[Mission: Deal with Depression
Rewards: The next Situation]
[Perspective has changed to first person point of view]
I slept for 12-15 hours. I thought about how being Khaleesi Lizmarie's personal servant as my happiness and reason for living. Now that I lost her, I don't know why I'm writing or even living anymore.
I am wandering around, I ate lunch. I ate some snacks just out of boredom. I have a disorganization trying to eat me alive. I walk to the park trying to feel something. I have lost all my friends, I still remember the memories that Khaleesi Lizmarie gave to me.
I am forever hers but she is never mine. People keep on telling me to move on but I can't move on from her. How can I move on from the person who made me feel alive? Maybe I should of kept my mouth quiet so I shouldn't have violently lashed out at her for a few months. Perhaps then, she wouldn't have blocked me.
Now I write to find my reason for living, come with me through my horror story of fighting this thing called Depression.
I often wonder to myself if I would feel something if I transmigrated into "Three Ways to Survive a Ruined World". I would feel like at least by being the main character whose first name meant reader, I could find some purpose in living. I currently feel like I don't have much.
Despite having a supportive family. I have lost almost everything and went through too much in my first quarter of University.
I should be excited that my family is willing to bring me to a buffet this friday for dinner. For some reason; despite consuming both anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications. I still feel nothing.
I have traveled to the park in hopes of finding salvation. I wanted to play Withering Waves but there was something wrong with my mouse. I can not spam right click all the time.
I walk through the park and my destination is the swings. Maybe I'll find some salvation there. I want to be liberated from my personal monster called Depression.
It feels like a monster full of absolute darkness consumes 70% of my body. Wouldn't it be great if I could live in a fictional novel instead? Am I a regressor? A reincarnator? Or a returnee? So many unfinished novels made yet I can never complete them.
I walk past my old elementary school, it brings me some nostaglic memories. I resort to astrology in hopes of finding some answers and my purpose in living.
People can try to help me from wanting to end my own life all they want. However they will fail at helping me find my reasons to live. They can not defeat my personal monster full of eternal darkness after all. I have been suffering from Depression since I was 12 years old. Currently I am 21 years old, how on earth have I been living all this time?
Thankfully, there is a swing available for me to take. There is a fictional author whose hair is blonde and had the power of 'Incite' that inspired me to write and be an author.
Despite forcing myself to go out for a walk and whatnot, even walking felt tiring. I wondered if I should walk towards a dessert place just so I could enjoy something. However, I have been buying and eating a dessert in a place on a daily basis by now.
I find comfort in characters dying over and over again yet they still remain alive. That is truthfully how I feel, I feel dead on the inside. Yet this body still remains. Ah one of my favorite character has an animation edit where it's fan art. He gets shot in the head and blood spills out of it. How I wish that was me.
I saw some dogs in the park, I wanted to pet them but social anxiety stopped me from asking the owners if I could pet them. The dogs were pretty cute.
I sit on the floor and do nothing. I guess after walking and completing 4,813 steps, I feel some sort of fulfillment somehow. There was an old man who looked at me in his car and said something to me. I was busy listening to music so I had no idea what on earth he even told me.
I ended up going to the dessert place and getting what I wanted. I spent almost an hour there just eating my two desserts before taking the unfinished one home. I tried eating the unfinished thai tea shaved ice that had been frozen later in the night. Only for me to throw it away eventually.
[Congraluations! You have survived the 20th Situation: Depression]