Disc UCQhEeVv3P yall making me pull my final straws here
JOIN OR GAYYYYYYYYYY
Anyways
Attendance
--------------------
Gojo opened his eyes.
He sat up. Boat. Shitty boat. Middle of the ocean. Nothing in any direction.
Sukuna was sitting across from him. Arms crossed.
"The fuck we doing at sea?" Gojo said.
"I don't know, bro. Earth got boring."
"The fuck you MEAN earth got boring? We are literally going to fucking die out here."
"Well," Sukuna said, "I'd die for you."
Gojo punched him in the face.
Sukuna's head snapped sideways.
He looked back at Gojo.
"The fuck was that for?"
"You wouldn't shut up."
Sukuna sat there for a moment. Touched his jaw. Then:
"It's okay, Pooky. I forgive you."
Gojo recoiled. "You know what? Hold on. Come on. You don't have to do that—"
"Pooky—"
"STOP."
THUD.
From below. Something hit the hull. Both of them froze.
"What was that?" Gojo said.
"I'm not sure."
"Do you think there's a deadly threat in this location?"
"Could be. We should proceed with caution."
CRASH. A bigger ship slammed into theirs from the side. Gojo and Sukuna grabbed the edges.
"Do you think we should still invade this ship?" Gojo whispered.
"Perhaps."
They climbed aboard.
Sebas was standing at the helm. Cape. Full drip. A man was near the mast holding a medieval shield and rubbing baby oil on his forearm.
"Where did you even get a medieval shield from?" Gojo said.
Diddy looked up. "It was my great great grandma's."
Gojo opened his mouth. Closed it. Looked past Diddy toward the back of the ship.
"Wait, Sukuna, what is that?"
Sukuna looked.
"...Fuck."
"Is that two fucking aliens?"
Two green figures. Tall. Skinny. Big heads. Massive black eyes. Standing at the stern staring at the ocean.
The first alien opened its mouth.
"Borgle, schmebo, borf, fig, meaggle, ddle, fop, gible."
Sebas walked over. Cleared his throat. Looked the alien dead in its eyes.
"Dwarf, sniffle, piffle, schmorf, piggle, wiggle, sniffle, pickle."
"Bro, you do not speak alien," Gojo said.
"Are you fucking serious right now?" Sukuna said.
The second alien responded.
"Morg dip chips, jilt, filga, trial, imbarful, parf, marchment, flat, man."
"Screw this," Sukuna said.
Twenty minutes later. Everyone was on deck. Standing in a line. Facing Sebas on an overturned barrel, cape doing the thing.
The line, left to right:
Gojo. Hands in pockets. Bored.
Sukuna. Arms crossed. Didn't want to be here.
Alien One. green. Shiny. Dinner plate eyes.
Alien Two. green. Staring at Diddy One.
Diddy. Shield in one hand. Baby oil in the other. Oiling his neck at attention. His skin caught the sun and produced a gleam so aggressive Gojo had to squint through his blindfold.
Epstein. Old. White-haired. End of the line. Whittling wood with a small knife. Hadn't looked up once. Hadn't spoken.
"Welcome," Sebas said, "to the Smart Pirates."
"The SMART Pirates?" Gojo said.
"Don't question the name."
"Every single person on this ship is an Idiot."
"Exactly. Nobody will expect us. THAT'S the smart part."
Sebas pointed down the line.
"Gojo. Pretty one."
"I know."
"Sukuna. Muscle."
"I'm leaving."
"You're staying. Diddy for the oil"
Diddy raised his shield. It caught the sun and blinded Alien One, who stumbled into Alien Two.
"Borgle," Alien One said, rubbing its eyes.
"Epstein. Wise old man."
Adam didn't look up. "I'm just here because the boat was going somewhere."
"Aliens. Navigation."
"Schmorf."
"Gible."
"And now. My final and most important appointment."
Sebas reached behind the barrel. And placed something on top of it.
A head.
Sukuna's face — but wrong. Missing almost all its teeth except one and a half. Two red eyes. Sukuna's markings. A massive goofy grin. Two tiny feet sticking out of the chin. No body. No arms. Just a head with feet.
Tchkuna.
His little feet tapped the barrel. He looked out at the crew.
"GOO GOO GAGA," Tchkuna said.
"This," Sebas announced, "is your vice captain."
"THAT is the vice captain?" Gojo said.
"That's a head with feet," Sukuna said.
"He has more leadership energy than anyone here."
"He said GOO GOO GAGA."
"Short. Direct. Vice captain material."
"WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE ME?" Sukuna said. "Why does it only have one tooth?"
"One and a half," Sebas corrected.
"TCHKUNA," Tchkuna said, looking directly at Sukuna with his goofy grin.
Sukuna stared at the miniature version of his own face. Missing teeth. Baby feet. Standing on a barrel. Appointed vice captain.
"I want off this ship," Sukuna said.
"GOO GOO GAGA," Tchkuna replied.
And so the Smart Pirates sailed.
A man with every power and a cape. The strongest sorcerer. The King of Curses. A head with feet and one and a half teeth. Two aliens. A man with a shield and more baby oil than any human should possess. An old man along for the ride.
No plan. No map. No idea where they were going.
The Smart Pirates.
God help the Grand Line.