi?"
For just one second, his hands slowed.
The silver-haired boy charged forward with his Chidori blazing in his hand, his movement clean and direct.
"Sensei! Tsukiko! I'm here!"
Tsukiko landed on a higher broken branch and stared, then grinned so brightly it looked almost evil.
"Well, well. Your old friend came to see you. Are you touched? Want to cry?"
Obito's body visibly tensed.
No matter what happened, he could not let Kakashi see him like this.
Not in this state.
Not like this.
Especially not with that smell.
"Stay out of this!" Obito roared, sending a huge wooden vine lashing toward Kakashi.
"Left side!" Tsukiko shouted instantly.
Kakashi reacted at once. With his Sharingan and Tsukiko's warning together, he just barely dodged the strike and cut through the vine with the Chidori. Blue sparks scattered into the dark.
He landed beside Minato, breathing hard.
"The enemy is using Wood Release," Kakashi said, then paused. "And… what is that smell? Is this some kind of poison gas technique?"
Tsukiko froze.
Then she burst out laughing.
"Poison gas technique?! Kakashi, you genius! That's it! That's absolutely it! This is his secret forbidden move—Dung Release: Golden Great Collapse!"
Even Minato had to cough and look away for a moment.
"Enough," he said quickly, though his voice betrayed a trace of helplessness. "Kakashi, coordinate with me. Tsukiko will guide us."
"Yes, Sensei."
With Kakashi now joining the fight, Obito's position became even worse.
Tsukiko, standing above them all like a shameless commentator with the world's most unfair advantage, called out every move she saw coming.
"He's going intangible! Brother Minato, kunai now! Kakashi, lightning release on the ground!"
"He's baiting with Fire Release! Ignore it—it's fake! Hit the right side!"
"He's changing angles! Don't block high—kick low!"
Every warning came at exactly the right second.
Minato and Kakashi moved with terrifying sync. One was the Yellow Flash. The other was Kakashi. With Tsukiko feeding them the future, Obito felt like he had been dragged onto a stage and stripped of every secret he had.
No matter what he tried, they were already waiting.
The worst part was Kakashi's obvious disgust.
Whenever they got too close, Kakashi automatically held his breath. After each clash, he even flicked his kunai as if he were trying to shake off contamination.
For Obito, that hurt far more than a blade.
"Enough!" he screamed. "ENOUGH!"
Chakra exploded from him violently.
The giant forest of Wood Release surged one more time, trying to break the encirclement and force a path open.
Tsukiko saw the opening at once.
"This is it!"
Then, in the middle of all that chaos, she pulled out something absurd.
A giant megaphone.
She pointed it straight at Obito and shouted with all her strength:
"Hey! Your pants are ripped! Everyone can see your red underwear!"
Even though logic should have told him to ignore it—
Even though common sense should have warned him—
In that moment of rage and humiliation, Obito still instinctively looked down.
That tiny pause was all Minato needed.
"Flying Thunder God: Level Two!"
In a flash, Minato appeared above him.
The Rasengan in his hand slammed down at Obito's back with crushing force.
At the same time, Kakashi's lightning strike cut in from the front.
Obito reacted at the last possible instant.
He twisted and activated Kamui, dragging himself into the dimensional vortex before both attacks could fully land.
Even so—
the Rasengan still clipped his shoulder.
The explosion tore away what was left of his ruined black robe and ripped bloody damage across one side of his body.
He let out a low cry of pain as the vortex swallowed him.
Before disappearing completely, his voice echoed through the ruined battlefield like poison.
"Uchiha Tsukiko… Minato Namikaze… I will repay this debt…"
Then he was gone.
The battlefield finally fell still.
Only broken wood, crushed earth, drifting dust, and one unbearable lingering smell remained behind.
Tsukiko jumped down from the broken beam and stretched lazily.
"Ran pretty fast," she said. "But I bet he'll need three days of bathing before he can even look at himself again."
Kakashi stood there for a moment, still staring at the empty place where Obito had vanished.
Then he turned to Tsukiko.
"Tsukiko," he said carefully, "who was that man?"
Tsukiko paused for the briefest moment.
Then she smiled and walked over, standing on tiptoe to pat Kakashi's shoulder with exaggerated mystery.
"Just some lost idiot with a serious case of delusions," she said lightly. "Don't think too hard about it, Senior Kakashi. You did great tonight."
Then she grinned.
"How about ramen? My treat. Though maybe after we all wash first."
Minato looked at the two of them and finally let out a slow breath.
The tension in his body loosened.
Tonight had been dangerous. Terrifying, even.
But Kushina and Naruto were safe.
And that alone made everything worth it.
Then Minato looked down at his Hokage cloak, now dusty and not nearly as clean as he liked.
A helpless smile appeared on his face.
"It seems I also need a bath before going home," he said. "Otherwise Kushina definitely won't let me through the door."
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