A bloated, olive-green fist the size of a boulder smashed directly into Venom's face. The impact shattered the symbiote's translucent fangs. The black, viscous mask warped under the sheer kinetic force.
A heartbeat later, a massive black fist retaliated. It slammed into the Hulk's jaw with the force of a freight train. Rotted green teeth flew into the dirt.
"That's more like it!" Hulk roared, spitting thick green blood. His sunken eyes burned with manic exhilaration. He hadn't felt this good in decades. For forty-five years, he had been the undisputed king of a dead world, starving for an opponent who could actually hit back.
Peter wasn't driving this fight. He had completely surrendered the physical reins to Venom. On its own, the symbiote was formidable, but bonded to Peter Parker's mutated physiology? It was an apex predator. Furthermore, this Wasteland Hulk was a shadow of his former self. Age, muscle atrophy, and decades of severe radiation sickness had drastically reduced his combat ceiling. The resulting clash was a brutal, even match: a three-meter-tall black nightmare trading merciless blows with a five-meter-tall irradiated monstrosity.
Punch. Counter-punch. The parched earth spiderwebbed beneath their heavy footfalls. The ground began to give way, collapsing into shallow craters.
"Little help here!" Wade screamed from the dirt.
Clint Barton lunged forward. He grabbed the severed upper half of Deadpool by the tactical harness and dragged him backward, away from the crushing shockwaves.
"Thanks, Legolas," Wade gasped, leaving a wet trail of blood in the dirt. "Could you maybe be a doll and grab my lower half while you're at it?"
Clint paused. He looked back at the center of the brawl. Deadpool's severed legs had been repeatedly trampled into a bloody, unrecognizable paste by the two brawling behemoths.
Clint shook his head. "I'll do my best to cover you, Wade. But you might want to just focus on growing a new pair."
Wade looked over at the flattened remains of his tactical boots. He let out a long, dramatic sigh. "Oh, my poor left leg. Oh, my right leg. I had those calves looking so toned..."
Venom drove a heavy right hook into Hulk's ribs.
Hulk retaliated blindly. He clamped his massive jaws around Venom's thick bicep. But he didn't bite into human flesh. He bit into pure, reactive symbiote mass.
The black sludge violently burst apart. It whipped upward, transforming into a thick set of liquid shackles. The tendrils wrapped tightly around Hulk's thick neck, choking off his air supply.
Hulk thrashed. He raised his fists, raining hammer-blows down on Venom's face.
Venom didn't even flinch. The symbiote grabbed the back of Hulk's bald head. With a terrifying surge of raw power, Venom slammed the monster's face directly into the bedrock. Then he lifted him and slammed him down again. And again.
A massive cloud of red dust plumed into the night air.
"That's it!" Clint roared, his fists clenched tight. His failing eyesight strained to track the fight, but the hope burning in his chest was unmistakable. Was the Wasteland finally breaking? Was the reign of Bruce Banner finally over?
Logan strolled over, casually kicking a loose rock out of his path. He had walked over expecting to help, but the situation seemed thoroughly handled.
"How much longer are they gonna take?" Logan grunted, pulling a crushed cigar from his pocket.
The top half of Deadpool propped himself up on his elbows. "Who knows? But considering this is technically a Spider-Man fanfiction, my money is definitely on the guy in the black suit."
Hulk was pinned to the dirt. The bedrock ground against his scarred face. His rage spiked, overriding his physical decay. He opened his jaw and unleashed a deafening, localized sonic roar.
The shockwave hit Venom at point-blank range. Symbiotes despised high-frequency sound. The black mass shrieked, instantly peeling back and disintegrating into the air, completely unable to maintain its structural integrity.
The red and gold Iron Spider armor was exposed beneath the retreating shadow.
Hulk continued his sonic assault, his throat bulging.
Peter didn't hesitate. He engaged his neural link. Two of the golden mechanical waldos snapped forward from his backplate. The razor-sharp tips pierced directly through Hulk's widened eyes, sinking deep into the monster's frontal lobe. The servos whirred, physically churning the irradiated brain tissue.
"It's over, Banner!" Peter yelled over the external speakers.
But it wasn't.
