"Cross, I'm willing to admit that, as infuriating as it was, not telling us about that drop at Cloud's End was harmless. On the other hand, NOT TELLING US THAT WE'D LAND IN FUCKING NAVARONE IS ANYTHING BUT HARMLESS!" Sanji roared over the connection.
"You had better have a damn good reason why you didn't warn us about this," Nami snarled.
"Alright, lay off the third degree, would you!?" I demanded indignantly. "Trust me, if I'd known that this was going to happen, I'd have said something! My knowledge is divided into two categories: things that will happen, and things that may happen. This was in the second category, and I expected that the fact that we didn't belly-flop down but instead floated gently from top to bottom would be enough to ensure we didn't land here. But clearly, I was wrong."
"The best laid plans…" Robin said dryly.
"Ah, I'm sorry for interrupting, but…" Conis cut in slowly and very queasily. "Cross, did you just say you had knowledge of the future!?"
"Trust me, sister, you learn not to question the crazy things he says very fast," Raphey deadpanned.
"It will all be made clear soon enough, don't worry," I absently reassured them before grinning as I tried desperately to put a positive spin on things. "But, but! Getting back on topic, and before anyone gets too pissed off at me, look on the bright side! There's one massive benefit to the fact that we've landed here."
"Really? And what, pray tell, would that be, Mister Jeremiah?" Vivi asked sourly.
"The Marine in charge of this base, Vice Admiral Jonathan, is a prime candidate for joining MI4, along with the vast majority of the Marines present in this base, if not all of them."
"…Well, that does put everything in a new perspective," Nami admitted in a neutral tone.
"Glad to hear it!"
The exact moment that I had stated where we were, I had tossed Soundbite to Isaiah and told the rest of the crew to scatter. Every man, woman, and animal for themselves, sans Carue staying with Vivi and Su with Conis. For my part, I somehow wound up closer to the base's central spire than I expected… actually, I'll be honest: I somehow wound up on top of the spire. Don't ask me how, because everything after I told everyone to scatter is bit of a blur. All I knew for certain was that the blood on the forearms of my bandages was not mine, and thankfully not enough to be blatantly lethal either.
Either way, Isaiah joined me shortly after I'd managed to find a place to hunker down, though Soundbite remained in his clutches for the moment, not willing to touch me while I was covered in salt water, and had promptly connected everyone in the crew together. Fortunately, the entirety of the fortress was within Soundbite's hearing range, even if we weren't right in the middle.
Currently, everyone was at different parts of the fortress; some, in the case of the Dugongs, were in the water, albeit floating on the surface in the shadows so that Soundbite could reliably communicate with them, while others were in the woods on the base's outer ring, and others yet in the base itself. Basically, anywhere and everywhere except the Merry. The only ones who stayed on board the ship were Terry, who was busy acting as an easily-overlooked lookout for us, and Lassoo, who was blending in with the rest of the arsenal in his full gun form. And though the quickly awakening fortress was swarming with Marines, the vast majority of them were, fortunately, focused more upon the ship than anything else, giving us all the time we needed to get away.
All things considered, things were going about as smoothly as one might expect.
"Ugh… I don't feel good at all…"
Well, almost; our resident angel seemed to be coping poorly with the sudden shock that had hit as soon as we reached the blue sea. I could only wince in response to the thought of those pamphlets of Chopper's. Speaking of our doctor…
"Soundbite, can you lead me to Conis?" the reindeer asked.
"Mmph… head along the SHORELINE—NO, the other way—YEAH, JUST KEEP GOING THAT WAY. No Marines in your WAY RIGHT NOW, but hurry!" Soundbite said.
"Got it."
"So, what are we going to do now, Cross? You're the tactician here," Zoro grumbled.
"Well, I won't lie," I said, shaking out my clothes in an effort to dislodge the traces of seawater that seemed determined to stick to me. "I only remember a few details about this place. It's an enclosed base, so the only way to the ocean is by using their Sea Gate. And in any case, we won't be able to leave until the Merry is in a better position for us to either sneak or storm back on."
"And how long will that take, Cross?" Usopp asked.
"We'll need to hide out until the sun comes up, at least. After that… I can point out a few places where we can blend in, and Soundbite's eavesdropping should make it easy enough for the rest of us to steer clear of trouble. In the meantime—"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SILLY-LOOKING?!"
I jumped as Terry's voice bellowed out of Soundbite.
"Ow! OW! Alright, I'm sorry—OUCH!"
Then came a voice that I was reasonably sure was Jonathan's, and I couldn't help but snicker.
"YOU SHOULD BE SORRY! ONLY A COMPLETE IDIOT WOULD FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THE SHEER POWER OF A MEMBER OF THE BEAR GLOVE TRIBE!"
"ALRIGHT—OW!—JUST STOP PECKING—AGH!"
"…should we just let Terry chase everyone away?" Nami asked, half-serious.
"Heh, no. As funny as this is, anyone who's attained the rank of Vice Admiral isn't someone to take lightly; a prerequisite for the position is being able to use Haki," I said. "And besides that, Jonathan is a master tactician; with how much he knows about us from the SBS, we're going to have to be very careful not to get—"
I cut myself off as, walking along the edge of the spire, I recognized a very specific balcony below me. I couldn't suppress a snicker as my mind leapt to a specific plan of action. "On the other hand, that works too. Brace yourselves, everyone, I'm about to do something stupid."
"Oh, dear," Robin said, apparently unsure whether to laugh or groan in dread at what I was doing.
"Care to clue us in, Cross?" Nami asked blandly.
"I'm about to risk my life to check on the loose gold from Nola's stomach; they've no doubt already moved off the Merry," I deadpanned.
"No further questions, your honour."
"I thought not," I chuckled before glancing at my partner in crime. "Now, then, Soundbite? Follow Jonathan."
---
"The colour and smell of the coffee, the rather temperamental South Bird, and the ancient gold… it would appear that the SBS was accurate. The Straw Hat Pirates went to Jaya recently," stated the red-haired Vice Admiral.
"Commander, you're saying that it isn't really a—?" posed a blonde-haired Marine.
Vice Admiral Jonathan waved his hand with a scoff. "Please, Henrick. I know the circumstances are suspicious, but we all heard the SBS on the way down. I don't know where the crew is, but I know that they're in the base and that that's no ghost ship."
A sunglasses-wearing Marine spoke next. "I don't understand, Commander. Weren't you just calling it a ghost ship earlier in front of the rest of the men?"
"Frankly, our men are a little too green to deal with a situation like this; as decent as they've portrayed themselves on the SBS, the fact remains that the Straw Hat Pirates have earned those bounties of theirs. If we tell everyone that they've infiltrated our ranks, it'll cause panic and confusion that will no doubt aid the pirates in whatever purpose they have here. So for now, we continue calling it a ghost ship, understood?"
"With all due respect, Commander, I'd like to raise a concern," stated Jonathan's right hand, a brown-haired Lieutenant Commander named Drake.
"Yes, Drake?"
"As powerful as Straw Hat and his crew are, I think that the biggest threat among them is that of Jeremiah Cross and his snail. From what the Marines have pieced together, Soundbite is able to hear anything in a one-mile radius, as well as make anyone in that range hear anything. And the fact that that psychotic bird actually spoke proved that the snail was close enough to us that it could translate what he was saying."
Drake folded his arms. "If they weren't exaggerating, then it's possible that they could hijack our own communications to throw the whole base into chaos. It's even possible that they could be eavesdropping on us right now!"
"Well, it's good to see that Jonathan has some intelligent men under his command."
The five of them immediately stopped walking as the unmistakable voice of Jeremiah Cross echoed around them.
The sunglasses-wearing Marine grimaced. "Apparently, he is. And he's as annoying as we expected, too."
"HEY! I'M the annoying one!" came Soundbite's signature medley of voices.
"And I'm the crazy one. Allow me to demonstrate: Vice Admiral Jonathan, would you be willing to speak on behalf of negotiations? I'm currently in the process of ensuring that our navigator will not rip my head off for finding that any of our gold is missing from what you confiscated. Seriously, if all 500 million isn't right here like I promised, she will burn this place to the ground."
Vice Admiral Jonathan seemed stunned for a minute. Then he threw back his head and laughed.
"What is it, sir?" Drake asked.
Jonathan sighed as he got his laughter under control, smirking as he spoke again. "You've painted yourself as quite the brazen individual, Mister Cross, but I have to admit I'm surprised that of all the places you could have gone, you picked my personal office."
"HE WHAT?!" chorused all four of the Marines with Jonathan.
"HE picked HIS personal office. Do you have a HEARING PROBLEM?"
"With you around? The default answer to that question is a resounding yes… or at minimum, a maybe depending on your mood and your opinion of the individuals in question."
"Fair point."
"Now, then, getting back on topic… are you willing to talk, Vice Admiral Jonathan? Mind you, if you choose not to attend this little meeting, that's fine as well. I'll just have a conversation with your wife, Jessica, instead. The topic of discussion… your eating habits, maybe?"
"…And as impossibly well-informed as he painted himself, too," the blonde Marine ground out as Jonathan paled dramatically.
"I have not even begun to demonstrate that, gentlemen, and really, I got that last bit from inspecting his bin. Seriously, for a genius, that's kind of low-brow."
"…I'm on my way, Mister Cross," Jonathan finally said.
