I've always wondered…
What's the worst thing in life?
Is it losing your mom… and not even getting enough time to say goodbye?
Or watching your dad remarry just months later, like she never mattered that much to begin with?
Or living in a house that no longer feels like a home. Watching your own father look at you and seeing resentment in his eyes.
It isn't always one massive tragedy that breaks you. Sometimes, it's just everything happening at once, until you can't breathe anymore.
A soft meow pulled me back. I blinked, looking down to find Poppy rubbing against my leg, like she was trying to keep me from falling apart.
"Just you and me, huh?" I murmured, running my hand over her head, feeling her purr vibrate against my palm..
Hope is a cruel thing; I was still waiting for a call from Dad that I knew wasn't coming.
Instead, I pulled up Mom's picture on my phone. She was smiling…the version of her I keep fighting to keep in my head. Not the version lost in hospital sheets, or the version whose hand went cold while I was still holding it.
"Mom…" my voice cracked. "I'm sorry." The words came out broken. "I tried, okay? I really did."
My throat tightened. "But… Dad hates me now."
A tear slipped down my face. The words felt heavier saying them out loud. Like admitting it made it more real. There was no pretending anymore.
Everything was silent, except the faint sound of rain hitting the pavement.
"I don't know what to do," I choked out. "He looks at me like I'm nothing. Like I'm a stain he can't scrub off."
My head dropped. And just like that….everything I'd been holding in all night cracked. I pressed my hand against my mouth, trying to muffle the sob, but it didn't help. It never did.
Because no matter how quiet I cried…it still hurt the same.
Poppy nudged closer, and I clung to her….just needing to touch something real.
"I'm trying, Mom," I whispered into the dark. "I'm trying so hard."
Suddenly, the rain stopped hitting my face. A shadow fell over me, and I looked up, squinting through the blur.
A dark umbrella was tilted over my head. Standing there, looking down at me with a look that was far too kind, was him. Phil.
"It's going to drown you, you know." A familiar deep voice said gently.
I blinked. For a second, I didn't know if he meant the rain, or something else.
I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand.
He gave a small nod. "Remember me?"
I couldn't talk for a minute. I just sat there caught between embarrassment, and something close to relief.
"Yeahh," I muttered. "I remember." He was hard to forget.
Phil didn't look away. It felt like he was reading the parts of me I keep buried. "You okay?" he asked softly.
"Yeah. Fine." It came out way too fast.
He didn't push. He just shifted the umbrella and gestured toward the street. "The car's here. We should get moving."
I hesitated, then reached down for Poppy. I tucked her against my chest, feeling her heartbeat against mine, and stood up on shaky legs.
I paused just for a second before reaching for the door. My hand hovered there. Just for a moment.
If I got in…there was no going back to how things were. Not that there was much to go back to.
I exhaled quietly. Then I opened the door.
Maybe this is the turning point. Or maybe it's just the next thing that's going to break me.