They fought sometimes.. which surprised both of them the first time it happened.. It was always the same kind of fight.. one of them would say something as a joke.. completely obviously a joke, at least from their side.. and the other would receive it straight.. and suddenly what was meant to be light became heavy and neither of them quite understood how they got there.. The first time it happened Denita went quiet for a few hours.. not dramatically, just.. quiet.. the way she got when something landed wrong.. Avet sat with her silence not knowing what to do with it and eventually sent.. I was joking.. I thought you knew I was joking.. She read it and felt the tightness in her chest loosen slightly.. You should have made it clearer.. she replied.. You are right.. he said.. simply, without argument.. and somehow that was the thing that made it okay again..
They made up the way they always did.. not with a big conversation about it but by just.. starting again.. one of them would send something small and ordinary and the other would reply and they would slide back into each other like nothing had interrupted them at all.. It happened a few more times across the months.. different jokes, same misunderstanding, same quiet, same return.. and each time they found their way back a little faster than the last.. There was something in that.. in the coming back.. that meant more than the fighting ever could..
It was maybe two months in when Avet sent a message past midnight.. different from his others.. no joke waiting at the end.. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one awake in the whole world.. and not in a good way.. Denita sat up in bed and typed.. Tell me.. what does it feel like.. And he told her.. about the silence in his house.. about studies feeling like a wall he kept running into.. about the loneliness of being surrounded by people and still feeling like you are in a room by yourself.. He had not said these things to anyone before.. he was not sure why he was saying them now.. only that Denita had asked like she actually wanted to know.. She did not try to fix everything.. she just stayed.. replied.. asked more.. and somewhere in that simple act of staying, something in Avet loosened that had been tight for a very long time..
It was on a late October night.. they had been talking for hours, moving from topic to topic the way they always did.. when Avet went quiet for a moment and then sent something that felt different from everything before it..
Okay.. hypothetically.. if I were to propose to you.. what would you say..
Denita stared at the message.. Her first instinct was to laugh it off.. her second instinct was to say something funny back.. but she did neither.. she just sat with it for a moment and then typed the most honest thing she could think of.. I would say no.. I think of you as a really good friend.. I do not see it going beyond that.. She pressed send feeling like she had answered correctly.. like she had been honest and that was the right thing.. Avet replied with a simple.. okay.. and they moved on to something else.. She did not think much of it after.. it was hypothetical after all.. just a question.. just words..
Two days later he proposed for real.. No hypothetical this time.. no cushioning.. just.. Denita.. I like you.. I know what you said two days ago and I know this might not change anything.. but I could not keep it inside anymore.. I like you and I needed you to know that for real..
She read it and something happened in her chest that she had not expected.. Because this was not a hypothetical.. this was him.. actually him.. saying it and meaning it.. and suddenly the answer
she had given two days ago felt very far away from what she was feeling right now.. Because what she felt right now, reading those words, was the very clear and very sudden terror of what it would mean to say no.. Not the hypothetical no.. the real one.. the one that would exist between them tomorrow and the day after and every day they talked after this..
She sat with that feeling for a long moment.. Then she typed..
I know I said no two days ago.. and I meant it when I said it.. but right now, reading this.. I do not want to say no.. I do not know exactly when it changed or if it was always there.. but yes, Avet.. yes..
She sent it before she could think about it too carefully.. His reply came after a pause that felt much longer than it probably was.. Are you sure..? She smiled at her phone in the dark.. Yes.. she typed.. I am sure..
Outside, Wushan was still and locked and uncertain about everything.. But in her small room, phone warm in her hands, Denita felt something settle quietly into place.. Like a word she had been trying to remember.. finally arriving..