Commander Drake promptly started to sign orders to a nearby soldier, and jumped when a loud buzzer blasted through the air.
"YOUR SLEEVES are rubbing together, dipshit."
"I won't even deign to try and guess what you were signing, it's so obvious. And for the record, if anyone except for Jonathan shows up, they'll be talking in chicken clucks or flatulence until we leave. You have been warned, people."
"… Well, now I'm tempted to bring some of my subordinates with me just to see what you'll come up with," Jonathan said wryly.
"COMMANDER JONATHAN!" chorused four indignant voices, prompting both Jonathan and their two eavesdroppers to laugh anew.
"Heh… alright. In all seriousness, Henrick, go and reinforce security at the coast as well as around the Sea Gate," Jonathan said to the blonde-haired Marine, who saluted and departed.
"Cormac, I also want the brig, the ammunition store, and all major passageways secured. You'll have expanded authority to manage all related personnel," he added to the sunglasses-wearing Marine. He too saluted and departed.
"Chief Petty Officer Holger, gather a small force of men to keep perpetual guard around the Straw Hat Pirates' ship. If there are any issues, send someone to report to me in person, don't use a Transponder Snail." Following his orders, Holger bustled off, leaving only Drake and Jonathan.
"Drake… I'm going to meet with Cross alone. Go to the mess hall and tell Jessica the situation—only Jessica—and then report to me for further orders. Understood?"
Drake nodded with perfect understanding before running as fast as his legs could carry him. As soon as he was out of sight, Jonathan sighed and continued in the direction he had been going. Only two minutes later, he opened the door to his office, and his eyes immediately fell on the figure that could only be Jeremiah Cross, sitting right in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk, which had been turned so that he could sit at it while facing the door. He was a young man with short, dirty blonde hair and mischievous yet lazy eyes, dressed in dark and gray clothing. A grinning Transponder Snail was perched on his shoulder, and what little of his arms could be seen due to them being crossed behind his head were covered in bandages from the elbows down.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan. It's a pleasure to meet you," he said with a smirk.
"I must admit to returning the sentiment, Mister Cross," Jonathan replied.
"Really, now? I wouldn't expect to hear that from someone who had earned the favour of Admiral Akainu."
Jonathan flinched, his face darkening before he could stop it in response to the man's name.
"Well, well, well," Cross cocked his eyebrow in surprise. "There's a very particular and unusual reaction. Care to come in and talk about it?"
Jonathan was silent for a moment before chuckling ruefully and stepping into the office, closing the door behind him in the process. "Once again, Mister Cross, I have to admit I'm surprised. Your reputation precedes you, but your actions to date have barely managed to do you justice."
Cross returned the grin eagerly. "Well, really, in situations like this, it's either that or breaking down and panicking, and Nami, Usopp, Carue, and Vivi already have that covered."
"I HEARD THAT!"
The pirate jumped, presumably at the volume blaring in his ear, before pinning the cackling snail on his shoulder with a glare, and Jonathan chuckled. "And his reputation as an incurable prankster seems to be accurate also."
"Thank you, thank you very much," Soundbite purred.
"Took you long enough to use that one," Cross muttered before looking back at Jonathan with a solemn expression. "So, Vice Admiral, we appear to be in a delicate situation here. If you're a fan of my show, you know my stance on pirates and Marines. I happen to believe that you're one of those who follow his morals, rather than his orders… but the fact that you're one of Akainu's favourite students makes me doubtful."
Jonathan's grimace at the last line was not missed, prompting Cross to grin. "There it is again. So, you don't like the guy after all?"
Jonathan carefully schooled his expression and crossed his arms. "What business do the Straw Hat Pirates have with Navarone? Why did you infiltrate our base?" he asked, clearly trying to change the subject.
"Hey, you heard the SBS," Cross shrugged dismissively. "The balloon octopus we used to get down from the Sky Island we visited didn't leave us any way of steering." He grinned hopefully. "I cut the connection before the sirens sounded. Marineford won't know that we're here unless someone tells them. If you open the gates, we'll gladly leave without any conflict."
"And you expect me to trust you?" Jonathan asked, then shook his head with a smirk. "I say that, but honestly, I'm prepared to believe you."
Cross's expression promptly dropped into a contemplative frown, and he swung his feet off the desk, gaze dropping down to stare at the Vice Admiral. "You're nothing like Akainu. How the hell did you ever make him favour you?"
The grimace returned, but he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Cross, but despite your reputation, you're still a pirate, and I'm still the commander of this base. I'm not about to let you escape."
Cross shrugged, spreading his arms in a helpless manner. "Yes, I didn't expect it to be that easy, but you don't really care that much about capturing us. You care a lot more about enforcing morale in this base."
Jonathan's jaw dropped briefly before he continued scrutinizing the pirate. "I knew you knew a lot of things that you shouldn't, but this is ridiculous. How did you find that out?"
"Easy: you just told me," Cross drawled in an overly innocent tone of voice.
"THEY KEEP THE old book of tricks AROUND BECAUSE THEY STILL WORK, dontcha know!" Soundbite cackled.
Jonathan rolled his eyes before giving the pirate a contemplative look. "Would you care for a game of chess, Cross?"
Cross grimaced and waved his hand dismissively. "No thanks, I'm no good at the game."
"Ah, what a pity," Jonathan sighed. "Nobody in the base who actually knows how to play accepts my invitation because they know my skill, and outsiders rarely have the time or desire."
Cross chuckled. "Well, I think one of our crew could give you a run for your money, but I don't think that they would be willing to reveal their identity."
"Sorry, Vice Admiral," came a somewhat familiar distorted voice from mid-air, which actually did sound somewhat apologetic.
"Are all of them listening?"
"Of course they are," Cross scoffed as though it were the most obvious fact in the world. "After all, they're my crew, and I wouldn't want them to miss out on this. Anyway, if you're not willing to just let us go… then how about we make this into a game?"
Jonathan's eyebrows rose. "You have my attention."
Cross leaned back in his seat, clearly at ease. "While we try to get out of here, we of the Straw Hat Pirates will stress-test Navarone, help to demonstrate how stable a fortress it is, and help to reinvigorate the soldiers. In short, we help to prove just how much of an asset this place is to the Marine Corps. And in return…" Cross's gaze both sharpened and became slightly fearful. "You don't use your Haki to completely decimate us, so we actually have a fighting chance of escaping." His smile returned. "I'll even throw in dealing with your… shall we say, 'administrative difficulties' that are due to arrive tomorrow morning?"
Jonathan did not reply.
"Come on," Cross waved his hand lackadaisically. "You can easily explain away not calling us in to HQ by saying you wanted to handle us yourself. That's totally something somebody taught by Akainu… would…" The pirate slowly trailed off as a look of realization and awe came over him. "Of course. That's it, isn't it? You conned him."
Jonathan kept his expression decidedly neutral. "I'm sure I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
The Vice Admiral's stomach dropped as a smile slowly spread across Cross's face. "Nooooononono, you cannot fool me! Now it all makes sense! The only way someone like you would agree with that arrogant blowhard of a volcano would be if you were talking out of your ass! You never agreed with Akainu's stupid stance of 'Absolute Justice,' you were just smart enough to know that if you disagreed once he showed interest in you, that'd be the end of you one way or another! You took advantage of that son of a bitch for the sake of the doors his reputation would open for you!"
Jonathan had no doubt, judging from Cross's even wider grin, that his face had betrayed him. Of all the people to find out his secret, it had to be the pirate with the biggest mouth of the century.
"Ohohoh maaan…" Cross chuckled as he sank back in the Vice Admiral's seat, crossing his arms behind his head. "I know some people who are just going to love to hear this, let me tell you…" He promptly sobered up in a panic when he noticed Jonathan's entire demeanour shift. "IIIII should have worded that better, huh?"
"YA THINK!?" Soundbite demanded incredulously.
"Mister Cross… allow me to issue a condition for the game that you've proposed," Jonathan stated firmly in a tone that had Cross quivering in terror. "If you fail to escape from Navarone in twenty-four hours, you will be caught in moments and be subsequently submitted to an interrogation so thorough that I will know memories of yours so deep and repressed that not even you remember them. Please take into consideration that while you're right in that I neither like nor respect Admiral Akainu, and while I did not learn the spirit of his lessons…" The man's gaze sharpened viciously. "That does not change the fact that I was an excellent student."
Cross processed that, and then frowned in contemplation. "…Wait to start those twenty-four hours until sunrise, and I'll accept that. But allow me this condition: if we do manage to escape, I'm going to let you in on one of my most well-guarded secrets, one that neither my crew nor I will ever expose on the SBS. Hell, even Soundbite knows better than to blurt it, just like this secret in particular, right, Soundbite?" The last sentence was finished with a pointed glare at the snail.
"YEAH, whatever," Soundbite rolled his eyes casually, until Cross grabbed his eyestalks and started pulling. "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, MUM'S THE word! …JERK…"
"Now, as I was saying… when you learn that secret, you're going to find yourself faced with what can only be defined as an ultimatum, and the decision is both effortless and excruciating. My condition is that you give it all the consideration that it deserves. Because I assure you, while nobody is going to hear your secret from my crew or myself, when you make that choice, one way or the other, it won't be a secret anymore."
"…That is very cryptic," Jonathan stated with a frown.
