An atmosphere of inescapable nightmare reigned in the classroom. Bright rays of sunlight pierced through the half-drawn curtains, illuminating dozens of manuals on Grimm behavior and several posters detailing their anatomy. And in the corner of the room sat a tarp-covered cage, from which something periodically tried to break out. Everyone tried to ignore it, but since the teacher had asked them to bring their weapons, there was definitely going to be a fight today.
The students stared in despair from their desks, which were arranged in a semicircle. Every ten seconds, someone glanced at the clock and fell deeper into depression, while the professor pacing back and forth across the auditorium endlessly droned on about his youth.
Suddenly, he stopped and importantly raised a meaty finger, his massive gray mustache twitching:
"My uncle was a wise but old man, and he stood in my way. He told me: 'You can't handle a hundred Ursai!' To which I replied: 'The vigor of my youth cannot be overcome by mere numbers!'"
"Did you really beat them?! A hundred Ursai?!" Magenta asked in awe.
"Of course, dear lady. Back in those days, I was quite the specimen!" Professor Port struck a bodybuilder pose, squatting slightly and extending his arms as if winding up for a throw. "No overgrown bear could best me! Oh! That reminds me of another marvelous tale of how I, completely stark naked, arm-wrestled an Ursa. Feel free to picture it, ladies, I understand."
The ladies sighed doomed sighs; if they were fantasizing about anything, it was only the school bell. The guys were on the exact same page.
"Anyway! It was a cold January morning. Being a true connoisseur of winter swimming, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. After chopping an ice hole in the river with my bare hands, I dove in..."
Egrer tuned out, dropping his head onto his textbook. The Grimm Studies textbook, which he had already managed to read almost to the middle. And if someone was voluntarily and willingly reading a textbook during a lecture, things were very, very bad. A quick glance at the wall clock showed that the lesson had been going on for twenty minutes. Only twenty fucking minutes! Then where was this geriatric back pain coming from? Why did it feel like a beard was literally sprouting from his chin? Why was time moving so slowly?
The feeling of irretrievably wasted time gnawed at his insides; he desperately wanted to do something. But they had surrendered their scrolls at the entrance to the auditorium, and chatting was out of the question since Port kept a close eye (and ear) out for any extraneous noise during his "lecture." At least, anything unrelated to the lesson's topic.
Ninety-nine percent of the students were dying of boredom. Some, like Yort, were doodling; others, like Egrer, lazily flipped through textbooks; and some, like Illmond, were straight-up sleeping. The remaining one percent, represented solely by Magenta, listened with rapt admiration to Peter Port's self-aggrandizing sermons.
"...The water cascaded down my bare torso, hot steam billowing from my mouth like a dragon's breath! And then I saw her—a massive Ursa! She lay in ambush, covered in snow and ice, watching my every move the entire time."
"Excuse me?" Weiss raised her hand. The poor girl was still hoping to extract something useful from these stories; she was even taking notes.
"I'm all ears, young lady."
"Aren't Ursai referred to as 'it'? Why are you calling it a 'she'? Grimm don't have genders."
"Because only a true lady could spend that long admiring my chiseled physique before pouncing. Ha-ha-ha!" The professor clutched his voluminous belly and boomed with laughter, while Weiss slowly lowered her hand.
She was probably expecting to hear some useful piece of lore, like the results of groundbreaking research explaining how Grimm reproduce. Or perhaps a profound lecture on the very origins of these monsters, which was also a closely guarded secret. That was the kind of stuff she enrolled in Beacon to learn, just like the majority of the people in the room.
"Let us continue the lesson! The Ursa lay in wait, but as soon as she spotted me... Hey, you in the back row!"
Egrer nearly jumped out of his skin, but the reprimand wasn't aimed at him. It was directed at Team JNPR, sitting together on the other side of the auditorium.
"Y-yes?" After a couple of jabs from his teammates, Jaune finally deigned to stand up and heroically take the heat for all of them. He was the leader; it was his duty.
"There must be silence during my class. No talking."
"Understood, sir! Sorry, sir!"
"Now, where were we? Ah, yes..."
Bored to death. Nothing to even do. Egrer started banging his head against his textbook. Illmond was softly snoring nearby, but Egrer couldn't follow his example because of Magenta sitting to his right.
