Everyone in Liyue knows that Liyue has a guardian immortal, a Guardian Yaksha under Lord Rex Lapis, with the honorary title "Conqueror of Demons" and the common name "Xiao."
This Yaksha is brave and skilled in battle. Despite being plagued by karma for a thousand years, he still stands tall, which is truly Liyue's fortune.
(Note: What is karma? For now, think of "karma" as a kind of illness.)
However, recently, an enthusiastic citizen who wishes to remain anonymous revealed that the greatest suffering endured by the Conqueror of Demons is likely not that bone-eroding and heart-scorching karma.
Why is that?
Look at the banks of Dihua Marsh; often in the dead of night, a dark green figure can be seen darting like lightning, exterminating demons and staying awake all night.
It is so for one day, so for ten days, and has been so for hundreds and thousands of years.
But, according to an extremely accidental close-up observation, the two dark circles under the Conqueror of Demons' eyes are particularly striking. On that cold face, a trace of longing for a peaceful sleep occasionally even flashes by.
Furthermore, an insider added that they had personally seen him leaning against a treetop at dawn, only to wake up with a start after closing his eyes for less than three breaths.
Once, an early-rising fisherman even vaguely heard a very soft sigh coming from the direction of the immortal: "...Another night."
Through simple yet profound analysis, an earth-shattering conclusion was reached: Lord Guardian Yaksha likely suffers from a severe, persistent case of—
In! Som! Nia!
Imagine, the long night is vast and all is silent, the perfect time to catch up on sleep.
However, the famous Conqueror of Demons either tosses and turns on his bed or sits withered on a solitary treetop, counting thousands of stars and listening to the wind from all directions. His eyes are wide as copper bells and he is full of energy (fake); he simply cannot take a single step into the land of dreams.
Why?
First, the disturbance of his residence.
The Conqueror of Demons often stays on the top floor of [this part is blurred by ink], which has a wide field of vision, making it easy to monitor monsters.
However, it's lonely and cold at the top, especially at night. The sea breeze from Liyue Harbor and the lake breeze from Dihua Marsh clash here, conducting nightly drills, blowing the wooden windows until they clatter like war drums. Ordinary people would find it noisy, let alone a Yaksha with exceptionally keen hearing.
Every night, the sound of the wind, the rattling windows, and even the slight groans of the building's timber due to temperature changes are all clearly audible and incredibly clamorous, shattering the Conqueror of Demons' sleepiness into pieces.
Second, the clamor of nature.
If the sound of the wind is a disturbance from the heavens, then the creatures of the night are the clamor of the earth.
The "chorus of frogs" and "chirping of birds" that Poets chant about during the day are no different from demonic sounds to someone trying to sleep in the dead of night.
The Conqueror of Demons' five senses are transcendent. To him, this "noise pollution" of the natural world is amplified by more than tenfold.
To block out these sounds, he would likely need to divert some of his immortal power, making peaceful sleep even more difficult.
Third, the disturbance of the palate.
An immortal's five senses are extremely keen. In the silence of the night, if there are smells of various novel dishes, they scramble to drill into the Conqueror of Demons' nose.
Various fresh and fragrant aromas are a source of happiness for ordinary people, but for a self-cultivating immortal, they may be a groundless interference.
Especially the almond tofu that wafts its fragrance in the middle of the night.
Although the Conqueror of Demons likes this dish, suddenly smelling this sweet fragrance in the dead of night evokes memories and longings, tugging at his heartstrings. How can he be still?
Even if he doesn't need mortal food to fill his stomach, the familiar scent lingering at the tip of his nose is enough to make his already meager sleepiness vanish into thin air.
Fourth, uninvited guests.
This is the biggest variable and the source of the greatest headache for the immortal.
That illustrious Traveler and their best partner (emergency food) seem to have no idea what "dead of night" or "do not disturb" means. The randomness of their visits and the absurdity of their reasons are unparalleled in Teyvat.
"Knock! Knock! Knock!"
The Conqueror of Demons' window is urgently knocked on, accompanied by a low, excited shout: "Xiao! Look! The new signature weapon I just pulled!"
Or in the middle of the night, a clear shout: "Immortal Xiao! Help! I can't beat the Golden Wolflord!"
Or without any warning, they appear with a "swish," holding a Qingxin: "Hey, I picked this while passing by. You don't look too good, want to brew some tea with it?"
Although the Traveler has good intentions, they always strike at the critical moment when he is about to fall asleep or enter meditation.
Fifth, the pain of karma.
Regarding karma, the world says it erodes bones and scorches the heart, and is extremely painful. This is indeed true.
However, even this kind of pain that has followed him like a shadow for a thousand years has become a habit for the Conqueror of Demons, and he has even become numb to it.
karma ravages his body and erodes his spirit.
Insomnia, however, directly robs the Conqueror of Demons of his last harbor to temporarily escape the wind and waves—deep sleep.
