"…eh, fuck it, it's Sanji, we don't call him a monster for shits and giggles. He should come out just fine. Right, anyway… OK. As for us, we're in pursuit of the prototype sea train, Rocketman. We probably won't catch the Puffing Tom, but we'll reach Enies Lobby not long after it. Scorpio, considering CP9's presence!-"
"The cars are naturally buoyant, and I can fend off any Sea Kings who attempt to harass us on my own, fret not for my safety, Cross," the Captain calmly insisted.
"Right, then, that takes care of that, I suppose. Now, if that's all, Pisces, I need to talk with you about somethi—!"
"HEY, KIDS!" an elderly female voice barked across the connection. "I SUGGEST THAT YOU ALL HANG ONTO YOUR UNDERWEAR, WE'RE ABOUT TO HIT THE TRACKS! THINGS ARE GONNA GET ROUGH!"
"Ohhh!" Cross all but squealed. "On second thought, call me back in a few minutes! No way in hell am I missing this rush!"
"COWABUNGA, BAY-BEE!" Soundbite hollered.
"What!?" Pisces yelped. "Cross, don't you dare—!"
"PFFHAHAHAHA!" Cross cackled at the top of his lungs, shouting to be heard over the roar of the wind. "OH YEAH, THIS IS THE LIFE!"
"Ergh…" Pisces relented with an exasperated groan. "I swear, sometimes I'm convinced that this idiot has a raging death wish…"
"COME ON, YOU BIG HUNK A' JUNK! GIVE ME ALL YOU—!"
KA-KLUNK!
"—WAAAAAaaaaagh!"
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air as the tenuously allied individuals tried to process just what the hell they'd just heard.
"Did… Did Cross just get blown off his train?" Conis asked uneasily.
"Yes, he did. Be grateful that I managed to grab Soundbite before he flew away," groaned Zoro's pained voice. "And before the rest of us got flung to the back of the cabin, for that matter."
"Wow, he really does have a death wish…" Franky muttered.
Pisces' eye twitched furiously even as she ground her teeth. "Ooooh, trust me, he's not dead yet," she promised grimly. "He's like a cockroach: he's not really dead until you've torn his twitching body to pieces."
"Fantasizing again, Lieutenant?" T-Bone blandly asked.
"What can I say, it helps me fall asleep at night."
Franky's sweatdrop doubled in size. "Eesh, Cross's friends are fucked up in the head."
"Oh, no, no, no, you have it backward!" Pisces chirped with a pleasant expression. "I was normal once upon a time…" She scowled vehemently. "And then Cross had to go and shatter my ignorance, fucking up both me and my worldview in the process."
Franky considered that for a moment before waving his hand dismissively. "Nah, that doesn't fit. I've been a cyborg for over a decade, and Su's just naturally twisted. Maybe Cross's just a magnet for this stuff?"
Soundbite stared at Franky with a blank expression, the only movement on his face the twitching of Pisces' eye. "So, basically, you're telling me… that I was cracked right from the start?"
"Eh…" Conis waved her hand side to side. "More like from the instant you set foot in the Grand Line."
She was silent for a second longer before donning a very twitchy smile. "Well, this has been fun, but I really must be going. Have fun bringing the shitstorm of the century down upon your own heads!"
"Ah, wait!" Su hastily popped her paw up. "While I still have my voice, I just have to know!" She focused her attention on T-Bone. "Were you born with your face looking like—?"
The Captain's expression remained unflinchingly neutral as he pressed his finger into the snail's cradle and forced the gastropod back to sleep.
"—sususu, su—? Su?" Su paused in confusion before turning her snout up with an affronted "Su!"
"There are not enough words in the world to apologize for her…" Conis mumbled into her hand.
"Trust me, I've heard worse," T-Bone said dismissively. "Now then, I suggest that the two—!"
"SU!"
"—three of you, my apologies, move onto the next car and decouple the ones we're on now. Best that you move fast. Every moment we waste is a moment we draw closer to Enies Lobby."
The two nodded, and the Marines in the room braced themselves as the three pirates exited the car. Conis stepped to the kitchen entrance as Franky bent down to the connecting cable. Two seconds later, the rear three cars of the Puffing Tom began losing speed and drifting away from them.