"Did you hear that, Eg? Did you hear?" She started yanking on his arm. "He wrestled an Ursa! Wrestled! Naked!"
"Heard it..." Egrer rasped in a dead-tired voice.
"What about you, Yort? Did you hear?"
"Heard it..."
Possibly (just possibly), if you entertained the probability (just entertained it), that maybe (just maybe) there was actually something useful buried in Port's lectures, Egrer sure wasn't hearing it. Nobody was hearing it. If you had to choose between a boring teacher who just read straight from the textbook all period and Peter Port, there was literally no difference.
Then again, why was Egrer even stressing about it? He didn't need to graduate with honors; he could just coast by on the bare minimum, get his piece of paper, and launch his music career. That was why he enrolled in Beacon in the first place. Let the rest of them bust their humps to get a prestigious job; he had no intention of risking his neck for total strangers.
Most people here would call that wrong, and technically, they'd be right. Having power and skills but not using them for the greater good was definitely frowned upon. People constantly dragged billionaires who didn't do charity, and if they did, the amounts were basically pocket change compared to their income. Same deal here.
Once I become a world-famous, filthy-rich musician, I'll donate almost everything to orphanages. When you learn to fly, don't forget who you crawled with. Plus, I'll change how people treat Faunus so upcoming musicians like me won't have to deal with the same bullshit...
But his half-sleep, full of dreams about a grand future, was constantly interrupted by Magenta. During particularly epic moments of Port's stories, she would shake Egrer and even the desk, washing away any traces of sleep like a tsunami. He tried to ignore her, thinking that if he just didn't pay attention, she'd quit, but time ticked by, and he never quite managed to fall asleep. Tossing between sleep and reality, Egrer's pleasant thoughts eventually morphed into very unpleasant ones.
And this is our leader? Why did Ozpin pick her? He fully understood, of course, that if shit hit the fan, the pack would instantly come running to him for help. But until then, they had an unfair, albeit completely legal, excuse to just ignore orders from their true alpha if they didn't like them. Egrer was still their unofficial leader; the habit of listening to him was deeply ingrained in their heads, but it wasn't the same. It was temporary; it was just inertia.
The title of Team Leader at Beacon wasn't just an empty flex or prestige; it was actual authority granted by the Headmaster. The leaders were the ones who received all the performance data on their scrolls, they were the ones the teachers spoke to when dealing with the whole team, and they were entrusted with the task of watching over and guiding their subordinates in the right direction. Not to mention, they were basically the face of the entire team, their representative.
Magenta was more like a deaf-mute captain on a ship. In calm waters, when there was no rush, she could somehow barely manage to perform her duties, but the second a storm appeared on the horizon, the boatswain took over. But if that same boatswain tried to argue with the captain during peacetime, no one would take him seriously. Because, oh no, that's against the rules!
Huntsmen aren't the military, sure, but during missions outside the walls, even they need to observe strict chain of command, if only for the sake of common sense. Arguing with each other wastes precious time, so you need someone to take full responsibility for the decisions made. A leader. And Magenta and responsibility... those words aren't just incompatible; they're practically antonyms.
I'm way better suited for this role, it's not even a debate, Egrer thought, finally feeling himself drifting off. But he was jolted from his heavy-thought-filled doze by a rallying cry.
"Me!" Weiss thrust her hand toward the ceiling, not even hesitating to stand up. "I am worthy!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, our first candidate for the title of a true Huntsman!" Peter Port exclaimed. "Let's see what you're made of, girl."
"Huh?" Egrer groggily scanned the classroom, trying to figure out what was going on. "Madge, did I miss something?"
"They're going to fight!" Magenta was practically jumping for joy. It was the first time he'd seen her this hyped up.
"Who? The Prof and Weiss?"
"No, look, look!"
Professor Port grabbed the growling cage with just one hand and dragged it to the center of the room. The snarls and thuds from inside intensified, but the teacher didn't seem to care in the slightest, humming a cheerful little tune into his mustache. Maybe (just maybe) some tiny fraction of his insane stories about his youth were actually true, but definitely not more than zero-point-one percent.
"Voila! Who can tell me what kind of specimen this is?" The teacher yanked off the tarp, and a Grimm that looked like a pissed-off wild boar started thrashing around even harder. Egrer raised his hand, having just read about it, but Weiss answered instead:
"A Boarbatusk, sir." She spun the cylinder in her rapier, selecting the type of Dust she needed. "Fast, durable, equipped with sharp tusks."
