-That's an awfully good mood you have there.
-Not really!
-It isn't hidden Taffy.
-Then guess where I am.
-I dunno, just tell me.
-Barnard's condo!
Okay, this isn't bad, right? Just meant when he said he'd get himself eaten, he meant literally and followed through. But I have a good number of questions, questions that need good answers.
-Is he in?
-No! I threw him out this morning.
-Should I ask why?
Apparently, when I was drunk Barnard came over with Riley and Taffy 'volunteered' to take him home...wanting to be eaten out. He didn't get what he wanted...they chose to sleep or he was forced to whichever it was.
Early morning in his sleep, Barnard was feeling him up...Taffy pretending to forget that wasn't his place threw the owner out even without changing clothes.
Major question, if he didn't feel him up, how would the two get to the sex part?
-He hasn't come back?
-He brought me breakfast and lunch...I picked them downstairs.
Okay! What should I say to or about that? Was he planning on staying there now? Someone had another place to stay, there were dorms as well but still he had to get his home back. Is this leverage on him or something...or a way in which Barnard wanted to keep him in his tuff. Maybe Barnard was pretending to be on the receiving end but he was the behind the scenes master.
I don't really understand what these two are going for. Taffy likes Barnard and apparently even Barnard thinks he likes Taffy. I say think because even I who doesn't know shit doesn't think that's love ...or like. Now that he was thrown away, did he really still want in on this package?
**********
Easing him into it, okay, sure. I'll just take my old man's word for it and take it slow. He'd said the boy didn't look ready, I also know that. Isn't this the reason we've gone through the high road, plus my prayers at the temple and the promises made years ago.
"And can you not do it during a school day?"
Do I look like that much of a pervert?
Though his weekends are always packed. Today we're home, I can't have our first day in my dad's house, that will even be forcing it. Next week there's a modelling event I had to stay till late just to buy him tickets for. The other week he had a test, he gets stressed during test week though he aces them.
Whatever happened last week we put it under our own pillows. We know it's there, we know we should talk about it but maybe we are waiting for it to simmer and boil over.
I want to talk about it, I really do but then I don't know where we are on it.
I shouldn't have told him he wasn't ready and should maybe prep himself or such. He's been trying to ease himself out of shyness, not a big deal except he now comes to the bathroom when I'm uh! you know...bathing. There's a good reason why I wanted to shower alone baby and that involves you not being around looking shy and stuff.
Day one, he pretended to be brave...he was tomato red though and his breathing was erratic. One minute he was in, the next he was out and wouldn't look at me even the next morning so he had to go to class alone.
The next time he came in, he pretended to be brushing his teeth...all he did was stare and gulp taking in air like he had been deprived for a good while, I had to get him to safety first, leaving me pending...damn it.
It made me think that maybe I should just start dressing with him around, stay shirtless like I did when I was with the boys. Early morning, he shrieked when he found himself hugging shirtless me and dashed to the bathroom to hide.
I guess I took that too first huh! But when will he accept this as normal? In his sleep he was touching my chest and drooling all over it, awake he's behaving like I did something so wrong.
Week two, he had a good number of projects and assignments to work on. Then there was studying, sleeping late and waking up early became a good norm. Atleast now i wasn't spending years just to get him out of bed.
During the weekend, he didn't even want to leave our room. It seemed the test wasn't something he was looking forward to. I also had exams but I have faith in my day to day class knowledge.
That week, apart from making sure I got to my exam room early, I had to also make sure to check on his eating, make sure he was sleeping...keep him hydrated. This was so he wouldn't get anxious and into some trouble he wasn't ready to deal with.
They had a mock design class where they'd choose partners and drape on mannequins... they'd be used as their display for next semester's newcomers.
They worked so had this week that they all got drunk while the five of us...and Kaleb sat watching them.
"This is bad!"
"What is?"
"Today Taffy is drunk. I can't pretend and have him..."
Right, for a while now, that's what they have been going around doing. They both had an issue about not being in the dorms but then the semester is coming to an end so...
"Just make sure he sleeps and don't force yourself on him."
"I am in club refrain now."
"Refrain?"
"The one Riley is in now."
Right! I forgot to add that I was in my own club, the leader and now I have one more member. But some threads are bound to snap sooner or later, his was gonna snap, I'm sure about it. Taffy has been trying to get himself bedded and this drunk thing should be plan hundred.
Today, I think I am the best person alive. I got everyone in their respected vehicles and cabs before driving off with Blane who wasn't drunk...just fidgety. Does he and Taffy take turns getting drunk?
"Are we going to the apartment?"
"Yes! Did you want us to go to the dorm or the house?"
"Not really, the apartment is good."
For a Thursday, the traffic is real bad. A hand slips onto my lap and before it starts wandering I get a hold of it.
"Don't wake a sleeping tiger Blane!"
"What if I want it?"
Okay, these signals were going on and off for a while now but my biggest question is, is it just a cry of attention or something more? I want him, yes! In that level...more than I should but after I had been given a run down of things I had hoped he himself would tell me when ready, about his past by his mom, I am not sure he is ready for this.
Right now each time I make a move on him I get stamped by what she told me and wish she just hadn't. Though this might be great on its own. I know my pacing and I know to not make him anxious but going blind sometimes helps...it helped before she gave that damned call.
"If you want it then we can wake it up."
"Really?"
"I want you more than you'd imagine Blane, so what's it gonna be?"
"Okay!"
Okay? What does okay mean? He was still fidgeting with his fingers but now he had let my thigh go and was looking outside. To tell the truth, I've slept with someone once before, in junior high, I didn't like it so I nipped whatever that was and went on with my life.
Before making those promises the guys had asked about that issue then and I had told them. I had made me feel dirty somehow and they'd...mainly Kristoff had said to go to the temple, like little sheep we followed each other with our own dreams and reasons. I don't think I have looked or felt for anyone like I do with Blane.