Nodding in satisfaction, Franky looked back at Conis. "Are you ready to keep going?"
The angel nodded confidently as she drew her Bazooka. "As if I wouldn't be."
-o-
"Well, that was great until it wasn't," I muttered to myself as I wrung out my sodden jacket into Rocketman's water tank.
"YA THINK!?" Soundbite snarled.
"Wow, Mister Cross, that was really stupid!" Chimney chirped as she watched me wring myself out.
"Yeah, really, really stupid!" Gonbe concurred.
"NAGAGAGA!" Kokoro cackled as she effortlessly manipulated Rocketman's controls. "Man, I haven't seen something that stupid since back when Franky was a part of Tom's Workers! What, is storming Enies not enough of a rush for you?"
"Well, excuse me for wanting to live a little. It's not often that trains have open windows to take advantage of!" I sniffed.
"Huh, good point…" Chimney cocked her head to the side thoughtfully before redonning her grin. "Buuut that was still stupid!"
"Really stupid!" Gonbe added on.
"Really, really stupid!" Luffy laughed as he stuck his head into the cabin.
"WE DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT FROM YOU!" Soundbite barked.
"ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU'RE DOING THE EXACT SAME SHIT YOU'RE BERATING ME FOR!" I snarled at him, pointing an accusatory finger.
"Yeah, but he's a monster and the one who saved you, so he doesn't count!" Kokoro cackled.
I held my pose for a moment before lowering my finger and coughing into my fist. "Withdrawn." Shaking off the insanity of the moment, I considered how things were going. A moment later, I snapped my attention to Soundbite. "Keep a lookout for Yokozuna, make sure he doesn't try his 'daily exercise routine' on us for kidnapping Kokoro, got it?"
"Roger roger," the snail replied.
With that dealt with, I thought about matters a little more, but that was about as much as I could change things at this point. I'd have to wait until everyone else got back to start the planning.
Nodding to myself in acceptance, I turned my attention to the rest of the car—
"GAH MOTHER!"
"WOO MAMA!"
—and promptly regretted it, as I caught a brief glimpse of full-frontal Nami right as she was changing before I managed to snap my hands up to block her. And from the fact that she was staring directly at me as she fastened her very revealing—if admittedly iconic—outfit into place, she was doing it intentionally. I lowered my hands only when I heard the metallic slam that was the Clima-Tact, signifying she was finished.
"Okay, ready for battle!" she announced, before blinking at the blushing Paulie, bleeding Tilestone, Zambai, and Lulu, and my own blistering glare. "What's wrong?" she asked innocently, though I wasn't fooled in the least.
"Couldn't you have warned me?!" I demanded indignantly.
"YOU CHANGED IN HERE WITHOUT A MOMENT'S THOUGHT!" Paulie added. "SCANDALOUS WOMAN!"
"Nice scandal…" the other three groaned, each offering a thumbs-up.
The devil standing before me smirked as she tapped her weapon on her shoulder. "I shouuuuld be charging you ฿10,000 for that little peek…" I froze in horror, but she promptly spread her arms in a 'what can you do' manner. "Buuut, as I'm feeling generous, I think I'll let you off this time and just consider it payback. There is only one car, after all."
"Payback!? For what!?"
"Do you want that list chronologically, or alphabetically?" Chopper piped up from where he was working on something.
"HA! CALLBA—wait, you weren't even part of the crew BACK THEN!" Soundbite said.
"You talk in your sleep and I take good notes."
"THAT RAISES EVEN MORE QUESTIONS!"
"And all of them are ones that we can discuss later," I cut in, looking for some excuse to move past that conversation and finding it easily in the form of Franky's right hand. "Zambai, tell your guys not to bother shooting at the Aqua Laguna when we get to it; this is Luffy and Zoro's time to shine, so save your ammo for Enies Lobby. Chopper, do you still have my Vision Dial?"
The reindeer nodded before producing it from his bag. I didn't ask why he needed to borrow it, because, quite frankly, I didn't want to know. "Good. Someone had better get a very good picture of what's going to happen, or else I'm gonna crack skulls. Besides that, all we have to do is wait until we regroup with our guys on the train." I grimaced as I considered the possible outcomes of that endeavour. "One way or another."
