His psyche drifted erratically between human and beast. If he accepted himself as human, it might cause memories better left buried to return to him.
If he accepted himself as a beast, in exchange for his memories, he would no longer be able to rejoin human society.
The White-Haired Girl fervently supported him in these precarious times.
I was quite amazed. I had never imagined she would grow to be such a strong woman.
Nevertheless, God is a cruel master. For what strength He gave her spiritually, He took in equal part from her physically.
Though she persisted, day in and day out, to stay by the man's side, one day, she suddenly fell ill.
With her in the throes of a high fever and not knowing the cause, he fell into a perpetual panic.
There was no medicine in the mansion. They could hardly manage to put together sufficiently nutritious meals.
Though there was no medicine, maybe there was something else that could make her feel better.
However, everything he could think of required him to leave the house.
— Hey… Hey. Is there anything you would like?
— Anything… I would like…?
— I'm considering… visiting the village.
— I see… You're going to the village… I thought I might be able to get some medicine. I would prefer to bring a doctor here… but no one would come if they learned you were in this mansion. So…
He was planning to put on a disguise–to enter the village as a person.
The White-Haired Girl smiled when she heard his idea.
She had, after all, always wanted him to think of himself as human.
However, because she was so pure-hearted, she did not comprehend…
the full extent of the slaughter he had confessed to committing.
The revenge he had taken on those who had chased him around. How sinister his cackling and furious his reaping.
She did not grasp just how serious it was.
She had faith that Bestia had kindness in his heart.
— If you cannot… get any medication… then buy me some oranges, please.
— Oranges?
— This is a land blessed by the sun. You should be able to find some wonderful, fresh oranges.
— Will that make you feel better?
— Yes, it should.
— Okay.
Bestia's mind was made up.
He would don the skin of a human for her–to protect the peace he had.
He would return to the place that had left him with many painful memories.
It was, to him, the source of his fear. Whenever he lets his guard down, their shouts would play back in his mind.
…..
Bestia!
Bestia! Bestia!
Hideous beast!
…..
Though he had physically conquered the people who lived there, Bestia's memories of the village still haunted him.
But her health meant more to him than any of that. He was willing to cast aside his fear if it meant the White-Haired Girl would recover.
The girl still in her bed, he made his way out of the mansion.
He crossed the overgrown forest, pushing forward one step at a time, all the while trying to brush aside his apprehension.
Until he arrived at the village.
…..
"This is where… they called me a beast. Where I was almost killed. And where… I killed them. I look different than I did then. I'm dressed differently too. But… can I play the part? Can I act a convincing enough human? I have no choice. There are no other villages. I can't let her die."
— Excuse me. Could you answer a question for me?
"A village man is looking at me. Only for a moment. But for me, that moment is torturously long. A faint look of panic crosses his face, perhaps in fear of my appearance. He's staring at me. Will he point his finger and call me a beast? Will the other villagers come to kill me? However–"
— Haven't seen you 'round here before.
"He didn't recognize me!"
— Yes. I come from a faraway land, and I am unfamiliar with his area, so…
— Hahaha. You're dressed like a nobleman. On a secret trip on somethin'?
— S-Something like that…
— You look really pale, though. Searchin' for a doctor?
— Ah, yes, but not for me… Um… my companion has come down with a fever.
— Sorry to hear it. Well, I'd love to introduce ya, but he's out right now. And he won't be back for a few days.
— I-I see… And where might I be able to buy fruit?
— There's a shop just 'round that corner.
— Thank you very much.
— Don't mention it. Do take care, traveler, It's dangerous out there.
…..
"I'm starting to attract attention… But… not the same kind as before. They don't look at me with revulsion, hatred, or furious indignation. They're simply curious. The village feels different than last time. Could it have changed this drastically. Or it is because… I really did look like a beast then…and now I look like a human? I don't know…"
…..
— Excuse me…
— Me? Yes?
— I would like to buy some fruit… Some oranges.
— Orangs? All righty. Just a sec.