"Have you even been listening to my show? But in all fairness, it'll be the first thing you understand when the game is over. So, then…" Cross spread his hands invitingly. "Do we have a deal?"
Jonathan closed his eyes. Ultimately, Cross was right about everything he had said, including what he hoped to get out of their infiltration. And in the end, if they were actively trying to help him, then no matter how this turned out, he would ultimately win. He opened his eyes.
"I accept your challenge, Cross. But I warn you, you're not going to win."
Cross scoffed. "That's what they all say."
Jonathan smirked. "That's fair, I suppose. But you do realize that considering that you're here, I wouldn't be violating the rules of the game to arrest you here and now, right?"
"Of course. But considering this is me we're talking about… Hey, Soundbite, what's the appropriate thing to say in this case?" Cross replied, smirking back as he reached to one side and separated the curtains. Jonathan blinked as he saw a rope reaching out of the window… and down to Cross. His smile faded even as Cross's grew.
"I think it would be… 'SO LONG, SUCKERS!'"
"Damn straight!" Cross cackled as he yanked on a ripcord attached to the side of his belt. Before the Vice Admiral could react, Cross was yanked backwards and up out of the room.
"…damn it," Jonathan sighed wearily as he pinched the bridge of his nose, but smirked nonetheless. "Well played, Cross. Well played."
A moment later, the door to the office burst open, allowing Drake and a full squad of Marines to burst into the office.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan, sir! Are you alright?" the Commander demanded as he moved to secure the room.
Jonathan gave his second a flat look. "Drake, allow me to remind you that we are currently in Paradise and that the Strawhats, strong as they are, are a rookie crew, and that Cross isn't a frontline fighter besides. Do you think I'm alright?"
"Ah…" Drake hesitated uncomfortably as he considered that.
Jonathan shrugged as he walked over to his window and looked upwards. "Put the base on high alert and gather the senior staff in five… ten minutes. I need time to devise a proper strategy."
"Sir?"
"Oh, you weren't aware? I thought you'd have realized it by now…" Jonathan turned back to Drake with an honest and eager smile. "The games have begun."
"THAT WAS PITIFUL!"
"Indeed!"
Drake and Jonathan paled in terror. "Not them…" they chorused.
"IT'S US!" Terry roared as he and Isaiah flapped through the window and landed on the Marine's shoulders. "WE WOULD HAVE STAYED INCOGNITO DURING THIS WHOLE THING!"
"But our pride as not just South Birds but as men refused to allow us to remain silent!" Isaiah huffed with a shake of his beak. "Such a weak and clichéd line… it made even my most luxuriant of beaks turn up in disgust!"
"WE'VE AGREED TO SET ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND WORK TOGETHER, UNTIL BOTH OF YOUR PERSONALITIES ARE BURSTING WITH POWAAAAAAAH!" Terry proclaimed as he flexed his avian pecs furiously.
"As well as the cool, calm and collected suaveness needed to strike blind any woman who lays eyes upon you." Isaiah swept his wing out with a flourish, light glinting off the feathers.
"…I'm married?" Jonathan tried uneasily.
"I accept your wife's thanks in advance," the bird smoothly agreed.
The officers exchanged panicked glances as their thoughts synchronized in a single word: "Shit."
-o-
I sighed in relief as I clambered up onto the top of the rock. Damn, epic as that exit had been, that belt taxed almost every single muscle I had. Still, there was work to be done, no rest for the wicked, the weary, or the weary wicked!
"So, I take it that everyone heard that?"
"A master tactician bold enough to con Akainu for the purpose of bolstering his reputation… I think we may have found the Marines' equivalent of Cross," Robin's voice said.
"Except that this guy actually has a whole brain," one of the male dugongs—Leo, I think—snarked.
"Boss, discipline your student."
"Nah, I think I'll let this one pass."
"Sweet!"
"Tsk…" I growled darkly before turning my attention to Soundbite. "By the way, I noticed something weird in there…"
"The cowards' chorus, I'M GUESSING?" he questioned. "Alright, look, IT'S SIMPLE: ever since the SBS started, I'VE BEEN ALTERING EVERYONE'S VOICES except YOURS and VIVI'S because we need people to trust you. BETTER for everyone else not to be immediately IDENTIFIABLE. But don't worry! IF THEY ALREADY KNOW YOUR VOICE, people can ID you, so your families know who's who."
I was promptly struck dumb at Soundbite's foresight. "Ah…"
"HOW BLATANTLY stupid do you think I am?!"
"You don't want that question answered," a chorus of voices responded.
"SCREW YOU, PEOPLE!"
"Alright, Soundbite's impressive show of planning ahead aside, let me lay things out. There are only two ways for us to get out of here, and considering that leaving the way we came involves hurting Merry more, I say we focus on the plainer of them: leaving through the Sea Gate. Obviously, before that, we need to regroup on Merry and steal back the supplies and gold that they confiscated from us."
"Yes, yes, we do, because I swear to high heaven if we lose twenty-five percent of my—!"
"Our," Vivi cut in.
"WHOEVER'S GOLD!… then I will make up for the difference in bounties. Starting with everyone on this crew. GOT IT?"
"GOT IT!" everyone chorused.
"Nami is scary," Su whimpered.
"You're only just figuring this out?" I muttered. "Anyway… when the sun comes up, there's going to be a group of damaged battleships coming in. Onboard those ships are a pair of arrogant would-be chefs and a stupidly arrogant inspector from Marine Headquarters. These three need to be dealt with ASAP before they catch wind of our presence and call Marineford. Sanji, Robin, Luffy, that'll be up to you."
"Huh?" Soundbite provided Sanji's confused expression. "Luffy? I understand myself and Robin-schwan, but why Luffy!?"
"Because…" I trailed off hesitantly for a second before sighing. "Because, believe it or not, Luffy's actually pretty damn good at the whole stealthy-ninja thing when he wants to be."
"Shishishi! Years of practice playing hide-and-seek from my Grandpa!"
"'Hide-and-seek' my ass…"
"Eh? What was that?"
"Nothing, nothing. Anyway, also on board those damaged battleships are going to be a ton of soldiers in need of critical treatment. And currently, the only doctor on base is a hemophobic pediatrician. Chopper, you're going to be responsible for both curing her hemophobia and helping her save all of those patients. You shouldn't need to boost your intelligence for either of those things."
"What? Why not? Sure, surgeries won't be any problem without boosting, but curing the fear of blood? How am I supposed to do that so fast?"
"… Tell her the story of the thief and the sakura," I said carefully. A small intake of breath came from the other end, and Chopper seemed to tear up a bit.
"A-Alright," Chopper nodded firmly.
"Nami, I'd recommend that you join Chopper as a nurse, but if you think of a better cover, feel free to use it. Usopp, once they've relocated the Merry, disguise yourself as a grunt, and Soundbite will lead you there and help you fend off any questioners. And the rest of you…" I let a grin split my face. "Well, our end of the deal is to pressure-test the base. So, starting at dawn, we're going to give this place the most unforgettable day of their lives."
"Sounds good, Cross, but I've got one question," Usopp cut in. "Do we know where they took our stuff? We can replace the food and cannonballs anywhere, but the gold? And, just as importantly, Conis' arsenal and the Dials?"
"Well, for starters, I just checked on our loose gold." I instinctively jabbed my thumb over my shoulder at the edge of the spire. "Jonathan's got all of that stashed in his office, which is technically the safest place on the whole base. It's all there, and chances are he'll keep it there even though I know it's there because of how hard it'll be to get it out from under his nose."
"Well, at least that bit won't be boring…" Zoro muttered.
"And as for the rest of our stuff… Lassoo?"
"Yeah, they haven't touched the weapons yet," the dog-gun subtly huffed out.
"Right. Considering how big this base is, they probably don't think we'll be able to find her once they tow her away. And Jonathan has a group standing guard over the ship, with explicit orders not to report in via Transponder Snail. That makes things at once easier and harder for us; I should be able to find a way to use it to our advantage, but it'll take a while before I can risk it. On the bright side, as long as Lassoo is onboard, finding the Merry will be easy."
Suddenly, Soundbite's eyestalks snapped to attention and swivelled in the direction of the roof-access I'd identified. I growled in aggravation as I followed his line of sight. "They're coming up here, aren't they?"
"WINNER WINNER, hope you like JAIL DINNERS!"
"Not if I can help it!" I snapped my Flash Dial out of my bag and started clicking it out over the water. "Luffy, please tell me you can see the light!"
"I thought you guys always told me never to go towards it?"
I winced as the sound of a door being kicked open echoed out, prompting me to click faster. "Wrong light, now hurry the hell up and—!"
"Oh! Yeah, I can see you! Buuut I don't think I can reach that far…"
I made a hasty guesstimate of the distance. "Think you can reach halfway?"
"Oh, yeah, easy!"
"Then grab the rope!" I grabbed a ripcord at my side…
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"
Right as an authoritative voice and a chorus of cocking guns rang out.
I very slowly turned my head around and caught sight of who I assumed to be Commander Drake standing behind a firing squad of soldiers.
"Jeremiah Cross," the Commander growled acridly. "You are under arrest for piracy, divulging state secrets, disturbing the peace, terrorism—"
"If that's in any way related to my bullshit bounty, you had better pray that I don't find you," Vivi's voice snapped viciously.