"Bravo! Precise and to the point, no rambling. Remember, children: knowing your enemy is half the battle!" That was his one and only useful piece of wisdom for the day. "I remember when I was sailing to Vacuo, a swarm of~"
"Professor," Weiss pressed, already in a combat stance.
"Ahem! Next time, kids. But for now—let the battle begin!" The professor swung his blunderbuss-axe, splitting the lock on the cage door right down the middle. The Boarbatusk instantly shot out and immediately tried to gore the teacher, but Port nimbly caught it by the tusk. "Not today, my friend, let's save it for next time, ha-ha-ha!" He tossed the beast closer to Weiss.
"Ill," Egrer nudged his sleeping friend, "you're missing all the fun."
The room livened up; students leaned forward over their desks with interest, and someone shouted words of encouragement. Egrer almost regretted dragging the pack to the very back of the auditorium. If he'd known they were going to get to watch a fight... But the best seats were already taken.
"You got this!" Magenta cheered brightly, pumping her fists. "You beat a Nevermore, you can beat this guy!"
"Break its legs!" Nora decided to voice her support as well.
"Show 'em, Weiss!" But Ruby was yelling the loudest. The rest of her team cheered a bit quieter; after all, why scream when you're sitting in the front row?
The Boarbatusk whipped its head, deflecting the rapier strike with its tusks. If it weren't for her Dust glyphs, it would have managed to clip Weiss, but instead, she just vaulted over the squat Grimm's body.
"Jump up, it can't reach you there!" Ruby offered a helpful tip.
"I already figured that out!" Weiss got distracted for a second and paid the price. Her rapier missed the Boarbatusk's eye, instead sliding harmlessly across its bone mask. The Grimm simply headbutted her, knocking her to the floor, and swatted her dropped weapon away with its paw.
"What a twist, ladies and gentlemen!" Professor Port exclaimed like a TV commentator. He leaned casually on the pommel of his axe, but he was clearly ready to step in at a moment's notice. "What will Miss Schnee do without her trusty companion? A Huntsman without a weapon, children, is a Huntsman without hands! Take care of them!" That was his second useful piece of wisdom today. This day was just getting better and better.
The Boarbatusk positioned itself between the rapier and Weiss, keeping them apart. It tossed its head and pawed at the floor, as if gearing up for something.
"Smart little bastard," Egrer whispered. "Ill, where do you think the Prof got it? Grimm die pretty fast in captivity."
"Maybe he ran out somewhere before class to snag one," Illmond shrugged. He didn't seem particularly interested in the fight; he was more focused on studying the educational posters on the wall. Still, he deigned to offer a little commentary on the brawl. "Weiss gets too distracted by her surroundings. A Huntsman's most basic skill is maintaining focus, and she sucks at it."
"Hit it in the belly, there's no armor there! Flip it over!" Ruby held up a notebook above her head, featuring large, scribbled drawings of her battle plan.
"Stop bossing me around!" Weiss snapped, and that was exactly what the Grimm was waiting for. It charged at her with all its might, spinning and curling up before barreling across the floor at incredible speed.
The Schnee Dust Company might have lost its heiress right then and there if she hadn't managed to dive out of the way just in time. Reaching her rapier, she swung it hard behind her back, not even looking and absolutely burning through her Dust supply. The Boarbatusk, which had already turned around for another pass, was instantly encased in a thick block of ice, along with the chalkboard behind it. Only one of its hind legs kept twitching comically.
"Technical knockout!" Professor Port clapped thunderously. The rest of the students followed his lead. "I remember, about thirty years ago, I stumbled upon an entire pack of Boarbatusks. I had nothing but a straight razor and some anti-wrinkle cream, but a true Huntsman like myself..."
The bell rang.
"...holds sacred a student's right to vanish a second after class ends. Astounding speed!" The professor clapped again, but instead of a full auditorium, only a couple of people were left to hear him.
In one fluid motion, Egrer swept his completely unused school supplies into his bag and prepared to follow the majority's example: disintegrate from this classroom and re-materialize literally anywhere else. But Magenta grabbed his sleeve.
"We need to get his autograph."