"The fruit vendor doesn't recognize me as the beast either…"
— Any other year and they'd be a lot plumper than this. But this year, we've had the end of the war and this whole mess with the beast, and it's just been crazy. If you'd like, how 'bout you come back in a few yeast and try our oranges again? They'll be several times better, I assure you.
— I'll keep that in mind.
— You bet. That'll be–
— I'm sorry, I don't have any local currency. Would this suffice?
— Wha– How– Is–
— No good, I take it…?
— N-No, no, no! On the contrary! It's hardly far for you, trading a jewel for a few oranges!
— That's all I have to offer. I hope you can exchange it for money.
— S-Sure…You nobles are somethin' else…
— Noble…
— Aren't you? Though if you wander around dressed too well, you put yourself in danger. You might find yourself stripped bare by a bandit, or perhaps even catch the attention of the beast.
"The beast. Everyone mentions the beast. They speak of me."
— Have you heard the tales?
— I-I have not.
— There's a beast's den not too far from this village. It's attacked before, and we're been livin' in fear, never knowing it might attack again. But that all ends today! The men have finally found their spines! They all got together and went out to exterminate it!
— Wha–
— And you'll never guess who's responsible! A kid! A little boy is spearheading the attack! Never would have expected a little kid to whip all our laze cowardly men into shape. The boy's the only one who knows where the beast's den–Ah, hold on! What about your oranges?!
…..
"The men… have banded together! And they're going to kill the beast?! Why now?! Why when I'm not there?! I'm the beast! I'm right here! I'm what you're trying to hunt! The only person at the mansion right now… is her!"
He regretted not asking the fruit vendor how long ago the party set off.
Though what good would that knowledge have done him? He had to hurry back regardless.
The sun was beginning to set, draping the surroundings in a deep blackness.
As if to keep him from returning home, the night wrapped its hands around his head, covering both eyes.
In what direction did he have to head to return to the mansion?
He stormed through the forest, and eventually, the mansion appeared before him–like the world fading to view after a dream. Bestia was a tempest in the night, blowing through the overgrowth toward the house.
— Please! Please make it in time! I… I need her! I need… the peace that she provides me! The last thing I want is for her to die!
In the blink of an eye, he was through the door, charging down the mansion's hall.
He could not sense anyone else inside, though. All he could hear was the whoosh of the wind blowing into the house from somewhere.
It seemed a window was open.
— Wh-Where are you?! Where have you gone?! Answer me! Please answer me! ********!
He cried out the girl's name, again and again, until his throat was sore and his voice hoarse.
But she did not respond.
He rushed into her bedchamber.
— Hahh! Hey… Hey! Hello?! Where are you?! Where are you?! Answer meeeeeeee!
The man swung his head back and forth so hard he thought he might break his own neck. And when he made to look down, he slipped, falling on his tailbone.
He felt something slick on his hands–a sensation he would recognize anywhere.
The liquid was still warm.
— No… That cannot be… It can't… It can't! It cannot beeeeeeee!
Muttering incomprehensibly in fear, he crawled back through the door of her chamber into the corridor.
Like a genuine beast, he followed the trail of slippery fluid on all fours.
The trail glimmered like red wine.
It stretched down the hall, past the living room, smeared across the floor like it had been wiped down with a mop.
The man crawled and crawled and crawled, until at last, he reached the stairs leading down to the cellar.
The ruby trail continued…
From beyond the door, he could hear men's voices.
— Ahh… aaaahhh… aaaaaaaahhh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
With a howl, the man stumbled down the stairs, throwing open the wooden door.
His first impression was that the stench of blood was suffocating.
And indeed, there he discovered the White-Haired Girl.
— Ahh… aaah…
He found himself unable to even scream.
Her once-porcelain skin was no longer even sickly pale; it was not the bloodless color of dirt.
She was sprawled haphazardly out on the cellar floor, dried blood stains around her half-open mouth.
And those lips were, naturally, lacking their former rosen sheen.
Her body was covered with an array of wounds, but the most prominent was the man's singular sword standing tall in her chest.
— This is the bestia? He doesn't look like the same–
— It's him. He's the same guy. He's the bestia.
Several villagers surrounded him at the behest of a young boy.