Drake and his men shivered in terror before the Commander coughed into his fist. "W-We'll put a pin in that one." He then shook his head and got back to it. "Anyways… Arson, collaboration with criminal elements, assault with a deadly snail—"
"Did you really just say that?" I asked.
"—and finally, South Birds are an endangered species native to Jaya, so that's importation of illegal animals." Drake crossed his arms, and his face narrowed into a hot glower. "My men and I have orders to incapacitate you by any means necessary, and we've already cleaned out all of the base's wax stockpiles to block out that snail. Come quietly, or I will order that you be shot in the leg."
I stared at him silently for a moment before allowing myself a cocky grin that obviously set him and his men on edge. "Two things. First, that is by far the worst impression of Commodore Smoker that I have ever seen." I revelled in the number of veins that comment made pop up on the officer's forehead before continuing. "And second?" I yanked on my belt's ripcord, causing the grappling rope to be launched out over the bay where it started to fall midway across… before being grabbed and yanked taut by a stretched-out rubbery arm.
I shot the now-infuriated Marine a mocking salute. "Catch me if you can, copper!"
"FIRE!" Drake roared.
Thankfully, I was yanked out of the line of fire and through the void by the belt strapped around my pelvis. And for a few moments, I enjoyed the sensation of flying through the air. But then I remembered exactly how careful Luffy was with his crewmates when he did this. That is to say, not.
"WoahwoahwoahWATCH I—!" I started to belt out—
CRASH!
Before I slammed face-first into a tree. "Why does this feel so familiar…" I slurred.
"George, George, George of the Jungle!"
"Oh, yeah…" I groaned out as I peeled out of the tree and landed on my back. I lay there for all of ten seconds before a hand grabbed my collar and yanked me up through several trees to be brought face to face with a very familiar, very stupidly grinning face.
"Hey, Cross!" Luffy waved innocently.
I returned the grin with a decidedly bland look. "Captain… if it weren't liable to get me dropped three dozen feet… I just want you to know… I would punch you."
Luffy tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? But you already did that last night when I knocked that barrel of beer on you, and your hand was more hurt than I was."
"Yeah, but it made me feel better," I scoffed.
"Us too!" over half the crew concurred.
"Now, put me on a branch before my jacket tears, or so help me, I'll charge you for a new one… with interest rates that would make Nami proud." Luffy promptly plopped me onto a branch, allowing me to readjust my hoodie's collar with a huff. "Damn last one being burnt clean through, freaking swear this place is tearing through my wardrobe for shits and giggles…"
"What the hell do you have to complain about? Have you seen how many shirts Zoro goes through? His wardrobe made up almost a clean thirty percent of his debt!" Nami scoffed.
"Excuse me for being one of the so-called 'Monster Trio.' Would you have preferred fighting Ohm or Mr. 1?" Zoro shot back.
"Not to mention at least half of those shirts are destroyed in training," Robin pointed out. "And he generally doesn't stop to put on a new one."
"… That is pretty nice," Nami and Vivi admitted practically simultaneously.
I silently debated what to say to that before deciding to shove that into a locked box somewhere in my subconscious. "Alright, can we forego that argument for the moment in favor of trying to nail down a solid location for everyone?" I glanced around contemplatively. "I'll start off. Currently, Terry and Isaiah are with Jonathan, most likely pestering him beyond all belief, Lassoo is onboard the Merry, and Luffy, Soundbite, and I are situated in the forest on top of the base's outer ring."
"My students and I are all in the water nearest the Merry, beside the outer ring," Boss said.
"Conis, Su, and I are just outside the forest, by the shore where the base starts. I can't see the Merry from where I am—ARGH!" Chopper said before cutting himself off with a yelp.
"And I would jusht like you all to know—hic!—that I love you all very musch!" Conis added dizzily. "Eshpecially Chopper… sho fluffy…"
"She's… crushing… me…" Chopper wheezed out miserably.
"Yeaaah, Conis isn't handling the oxygen levels that well," Su noted blandly.
"Why aren't you drunk off your ass, then?" Mikey (I think) asked.
"Because I've spent every other weekend clambering through the roots of Upper Yard since I was… eh, three, I think? Seriously, with trees that big, you get used to oxygen fast," the cloud fox said, her shrug borderline audible.
"Mmph—GAH! HEAVY POINT! Huff… Huff… Geeze, I almost died… Alright, I think I'm going to take my chances and look for the medical room ASAP," Chopper panted. "I left my bag on the Merry, and Conis needs treatment badly."
"Ugh… fair enough, but try not to be seen. Soundbite—"
"You DON'T HAVE TO tell me, Cross," the snail said, his face screwed up in concentration.
"Alright, then… moving on?"
"Robin and I are in the forest, too, though judging by those muzzle flashes I saw, we're on the other side from you and Luffy," Usopp said.
"I'm on a small beach, just got out of the water," Zoro grumbled, the sound of wringing out clothes and water dripping coming over the background. "I can still see the Merry from where I am, too, but I'm too likely to be seen where I am."
"I managed to ride my Waver up the outer ring. I'm hiding out in some tall grass at the edge of some cliffs. I've got a clear view of the rock spire, but I can barely see the Merry," Nami said.
"I'm in the forest, too, and I'm guessing I'm pretty close to you, Cross; I saw Luffy's arm stretch out from where I was," Sanji said.
A pause as I counted that out… during which I noticed Soundbite with an odd expression on his face, somewhere between gobsmacked and 'about to burst out laughing'. "Uh, Vivi and Carue? Where are you?"
"We… well, see, this… this is kind of awkward," Vivi ground out.
"How so?"
---
"Well…" Vivi rubbed the back of her head uncomfortably as she looked around the bunk she was lying in. "See, I'm currently inside the base, hiding in one of the barracks…" She paused as she noticed some movement in her peripheral vision, then smiled as she accepted a glass from the flustered soldier standing next to her. "Thank you!…and I just accepted a drink from one of the Marines who's helping Carue, and I hide here." She punctuated the silence that followed with a looong drain from her drink's straw.
"… What," Cross finally said.
"WHAT," concurred the vast majority of the rest of the crew.
Vivi swallowed with a contented sigh before eyeing her glass contemplatively. "I'll be honest, the service I've received thus far beats some of the spas back in Alubarna, and those are legitimately royal-class establishments."
"She's got dat wight!" Carue sighed as another soldier brushed his feathers. "Wittle moa to da wight… wittle moa… ahhh, dat's da spot…"
"T-t-thank you very much, your highness!" the soldier who'd served Vivi stammered bashfully. "I-If there's anything else you need, feel free to ask!"
"Alright, we just fell out of the freaking sky, and I just escaped being shot at, I utterly refuse to believe that what I'm hearing isn't the result of some adrenaline-fueled stroke-induced hallucination!" Cross protested.
"Three words, Cross: Great. Octopus. Shogunate. We have seen weirder, and I'm willing to bet a million berries that you know we haven't seen the weirdest of all yet," Nami growled.
"…Noooo, no, we have not. Ugh… well, on the bright side, it looks like we might have just found a much less risky way to help Conis. Vivi, think you can ask those Marines if they'd be willing to help a genuine angel?"
Vivi shot a brief glance up at the soldiers before plastering a desperate smile on her face. "One second," she hissed beneath her breath before raising her voice. "Oh, boys! Would the two of you mind fetching Carue and I an assorted vegetable platter please?"
"With a bucket a' wanch dwessing!" Carue piped up, smiling sheepishly at the glare Vivi sent him. "What? Ah'm hungwy!"
"Right away, ma'am!" the soldiers snapped off a salute before marching out of the bunkroom.
Vivi waited until the door was shut before collapsing on the bunk with an exasperated sigh. "Sweet guys. Stupid, but sweet. Anyway, here's the basics of my current situation: I'm in the care of a couple of Marines who seem to be a cross between Sanji and those braindead bounty hunters we met with Wyvern. They believe what I said on the SBS, they're willing to help me… but only me. I asked them at first if they were willing to help the rest of you, and they refused. And when I asked if they would be willing to just help the females, well… they seemed torn on Conis, Raphey isn't human, they don't know Robin's gender, and Nami… is just too scary."
"…I can live with that," Nami finally decided.
"Ditto," Raphey concurred.
"So, the bottom line is, I could probably convince them to take in Conis, and probably Su along with her, but Chopper wouldn't be able to come along, so…" She scratched the back of her head uncomfortably.
"Yeah, that would kind of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it…" Chopper grumbled before sighing despondently. "Alright, back to Plan A."
"Sneaking an oxygen-drunk blonde with wings through the halls of an enemy base on High Alert," Su summarized with a grin obvious in her voice. "Ten minutes with you guys and my life's already more exciting than it's been in the past six years!"
"YOU AIN'T seen nuthin' yet!" Soundbite chortled.
"But anyway," Cross spoke up. "For now, Vivi, it sounds like you're in a good enough situation. Just sit tight and wait for further developments."
Before the princess could say anything further, the door to the room opened, and the soldiers from earlier entered and proffered her a very delicious-looking assortment of vegetables.
"I think I can handle that," she conceded as she lay back and took a bite from a stalk of celery.
Carue punctuated the point by gleefully burying his beak in the ranch bucket.
---
"Alright, with that done… Boss, if anything goes wrong, you and your students should be able to get there fastest, so be ready to move."
"Roger, loud and clear, Cross. We're ready to go in hard at a moment's notice."