Everyone nodded, and as their attention left me, I scanned around the cabin to observe everyone's actions. Chopper had set about instructing Zambai how to use the Dial; Luffy was playing around with Chimney and Gonbe while Kokoro looked on with amusement; Usopp, Nami, and Zoro were all inspecting their weapons—
I slapped myself in realization that that was way too close. Zoro would have had my head if I forgot that. "Zoro!" I called.
The swordsman looked up, and I called Shu's description to mind. "If things still go straight to pot, there's going to be a Marine that you'll need to watch out for. He wears a white turban and a veil over his mouth."
Zoro cocked an eyebrow at me. "And I should care about this guy, why? Is he a swordsman?"
"Nope," I popped out a thumbs-down. "He's the anti-swordsman. The bastard ate the Rust-Rust Fruit. If you're not careful, Yubashiri'll be suffering an ignoble death, and Tashigi will blame you for it."
Zoro paled as he snapped his hand into a death-grip on the katana's hilt. "Desert clothes, keep my distance, got it, thanks."
"Damn straight," I nodded confidently before moving on. Galley-La was waiting quietly, even Tilestone, Lassoo was snoozing, the TDWS was checking their weapons too, and shooting annoyed glances at Mikey as he kept spinning his pistols around. Unloaded, thankfully, but still. And last but not least, Carue was sitting in a corner by Vivi, who was—
Immediately, I headed towards her, moving slowly but with purpose. Carue saw me approaching from where he was surreptitiously watching over the princess, but after a moment's hesitation, he elected to look away and tug his beanie down over his eyes.
Vivi, on the other hand, didn't seem to notice. Rather, she was too engrossed with fondling her necklace, turning the intricate metal ball on the end of the chain in her fingers over and over again. She only noticed me when I cleared my throat, standing right in front of her. She jumped, and her eyes darted around in a futile search for an escape route for a second, then she sighed and looked up at me in defeat.
"…No way out this time, is there?" she asked quietly.
"Hey, hey, hey," I spread my hands in a show of harmlessness as I sank to sit beside her. "This is entirely your choice. If you just don't feel like giving all of the details—"
"N-No, it's fine," Vivi interrupted with a raised hand. "I… I may as well, if only because this…" She held up the orb for me to see. "If this isn't the right time to use it, there won't be a right time ever." She drew the necklace back and looked it over with a gaze of longing familiarity. "This… It's known as a Sirocco charm container. It's an ancient heirloom of the Nefertari family, passed down through the generations and designed for a sole purpose: to provide an influx of strength to its holder in the hour of their utmost need."
I nodded in understanding. "Makes sense, seems like the kind of thing that thing would be either a weapon or something else designed to help keep you alive, considering how A, your father gave it to you when you were leaving for the pirate life and B, I've seen you all but strangling that thing whenever things started getting dire." I looked upwards thoughtfully. "But, that doesn't answer what's in it, does it…" I glanced down at it as a thought struck me. "It… It's not something gruesome like… what, the souls of your ancestors or something, is it?"
Vivi affixed me with a flat look—
THWACK!
"OW!"
—before flicking me in the forehead without warning.
"You've read way too many comic books, Cross," she deadpanned.
I gave her my own look in turn. "Remind me, my obsession has saved our hides how many times now?"
Vivi hesitated for a moment before sighing and hanging her head in defeat. She maintained her stance for a moment before glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "How much knowledge do you have on the Royal Guardians of Alabasta?"
"Eh…" I blinked in confusion. "Chaka and Pell, right? The Jackal and the Falcon are ancient protectors of the nation and the royal family. Though…" I frowned in confusion. "How the hell you manage to keep control of their powers once they pass on is a mystery to me."
"It's… not as hard as you'd think, really," Vivi shrugged indifferently. "Alabasta has a lot of national treasures, and it's had them for several generations, probably even as far back as the Blank Century itself. Among these treasures are our Devil Fruits. The Jackal and Falcon fruits don't belong to Chaka and Pell by coincidence; the vault in the third storage room is filled with green beans and plums to make sure that when the fruits reincarnate, they end up there."
