SF Chapter 55: Sitcom Family III
Everyone had entered Evelyn's house and spread out into little groups.
Alex groaned as she approached her uncle.
"What is it?" Daniel asked, taking a sip of the wine he was holding.
"Now that Luke became friends with Jake, I have to deal with those two dumb kids - one with a crush on me, and the other telling me to date the first one."
Daniel laughed, and Alex crossed her arms, annoyed.
"Oh, come on. It's just a normal platonic crush. You had the same thing with Joey this morning," he teased his niece. "He's way older than you."
"Yes, until I discovered he could compete with Haley in intelligence," Alex replied dryly. "Did you hear me, Dani? With Haley!"
"Okay, my mean girl," he said, patting her head. "Be a little nicer."
"Oh, here comes another admirer of yours," Daniel mocked, nodding toward Manny, who had just arrived with Jay and Gloria.
Alex turned around and groaned again.
"If you're really feeling out of place, you can stay in my room for a while," he told her. "But basically the whole family is here. Don't isolate yourself."
He added mischievously, "Besides, knowing our family, something funny might happen."
"Thanks, Dani," she smiled genuinely. Then she glanced to the side. "But I won't need it. I'll go talk to my favorite uncle," Alex said, pointing to where Mitchell had just arrived.
"Ohhh, now you're really being mean. Come over here, Alexandra Anastasia," Daniel tried to grab her, but she dodged him and walked over to her other uncle.
He walked over to his father. "Hey, old man," he said, handing him a glass of wine.
Jay patted his son on the back and took the glass. "Good one," he approved after taking a sip.
"Where did Manny and Gloria go?"
His dad sighed. "Obviously, Manny got enchanted by your cousin Monica. They went over there to talk."
"Huh. Classic Manny," Daniel chuckled. He pointed toward Monica and then to Ross, who was standing in a circle with his wife and parents.
"See, Dad? One gets neglected by his parents, the other gets put on a pedestal," he remarked.
"Maybe we should neglect Manny. Look how the other one turned out," he added, pointing at Ross.
Jay didn't say anything for a moment, then commented, "Maybe Monica could help Manny in some aspects. She was kind of similar…" he recalled the chubby girl she used to be.
Daniel just looked at his face, then at his protruding belly, and then back again.
"Don't say a word. I'm too old for that diet crap," he spoke grumpily.
The son shrugged. "Well, you married Gloria. There's nothing much better than that… in the world! Just take care of yourself - you still need to see your grandchildren from your third kid. Aka me."
"And I'll take my time, Dad." He provoked, "even though I've been training a lot."
"Okay, we're done here," he spoke dryly, and walked off to talk to Jack Geller.
"Hey, Dani," Leonard approached. He was about to continue, but his cousin cut him off, raising a hand.
"Yeah, everyone wants to get laid with our cousin," Daniel blurted.
"What?" the physicist exclaimed, confused at first, but quickly realized afterward. "Oh, yeah. Monica. Yes. I mean…"
He lowered his voice. "She did become gorgeous."
But Leonard changed the subject. "What I actually wanted to talk about is… Leslie just saw me as a one-night stand," he revealed.
"She won't go with me to the premiere. She dumped me..."
Daniel grew thoughtful. "Here's the thing, cuz. Tomorrow I can introduce you to some actresses - I'll be getting introduced to them too. But I'll say this bluntly: having a relationship with any of them would be very difficult."
"I can propose you another deal. I'll have Penny bring Bernadette to the premiere as well, and you stick with her."
And Daniel went on, "Believe me, Leonard, I think you have a high chance with her."
"There will be a lot of beautiful actresses there. If you show that you're focused on her and don't go sighing over every pretty chick who walks by, you'll earn a lot of brownie points with Bernadette."
"Are you really sure I can get her?" Leonard asked a bit awkwardly.
"Yes, bro. Come on, Leonard, you're the second most intelligent in our group."
"And that's only because the supposedly smartest one is basically a C-3PO whom God min-maxed his stats for, putting all the points into intelligence and completely screwed the rest."
His cousin burst out laughing.
"Oh, Beelzebub is here," Daniel suddenly made a face.
Leonard gestured behind him. "Yes, Mom is here."
"But my siblings couldn't come."
[Daniel and Leonard commentary]
"My mom is a psychiatrist," Leonard said about his mother, Beverly Hofstadter. "She's also a respected author and holds several degrees."
"She is **** *****," Daniel cursed, the sound of video censorship beeps echoing over his words.
And he revealed the reason, "Can you believe that when I released Percy Jackson and decided to put Daniel H.P. as the author - short for Harper Pritchett,"
"She made a psychological analysis saying that my subconscious was trying to connect even more with what supposedly inspired me?"
But then he laughed. "What does she mean, subconscious? That was on purpose. And what supposedly? My first book was more than just inspired..."
"She should be praising me. I made more from that book than she did in her entire life. All I did was put mythology and bring it to our country."
Leonard kept looking at him. "So you did get inspired by Harry Potter? Isn't that kind of problematic to admit?"
Daniel replied, "Yes. And no, since I didn't plagiarize anything. Inspiration is fair game. I only borrowed some ideas."
"The trio dynamic, the hidden magical world, the secret training camp instead of a boarding school, the powerful object driving the main plot…" he started counting on his fingers.
"…the dark overarching villain pulling strings from the shadows, the protagonist having a prophecy, and the big betrayal at the end. Just small things."
"I thing this is better kept between us..." Leonard muttered.
[Commentary ends]
On the other side of the room, one of the groups consisted of Charlie, Alan, Ross, and his wife.
"You were married for twelve years and didn't know she was gay?" Ross stared at Alan in disbelief.
"How was I supposed to know?" Alan glared at Charlie for revealing it, and then at Ross, who ended up laughing.
"Ross," Carol, his wife, admonished him.
"Sorry, man," he said, but started chuckled again.
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