"Great, go get it. Why do you need me?"
"Aren't you curious?" she looked genuinely confused.
"No."
"Perfect, let's go!" She skipped down the steps, dragging a stumbling Egrer in tow.
"No as in no—I'm not curious!" But it was too late.
"Good luck with that, we're out." Yort waved goodbye and walked out of the classroom. Illmond quickly scurried after him.
"Traitors!"
Magenta bounded over to Professor Port, who had his back turned to them and was currently chipping the ice off the chalkboard with his axe. He was cheerfully humming something—maybe a song, maybe a nursery rhyme—tapping his foot and swaying to the beat:
One Beowolf got sick, the second watched him weep.
The third went out for medicine, the fourth one helped to keep.
The fifth one died so suddenly, the sixth a coffin made.
The seventh dug a little grave, the eighth the body laaaa-iiiid...
Creepy as hell. Especially that falsetto at the end, Egrer thought.
"Hello, Professor Port!" Magenta stood at attention and practically saluted. A massive smile remained plastered on her face.
"Greetings, young lady." The teacher spun around to face them, his belly jiggling from the momentum. "How may I be of service?"
"Sign this, please!" she shoved her Grimm Studies textbook toward him. "And tell us a bit more about your adventures!"
"Oh hell no, I didn't sign up for storytime." Egrer tried to take a step away, but Magenta still had him in an iron grip. "I only agreed to come down here with you for the autograph."
"Ho-ho! What a lovely couple!" Egrer didn't even bat an eye; he had endured far worse teasing in his life. You couldn't even call this teasing, really, just a clumsy attempt to embarrass them.
"Just because we're holding hands doesn't make us a couple."
"Yep!" Magenta nodded enthusiastically. "Because there are four of us! We're a quad-ple!"
"Ho?" The Professor raised a bushy eyebrow, thoroughly intrigued.
"I'll wait for you outside, try not to miss me too much!" Egrer yanked his hand free and bolted out of the classroom. He didn't give a damn what crazy shit she said in there; she was the leader now, so she could deal with the fallout. Let her get used to the consequences!
He didn't dare just leave, though. You couldn't leave Magenta unsupervised for long, because the second she stepped out of that classroom, she was absolutely going to do some crazy shit. So he hopped up onto a windowsill and settled in to wait, which was exactly what he'd just promised to do anyway.
There weren't really "windows" in the hallways, just arch-like openings. Not surprising, considering how casually the upperclassmen loved to jump down a floor or vault up to a higher one, throw shit out, or shortcut their way to the cafeteria completely ignoring physical obstacles... No pane of glass would survive more than a day at Beacon. At least, not unless it was bulletproof.
This atmosphere of madness and anarchy really resonated with Egrer. A closed-off society of super-powered teens living outside the city simply couldn't be normal. Although he hadn't fully soaked in the vibe yet, considering how short he'd been there, he had four whole years ahead of him. A lot of time, and he needed to spend it forging his future success. Were there any music clubs here? If so, he needed to join one, and if not—he needed to start one. Beacon definitely supported its students' creative impulses and individuality; it was supposed to strengthen Aura.
It was a universally acknowledged fact: the weirder an Aura user is, the stronger they are. Though Headmaster Ozpin seemed to be an exception to this rule... or was he? His normality was so normal it was abnormal. Maybe that's exactly why he became the most powerful Huntsman in the world? The most effective way to stand out at a carnival is to wear a funeral suit, after all. Then again, if he recalled that moment when Ozpin and Magenta bonded over the "Ozpinopus," things got a lot less clear-cut. Perhaps a drop of madness had touched the Headmaster too. If he were absolutely one hundred percent normal, just how ridiculously OP would he be? A god?
Makes sense, Egrer nodded to his own thoughts.
The sharp clicking of heels grabbed his attention, and he pulled his gaze away from the courtyard. Stomping furiously, Weiss Schnee herself rounded the corner, marching purposefully toward the Grimm Studies classroom.
"The Prof is busy right now." She completely ignored him and threw open the door.
"Ah, Miss Schnee!" Port greeted her joyfully. "Are you also here for my autograph and to hear how I..."
She slammed the door shut.
"Like I said," Egrer remarked with a smirk, swinging his legs back and forth.