I shrugged matter-of-factly. "Makes sense to me. Though…" I trailed off as I glanced at her. "I fail to see how this is in any way related to that."
Vivi paused for a moment before tilting her head to shoot me a wry smile. "Cross… the Nefertari's are descendants of one of the ancient Twenty Kings. We are World Nobles in all but name, and our nation is absolutely massive."
"Yeah, so?"
She slowly tilted her head to the side. "So, why would we only have two Royal Guardians?"
I stiffened as the implications of what she was saying hit me like a ton of bricks. "…How many?"
Vivi shrugged slightly as she looked forward again, her grin gaining a wistful overtone. "Six in all. Two Zoan, two Paramecia, and two Logia, so as to cover our bases. In ancient times, they were the pride and joy of our nation, defending us from all manner of threat, big and small alike!"
It was… really something to see Vivi recount her story. The way she lit up and gazed at something beautiful only she could see… it was clear that this tale was very near and dear to her.
"However…" But all too soon, her smile became melancholy, and her expression sad. "Time is cruel beyond all belief, and it stole our Guardians from us one by one. The Grace slid under time's sands like so many of our monuments and vanished before we even knew what had happened, and later on, two more were stolen in quick succession during periods of civil unrest and upheaval: the Rage…" Her hands snapped into a fist. "And the Desert."
I widened my eyes in surprise. "…ah. Sooo… that whole 'Sir' Crocodile bit…?"
"More than him just taking out a few pirate crews that decided to attack us," the princess growled, glaring daggers at thin air. "That bastard… he actually brought us hope. He returned one of our national treasures, our pride and joy…" She dug her fingers into her arms. "And then he turned it against us, and stole it for the rest of his natural life."
I started to consider ways to placate her when I felt something tap my neck. I glanced down and caught sight of Soundbite, who proceeded to mouth something to—!
Once again, realization hit me, and once again I looked over at Vivi, only this time I was very intently focused on her necklace. "Vivi…" I whispered. "You said that the Grace was lost and the Rage and Desert were stolen, right?" I didn't even wait for her to nod. "And… seeing as the Desert is currently in Impel Down, Pell and Chaka are still in Alubarna, and I'm assuming that the Rage and Grace are both Paramecia, going how the names have all been pretty self-explanatory…" I swallowed heavily. "Just… what kind of a Logia do you have in your necklace?"
Vivi smiled grimly as she held the metal orb up. "I didn't expect anything less. This is the Storm of Alabasta, more commonly renowned as the Logia-type Gust-Gust Fruit… which takes the form of a pomegranate."
I frowned for a few seconds, trying to work out why that was relevant. Then the penny dropped, along with my jaw.
"An aril…" I breathed.
Soundbite looked between us in confusion. "Uh…?"
"Ah, it's a name for pomegranate seeds," I explained before adopting a defensive expression at his incredulous look. "I like Greek Mythology, and I saw the term when I was reading the tale of Persephone!"
"Nerd…" Soundbite scoffed before refocusing. "But what good DOES THAT—?"
"You don't need to eat the whole Devil Fruit, Soundbite," Vivi cut in. "Only a single bite is needed, however small, and any part of a fruit contains as much power as the whole until someone eats it."
I shot Soundbite a look as I tracked his logic. "Are you really telling me you ate that whole coconut before you realized you had powers, even after you realized it tasted rancid?"
"I was a lone snail IN A DAMN JUNGLE! I ATE MY food whenever it came TO ME, NO MATTER THE TASTE! Sue me!"
"Anyway," Vivi coughed, bringing our attention back to her. "Assuming that the vault that the main mass of the Gust-Gust Fruit is in hasn't been compromised—and considering how that thing was built to last for centuries, I doubt that it has—" She shook her necklace. "Then what I have here is an active Devil Fruit, just waiting to be eaten. It might look solid, but Father told me how to open it before we left. He said…" Vivi sniffed, visibly fighting against tears at this point. "He… He said that, considering the sheer scale of the Grand Line, of the world we live in, there was no question in his mind that I'd have to eat it one day, for one reason or another, but he also suggested that I wait until it was absolutely necessary. And all things considered…"
Vivi looked up and stared at nothing, deep-seated fear and horror lurking in her eyes. "Well… honestly, what is there to consider? We're going up against Enies Lobby. The Judicial Island, seat of the World Government, if not the Government itself…" She shuddered, her arms coming up to grasp themselves. "We are going to need every inch of power we can possibly get our hands on. And if I can contribute, in any way, if my help can help keep our crewmates alive for even a second longer—!"