"Say 'that's what she said,' and I will twist your head around a full 360 degrees," Raphey blandly added, which was followed up by a nervous gulp.
"And the rest of you…" I heaved out a jaw-cracking yawn as I settled against the trunk of the tree I was in. "Try to lay low until morning. We'll need more information before I can form a good escape plan. So for now… g'night."
A chorus of goodnights rang out before silence finally reigned, and I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.
---
Jonathan sat in his office, looking over his chessboard as he considered the Straw Hat Pirates. He had little doubt that all of the crew would be following the deal that he had made with Cross, but considering said deal, it appeared that today was going to be stressful. After all, to show how strong the base was while at the same time maximizing their chances of escape, he had no doubt that they would be hitting Navarone's weak spots. That being the case, he would need to attempt to strike theirs as well.
He had gathered together the highest-ranking members of the base and called to mind what they could about the Straw Hat Pirates.
"Altogether, we have ten humans and nine animals to worry about."
"Wouldn't it technically be nine humans and ten animals, sir? I mean, their doctor…" Holger asked.
"Devil Fruit priorities, Chief Petty Officer," Cormac interrupted. "He's a human-reindeer, so he counts as human."
Jonathan nodded absentmindedly in agreement. "In any event, of those animals, the five dugongs are likely to be the most problematic. I have no doubt that they're somewhere in the water; they'll be difficult to fight off on the land, and that's if we manage to get them out of the water. The dog-weapon couldn't have swum off their ship, but it's not unreasonable to assume that someone could have carried him."
"Shall we investigate the Straw Hat Pirates' arsenal more closely to see if it's there?" Holger asked.
"Hmm… not immediately. Have a couple of men poke around in there, maybe take a few things. If the dog is there, he should alert Cross, which will elicit some sort of reaction. It won't be able to use explosives in such close quarters, so we'll be able to apprehend it with relative ease. And if nothing happens, then nothing happens, and we'll have to watch out for dogs in the base."
Holger and the rest of the officers nodded.
"Now, moving on… the Supersonic Duck will almost certainly be with Princess Vivi, and while I'm not sure how dangerous a fighter he'll be, it's clear that he has formidable endurance. I should expect nothing less from what's essentially a royal bodyguard. Soundbite is an obvious threat; I trust that the earplugs have already been distributed?"
"Yes, sir," Drake said. "All units have been warned and are at minimum carrying artillery-grade ear protectors."
"Good. And as for the fox… from what I've heard, I don't think she'll be any more dangerous than these South Birds are…" The Vice Admiral grimaced miserably. "Though they're bad enough on their own."
"SIT UP STRAIGHT! A TRUE MAN'S POSTURE IS FILLED WITH POOOWAAAAH!" Terry roared in the Vice Admiral's ears.
"For once, I agree with my companion," Isaiah added in his usual baritone. "Proper posture, and the discipline that comes from cultivating it, is a necessity for true manliness." He then proceeded to cuff the back of Drake's head. "That means you, too, Lieutenant Commander."
The officer ground his teeth viciously with murder blazing in his eyes. "Remind me why we haven't shot, eaten and mounted these colourful turkeys yet?" he demanded indignantly.
"Because neither of us has two million Beri to burn in fines and I promised to take Jessica to San Faldo for our anniversary, and if either of us jeopardizes that, she will serve us to the whole base for dinner," Jonathan deadpanned.
Everyone in the room froze as a wave of existential dread washed over them, which Drake punctuated by swallowing heavily. "Withdrawn…"
"Moving along…" Jonathan rubbed his chin in thought. "Of the remaining crewmates, if the last thing they said on the SBS was any indication, their new gunner is likely to be suffering from oxygen poisoning right now, meaning that their doctor will most likely be with her. I think they'll find their way to the medical wing before long."
"Should we send guards to intercept them, sir?" Henrick asked.
"Mmmm…" the Vice Admiral hummed contemplatively before shaking his head. "No. Not yet, let him perform the necessary treatment first. After all, we're not trying to make them suffer, merely to capture them. And I'd rather not risk their doctor… boosting, I believe it was. He's no doubt formidable enough without referencing Mr. Stevenson. No, we'll leave the medical wing alone for now; if they start causing trouble there, then we'll do whatever we must, though as it stands I don't think there's anything to worry about."
He waited for his staff to nod before continuing. "Now, moving on. Their chef is likely to infiltrate the kitchen. Jessica did admit that the suggestions he gave on the SBS have drastically improved the quality of our meals, so it should be easy enough to spot him going off of his skills… but on the other hand, the Marley brothers are due to arrive today."
As he said that, he recalled Cross's words about dealing with their 'administrative difficulties'. If he remembered right, there was an inspector due to arrive today as well. If Cross knew that, he was likely to know about the chefs as well. "Drake, once we're done here, warn Jessica to be on her toes; the Straw Hats may attempt to impersonate the Marley brothers."
"Yes, sir." The Commander snapped into a salute.
"Well, those are the easy ones," Jonathan sighed. "The rest are… less obvious. Cross is most likely going to keep his head down for the time being, keeping everyone connected. That leaves Straw Hat Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, Nefertari Vivi, their navigator, their sniper, and their unknown crewmate. The former three are likely going to stay as out of sight as they can, as we know their faces, but we can safely assume that the latter three are going to attempt to blend in."
He removed a piece of paper from his desk with specific instructions and gave it to Drake. "Here, I want you to pass these directions down through the ranks, make sure it remains written but not spoken. And should you come across anyone who seems suspicious, be certain to remember that the passcode is Marineford Tango Enies. Understood?"
Drake scanned the paper for a moment before passing it along to the rest of the officers and snapping his superior a salute. "Completely and utterly, sir."
"Good." Jonathan nodded firmly before allowing a serious expression to come over him and spread to the rest of his men. "Now, make note here: I'm giving the Straw Hats a fighting chance, if only because it will be beneficial for our troops to get some exercise. However…"
Jonathan stood up and walked over to the window, observing the colours of a sunrise painted across the sky. "If they're still running free in this base by sunrise tomorrow, I will personally make sure that every last one of them ends up in the brig." He turned his head enough to give his subordinates a chilling look. "And I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that."
The tone of his voice made Drake, Holger, Henrick, and Cormac break into a cold sweat. As easygoing as their leader normally was, the fact remained that Cross had implored him not to get involved for a reason that they all knew: nobody obtained the rank of Vice Admiral unless they were singlehandedly capable of matching their entire squad in power, much less somebody favoured by the 'Mad Dog' of the Marines. And they held no illusions that the base's recent stretch of inactivity had in any way diminished that strength, either.
"We will ensure that they are captured, sir!" the four of them chorused. Jonathan nodded, the seriousness on his face melting away with a tired sigh.
"At ease. Drake… ask Jessica to include the strongest brew on base with my breakfast, then assemble a force to seek out the Straw Hats. The rest of you, to your assigned stations. Send all transmissions in person or in writing; do not use Transponder Snails unless the situation is dire. Dismissed."
Jonathan didn't turn to watch as his men filtered out of his office. Rather, he continued to scan the skyline of his base, his home, waiting, waiting, waiting… until finally, the first rays of a new day broke through the darkness.
Slowly and patiently, without so much as a hint of worry, Jonathan turned around and inched a pawn forward on the board.
"Let the games begin."
All Terry had to say about that was a nervous gulp.
MORNING
-24 Hours Remain-
My first thought as I woke up, which I had as I leaned up and stretched my arms in a yawn, was that my hammock wasn't supposed to be this hard and uncomfortable and wood-like.
My second thought, which came much faster as I tried to roll to the side and was promptly forced to catch myself in a sloth-grip, was the realization that I was sleeping against wood, as well as the recollection that my captain and animal sidekick were currently hiding out in the middle of a Marine base.
My third thought… wasn't so much a thought as a realization. More specifically, I realized that we weren't alone when a branch snapped abo—below me.
This realization was confirmed when I looked DOWN and caught sight of a pair of dumbstruck Marines staring UP at me.
We stared at each other for a scant few seconds before I adopted a bland expression. "You two do realize that the fact that you've managed to find us is not a good thing, right?"
The soldiers nodded miserably in agreement.
We stayed frozen for a few moments longer until Soundbite decided to add in his own two cents by emerging from his shell and giving the Marines a toothy smile. "You boys gon' DIE."
That snapped the soldiers into action, one running off through the trees while the other fumbled with a baby Transponder Snail? OH, HELL NO!
I promptly let go of the branch and twisted my body around, falling on the hapless Marine with a bellowing cry of "BODYSLAM!"
I crashed down on the soldier, and we promptly fell into a down-and-dirty no-holds-barred brawl… for all of fifteen seconds until I managed to grab the back of the poor bastard's head—
THWACK!
And ram his face right into my goddamn knee ARGH! "SON OF A BITCH!" I yowled as I managed to leap to my feet and start hopping around, clutching my burning joint in agony. "GODDAMN MONKEY MANGO SACK ASS PINEAPPLE WHISKEY TANGO TURKEYS TROTTING TO FUCKING WATER! RIGHT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BORDERLINE BETWEEN HEALTHY AND CRISPY OOOOOW!"
"HEY!" Soundbite roared in my ear. "Less agonizing, more hustling! THE OTHER ONE'S GETTING AWAY!"
I snapped my head up and glared daggers at the back of the running soldier. "Like hell he is!"
I promptly started hopping after him—
"GUM GUM!"
