Chapter 6: Great Hall Announcement
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. IT BELONGS TO JK ROWLING.
A/N: Read, enjoy, and remember not to take either life or my writing too seriously.
Ron still looked half-dazed, like someone who had just been handed the winning lottery ticket.
"Yeah," he repeated eagerly.
Harry nodded slowly.
"Alright. But there's one condition."
Ron barely seemed to hear him.
He was already imagining the glory.
"Anything," Ron said quickly. "Seriously—anything."
Harry briefly considered demanding something ridiculous, like forcing Ron to ask Millicent Bulstrode on a Hogsmeade date. But Hermione mattered far more than a joke like that.
"Well," Harry said carefully, "Hermione and I…"
He glanced toward Hermione, who suddenly looked nervous.
"…are together now. We're dating."
Ron blinked.
"And the only thing I ask," Harry continued, "is that you don't get jealous about it."
Ron stared at him for a second.
"That's it?"
Harry nodded.
"That's all."
Ron snorted.
"Why would I care about that? If I'm a Triwizard Champion I'll be able to date anyone I want!"
His grin widened.
"I bet even that Veela girl would go out with me."
Hermione rolled her eyes.
Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a sheet of parchment.
"In that case," she said calmly, "would you mind signing this?"
Ron squinted at the parchment.
"What's it for?"
"It just confirms that you promise not to be jealous of Harry and me," Hermione explained. "And that you agree to compete in the tournament if Harry names you as the replacement champion."
Harry glanced at Hermione with mild confusion. She hadn't mentioned anything about written agreements earlier.
Ron snorted again.
"Only you would create a non-jealousy contract," he said.
Still grinning like an idiot, he grabbed the quill and scribbled his signature dramatically across the parchment.
"I'm going to be a champion," Ron muttered happily.
"A champion… a champion…"
Harry and Hermione exchanged glances.
They were both extremely grateful Ron rarely sang.
"Remember," Hermione said firmly, "you can't tell anyone yet."
Ron blinked.
"What? Why not?"
"Because it won't be official until Harry names you tonight," Harry explained. "If you wait, the whole Great Hall will hear it announced at once."
Ron's grin returned instantly.
"Oh… yeah. That'll be brilliant."
Once Harry and Hermione left the common room, Harry turned toward her suspiciously.
"What was that parchment really about?"
Hermione looked slightly guilty.
"Well… I just thought it would be useful to have something written down."
Harry raised an eyebrow.
"Somehow I feel like that's not the whole story."
Hermione sighed.
"Alright… I might have added a small enchantment."
Harry stared.
"What kind of enchantment?"
Hermione hesitated before answering.
"If Ron becomes jealous of us…"
She looked embarrassed.
"…he'll experience a sudden case of flatulence."
Harry blinked.
"Wait."
He processed that for a moment.
"So every time Ron gets jealous of us…"
Hermione nodded slowly.
"…he'll fart."
She shrugged defensively.
"I was still annoyed with him for ignoring you earlier."
Harry stared at her.
Then he started laughing.
First it was a small chuckle.
Then it became uncontrollable.
Soon he was doubled over with laughter, tears streaming down his face.
When he finally managed to calm down, he looked at Hermione with absolute seriousness.
"Hermione," he said solemnly, "I promise I will never, ever break up with you."
Hermione frowned.
"Why?"
Harry grinned.
"Because I never want you angry at me."
Hermione narrowed her eyes before finally laughing as well.
Then Harry leaned closer.
"You wouldn't happen to have a kiss for your boyfriend, would you?"
Hermione smiled mischievously.
"I might."
And she gave him exactly what he asked for.
Later that evening the entire school gathered in the Great Hall for dinner.
Just as the meal was about to begin, Albus Dumbledore stood up.
The room gradually fell silent.
"I must make an announcement regarding the Triwizard Tournament," he said.
Instantly, everyone's attention focused on Harry.
"Last night Mister Potter attempted to use a particularly dangerous spell while preparing for the tournament," Dumbledore continued.
Whispers began spreading across the hall.
Harry forced himself not to grin while making eye contact with Madam Pomfrey.
"The spell in question—Amplio Magus—resulted in a severe magical imbalance within his core," Dumbledore explained.
Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes slightly.
Dumbledore continued calmly.
"This instability made it unsafe to treat his broken arm using magic. As a result, he is currently receiving non-magical treatment."
He smiled toward Pomfrey.
"I am pleased to report that he will recover fully."
Scattered applause followed.
Unfortunately, not many students joined in.
Most still believed Harry had cheated to enter the tournament in the first place.
"However," Dumbledore continued, "due to these injuries Mister Potter will be unable to compete."
Now the entire hall erupted in murmuring.
"According to the rules of the tournament, Mister Potter must select a replacement champion."
Harry stood.
"Sir, I've already decided."
Dumbledore nodded.
"Very well."
With a flick of his wand, the Goblet of Fire appeared before him.
He turned to Madam Pomfrey.
"Since the Goblet may only be reignited for medical reasons, the responsibility is yours."
Pomfrey stepped forward and cast the necessary spell.
After a moment, blue-white flames reignited within the Goblet.
"Harry," Dumbledore said, "write your name on the parchment, cross it out, and write your replacement beneath it."
Hermione handed Harry the parchment.
He wrote:
Harry Potter
Then crossed it out.
Below that he wrote:
Ronald Weasley
"Bring it here," Dumbledore instructed.
Harry hesitated for a moment.
Then he turned toward Hermione.
"Come with me."
Hermione blinked.
"Why?"
"Just… please."
She couldn't refuse him.
Together they walked to the front table.
Nearby, Alastor Moody was staring intensely at Harry's arm.
Through his magical eye he could clearly see the fracture beneath the cast.
One thought crossed his mind.
Oh no.
How am I supposed to explain this disaster to my master?
Harry dropped the parchment into the Goblet.
The flames turned red.
A second later a charred slip of parchment shot out of the Goblet.
Dumbledore caught it easily.
He glanced at the name and then addressed the hall.
"The Champion's Champion for the Triwizard Tournament…"
He paused.
"…is Ronald Weasley."
Ron leapt to his feet.
This was his moment.
The moment he would finally step out of Harry Potter's shadow.
The moment the entire school would recognize his greatness.
A few people started clapping.
Ron climbed onto the bench dramatically, spreading his arms as he prepared to accept the admiration of the crowd.
The applause grew louder.
Cheers echoed through the hall.
Whistles followed.
Finally Ron opened his eyes, ready to bask in the glory.
Then he realized something strange.
Nobody was looking at him.
Every student was staring toward the front of the hall.
Confused, Ron turned around.
And saw exactly what everyone else was applauding.
Harry had chosen that exact moment to keep his promise.
He was kissing Hermione in front of the entire school.
They seemed completely unaware of the noise around them.
Lost in the moment.
Then suddenly—
A loud sound echoed across the Great Hall.
PPPPPPPWWWWWTTTTT!
An explosive noise shattered the moment—followed by immediate regret.
The noise was so loud it cut through the applause.
Another followed immediately.
PPPPWWWWTTTTT!
Every head turned.
Ron Weasley stood frozen on the bench.
Triwizard Champion.
And the source of the most legendary fart in Hogwarts history.
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