"So... even if it means death, you're still going?"
Subaru's voice was so soft it almost vanished in the wind. Carlisle looked at the stubborn girl before him, seeing the unshed tears on her lowered eyelashes, and finally, she nodded.
Carlisle stepped forward, meeting her gaze.
"Subaru, although I don't know exactly what happened... it seems... you've been through a lot on your own, in places I don't know about."
"I hate you." Subaru abruptly turned her face away, her voice squeezed out as if from between her teeth.
"Mhm." Carlisle responded calmly.
"I really hate you." This time, her voice was choked with a sob.
"Mhm."
Subaru suddenly looked up, desperate anger burning in her golden pupils. "Then just go! Go now! Don't mind me!"
Carlisle, however, shook his head.
"I can't agree to that either." His gaze fell on the dead, dark emptiness in Subaru's eyes. "Because I promised to protect you, remember?"
"Heh heh... a knight's vow, huh?"
Subaru's lips twisted into a bitter arc. She had never imagined that the steadfastness which once made her heart flutter would now become the most unyielding barrier between them. The knight who had extended a helping hand to her that day was now walking resolutely towards death.
Carlisle's voice remained gentle, yet carried an undeniable firmness. "It seems... choosing to give up on that solution isn't suitable for Subaru either."
He took a step forward. "Since Subaru doesn't want to give up either, how about leaving this problem to me? You can also help me, and we'll figure it out together."
"No." Subaru abruptly turned her face away, her black hair concealing her reddened eyes. "Giving up... suits me just fine."
"No, it doesn't suit you." Carlisle countered decisively.
"It does!"
"It doesn't."
"It does!"
Carlisle suddenly changed the subject. "Then why... when you were describing that future just now, even knowing it would be difficult, did Subaru still plan every detail so earnestly?"
There was no mockery in his eyes, no disappointment, only pure trust and expectation.
"So that's it..." Carlisle murmured, as if he had discovered something. "We... are the same kind of people."
"Shut up!" Subaru suddenly looked up as if stung, anger burning in her golden pupils. "This self-talk should stop! Me? What do you even know about me! What do you understand about me!"
Her voice grew sharper and sharper, as if wanting to unleash all the long-suppressed pain.
"The same kind of people? With you? I can't bear such expectations! Just thinking about being compared to you makes me feel like I'm going to collapse!"
Tears mixed with anger and inferiority splattered on the ground.
"This is the kind of person I am! Not smart and without strength! Why do you have such great expectations for me! Doing nothing but struggling pointlessly when I can't accomplish anything...!"
Her voice gradually faded, turning into painful sobs.
"Everyone... at least has one good quality, right? And as long as they strengthen that quality, anyone can find their place..."
Subaru curled up, as if trying to hide herself.
"But... but I don't even have that kind of quality... I don't even have one decent quality..."
Her last words were almost inaudible, yet more heartbreaking than any scream.
"I... really hate myself."
Why... why won't you just give up on me... Subaru was like a cornered small animal. Tears streamed down her pale cheeks, splashing tiny droplets on the ground.
If only I could push the responsibility onto others... it would be so much easier. Then I wouldn't have to face that ugly self, and I wouldn't have to let others see the real me... As long as the superficial facade isn't torn away, no one will know what dirty things are hidden inside... Cowardly and incompetent, only capable of hysterical shouting, yet still wishing to be liked... I, like this, even I find myself disgusting... Subaru curled up, as if trying to hide herself in the shadows.
Because only then... can I prevent others from seeing... and prevent myself from seeing... this ugly, nauseating true face... "I'm really so terrible... I hate... this kind of myself the most..."
Carlisle's voice suddenly came, gentle yet firm: "No, Subaru isn't that kind of person..."
"I told you to shut up!" Subaru abruptly looked up. "Don't arbitrarily impose your expectations on others!"
"You've had enough!"
Carlisle suddenly raised his voice. Subaru's self-deprecating words stopped abruptly, and she widened her eyes in shock. This was the first time Carlisle had spoken to her in such a tone.
"I understand. It seems..." Carlisle took a deep breath. "You want me to give up on you? Or... hate you?"
Subaru's body clearly stiffened for a moment. Her thoughts had been hit.
"Give up on you?" Carlisle's voice carried an unprecedented anger. "That thought is impossible! Do you think the time we spent together can be erased by a few words from you? Don't think things are so simple!"
He took a step forward.
"You want me to hate you? Then you'd better burn the entire Royal Capital to ashes! And it must be for a ridiculous reason like 'the weather is too bad today'!"
Subaru's lips trembled. "I told you, what do you know about me! This is... this is the real me!"
"Is that so? Could it be that from the first time we met, you've always been pretending? Then why—"
His voice suddenly softened. "Why are all my memories with you so beautiful?"
— — — — — —
"Do you remember that incident a few months ago?" Carlisle suddenly spoke.
"In the border forest, you found that Earth Dragon caught in a beast trap." His voice was like he was recounting a precious secret. "Even though the procurement mission was so urgent, you didn't hesitate to kneel in the mud and spent two whole hours helping it untangle the trap... not even caring when its tail hit your forehead and you bled."
"And the desserts you make." His Adam's apple bobbed, as if savoring the sweetness. "Ram always secretly hides two pieces, and then Rem finds out, causing the whole kitchen to be in an uproar..."
Fragments of memory shimmered in recollection.
"The light in the library where you go is always on the latest... you even turn the pages carefully." Carlisle suddenly took a step forward. "And the children in the village now shove candies into your pockets whenever they see you, treating you more affectionately than their own older sister."
Subaru's knees began to weaken.
"That time during the heavy rain, you gave your cloak to that wandering merchant... and ended up with a high fever yourself."
Warm memories surged like a tide.
"This Subaru..." Carlisle suddenly cupped her cold cheeks. "Says she's ugly and terrible?"
"Then wouldn't I be..." He gently pressed his forehead against hers. "Unworthy of even looking up to you?"
After a long silence,
"I believe in Subaru." His voice was as light as a falling feather. "So... please believe in me this one time. Leave it to me."
Absolute trust vibrated in the air.
When Carlisle slightly pulled back, Subaru's pupils trembled slightly. "Why... why would you do so much for me...?"
"Because..." His Fingers traced her outline. "I also yearn for that future."
Subaru suddenly widened her eyes, her breathing becoming rapid.
"After the Royal Selection is over... after I fulfill my knight's duty..." Carlisle's voice was as firm as a vow. "Let's go to Kararagi."
"Someone like me..." Subaru's voice trembled with disbelief. "Can I really... have a future like that?"
Carlisle smiled, a smile more powerful than any oath.
"From now on, together, we'll start anew..." He suddenly paused, then broke into an even brighter smile. "No, I should say, let's start from zero."
...
Read adv@nce ch@pters on p@t
guilt_free_daoist
Jo!n d!sc0rd I!nk in synops!s.
GIVE ME YOU POWER STONES.