"I'll wait." Weiss scrutinized him, and seemed to recognize him. It was hard not to recognize someone you'd just fought side-by-side with against a Death Stalker. Or someone who, during your very first encounter, tumbled out of a weapon locker wearing nothing but pajamas. And why did he just remind himself of that? His suit jacket suddenly felt a lot hotter. "Egrer Peleni, correct?"
"No need to be so formal. Just Eg is fine."
"I prefer to keep familiarities strictly for my friends, Peleni." Weiss leaned against the wall next to the door with utmost dignity.
"Alright." There was nothing else to say, and neither of them tried to fill the silence. It was like standing in line at the checkout counter—which wasn't far from the truth.
Being around a Schnee was slightly uncomfortable. Logically, Egrer understood the situation and stayed true to his ideals—you can't judge kids by their ancestors—but deep down in his gut, something just wanted to growl. And that same logical brain kept throwing fuel on the fire with thoughts like, Well, sure, kids aren't exact clones of their parents, but studies show that in families of alcoholics, the kids often become alcoholics too. Maybe the same applied to racism. Her father never made any official statements, but actions speak louder than words.
Lobbying for racist legislation, slashing wages, pensions, benefits, and all that jazz—that was Jacques Schnee's handiwork. Pay less to the Faunus, who made up ninety percent of his workforce, and you put more in your own pocket. Inhumane working conditions in the mines outside the kingdoms? Also his doing. "Ensuring security in Grimm-controlled territories" was usually just a smokescreen for indentured servitude and a debt trap that was physically impossible to escape. Entire generations could be born, live, and die in those mines. The words "Faunus" and "cheap manual labor" became practically synonymous thanks to him, too. It was easier to list the Faunus problems Jacques Schnee wasn't responsible for than to exhaust yourself listing his "achievements."
So yeah. Standing next to a guy like that's daughter, it was hard to think she'd be any different. Even just looking at himself, Egrer knew he hadn't just picked up his dad's love for sharp suits and cleanliness, but also his greed and arrogance. And maybe some even worse traits he hadn't realized yet.
So, you couldn't say with one hundred percent certainty that children weren't a reflection of their parents.
"Your leader..." Weiss tried to find a neutral word. "...is very unusual, if she genuinely enjoyed that circus."
"You won't find a bigger weirdo anywhere in the world, I swear on my mom." Egrer smiled, giving her the green light to stop holding back. "And your Ruby isn't exactly a walk in the park either, huh?"
"'Not a walk in the park' is putting it mildly. How can someone be so scatterbrained? It's beyond my comprehension. You saw how she got in my way during my fight with the Boarbatusk, didn't you? Completely useless!"
"I was thinking the exact same thing." Suddenly, they both fell silent. The exact same thought flashed through their minds, reflecting perfectly on their faces. Egrer hopped down from the windowsill, and Weiss took a step forward. "Do you seriously think Ozpin... made a mistake?"
"That is exactly what I think." They exchanged a knowing look. "To be honest, I thought I was the only one having this problem."
"To be honest, so did I. How many of us are there?"
"Where there are two, there will be a third."
"Sounds like ancient wisdom." Egrer nodded, then flashed a sinister smile. "Actually, I have an idea. I think we're going to be great friends, Weiss."
"Indeed, Egrer." She mirrored his expression perfectly.
What bonds two people better than mutual hatred for a third? Only jointly plotting how to ruin that third person's day.
***
"Thus, I declare the first meeting of the Order of the Usurpers officially open," the Supreme Chairman, Egrer Peleni, announced solemnly. The evening sun bathed the empty classroom in crimson hues, perfectly underscoring the atmosphere of mystery surrounding their gathering.
"Question." Vice President Weiss Schnee raised her hand. "What on earth is an 'Usurper'?"
"The name of any secret organization must reflect its core essence. Our goal is to usurp our leaders and take their places. That is what we desire."
"I don't want to usurp anybody!" exclaimed the self-proclaimed Queen (no one in the Order recognized her authority), Nora Valkyrie. Her official rank in the Order was Private. "I'm doing this for Ren! He should be the leader, he's always so strong, calm, collected, and he always knows everything! Jaune is nice, of course, but Ren is nicer. Not that I'm plotting against Jaune, he's nice..."