"Hey hey hey!" I cut in, interrupting her as her voice started to take on a tone of mania. "Calm down, you're starting to panic! Just… alright, first? Look around at everyone else, and tell me what you see."
Vivi slowly raised her head and looked at everyone else in the cabin for a moment before blinking at me in confusion. "I… what am I supposed to be seeing here, Cross? Everyone's acting normal!"
"Exactly," I said. "Nobody, not Chopper, not Nami, not even Usopp, is making a big deal out of what we're about to do. They're not panicking, and they're not freaking out, and you know why?" I tapped her necklace before she could have a chance to respond. "Because they don't have this hanging over their heads. You're agonizing because you think you're standing at an irreversible crossroad of your life, but while it might be approaching, you haven't reached it yet. Enies…" I grimaced as I considered the events to come. "Enies is gonna be nuts, yes, but it's not guaranteed to be a complete clusterfuck. You still have time. Gaining your powers will be a monumental event in your life, and you should only go through with it when you feel it's right, not when you feel forced to do it. Otherwise, well…" I spread my hands helplessly. "You'll just end up regretting it for the rest of your life."
Vivi started to nod in acceptance before pausing and giving me a suspicious look. "Did you just bastardize 'the talk'?"
I opened my mouth to deny her, and promptly grimaced as I reran my words through my head. "Good grief, I actually did. My apologies, no person should ever have to have that conversation twice. But ah, still, to ram my point home and alleviate some of your stress…"
I pointed at her necklace. "Let me tell you about an unspoken law concerning Devil Fruits. Now, I'm not certain how widespread this is in the pirate world, but considering how the Roger Pirates abided by it, and the Whitebeards still abide by it, I'd say it's a pretty common policy: where possession is usually nine-tenths of the law, it becomes a full ten-tenths when it comes to Devil Fruits. What a crewmate does with a Devil Fruit they've acquired is entirely up to them. Eat it, sell it, gift it, even toss it; it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what they want, and no one and nothing, maybe not even the captain himself, can say otherwise. Although…" I snickered as I tilted my head so that I could gaze at where Luffy was perched on the Sea Train's nose. "In our case, I'd say any dangers of that are rather moot, no?"
Vivi managed to chuckle at that. Then she smiled gratefully, releasing the necklace. "Thank you, Cross. That… That helped a lot."
"Anytime. But, ah… out of curiosity, what are those two Paramecia fruits?"
Vivi shrugged. "The Grace is the Cloth-Cloth Fruit, which allows its user to control whatever cloth they touch—much more effective than it sounds, believe me—!"
"Oh, no, don't worry, I'm sure it's earned its reputation," I assured.
Vivi nodded. "And the Rage is the Hot-Hot Fruit—"
I blinked in recognition. "Which lets you control thermal energy, so that a person can burn people just with their mere presence!?"
Vivi and Carue suddenly snapped forward and grabbed my collar, all but shoving their faces in mine. "You know where it is?" they demanded.
"Grgh, maybe, maybe I know where it is!" I hedged frantically. "I-It's like what happened with Navarone, it's a story that's not a part of the original one! But ah, yeah, if it works out that way, then we should be meeting its user not long after we leave Water 7."
"Please tell me that he's despicable enough that I can kill him without any regrets," Vivi hissed desperately.
"Eh…" I waved my hand side to side hesitantly. "Heeee's on the borderline. Utter sadist to his enemies… and a good father to his children."
Vivi processed that and plopped back down, a grimace on her face. "Fuck. Ugh… think he'd be willing to move to Alabasta for an extravagant bribe?"
"Weeell," I looked upwards thoughtfully. "He is a bounty hunter… and I suppose that if enough pirate ships attack Alabasta on a regular basis—!"
"Puru puru puru puru!"
"Eh?" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Soundbite suddenly ringing. I gave Vivi an apologetic shrug before motioning for him to answer.