Before pausing and looking up at my captain in—why was he puffed up in Gum Gum Balloon form and why was he holding his pipe to his—?"
"BLOWGUN!"
CRACK!
I reeled in shock as a noise as loud and sharp as a pistol blasted out of the end of Luffy's pipe. I barely had enough time to snap my head around to stare at the fleeing Marine… just as he snapped a hand to the back of his skull and collapsed into a boneless heap.
I gaped in shock for a second or two before blinking in realization. "Was that an acorn?" I called up to Luffy.
"Yup!" Luffy grinned as he shot me a thumbs-up. "Pretty cool, huh?"
I started to nod before freezing in panic as a horrifying thought struck me. "That guy's still alive, right?"
"YEP!"
"Oh-thank-God…" I wheezed as I clutched my chest in relief. "I don't know how Jonathan would kill us using a fishing rod, but I am positive that that's how he would do it if we killed one of his men."
"Personally, Cross, I think you should be more concerned with the fate worse than death that awaits you if the Vice Admiral gets his hands on you."
"GAH!" I jumped in terror before spinning around to glare at our suddenly present cook. "Don't do that, damn it!"
Sanji ignored me as he lit up a cigarette and took a drag before giving me a flat look. "Hence," he continued as though I hadn't interrupted him. "You should really be thanking me for saving your hide from that guy over there." He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.
I tilted my head slightly in confusion. "Uh…?"
"I'm pointing at the third soldier that was with these two morons and who was about to call in your shit-hiding spot when I gave him a concussion," Sanji explained dryly.
I promptly plastered a desperate smile on my face. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love the fact that you're one-third secret agent?"
I didn't take the time to puzzle over why Sanji suddenly inhaled the rest of his cigarette and started choking, instead calling up to Luffy. "Hey, Captain, mind gathering up these mooks so that we can strip them for their uniforms and then tie 'em up?"
"Sure, just gimme a sec!" Luffy promptly swung off, moving in a way that was way too natural for a human being.
I stared after him in awe for a second before giving Sanji a wary glance. "I'm not the only one who wonders about just how 'human' Luffy is, right?"
"That's rich, coming from you," the cook snickered.
"Har har, very funny…" I scoffed. "Alright, that aside, once we've got these guys taken care of, you two will need to head into the base and find a pair of cooks from HQ known as the Marley brothers; the battleships they'll be on haven't arrived yet, but I doubt it'll be long. Once you find them, nab their clothes and pretend to be them so that you can infiltrate the base's kitchen."
"… Infiltrate the kitchens… with Luffy."
"Just keep him on a leash." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, while you're doing that, I'll stay here and watch over the Marines and keep everyone connected."
Luffy chose that point to make his return, with three KO'd Marines in one hand. I gave them a quick once-over before nodding. "Alright, pick a uniform, get dressed, and get going."
"Right!" Luffy nodded as he started divesting the soldiers.
Soon enough, the Marines were clad in only their skivvies and left hanging from the branches of the trees, thoroughly gagged and bound with no chances of escape.
I watched my newly disguised comrades leave for a few seconds before leaning back into the trunk of the tree I was settled in and looking at Soundbite. "So, now that that particular instance of madness is over and done with, the next most pressing issue among our crew is Conis. Chopper, how is she?"
"Ah… well, she's certainly alive… though beyond that—GRK!"
---
"Fluuufffyyy…" Conis giggled as she buried her face in the scruff of the flailing doctor's neck.
"I honestly think her current condition is very much a matter of perspective and opinion…" the reindeer said with a tone of forced calm.
"Shouldn't you be doing your little dance and blatantly lying about how compliments don't make you happy?"
"First off, those compliments really don't make me happy!" Chopper snapped as he tried to wriggle his way out of Conis's stupidly strong grip. "And second, she's not complimenting my medical prowess; she's complimenting my fur. Totally different!"
"Riiiight. You know, next time we meet Ace, I think I'll ask him to keep an eye out for an opportunity to throw a fireball at your shorts."
"Oh, shut up!"
"Heh… Anyway, how long do you think it'll take for her to get over this?"
"Ergh, it's hard to—Hey, don't pull on—OWOWOW!"
"Heeheehee—GRK!" Conis continued to giggle blearily as she yanked on Chopper's antlers before suddenly jerking up ramrod straight for a second, and then collapsing forward into a snoring heap, revealing Su perched on her back with her paw on a syringe sticking out of the Angel's shoulder.
"Sedative," she explained blandly. "Sorry, but that was starting to get old."
"I appreciate that, Su," Chopper groaned, massaging his head at the base of his antlers before switching to his Heavy Point and picking up Conis. "Now, we need to get her a controlled flow of air so that she can adapt, or she'll be just as… incoherent when she wakes up again. Now, where's an air tank we can use…"
"Oh! Excuse me, I thought all of the other doctors were gone."
Chopper froze, and Su bolted under a nearby table like a flash of greased lightning when a feminine voice came from behind them. Its owner turned out to be a purple-haired young woman with glasses and a white coat.
"Don't panic," Cross said, directly in their ears. "That's most likely the hemophobe I told you about, Dr. Kobato. She's a good physician, but she's also something of a ditz. Act natural, and she won't notice anything's wrong. Worst comes to worst, you can flash some blood, and she'll be out like a light."
"Uh… you're Doctor Kobato?" Chopper asked hesitantly.
"Yes, that's me," the woman replied calmly. "And you?"
"Uh… H-Hiriluk, my name is Doctor Hiriluk," the reindeer hastily answered, drawing himself upright in an effort to project an air of authority. "It's a good thing you're here. I need your help. This young woman is suffering from oxygen poisoning; I was forced to sedate her as her delirium became dangerous. Where do you keep your oxygen tanks?"
A hint of steel came into Kobato's eyes as she took in the unconscious Conis, but her smile never faltered as she walked over to one of the cots. "We have one here, Doctor. Just lay her down, and I'll help you get her set up."
Chopper nodded, carefully taking Conis into his arms before laying her on the bed, making sure to tuck the blankets in such a way that her wings were hidden. Kobato didn't notice this, fortunately, too busy placing the mask over Conis' face. "What was the cause of this, Doctor?"
"Uhh…"
"Repeat after me, Chopper," Cross hissed. The doctor nodded automatically as he spoke the words that came into his ears.
"Oh, it was a sudden decrease in altitude. I think she tried jumping off the top of a Marine base. How she got out of that without a scratch, I don't know, but she's been incoherent since we arrived here."
"J-jumped off the top of a Marine base?" Kobato said incredulously.
"She's sort of a thrill seeker," Chopper shrugged.
"Oh. Well, that makes sense."
'She actually bought that?' Su thought incredulously.
'She actually bought that…' Chopper thought in resignation.
"Well, thankfully, she looks to be fine…" The Marine doctor tilted her head contemplatively as she looked Conis over. "Still," Chopper felt his heart skip a beat when she started to run her hands over his crewmate in a sickeningly familiar manner. "Just to be sure, I'll give her a routine physical."
"Ah-ah-ah—!" Chopper sputtered frantically as he flailed his arms in a panic behind her back. "T-t-t-there's really no need for that, I-I already gave her a onceover myself, s-she's fine!"
"Oh, no, it's no trouble at all," Kobato waved him off absentmindedly without taking her attention off of Conis. "I trust your prognoses, but I just feel like it would be prudent to double-check, is all. It always pays to have a second opinion, you know?"
"Aheh… yeah, right…" Chopper trailed off uncomfortably. He then proceeded to snap into his Brain Point and start desperately rummaging through his pack, the hardier medical instruments flung out in succession.
Kobato, meanwhile, continued patting Conis down while entirely oblivious to her colleague's panic. "Alright, limbs and neck seem fine, moving on to the spinal column…" She reached under the covers and paused in confusion as she felt feathers of all things brush her fingers. "Well, that's odd. I could have sworn that this mattress was in perfect condition a few hours ago." She continued feeling around for a bit before sighing in relief. "Oh, never mind, it's fine, these feathers are merely attached to the patient's wi—" She paused as she ran that thought through her head a few times before recoiling in shock. "The patient's wings!?"
"Ah-ah…" Chopper fumbled for an answer for a second before chancing upon an idea. "Of course she has wings!" he blurted in a forced 'no duh' tone of voice. "S-She's from a Sky Island, they all have wings up there! W-Were you not aware of this?"
Kobato's shock evaporated into confusion as she mulled that statement over before she finally chuckled and slapped her forehead. "Ha, of course! Now I remember! My apologies, I'm known as something of a ditz around the base, you see."
Chopper and Su breathed simultaneous sighs of relief.
Meanwhile, the Marine continued chuckling as she continued examining Conis. "But still, you can't exactly fault me for my ignorance. After all, I only learned that Sky Island existed a few days ago by listening to the SBS."
Both Chopper and Su tensed as they prepared for the worst, only to relax when Kobato didn't elaborate.
Finally satisfied, the doctor withdrew her hands and walked over to a countertop where she picked up a clipboard. "Alright, everything seems perfectly normal. I'll begin filling out her chart. What's the patient's name?"
"Conis, no last name," Chopper answered instinctively before slapping his hooves over his mouth in horror. Said horror intensified when Kobato stopped writing.
"C-O-N-I-S?" she asked in confirmation.
"N-no, K…" Chopper corrected fearfully.