"Private Valkyrie, we literally gathered here to plot against our leaders," Egrer clarified, but he went completely ignored. Nora was on a roll.
"...I mean, we've always been together. Well, not together-together, we're not dating or anything, but like, side-by-side-together..."
Oh, these brightly-colored-hair girls! Completely unhinged, every single one of them—whether it was Magenta or this ginger.
The Supreme Chairman and the Vice President stopped paying attention to her. They suspected Nora had joined the Order simply because she was down to support literally any kind of wild scheme. They couldn't exactly kick her out for that, right? What kind of secret conspiracy would it be if there were only two participants left?
Actually, Egrer had wanted to recruit Pyrrha Nikos to the Order, but she seemed perfectly fine with her leader. Or maybe his hints were just too vague; it wasn't like he could just walk up to her and say, "Hey, I'm starting a secret society to actively sabotage our leaders and the Headmaster, wanna join?" With Nora, things were way simpler—he just promised to make her precious Ren the boss.
"Alright," Egrer began. "To develop an effective strategy, first we need to outline exactly why our current leaders are unsatisfactory. Let's make a list."
"Allow me to start, Chairman."
"Go ahead, Vice President."
It didn't escape his notice that Weiss had shortened his title. Was this a direct challenge to his position in the Order, or did her pride simply not allow her to acknowledge anyone as her superior? Egrer had already made concessions by instantly appointing her as his deputy—she absolutely wouldn't have settled for anything less.
Well, there you go. The Usurpers had barely gotten organized, and internal party schisms were already brewing.
"Ruby Rose is completely unsuited for the role of leader of Team RWBY." It was painfully obvious that Weiss was very unhappy with her team's name, and not just because her initial had been dropped to make it spell 'Ruby'. "For a multitude of reasons. Let's start with her young age. Rose is only fifteen and she hasn't even finished prep school! Like any child, she is scatterbrained, irresponsible, rude, and completely lacks basic Dust safety knowledge. During our very first encounter, she blew me up! What kind of Huntress is she, then?" With every word, Weiss grew more fired up, her pale skin even flushing slightly with anger. "And it's all exacerbated by the Headmaster's favoritism! Not only did he let her into Beacon two years early, but for what? For 'catching' Roman Torchwick!" She threw up some incredibly aggressive air quotes; it was terrifying.
"Wait, what?" Egrer suddenly processed what she said. "Care to elaborate?"
"You haven't heard? Her insufferable sister brags about it to anyone who will listen."
"For specific reasons I won't disclose, Yang is avoiding me and my team. Anyway, what happened?"
"Ruby Rose was buying Dust at a shop when Torchwick and his thugs broke in. A fight ensued. Xiao Long didn't specify, but it seems highly logical to me that the shop suffered far more damage from her sister's actions than from the robbers."
"Highly likely," Egrer nodded. A massive combat scythe, dash, sniper rifle, dash, whatever-the-hell-else, swinging around in a cramped space surrounded by shelves was highly unlikely to keep the merchandise intact.
"Torchwick escaped on a Bullhead with some unknown Dust Mage, and Miss Goodwitch saved Rose." Honestly, Ruby was probably in zero danger; she didn't have the strength to force Roman to fight seriously. And even if she did, he wouldn't actually kill anyone—he had principles about that sort of thing. But the news about a Dust Mage made Egrer sigh deeply; his dad had definitely gotten himself into some shit again. "And that's it. That is, if you omit the blatantly fabricated details and embellishments."
"Uh-huh. Any other complaints regarding Miss Rose?"
"She lacks a spine, is incapable of making strong decisions, and constantly mutters under her breath! I also want to point out that the Headmaster's decision is entirely unjustified, save for the aforementioned encounter with Torchwick."
"Listening to you, Vice President, makes me feel awkward about how petty my own problems are."
"Was that sarcasm?" Weiss was currently like a disturbed hornet's nest; say the wrong word and she'd sting you to death.
"I'm being serious. Magenta Toti is completely unsuited for the role of leader of Team Majesty." Egrer wasn't exactly thrilled about the glaring similarity between the team's name and their leader's name either. "I don't want to bash her too hard, this is definitely more a case of the Headmaster playing favorites."
"I'd like to hear more about that. What exactly did Toti do?"
"She named her pet octopus after him."