"KA-LICK! So, Cross, are you finished with your attempted suicides, or should I call back later?" Tashigi ground out without preamble.
"Please, compared to Kaido, I might as well be a safety nut," I chuckled dryly, before hastily sobering up. "But yeah, let's get down to business and not a word about Huns!" I snapped, causing Soundbite to chuckle sheepishly. I then refocused my gaze. "Anyways… I've been working for you for a while, Fishstick. Now it's time for you to pay it back."
"Huh?"
"I need you to help me make a call."
-o-
Boss grimaced ferociously as he finally reached the window where he could see the crew's archaeologist, hunched over and looking at nothing. In any other situation, he'd have been concerned with how dead to the world she looked, but given the disproportionate amount of effort that it had taken to get there, he was right out of sympathy. And so, without any preamble, he scrabbled with the edge of the window, flung it open, and the next moment found himself dropping onto the seat across from Robin, his rope-dart snapping the window shut behind him.
The archaeologist blinked at him in surprise for a second, and Boss gnashed his teeth.
[What the hell were you thinking, turning yourself in like that!? Did you seriously expect us to… not… follow… aaaand you can't understand a word I'm saying because that damn snail's nowhere nearby, right…] the Dugong trailed off flatly as he ground his flipper into his forehead. Rolling his eyes, he began moving his flippers in a well-practiced pattern that he had dusted off in his free time since joining the crew.
{I'm assuming a genius like you knows Grand Line Standard Sign Language?} he asked.
Robin blinked again in surprise. "I'm surprised that you do, Mister Dugong," she said at last.
{I'm a Dugong of many talents.} Boss's flat expression did wonders to communicate his deadpan tone. {Now, to pick up where I left off…} He scowled indignantly. {What the hell do you think you're doing!? Did you honestly think we wouldn't chase you, that we wouldn't fight tooth and nail!? Because if you did think we wouldn't, you're an idiot and that's insulting, and if you did think we'd come, then this is all just insane!}
Robin grimaced at that, pointedly not looking Boss in the eyes. "I-I didn't have a choice, Mister Dugong. I-If I'd stayed with you all, then you would have been killed. The Government—!"
{Fuck the Government!} Boss enunciated with a violent slash of his arms. {In case you've missed the memo, lady, we're pirates, we—!}
The Dugong was cut off by the sound of the door to the car creaking open, which prompted him to leap forward into Robin's lap and slide his rope-dart under her seat before going limp, his tongue half-stuck out of his mouth.
The archaeologist only had a second to blink at him in surprised confusion before the Government agent reached her seat.
"Just checking up on y—!" the agent started to say before tensing and snapping a hand to his belt. "What the heck is that?"
Thanks to her years of practice, Robin didn't even miss a beat as she hoisted Boss's limp form by his shoulders and held him out. "A Dugong doll. I found it beneath a seat. Most likely, a child lost it, and your comrades missed it when they swept the car earlier. I thought it was cute, so I held onto it. Will that be an issue?"
The agent eyed her skeptically for a second before leaning in to look Boss over. He slowly inspected him up and down, scrutinizing every detail he could find. Finally, the agent raised his finger and poked the Dugong's fuzzy upper lip—
Ppphhbbbt!
—which caused the agent and Robin to jump in shock on account of the farting sound that came from Boss's mouth as a result.
Robin swiftly recovered as she retracted Boss into her lap. "I was unaware that he was capable of that. Thank you, I'm sure it'll be amusing while I wait for us to arrive."
The agent snorted as he removed his hand from his belt and started walking away. "Whatever floats your boat, I guess."
