Day 18 – "Jab ek din sab kuch hilane ki koshish karta hai… aur tum decide karte ho tootna hai ya sambhalna"
Subah ke 6:10 baj rahe the.
Aaj Sakshi alarm se pehle nahi uthi.
Alarm teen baar snooze ho chuka tha.
Aakhri baar jab usne aankh kholi, usne turant feel kiya—
"Aaj energy nahi hai…"
Kal ka Maths test achha gaya tha… par uska mental load ab feel ho raha tha.
Aaj Science ka test tha—aur yeh uska comparatively weak subject tha.
Wo bed pe baithi… aur kuch seconds tak sirf blank dekhte rahi.
"Main ready nahi hoon…" usne dheere se bola.
Yeh thought kal bhi aaya tha… par aaj uska weight zyada tha.
Morning – Low Start
Sakshi ne somehow uthkar padhai start karne ki koshish ki. Usne Science ki book kholi… par aaj uska mind cooperate nahi kar raha tha.
Same paragraph teen baar padhne ke baad bhi usse kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha.
"Yeh kya ho raha hai…" usne irritate hoke book band kar di.
Phone uthaya… phir wapas rakh diya.
"Escape karne ka mann hai…"
Par usne khud ko roka.
Usne ek blank paper uthaya aur bas headings likhne lagi—topics ke naam.
"Jo yaad hai… bas woh likh."
Dheere dheere uska mind thoda activate hone laga.
Perfect nahi… par thoda better.
School – Heavy Atmosphere
Aaj school ka environment kal se bhi zyada heavy tha.
Sabko pata tha ki Science tough aata hai.
Riya already panic mode mein thi.
"Mujhe kuch yaad nahi aa raha… main seriously fail ho jaungi," wo almost ro dene wali thi.
Sakshi khud unstable feel kar rahi thi… par phir bhi usne Riya ko calm karne ki koshish ki—
"Tu fail nahi hogi… bas panic ho raha hai."
"Tu kaise itni calm hai?" Riya ne poocha.
Sakshi thodi hansi…
"Main calm nahi hoon… bas act kar rahi hoon."
Dono ek second ke liye chup ho gaye.
Before Exam – Internal Conflict
Exam hall ke bahar khadi Sakshi ka heart fast beat kar raha tha.
Kal ka confidence aaj missing tha.
"Kal main handle kar paayi… par aaj?"
Usne khud se poocha—
"Yaad hai kya seekha tha?"
Deep breath.
"Control what you can."
Usne aankhein band ki.
Par aaj calm hona itna easy nahi tha.
Exam Begins – Reality Hits
Paper haath mein aaya.
Sakshi ne turant pura paper scan kiya.
Aur us moment pe—
Dil halka sa doob gaya.
Pehle hi do questions unfamiliar the.
"Yeh kya hai…"
Usne second question try kiya… atak gayi.
Third question… half yaad.
"Yeh paper tough hai…"
Uska confidence instantly drop ho gaya.
Panic Phase
10 minute ke andar hi uska mind overthink karne laga—
"Main fail ho jaungi…"
"Mujhse nahi hoga…"
"Sab kharab ho gaya…"
Usne pen pakda hua tha… par likh nahi pa rahi thi.
Haath thoda shake kar raha tha.
"Focus kar… please focus…"
Par thoughts ruk nahi rahe the.
Flashback – Day 7
Achanak uske dimaag mein ek flash aaya—
Washroom… tears…
"Main thak gayi hoon…"
Wo moment yaad aaya.
Aur phir ek aur thought—
"Main wapas wahi nahi jaungi."
Yeh thought strong tha.
Control Attempt
Sakshi ne turant pen rakha.
Aankhein band ki.
Deep breath li… ek… do… teen…
"Panic se kuch nahi hoga."
Usne khud se firmly bola—
"Jo aata hai… woh likh."
Strategy Shift
Is baar usne paper approach change kiya.
Jo questions aate the—pehle woh.
Jo half aate the—baad mein.
Jo nahi aate—end mein.
Slowly… usne likhna start kiya.
Pehla answer—complete.
Doosra—thoda imperfect.
Par likh diya.
Mid Exam – Gradual Recovery
20 minutes baad uska panic thoda kam ho gaya.
Ab bhi tension thi… par control mein.
Ek question jo pehle bilkul unknown lag raha tha…
Ab thoda familiar feel hua.
"Yeh diagram wala part…"
Usne try kiya.
Aur kuch part sahi nikla.
"Okay… main bilkul blank nahi hoon…"
Yeh realisation uske liye turning point tha.
Last 15 Minutes – Final Push
End ke last 15 minutes mein Sakshi ne full focus diya.
Jo answers incomplete the… unhe improve kiya.
Jo guess karna tha… logically kiya.
Perfect paper nahi tha.
Par complete ho gaya.
Bell baji.
Usne pen rakha.
After Exam – Emotional Drop
Jaise hi wo hall se bahar aayi…
Uska body suddenly relax hua.
Aur saath hi…
Emotion hit hua.
"Paper achha nahi gaya…"
Riya almost ro rahi thi,
"Mera toh gaya yaar…"
Sakshi ne usse hug kiya.
"Same… tough tha…"
Par andar se Sakshi ka confidence hil gaya tha.
Aman – Grounding Moment
Aman unke paas aaya.
"Kaisa gaya?"
"Not good…" Sakshi ne honestly bola.
Aman ne calmly poocha,
"Complete kiya?"
"Haan… par perfect nahi tha."
Aman ne sir hilaya,
"Perfect kisi ka nahi hota."
"Par better ho sakta tha…" Sakshi ne dheere se bola.
Aman ne directly uski aankhon mein dekh ke bola—
"Tumne give up nahi kiya na?"
Sakshi ruk gayi.
"...nahi."
"Bas. That matters."
Yeh line simple thi…
Par us moment pe usse exactly wahi sunna tha.
Ghar – Silent Phase
Aaj ghar aake Sakshi seedha apne room mein chali gayi.
Na mummy se zyada baat…
na phone…
Wo bed pe baith gayi.
"Kal itna confident thi… aaj phir se doubt…"
Yeh contrast usse disturb kar raha tha.
Emotional Dip
Aaj usne feel kiya—
"Main consistent nahi hoon…"
"Main stable nahi hoon…"
Aankhon mein halka sa paani aa gaya.
Par is baar…
Wo breakdown nahi hua.
Usne deep breath li.
Aur khud se bola—
"Yeh ek paper hai… poori story nahi."
Recovery Phase
1 hour baad usne khud ko push kiya.
"Kal next paper hai…"
Usne book uthayi.
Start karna difficult tha.
Par usne start kiya.
Aur dheere dheere… flow aa gaya.
Night – Deepest Diary Entry
Aaj diary entry sabse real thi.
> "Day 18:
Aaj ka paper tough tha… aur main bhi hil gayi thi.
Ek moment pe laga ki sab khatam ho gaya."
Phir usne likha:
> "Par maine give up nahi kiya.
Main panic hui… par wapas control mein aayi."
Aur last lines—
> "Main perfect nahi hoon… aur shayad kabhi nahi hoongi.
Par main lad rahi hoon… aur ruk nahi rahi."
Final Thought
Light off karte waqt Sakshi ne aankhein band ki.
Aaj ka din tough tha.
Confidence shake hua.
Doubt wapas aaya.
Par ek cheez change nahi hui—
Usne give up nahi kiya.
Aur shayad—
Wahi uski sabse badi strength ban rahi thi.
To be continued…