"W-what?" Weiss actually stammered. "I will never believe that! That's absurd! Why, that's practically an insult!" Egrer conspiratorially beckoned her closer with his finger, and when she leaned in, he whispered:
"I saw with my own two eyes how he smiled when he said 'Ozpinopus'." The Vice President froze, a completely dumbfounded expression on her face. She was trying to process what she'd just heard, but her brain was failing her.
"I'm sorry, say that again?"
"Ozpinopus. That's the octopus's name."
"You're delirious." Weiss pulled back. "What utter nonsense."
"Four other people saw it, including the Deputy Headmistress herself. Go ask her." Suggesting someone go pester Miss Goodwitch with questions like that was basically telling them to go fuck themselves. Weiss's reaction was predictable.
"I would never... go to her...! You ask her yourself!" she shot right back.
"If you refuse to verify my testimony, then there's no point even arguing about it."
"For now, I'll just assume Toti did something highly unusual. Like Rose."
"Have it your way," Egrer shrugged. "Private Valkyrie, please state your grievances against Mr. Arc."
"But I just explained everything!" Right, she literally hadn't stopped talking this entire time.
"Condense it down to a couple of sentences so I can write it down." The Supreme Chairman tapped his pen against the paper.
"Jaune is great, but Ren is just so badass, and he makes the most delicious pancakes! Ohhh, he cooks everything like the best chef in the world, but his pancakes are just scary good! Wait, no, pancakes aren't scary, although this one time they did burn, but Ren was distracted by Grimm, so that totally doesn't count~"
"About Jaune, please."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, we got into this hardcore brawl with some Grimm. And Ren goes *swoosh*! And then *whack*! And the King Taijitu loses both its heads! In one hit! That's how strong and fast and agile and smart Ren is, and also... also..." She tried to think of more praise, but her imagination was only good for tall tales. Egrer gave up on her and just wrote down: "Jaune nice, Ren nicer."
"Since we are a secret organization, we will deliver this list to the Headmaster in secret." Egrer specifically emphasized those last two words to make sure a certain ginger demolitions expert understood. "If our identities are revealed and the Headmaster is vehemently against our demands, he might tell our teams everything."
"I highly doubt that," the Vice President countered. "Tattling is far too childish. Furthermore, it would undermine the already fragile bonds within the teams, which goes against the Headmaster's interests."
"So you want to go to him openly?"
"Yes, it's better to open a dialogue and negotiate terms."
"Well then, you've convinced me, Vice President." Egrer folded the paper and shoved it in his pocket. "I see no reason to delay; the sooner the Headmaster realizes his mistakes, the more likely he is to backtrack. As Supreme Chairman of the Order of Usurpers, I will handle the negotiations myself."
"Nonsense," Weiss objected. "You surely have a multitude of other important tasks to attend to. Our Order was only recently founded and requires the constant presence of its leader. Let me handle this minor detail instead."
"No, it would be rude to send merely a deputy for negotiations." Egrer heavily emphasized those words. "The Headmaster might think we don't respect him and aren't willing to speak as equals. Therefore, I will go."
He stood up from the table, but a very displeased Weiss immediately rose to follow him. Did she really want to snatch this important mission for herself and undermine the Supreme Chairman's position that badly? It looked like the Order of Usurpers was about to spawn its own Order of Usurpers.
"I have been trained in the art of negotiation with important figures since childhood, and the best rhetoric instructors have marveled at my skills. I highly doubt anyone here is capable of surpassing me in this regard, Chairman."
Egrer dropped all the formal pomp and circumstance.
"I've been living for a long time with a girl who's missing a few screws, constantly proving my good intentions to a hopeless paranoid, socializing a suicidal, perverted hikikomori, and successfully enduring two bitchy twins." He paused to catch his breath. "And way back when, I spent my days restraining my mother's wildly inappropriate sadism toward bystanders and her suffocating overprotectiveness toward me, all while deflecting jabs from a father who could piss off a literal brick wall. I can keep this list going for a loooong time, but do you still honestly think you can top my negotiation experience?"
"I suppose... practical experience does outweigh theory." Weiss looked thoroughly flustered.
"Exactly. You should stick to handling organizational matters, Vice President."
"Fine, understood," she managed to squeeze out, trying to pretend her ego hadn't just been bruised.
Egrer: One. Weiss: Zero!