The two pirates remained silent until the car door shut, at which point Boss leaped out of her lap, retrieved his rope-dart, and settled into the opposite seat again before facing her with a paper-flat expression. {You owe me so much it's not even remotely funny.}
Robin's expression soured at that. "I'm afraid that I won't be free to repay you any time in the near future, Mister—"
{Cut the 'Mister' crap!} Boss all but slammed his flippers together as he signed. {We are friends, damn it, not friendly acquaintances! Now drop the ice queen act and be straight with me!}
He levelled a glare equal parts scrutiny and rage at Robin. {Why did you leave? Why did you refuse to trust in our strength?! The Straw Hats beat Crocodile, we beat God—!}
"And compared to the World Government, those two were nothing!" Robin spat viciously, her frustration with the Dugong shattering her mask. "You're just one crew of pirates! Extraordinary compared to most, but you number barely over a dozen, whereas the World Government's resources and troops are infinite! They have acted as a global monolith for nearly eight hundred years, unflinching, unimpeded, undefeatable!" The wind drained out of Robin's sails as she seemed to shrink in on herself. "I've seen what happens when someone is caught trying to defy the World Government's command… the sheer force they can bring to bear…"
{That doesn't matter to us!} Boss insisted. {However many troops they send, we'll fight back! However hard they come at us, we'll come back twice as tough! We'll fight to the bitter end, Robin, and we won't stop fighting even a second before then!}
"They tried to fight back too…"
Robin's words caused Boss to pause in his signing as he stared at her in shock. In the span of a few moments, she'd… changed. In place of her heat and iron was… terror. Pure, undiluted fear and horror, shining like beacons in her eyes as she shuddered in place.
"They fought…" she whispered, though Boss wasn't entirely certain she was speaking to him anymore. "They tried to fight back, so many of them did, but they crushed them all… they crushed him… They burned it all, destroyed it all, they reduced it all to ash…" She shook her head desperately. "I can't… I can't watch that happen… not again… never again..."
Before Boss's horrified gaze, Robin slowly curled in on herself in an effort to make herself smaller, drawing her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly as she buried her face in her knees. Then…
"Dereshi… dereshishishi… dereshishishi…"
She started laughing even as she cried. It sounded… odd, like it belonged to someone else, but it was completely and utterly drowned in grief. Boss shivered as the sound froze the blood in his veins, but he hastily recovered and closed the distance between them, rapping his fist against her skull. [Wake up, damn it!]
Robin jerked at the blow, and while she didn't uncurl from her position, she at least stopped that… laughing.
She remained frozen for a moment before slowly tilting her head so that a single eye gazed at Boss, her expression utterly inscrutable.
"I'm glad that you're the one who came to speak to me, Boss," she said in a voice devoid of emotion.
The Dugong tensed as an uneasy feeling came over him. {And… why is that, exactly?}
"Simple."
In an instant, a quartet of arms snapped out of Boss's torso and wrapped around his body, effectively paralyzing his flippers while another pair wrenched the window open.
"Because I doubt anyone else would be able to survive this."
Boss's complexion took on a distinctly blue overtone. [Oh, you have got to be kidding—!]
And without further ado, Robin tossed him out the window, slamming it shut behind him.
A minute later, the agent from earlier entered the car again and blinked in surprise. "The heck—? What happened to that doll you had earlier?"
Robin gave the agent a disinterested glance before returning to staring out at the storm raging around them. "I outgrew it."
The agent rolled his eyes and prepared to leave.
"Ah, and before I forget," Robin spoke up, turning a bored eye to him. "If you would be so kind as to call in one of the Cipher Pol agents? I need to have a word with them."
-o-
Sanji growled viciously as he glared daggers at the 'member' of Cipher Pol 9 standing just out of his range. "Enough of this…" he bit out. "You've wasted enough of my time as is. Robin-chwan needs her prince charming, and I intend to be there for her! I'm ending this, right here…" He drew one of his feet back and tensed it. "Right now! APERI—!"
Without any warning, a blur shot over the edge of the train car, grabbing both of the combatants' attention.
Nero blinked in confusion. "The heck—?"
CRUNCH!
That was all he got out before Boss—hanging onto the end of his rope dart, the 'dart' hooked onto the edge of the roof—swung into his face tail-first, launching him off the Tom and into the raging waters of the ocean before he could even react.
Sanji blinked in surprise before slowly lowering his leg. "Well, that was certainly anti-climactic," he muttered, then snapped his focus to Boss as he finished reeling his weapon in. "And what are you even doing here?! You were supposed to be making your way to Robin-chwan!"
[I did get to Robin! That bitch threw me—!] Boss cut his indignant squeaking off with a snarl as he hastily swapped to indignant signing. {That bitch threw me off a train!}
"Hey, don't talk about Robin-Chwan that way!" Sanji snapped in a heated tone.