To Peter's absolute horror, the Hulk didn't drop. With his brain literally scrambled, the blind monster reached up, grabbed the golden mechanical arms, and violently ripped Peter off his chest.
Hulk threw a blind backhand. The massive knuckles clipped Peter's chest plate, sending the Iron Spider flying backward through the air.
Clint cursed loudly. He reached for his quiver, drawing another explosive arrow.
Logan was faster. The old mutant walked purposefully toward the towering, blind monster.
He still didn't pop his claws. He refused to break his vow. Instead, Logan reached down and scooped up the twin adamantium katanas Deadpool had dropped in the dirt.
Logan slipped behind the thrashing Hulk. He leaped onto the monster's broad back. He crossed the indestructible swords into a scissor-lock directly around the thick, green neck. He pulled back with all his might, intending to decapitate the beast.
The blades bit deep, but they stopped against the dense, irradiated spinal column. Even with his mutant strength, Logan's aging muscles weren't enough to finish the cut. Hulk realized what was happening. He reached wildly behind his head, trying to swat the old man off his back. Logan held on, his teeth gritted, muscles screaming.
Peter hit the dirt and rolled to his feet. He saw the stalemate. It was the perfect opening.
"Venom! Go!" Peter commanded.
The black symbiote launched itself from Peter's armor. It shot through the air like a liquid bullet, splashing directly onto Logan's back.
The darkness swallowed the old mutant. Logan's strength surged exponentially. The symbiote amplified his mutant musculature to terrifying new heights.
Logan roared. He yanked the katanas backward. The adamantium sliced through the bone—just a hair's breadth away from a clean decapitation.
The massive, monstrous symbiote head formed over Logan's shoulder. Venom unhinged his jaw, lunged forward, and clamped his translucent fangs directly onto the half-severed neck.
With one violent, brutal tug, Venom ripped the head completely free from the shoulders.
The headless body of the Hulk collapsed, shaking the earth.
Venom held the massive green head in its mouth for a fraction of a second. Then, he violently spat it out.
The head hit the dirt and rolled. As the adrenaline faded, the gamma radiation receded. The grotesque green features melted away, leaving the frail, human head of Bruce Banner staring lifelessly at the sky. The former Avenger. The cannibal king of the Wasteland. Dead.
The black sludge peeled off Logan's body, slithering rapidly back across the dirt to envelop Peter once again.
Venom's head popped out of Peter's shoulder. You do not need to thank me. But you are welcome. The symbiote spat a glob of black saliva into the dirt. Irradiated brains taste absolutely putrid. I am never eating human brains in this dimension again.
I don't think you should be eating human brains in ANY dimension, Peter thought firmly. He didn't need to say it out loud; the neural link transmitted the reprimand perfectly.
Clint slung his bow over his shoulder. He walked over and clapped Logan hard on the back. "Haha! Still got it, old buddy. Dashing as ever."
Logan wiped a streak of blood from his cheek. He casually tossed the katanas to the side. "You idiots could have handled it. But I've got crops to water in the morning. Figured I'd speed things up so I can get home."
Logan turned his gaze toward the dark cave at the back of the compound. He glanced at Clint. "You think the rent money they stole from the locals is stashed in there?"
Clint grinned. "I'll take a cut to cover Ashley's back child-support. You take the rest and distribute it back to the neighbors." Clint's smile softened into something genuinely hopeful. "Banner is dead, Logan. His bastards might not all be wiped out yet, but the head of the snake is gone. What do we have to be afraid of now? Time to show those claws, old friend."
Over by the wreckage, Wade propped his torso up on a charred tire. He pointed a gloved finger at Peter.
"See? What did I tell you?" Wade said, completely ignoring his missing legs. "Venom gets the final kill! The power scaling in parallel universes is way lower than the main continuity. Makes them drop way faster."
PS: In the original Old Man Logan comic storyline written by Mark Millar, the final fight between Logan and the bloated Wasteland Hulk goes a bit differently. Hulk actually eats Logan alive! However, Logan's mutant healing factor allows him to survive inside Banner's highly irradiated stomach. Logan pops his claws and literally tears his way out of the Hulk's back, killing him instantly!