— He's gotten himself dressed up all proper and fancy, but good clothes don't make him a good man. Isn't that right, you bestia? No–YOU MURDERER!
— Ahh… aaAAaah… Wh-Why, why, why did you kill her? Why did you kill her? Why did you kill her? Why did you kill her? Why did you kill her? Why did you kill her…?
— Why? You want to know why? Her death was an accident, I'd say. I feel bad about what happened. But any woman… who would live with a man like you… must be a witch. Does that hurt? Are you hurting right now, you bestia? Then maybe now you understand! You– You not only stole my parents and friends from me… you ripped the last shard of hope I had from my hands! Do you get it… Do you finally understand… HOW I FEEL?! Now do you know how it feels to have someone you care about taken from you?! She… Pauline was desperately trying to find you! Why?! Why would you kill someone so devoted to you?! Do you understand what you've done?! I'm asking you a question, you goddamned murderer!
— I see… And now… I have nothing left…
— What?
The man stepped forward, almost perfectly calm; his panic had vanished–as if it were never there.
His eyes were disturbingly vacant. Perhaps the sorrow had overpowered him, beating his heart into quiet submission.
No… No, that was not the case. Though his eyes were empty, a faint smile spread across his lips.
The transition was swift, as though a gear had switched in his mind.
The boy and the other villagers were frozen in place at the sight.
Before long, the man was standing before the deceased girl's body.
And then, he pulled the blade from her chest.
— I knew it… I was… I really was a beast. And what I wanted… was a tether.
— What… are you yammering on about? Didn't… Didn't you care about that woman? Didn't you choose her over Pauline… who you then threw aside and butchered? What… What is wrong with you?! What was she to you?!
— She was my… serenity. But she's dead now… and there's nothing I can do about that. Peace. Calm. Tranquility… Hah, hahahaha…
The man's behaviour was downright eerie, causing the boy to flinch back.
Believing he'd had everything taken from him and could not possibly lose anything more was, I imagine, what had allowed him to stand up to the beast–the source of such crippling fear.
Yet now, he found himself unable to move. He found himself, in the face of such an incomprehensible creature, paralyzed with fear.
And the villagers were similarly dumbstruck. Not even I could understand his behavior.
— What the– What the hell is wrong with you?! How can you laugh at this?! I don't get it!
— How? How indeed. I wonder myseeeeeeeellllffff… Hah, hah, hah, hahaha… I don't know eeeeeeeeither… But you know what? It doesn't matter anymore. Because every last one of my anchors! Has broken off and sunken into the sea! Ahahahahahah, hahahahah, haheeeeheeeeheeeeeeeeheeheeheeheeheehee! AaaaaaaaaahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
— Dammit, get moving! Kill hi–
— IIII'LLLLLLLLLLLLLL SLAAAAUUUUGHTEEEER EEEEEEEEEEEEVERYYYY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST ONE OF YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!
Ah, yes…
My whole life,
I've always…
WANTED TO KILL!
What was it that afflicted you with such madness?
Losing your memory in the shipwreck?
The abuse and insult you suffered at the villagers' hands?
Or was it your grief at not being able to return to your homeland?
No, none of those were the root. You were… You always like this.
You always bore those twisted desires.
You held these deep, constant urges to cause others harm.
That is your essence. The real you hidden beneath the mask of sincerity. The true beast was your heart.
The "beast" was a convenient skin for you to wear.
You wanted to be a brutal, savage murderer.
You never really loved the White-Haired Girl–or the black-haired woman, for that matter. You were merely attached to them.
Fixated on the idea of a world of tranquility.
You used this peace to anchor yourself, to prevent you from drifting off into the ocean of your desires. You yearned to cause pain… while also hungering for the opposite–a calm life.
You idolized this idealized life, spent in quiet harmony with another because you knew just how difficult it would be for you to attain.
Far more difficult for you than satisfying your cravings–but not impossible.
I, personally, had hoped you would find peace with someone rather than descend into savagery,
It may have only been superficial… but it would have been very human.
But ultimately, peace slipped through your fingers…
and no one was left to suppress your desires. You cannot, after all, hold them back yourself.
What a tragic man.
What a hopeless man you are.