"Oh, alright then!" Kobato nodded with a smile. "I just ask because her name sounded like Conis. You know, the Strawhats' latest recruit? She's from a Sky Island too, so I imagine that there'll be some confusion in her future."
"…yeah, I imagine so…" Chopper slowly nodded in agreement.
"Alright…" Kobato moved on to another line. "And does she have any family I should be aware of?"
"Just her father back on Skypiea." Chopper rolled his eyes in exasperation as he turned to the room's medical cabinets and started fiddling around with their contents. 'After all,' he reasoned with himself. 'You never know when you might need to restock.'
Kobato nodded again as she continued writing. "Got it, father in Skypiea. Just… like…" Ice shot through Chopper and Su's veins when the doctor slowly stopped writing and trailed. The blood drained from her face in horror as she slowly looked at Conis's face. "C-Conis with a C…"
The room was paralyzed for a moment until the Zoan in the room thumped his head against the nearest available shelf. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you'd do us the favour of not screaming?" Chopper groaned in resignation.
Kobato's response was to open her mouth—
"Oh, come on!"
And promptly gag when a bundle of white fur was stuffed into it.
"Out of all the slip-ups—OW!—that's when you finally connect the dots!?" Su snarled as she held on to the doctor's shoulder for dear life, her tail firmly wedged in the doctor's mouth. She then snapped her head over to Chopper. "Hurry the hell up, sawbones!"
Kobato reeled and scrabbled with Su for a moment…
THWACK! "MMPH!" "YEOW!"
Before biting down hard on the tail when she felt something thin and hard plunge into her shoulder, which in turn elicited a yowl of vulpine pain from Su.
However, the doctor's pain lasted only a moment before oblivion invaded her mind and she slumped over on Conis' bed, dead to the world save for her snores.
Su whimpered miserably as she held her bitten tail before her face. "That… was unpleasant…" She proceeded to snap a glare at Chopper. "And what took you so long, hm!?"
"Forgive me for not thinking I'd need to stock up on syringes of all things…" Chopper panted as he slowly lowered his arm from the post-throw position it had been in. He then sighed despondently as he changed to his Heavy Point and gingerly extracted a now-empty needle from Kobato's shoulder. "I am getting way too much experience with this."
Su spared a moment from licking her own tail to snicker at him. "Yeah, you're right. After all, there are better ways to get girls than pumping them full of chemicals, don't you know? Tseeheehee—!"
The human-reindeer held up the syringe, light glinting menacingly off the needle. "I can refill this with the appropriate dosage in seconds."
"Shutting up now," Su said quickly.
"Mmph… well, there's the proof of how much of a ditz she is. I honestly forgot that she was that bad," Cross said. "Anyway, once she's awake, you should have enough of an opportunity to talk her into helping the patients that will arrive soon. She'll be outright on our side once you've cured her hemophobia."
"Hooray," Su and Chopper chorused unenthusiastically.
"Oh, perk up, her dad's a shipwright who'll look after the Merry and help Usopp patch her up once we get them together. Anyway, moving on…"
---
"Robin, how are things going with your mission?"
"Perfectly, Cross," Robin replied, striding down the hallway in her stolen outfit without so much as a care in the world. "The ship from HQ has just arrived, and they are unloading men now. I've already dealt with the good inspector and am touring the facilities as we speak. On that note, I took the liberty of incapacitating the Marley brothers while I was at it. Soundbite, if you'd be so kind as to direct Mr. Cook and the captain to them?"
"Roger roger."
"We've got them. Thank you, my darling!"
"Nice work, Robin!"
"What the monkey said. So… at the risk of losing my appetite now and forever, what happened to Condo—er, I mean, Shepherd?"
"Well…" Robin said with a smirk.
---
A Marine grunt stared, jaw dropped, at the sight that awaited him in the supply closet where he had gone to fetch a mop.
A man with short black hair in a widow's peak who was wearing a magenta undershirt and purple pants was bound and gagged in the room. While that was odd in and of itself, the part of the ensemble that drew his attention most was the note pinned to said man's undershirt, which clearly read 'I'm a stuck-up ass from HQ looking to shut this base down for the glory of it!' Hesitantly, the man reached out to un-gag the squirming man, who spat for a few seconds before barking at him.
"You incompetent buffoon! What made you hesitate to help me? I'll have you court-martia—MMPH?!"
The grunt promptly replaced the gag, grabbed the mop he had come for, and closed the door in the man's face.
"Hey, you were in there a while," the grunt's friend noted in surprise. "Anything wrong?"
"Nope," the grunt said, marching away from the closet without so much as missing a beat. "Not a thing."
---
"PFFHAHAHAHAHA! Robin, in case you happened to miss the memo any time in the past few years, you are a genius."
"Trust me, I'm aware," she purred cheekily.
"Well, anyway, be careful when you meet with the Vice Admiral. Jonathan's the kind of guy who's taken the time to find out what an aged-up version of your bounty picture would look like. Easy money says that he'll recognize you when he sees you, but with any luck, he'll be too intrigued or amused to do anything about it. No guarantees, though."
Robin's eyebrow twitched minutely in irritation, though she didn't break her stride. "And you didn't think to mention this sooner?"
"Hey, my knowledge is spotty at best, alright? I'm mostly playing this by ear. Just… hope for the best."
The ex-assassin flexed her fingers. "I am starting to see the appeal of using you as a punching bag, Mister Jeremiah."
"Har har, very funny. Anyway, moving on. Nami, how are you holding up?"
"Ah…" their navigator grit out uncomfortably. "See, the answer to that question's kind of… complicated."
"Oh, come now, Miss Navigator," Robin chided as she brought her fist to her mouth in order to hide a chuckle. "How bad could it possibly—?"
Robin's words died in her throat when she reached an intersection and was brought face to face with the subject of discussion in question.
The archaeologist stared in shock for several seconds before slowly raising her sunglasses onto her forehead in order to get a better view. "… Well now. Dare I even ask?"
Nami groaned miserably as she clawed a hand down her face. "I wound up in the laundry room looking for something to wear, some Marines walked in on me while I was holding this coat, one lie led to another, and suddenly I'm masquerading using my mother's name and rank!"
"…Please tell me I'm misremembering seeing a picture of your mother wearing a coat only Captains or higher wear," Cross deadpanned.
"No, Cross," Robin shook her head slowly as she took in the ornate coat Nami was wearing. "No, you are most certainly not."
"Ugh… well, depending on how good Nami's espionage skills are, this could either be a windfall or a calamity. Nami, I know you did a lot of masquerading as a pirate for the last few years, but how good are you at impersonating a Marine?"
Before Nami could respond, she was interrupted by a Marine walking around a blind corner and almost running into her. "Ah—! S-Sorry about that, ma'am, I wasn't looking where I was going and—!"
"HOW DARE YOU!" Robin watched with bemusement as the crew's navigator grabbed the hapless soldier's collar and drew him in close so that she was roaring directly in his face. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA JUST HOW MUCH THIS COAT COSTS? I COULD TAKE EVERY BERRY YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC FAMILY HAVE MADE IN THE LAST TEN GENERATIONS, AND IT STILL WOULDN'T EVEN BE ENOUGH TO GET IT DRYCLEANED, YOU UTTER IGNORAMUS!"
"I-I'm so sorry, p-please forgive me, Captain, I-I-I won't do it again!" the Marine sobbed miserably, tears fountaining down his cheeks.
"You want my forgiveness?" Nami spat. "Then go to this base's godforsaken kitchen and order me a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with a twist of aged tangerine, three and a half cubes of ice, and a green umbrella IN NO LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES!" She then proceeded to all but throw the soldier down the hallway he'd come out of, yelling after his retreating back. "AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL IF YOU GET SO MUCH AS ONE ELEMENT OF THAT DRINK WRONG, BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL WON'T!"
The incognito pirates watched him run like the hounds of hell were on his heels before Nami turned to Robin with a beatific smile. "So, you'll be the good Marine, and I'll be the bad Marine, then?"
"I would say so, Miss Navigator," Robin chuckled in agreement.
"Daaaaaamn…" Cross breathed in awe. "You've been holding out on us, haven't you?"
"Are you kidding?" Nami scoffed as she and Robin started walking down the hallway again. "I've got almost ten years of suppressed fury pounding around inside of me. You haven't seen anything yet."
"Hmph, I imagine so," Robin laughed into her hand before pausing and humming thoughtfully. "Ah yes, and before I forget, Mister Doctor? I should warn you that you should hasten to rouse Dr. Kobato and make her an ally before the patients arrive."
"Ugh, alright, I was expecting this. How long have I got?"
"Five minutes at most," Robin replied cheerfully.
There was a pause. And following that was a solid thirty seconds of invective that left even Soundbite silent.
"… I believe you've been spending too much time with Soundbite," Robin said at last.
"AND YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH CROSS, YOU JERK!" Chopper snapped. "AND ONE WORD OUT OF YOU, SANJI, AND I SWEAR THAT I WILL GIVE YOU A VASECTOMY IN YOUR SLEEP!"
"…I am now officially unsure who's scarier: Nami or Chopper," Usopp muttered in the ensuing silence.
"Careful, Long-nose, I work hard to maintain my reputation," Nami muttered beneath her breath. "You do not want me pulling double-duty."
"RIGHT! MOVING ON!" Cross barked. "You two sound like you've got it handled. Good luck to both of you. Usopp, what are you up to right now?"
