When I sat at the table, the scene before me was like a total "Gossip Girl" villain arc. Leviathan was waiting for me with emerald green eyes, a snakeskin jacket (that was likely still twitching), and exactly six smartphones lined up on the table.
"Hello, Madison," Leviathan said, his voice sibilant but undeniably sexy. "Before you arrived, I checked your bank statements from the last three years, your primary school ID number, and who you saw in your dreams last night. You look clean... for now."
"Oh honey, is that all?" I said, slamming my own phone onto the table. "Before I even got here, I found your family tree back seven generations, which demons you liked at what time, and exactly which pit of hell that snake on your jacket crawled out of. Don't give me that amateur entrance. Also..."
I leaned in closer.
"Why are three of these six phones charging at the same time, Levi? Who are you waiting for a message from? Why is airplane mode off but your notifications are hidden? Are you hiding something, or are you just afraid of getting caught?"
Leviathan paused for a second. "I just like to be organized—"
"Organized?" I cut him off, narrowing my eyes like a lead investigator. "Levi, sweetie, that hairline crack on the screen protector of the phone on the right needs a fingerprint analysis. That crack happened because someone slammed their phone onto the table. Who made you that angry? Which female demon blocked you so you took your rage out on the screen? Answer me!"
Leviathan was starting to sweat. He immediately tried to change the subject by activating the massive smoky orb in the center of the table. "Come on." he said with a forced smirk. "Let's watch the miserable state of this mortal named Tyler."
The image cleared, and we saw Tyler. He was hiding in the bathroom eating noodles. "Poor thing," I said, pressing my face against the orb.
"But Levi, look at this. Look at Tyler's pupil in this photo he posted last week. Do you see it? That tiny black dot?"
Leviathan leaned in close. "So? It's just a dot?"
"No, darling!" I shouted, losing myself in the hunt.
"That dot is the reflection of Tyler's watch in the window of the shop across the street! Tyler said he was 'at home' that day, but I realized from that watch and the reflection that he was sitting at the next table with that girl! I counted the pixels in that girl's eye, the pixels! And now I'm asking you, Leviathan... why do you keep twitching your left eye while watching this orb? Are you hiding something from me in there? Don't you think the asymmetry in the pattern of the bathroom curtain behind Tyler proves not Tiffany's bad taste, but that someone else's towel is hanging there? Why are you silent? Is this guilt?"
Leviathan took a step back. The "Lord of Envy" himself swallowed hard.
"Madison... this... this is too much. I just ask 'Who are you talking to?' You write betrayal scenarios based on mutations in a guy's DNA sequence!"
Astaroth, standing at the door, smirked. Leviathan's panic attack was the best news of his day. "Astaroth, my friend... take this girl and go." Leviathan said, adjusting his jacket with shaking hands. "This girl is a 'Universe of Envy.' She's probably already figured out who my unborn children are going to marry."
Madison pushed the six phones back toward him.
"Take your phones, sweetie. Your passwords are just '1234' and 'LeviathanKing.' Too simple. Asti, who's the next date? I hope it's someone with more backbone!"
Astaroth walked in and placed his hand lightly on my waist (heart attack territory!).
"I think that's enough for today, Madison. The citizens of Hell are having a collective 'privacy settings' crisis because of your interrogation skills. Let's go."
Astaroth swept his cape, a rogueish smile playing on his masculine face. "Well then, Mady." he said, his breath tickling my ear. "Since you've made Leviathan cry in the interrogation room, let me take you to someone a bit more... 'natural.' Let's see what fault you find with his scruffy style."
He winked! I swear the King of Hell winked at me. My heart beat faster than any of Tyler's fake texts. "Asti, darling." I giggled, "I'm a woman who survived the scent of week-old socks in Tyler's gym bag. What can your 'natural' friend do to me? But on the way, you're telling me the password to that staff—I need to see who you've been 'liking'!"