Day 6 – "Jab sab theek lagta hai… par andar kuch toot raha hota hai"
Subah ke 6:15 baj rahe the.
Aaj Sakshi ka alarm usual se pehle baja, lekin usne turant snooze nahi kiya. Wo seedha uth kar bed ke edge pe baith gayi. Kamre mein halka sa andhera tha, aur bahar se doodh wale ki awaaz aa rahi thi. Sab kuch normal lag raha tha… par uska mind already heavy tha.
Kal raat usne decide kiya tha ki aaj bhi routine follow karegi—subah uthke thoda padhai, phir school. Par aaj ek ajeeb sa pressure feel ho raha tha, bina kisi clear reason ke.
"Sab theek chal raha hai… phir bhi itna ajeeb kyun lag raha hai?" usne dheere se khud se kaha.
Morning Struggle (Silent One)
Table pe baith kar usne Maths ki book kholi. Same chapter, same type ke questions. Par aaj uska dimaag cooperate nahi kar raha tha.
Wo ek question pe 5 minute tak atki rahi.
"Yeh toh kal hi kiya tha… ab kyun nahi ho raha?"
Usne pen table pe patka.
"Main itni inconsistent kyun hoon yaar…"
Aankhon mein halka sa frustration aa gaya.
Phir usne deep breath li, paani piya, aur dobara try kiya.
Is baar answer aaya… par us process mein uska confidence thoda hil gaya.
School – Bahar Smile, Andar Noise
School pahunchte hi usne apne aap ko normal act karne ko force kiya. Riya ke saamne wo usual jaisi hi thi—thodi hasi, thodi baatein.
"Tu theek lag rahi hai aaj," Riya ne casually bola.
"Haan… bas thoda tired hoon," Sakshi ne smile ke saath cover kiya.
Par sach yeh tha ki wo tired nahi… mentally drained thi.
Class Mein Distraction
Aaj Physics ki class chal rahi thi. Teacher kuch important explain kar rahe the, par Sakshi ka focus baar baar break ho raha tha.
Kabhi wo notebook ke ek corner pe random lines draw karne lagti…
kabhi window ke bahar dekhne lagti…
"Focus kar…" usne khud ko 3–4 baar bola.
Par har baar 2 minute baad thoughts wapas aa jaate:
"Agar main phir se peeche reh gayi toh?"
"Agar yeh improvement bas temporary hai?"
"Log kya sochenge?"
Uska dimaag uska sabse bada distraction ban gaya tha.
Ek Chhota Incident
Class ke beech mein teacher ne achanak Sakshi se question pooch liya.
"Sakshi, can you answer this?"
Wo ek second ke liye freeze ho gayi.
Usne suna hi nahi tha question.
"Uh… ma'am… I'm not sure…"
Class mein kuch log dheere se has diye.
Teacher ne neutral tone mein bola, "Try to stay focused."
Bas itna hi.
Par Sakshi ke liye yeh moment kaafi heavy tha.
"Main itni careless kab se ho gayi…?" usne socha.
Break Time – Mask Slip
Break mein Riya ne turant notice kar liya.
"Tu theek nahi hai. Bata kya hua?"
Sakshi ne pehle ignore karne ki koshish ki,
"Nothing yaar…"
Par phir achanak uski aankhon mein paani aa gaya.
"Main try kar rahi hoon… sach mein… par kabhi lagta hai sab control mein hai, aur kabhi lagta hai sab haath se nikal raha hai…"
Riya chup chaap sun rahi thi.
"Main khud se hi haar rahi hoon shayad…"
Yeh bolte hi Sakshi ne aankh poch li.
Riya ne softly bola,
"Tu haar nahi rahi… tu process mein hai. Aur process messy hota hai."
Aman ka Unexpected Support
Break ke baad jab Sakshi corridor se ja rahi thi, Aman uske paas aaya.
"Tum okay ho?"
Sakshi thodi surprise hui.
"Haan… kyun?"
"Bas… aaj thodi off lag rahi thi."
Sakshi ne pehli baar honestly bola,
"Bas… thoda pressure hai."
Aman ne sir hilaya,
"Same. Main bhi kabhi kabhi overthink karta hoon."
Thodi der silence raha.
Phir Aman bola,
"Par ek cheez notice ki maine…"
"Kya?"
"Tum give up nahi karti."
Sakshi thodi shocked thi.
"Main toh almost roz give up karti hoon…"
"Par next day phir try karti ho na… woh count karta hai."
Yeh line uske dimaag mein seedha register ho gayi.
Ghar – Emotional Dip
Ghar aake aaj usne directly padhai start nahi ki.
Wo bed pe baith gayi aur ceiling ko dekhne lagi.
"Main thak gayi hoon…"
Aaj usne accept kiya.
Na physically… par mentally.
Phone uthaya… phir wapas rakh diya.
Kuch bhi karne ka mann nahi tha.
Slow Recovery
1 ghante baad usne khud ko push kiya.
"Bas 10 minute…"
Usne book kholi.
Aaj padhai smooth nahi thi.
Par usne try kiya.
Aur aaj ke liye… bas wahi enough tha.
Raat – Sabse Real Entry
Aaj diary likhte waqt usne kuch hide nahi kiya.
> "Day 6:
Aaj sab kuch perfect nahi tha.
Main distracted thi, confused thi, aur thodi hurt bhi.
Par shayad… yeh normal hai."
Phir usne likha:
> "Har din strong feel karna zaroori nahi hota.
Kabhi kabhi bas survive karna bhi enough hota hai."
Last Thought
Light off karte waqt usne aankhein band ki.
Aaj usne koi big achievement nahi ki.
Na koi perfect study session…
na koi big confidence moment…
Par usne ek important cheez samjhi—
"Strong hona matlab hamesha strong feel karna nahi hota."
To be continued ...