"Eh, not much, thankfully."
---
"Or at least, not right now. It hasn't been boring," Usopp said, looking over the small collection of trussed-up grunts near him. "One weakness to point out to Jonathan: the patrols aren't very big. If it's only two or three people, it leaves them open to being sniped down before they even notice. I've taken care of a few grunts who aren't going to make that mistake again; their weapons are in the bay, and I've already got one of their uniforms. So, if they've finished moving the Merry, now would be the time to lead me to it."
"Nice work. Soundbite, do you have a location?"
"Having a bit OF A TIME MAPPING OUT THE CORRIDORS, but I think so."
"Good, lead him to her. Oh, and Usopp, when you get there, take note of an old shipwright named Mekao. I mentioned him earlier; odds are that if you tell him about the Klabautermann, we'll have another ally."
"Got it," Usopp said, securing his Marine cap before heading off.
"Next up… Boss, you and your students doing alright?"
"That depends on how you define 'alright,' Cross," Boss said in a voice of forced calm.
---
"Personally, I wouldn't define it as 'being chased through the water by a net of sea prism stone that's TRAWLING THE BAY!'" the dugong roared as he and his students floated on the surface of the bay hidden behind the corner of the base's central spire, staring in terror as a massive net that spanned from the spire to the outer ring with no gaps between it and the rockface was slowly dragged through the waters of the bay by being passed from opening to opening high above them.
"Wha—a ne—!? Ohhhh… riiight."
"You had better not be about to tell us that you saw this coming, Cross!" Leo said furiously.
"No, of course not! Forgetting about potentially life-threatening things is Vivi's job."
"I heard that," the princess said waspishly.
"You can pwotest when it's not twue, but fo' now, you can't weawwy deny it," Carue snickered.
"Tsk…" Vivi grumbled darkly.
"Anyway," Cross spoke up. "What I just remembered is the fact that Jonathan's a freaking genius. It'd be more shocking if he didn't have some kind of contingency plan in place for fishmen. Looks like this is it."
"Yeah, well, this contingency's about to scoop my boys and me up!" Boss snarled. "Any bright ideas, Jerry-boy!?"
"…If you ever call me that again, Boss, I'll tell the world how Kung Fu Dugongs happened. And trust me, your poker faces suck," Cross said frigidly.
All five dugongs were caught between the urge to blush in both rage and embarrassment, and pale. "…Duly noted," Boss finally conceded.
"Now get us out of here!" Mikey flailed his limbs in a panic.
"Alright, look, it's easy, alright? Just employ the Invulnerable Door fallacy."
"Uh…?" Four of the five Dugongs tilted their heads in confusion.
Donny, meanwhile, slapped his fin to his forehead with a groan. "I'm an idiot."
"Eh?" His compatriots looked at him in askance.
The purple-bandanna wearer gave them a flat look. "Even if a door is utterly impenetrable," he rapped his flipper against the rock face they were hiding against. "There's a good chance that the wall around it is less so."
"Ohhh," chorused Raphey, Leo, and Mikey. Boss, for his part, simply nodded.
"Alright, boys, you heard them." He snapped a flipper out so that it was pointing downwards. "Let's all get digging!"
The students glanced at each other in concern before giving their teacher an uncomfortable look. "Uh…" Raphey slowly raised her flipper. "Can't Leo just carve out a hole big enough for us all?"
"No way!" Boss crossed his flippers in denial. "Leo earned his skills; now it's your turn." He grit his teeth confidently. "Dig or get caught, brats!" He made to dive before pausing and snapping a glare up at Leo. "Oh, and your hole better be several meters deep, or else I'll toss you to the goons myself." Then he dived.
The students remained floating for a bit longer before exchanging flat looks.
"Remind me why we followed him into the pirate life again?" Raphey groused.
"Because somehow the rest of our species is even crazier than he is," Leo sighed wearily.
"Come on, guys, you all know that he loves u—WAGH!" Mikey's words were cut off when he was suddenly yanked underwater.
"GET YOUR TAILS DOWN HERE RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!"
"YESSIR!" The apprentices hastily complied.
"… Well, that shit just happened. Alright, moving on for the sake of sanity. Zoro, I dread to ask, but any idea where you are now?"
"Yeah, it's actually really weird."
---
"Did you know that they've got another ship here that looks just like the Merry?" Zoro asked, observing the very distinct ship from behind a giant gear.
"…I MUST have heard you WRONG, Cross. I thought you said 'for the sake of sanity,'" Soundbite said weakly.
"Yes, shame on me. I'd ask how this is possible, especially considering how the place is set up as a damn ambush… buuuuut I'm pretty sure that answer ends with my brains oozing out of my ears. For now, just stay where you are."
"Eh, sure thing," Zoro turned around and started walking away, gravel crunching under his boots.
"WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK ARE YOU MOVING!?"
"Calm down, snail, I'm just going to find a drink, I'll be right back."
"…I honestly don't know what I expected. Moving on, Vivi, how are things on your end?"
---
Sanji snapped his head up, foregoing his progress towards the kitchen and concentrating intently on the answer.
"Yes, we're now receiving the royal treatment from a full squadron of Marines. Honestly, I'm tempted to find a balcony and work on my tan."
"Please don't."
"I BEG TO—!"
"Volume control, idiot!" Su cut in.
Sanji coughed uncomfortably into his fist as he noticed the confused glances the other Marines were sending him, then continued on at a much lower volume. "I humbly beg to differ, darling princess."
"…Soundbite, unless Sanji gets on track very soon, do us all the favour of muting him," Nami said in irritation.
"Heck, do us all a favour and do it anyway."
"Watch it, mosshead!…but fine," Sanji ultimately sighed, glancing around cautiously as he continued walking. "Our status… on our way to the kitchen. I think we're heading in the right direction, if foot traffic and Luffy's nose are anything to go by."
"Huh. Fast-moving. Alright, if I remember right, everyone there should welcome you with open arms as soon as you show off your skills, but if they've caught anything from your cooking lessons on the SBS, they may be suspicious at first. The Marley brothers are complete jokes; they can't even peel potatoes, but their reputation should provide the cushion you need to blend in. Just watch your step, especially when Jonathan shows up for lunch. So long as Luffy doesn't deliver it, or eat everything you guys make for that matter, you'll be able to blend in for a while longer."
"Got it," Sanji nodded. "And if reputations aren't all they're cracked up to be, I could use that to explain away Luffy's behaviour."
"Nice one. Alright, that just leaves… Lassoo, everything alright on the Merry?"
"Well, a squad of Marines are onboard, and a few have been poking around here," the dog-gun muttered quietly. "A couple of grunts came in here earlier and took a few Dials… and I'm pretty sure that that black one Conis had was one of them."
"WHAT?! Soundbite, connect me to Jonathan, NOW!"
---
"You just don't understand, do you?" Isaiah sighed in his usual baritone. "Manliness is not something you show. It's something you are. Displays such as yours are not only pointless, they imply a deep insecurity that is not manly in the slightest."
"AND YOU'RE TOO DAMN COLD!" Terry shot back. "A REAL MAN NEEDS TO KNOW WHEN TO HAVE FIRE IN HIS VEINS AS WELL AS ICE! YOU'RE JUST ALL ICE, ALL THE TIME!"
Jonathan groaned, cradling his head in his hands. The two South Birds had promised to be an annoyance from the first time he heard them, but he'd had no idea they could be this bad. They'd been going back and forth pretty much since midnight, and only strong coffee and plenty of experience with all-nighters were keeping him alert. Of course, if he didn't get some sort of break soon, he'd probably go mad.
"Vice Admiral Jonathan!"
The Marine in question looked up from his chessboard as Cross' voice sounded around him. That worked. "Mister Cross?"
"Something I should warn you about, and that you should warn your soldiers about, too: stay out of our arsenal. In particular, there are a few Dials we have that could VAPORIZE your men if they touch them the wrong way. For the sake of getting them all back, I won't tell you which ones. But I'm just giving you a fair warning; we have no problem fighting our way out of here, but we are trying not to kill anyone."
"Mmhmm, I see…" Jonathan nodded slowly in agreement, the South Birds mercifully silent, before pushing one of the black knights on the board. "Just one moment, please. Drake, could you come in here?"
His second-in-command promptly entered the office with a salute. "Sir?"
"Have the men search the Strawhat's ship's arsenal, it seems that the weapon with the Zoan fruit is hiding in there after all."
"…shit," Cross's disembodied voice flatly summarized.
"OH, NOOOOOOOO!" Terry threw in.
"DAMN IT, CROSS!" a furious voice yowled before howling out "CANI-SCREEN!"
Jonathan sighed as the sounds of hacking coughs from various Marines filled the line. "Now you're just gloating."
"I give you a piece of advice to try to keep your men safe from an actual hazard, and you respond like this? Not only ignoring me, but doing what I just told you not to do? Oh, no, this doesn't qualify as gloating. I'll show you gloating later."
And then the office fell silent, the two South Birds both smugly grinning.
"Well, that's not ominous at all," Drake cheerfully stated.
"Lieutenant Commander."
"Right, catch the dog!" Drake blurted as he wheeled around and all but ran out of the room.
Jonathan stared at the door for a second before directing a glare at the chessboard before him. "They are making it very hard to apply this game in real life…" he grumbled.