Over time, even the brief chaos after a karma flare-up has turned into a torment of continuous wakefulness because he cannot sleep peacefully.
And long-term insomnia causes karma flare-ups to become increasingly severe, and so it repeats. The deeper the insomnia, the heavier the karma; the heavier the karma, the deeper the insomnia. This intensifies until it becomes an unsolvable cycle.
Even an immortal body with a thousand years of cultivation cannot withstand this kind of day-after-day wear and tear.
What's more, after the pain brought by karma, the Conqueror of Demons does not rest but immediately throws himself into the next confrontation with the long night.
karma might be able to wear down an immortal's form and spirit, but this years-long, irresistible insomnia might first drive an immortal to a certain... well, to the limit of a certain emotion.
In summary, bone-eroding karma can still be countered with willpower and a thousand years of cultivation, but this day-and-night, omnipresent trouble of insomnia quietly wears down the immortal's spirit. It traps the Conqueror of Demons firmly in the land of "wakefulness," making a single peaceful sleep unattainable.
Therefore, it is said: karma is scary, but insomnia is even more so!
How to relieve sorrow? Only by eliminating demons.
Thus, the demons and evil spirits of Liyue were in big trouble.
One night, a group of Treasure Hoarders was about to commit a crime when they encountered that dark green immortal figure three times in a row. The last time, the other party did nothing but stand under the moon and give a cold glance, and the few of them crawled and scrambled to turn themselves in.
The peace of Liyue at night is indeed thanks to the Conqueror of Demons' chronic insomnia.
But everything has pros and cons.
This kind of long-term high-intensity sleep deprivation, while beneficial to the great cause of exorcising demons, inevitably leaves some "insignificant" marks on the body and mind.
If a child doesn't get enough sleep, it's hard for them to grow tall.
Thinking of the Conqueror of Demons' upright posture that hasn't changed in a thousand years, and that... cough, delicate figure that is slightly inconsistent with the title of an Adeptus...
Combined with his horrific years of insomnia... isn't the reason behind it quite thought-provoking?
One day, after a night of exorcising demons, the Conqueror of Demons suddenly froze in front of his reflection in the water.
Why, after a thousand years, did he still maintain a youthful figure?
He silently raised his hand to compare himself with the reeds beside him, and finally fell into a deeper silence.
So... one day, the Conqueror of Demons finally couldn't help but ask Lord Rex Lapis: "Lord Rex Lapis, do Yakshas... never grow taller?"
Lord Rex Lapis, who was brewing tea, paused. His gaze swept over the cowlick on top of Xiao's head: "Growth requires quiet rest and peaceful sleep. Have you been resting well lately?"
Xiao immediately stiffened his back: "I have never been lax!"
—After all, he hadn't slept at all, so how could he be lax?
karma devouring the body? He can endure it.
Demons howling? He can stand it.
But the growth stagnation caused by insomnia is simply a public execution.
Not long after, Director Hu of the WangSheng Funeral Parlor actually appeared in person before the Conqueror of Demons.
With a face full of smiles, she held out the latest "Sleep Aid and Growth Deluxe Package" launched by the WangSheng Funeral Parlor and enthusiastically promoted it to the Conqueror of Demons: "Immortal Xiao! Try this! Selected Liyue ancient wood, with built-in soothing silk flower fragrance. Guaranteed to make you fall into a deep sleep as soon as you lie down, and wake up refreshed. You might even grow tall~"
The Conqueror of Demons gripped his vortex vanquisher, enduring it again and again. Finally, he couldn't hold back, and the tip of the spear "swished" to a stop right in front of the Director's nose.
Hu Tao blinked, not afraid at all. Instead, she added with a smile: "Oh, getting anxious? This shows that you still want to grow tall in your subconscious!"
Furthermore, a saying began to circulate among the people: "That immortal, when he leaps onto the roof beams, you can't see him when you look up, and when he jumps down, he's buried in the fog because he's too short... isn't it true that you can't see him when you look down either!"
(Note: This "look down and see" is by no means disrespectful. It's actually to describe his being approachable... uh, or rather, easy to find?)
Therefore, it is privately suggested that Immortal Xiao could be given an elegant title: "True Lord Look Up, Look Down, See."
How appropriate! How vivid!
Even a certain Caretaker of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor who wished to remain anonymous took a sip of hot tea and smiled slightly after hearing about it.
In short, and in conclusion, although karma is fierce, it is ultimately an external demon.
The trouble of insomnia is the internal disturbance.
karma is not as scary as insomnia!
[Note: The above are all hearsay and idle talk. If you happen to meet that immortal in Dihua Marsh, please do not mention "height" or "insomnia," and definitely do not call him "True Lord Look Up, Look Down, See"—remember this. Otherwise, you will bear the consequences yourself, and the WangSheng Funeral Parlor's 30% discount awaits you.]
(End)