Ezgi is in my room, deciding which outfit to wear.
"How about this one, Aylla?"
"Red? I don't know, maybe not today."
"And black?"
"It defines my mood when I see Jan, but better not," I reply, lying on the bed without the energy to decide anything. I hear a knock at the door.
It's Deniz. She sneaks in with a knowing look.
"Aylla? Mom is asking if you're not having dinner at home tonight."
"I'm having dinner with Jan, Polen, and Kerem."
"What?" Deniz sits on the bed. I end up telling her the whole Albatross story and the lie about Osman to keep myself away from Jan.
"Aylla, I told you not to make a fool of yourself! Why so many lies?"
"She forgot to mention she fell in love with Jan," Ezgi gossips, laughing.
"Kerem is just a lifebuoy in these tumultuous feelings for Jan."
"Bravo, Ezgi the gossip!" I throw a pillow at her face.
Deniz looks at the wardrobe and points:
"Aylla, I would wear this one." It's a pink dress with purple flowers and brown details. She matches it with block-heel boots, creating a romantic and delicate look. "It suits your skin and personality," she says, sitting beside me and hugging me. "I know how hard these feelings for the boss are. You're my little sister, and I don't want you to suffer."
I feel wisdom in her words. What is Deniz hiding in her heart? While she finishes my hair—a half-pony with a matching bow—I ask:
"Deniz, are you in love with someone too?"
"I fell in love with Emre, but I know it's not reciprocated."
I'm in shock. Emre seems kind and polite to me, maybe just shy. It would be great if it were mutual, much better than my attraction to Jan. I thank them both with a hug. I may not have luck in love, but Mashallah for my family and friends.
I arrive at the fancy restaurant. Polen looks stunning in a silver dress. Jan... Jan steals my breath. He's wearing an open black shirt, necklaces on display, and his hair in a messy bun. Kerem, on the other hand, is impeccable in a blue suit, not a hair out of place. Why don't I lose my breath when I look at him?
"Aylla, you look beautiful," Kerem kisses my cheeks.
We sit at a table overlooking Istanbul. Polen orders a huge boat of sushi. When I see the chopsticks (hashi), I panic. My sticks break unevenly. Jan nudges me and starts eating with his hands, giving me the green light to imitate him.
"Jan?" Polen complains.
"What? It's much better to eat like this," he replies, protecting me without saying a word.
The night goes on. The wine warms my cheeks. Kerem plays with my hair, and I decide to test him about the Albatross.
"Why didn't we talk that night, Kerem?"
"I stayed in the private box the whole time," he answers.
"And how was it there? Was it... romantic? Memorable?" Kerem shakes his head, laughing.
"For the women, it wasn't romantic. It was inappropriate to say at this table."
My world collapses. He is not the Albatross. His "romantic" was something grotesque. Jan notices my discomfort, pulls me by the arm, and takes me out of the restaurant.
"What are you doing, Aylla? I already told you: he is not the Albatross! You are making a fool of yourself with a man who doesn't love you."
"Jan, you're offending me! You're with Polen, you can't talk to me like that!"
"I just want to protect you," he holds my arms.
"I don't need your protection!" I say quietly, feeling my eyes sting.
Jan steps away and leaves me alone. I stare at the stars until he returns with my coat and bag. "I'm taking you home."
"You certainly are not! You have a girlfriend!"
"Aylla, get in the car."
"No!" I cross my arms.
"I can give you a ride," Kerem appears behind us. Polen follows right after, drunk and staggering into Jan's arms.
"Let's go home, askim," she says, leaning against his chest. My stomach churns. What a detestable scene.
"I'm going with you, Kerem," I say to Jan. He hesitates but gets into the car with Polen and drives off without looking back.
The moment Jan disappears, Kerem hugs me in a strange way.
"We can finish what we started at my house," he whispers. How disgusting! I push his arms away and signal for a taxi.
"I'm taking a taxi. It's late and I'm tired."
"Whatever," he grumbles and goes to his car.
In the taxi, I take a deep breath. What a deception. The "prince" was a toad. The "Evil King" is a controller who plays with my feelings. The worst part is I'm not sad that Kerem isn't the Albatross; I'm sad because my feelings for Jan grow with every fight and look. "Inshallah, what an irony," I smile at the car ceiling. Falling for the boss, committed, and a "villain." My inner voice and I finally agree: I am lost.
Glossary
Askim: Darling / Love.
Mashallah: Praise be / What God has willed.
Inshallah: God willing.