{I'LL TALK ABOUT HER HOWEVER I DAMN WELL CHOOSE, SHE THREW ME OUT OF A SPEEDING TRAIN!}
"AS IF THAT COULD ACTUALLY HURT YOU!"
Boss paused before continuing at a more sedate pace. {Well… yeah, but it's the principle of the matter, you know?}
Sanji ground his cigarette between his teeth before huffing out a sigh. "Just… come on, let's go," he ground out, stepping forward.
{Lead on.}
As they were moving on to the next car, Boss shot Sanji a quizzical look. {By the way, I didn't honestly expect much of anyone else besides the crew's obvious suspects to know sign language. Is there a story behind that?}
Beneath his ever-present bang, Sanji's hidden eye twitched. Outwardly, however, he kept his cool and shrugged. "Not really. We had deaf customers at the Baratie now and then; after I butchered my first time taking their orders, the old geezer I worked for made sure it wouldn't happen again. It was a bit annoying, yes, but you'd be amazed how many ladies are impressed by an educated—"
Without any warning, the two suddenly snapped so that they were back-to-back.
"Did you hear something?" Sanji asked, his unobstructed eye practically on a swivel.
{Yeah, the storm covered it up but it sounded famili—wait, now I remember!} Boss slapped a fin to his head. {'Course, that was the sound of a door… un… locking…}
The two looked down nervously. "Uh-oh…"/[Uh-oh...]
Before they could even so much as think of reacting, the roof opened beneath them, and they fell into the car below. They didn't land on their faces; their scant forewarning made sure of that, but they did land in the midst of all four of CP9's thoroughly unimpressed agents, with Robin standing behind them.
Boss took a moment to glance around at their surroundings before giving Sanji a flat look. {Now, can I be pissed at her?}
"… Maybe a little," the cook reluctantly conceded.
-o-
"Oh, yeah, is that right?!" I bellowed at the person on the other end of Soundbite's connection. "Well, you know what, screw you!" And with that, I jerked my hand across my neck, prompting my snail to cut the connection.
"Cross—!" Vivi started to speak up, but I silenced her with a raised finger.
We waited in silence for a few seconds…
"Puru puru puru-KA-LICK!"
Until Soundbite started ringing again, at which point I picked up again with an innocent smile. "Yeeeeees?" I purred.
"…539-263-678."
Soundbite nodded confidently, prompting me to widen my grin. "Thaaank yoooou."
"Get bent. KA-LICK!"
I shot a grin at Vivi. "And that is how it's done."
"…Impressive," the princess conceded.
"Thank you, come again," Soundbite chortled.
"Oh, no, not that farce," Vivi scoffed. "Honestly, that was some of the most ham-handed 'negotiating' I've ever seen."
"Hilarious," I drawled with a flat look.
"No, what I'm referring to is how quickly you managed to rile her up. Usually, Valentine manages to keep her head in the name of pissing off others, but you managed to make her blow her top. That's impressive."
I promptly adopted a proud smile. "What can I say, it's a God-given gift!"
"Still…" Vivi eyed Soundbite curiously. "How'd you know she'd call you back?"
My grin took on a cocky overtone. "I banked on her volume getting Bartolomeo's attention. She might hate my guts, but he likes us, and he doesn't take disrespect lightly. There wasn't any possible scenario where I wasn't getting that number."
"Huh…" Vivi shrugged slightly. "Alright, so maybe I'm a bit more impressed. So, are you going to call that number now?"
"COULDN'T EVEN IF WE WANTED TO!" Soundbite replied before I could. "No Transceiver, no broadcasting boost. I NEED IT TO MAKE INTERNATIONAL CALLS!"
"Unfortunate," I conceded. "But with any luck, the away team will bring it back with them, and we'll be back in business before we reach Enies, so I'll be able to enact the next stage of what I've got planned."
"Cawe tah shawe just what this pwan of yours ish?" Carue asked in a doubtful tone.
"Mmm…" I hummed contemplatively as I considered the question before smiling innocently. "Nah! I think I'll keep it a surprise for now!"
The supersonic duck slapped a wing to his face with an exasperated groan. "Aye dunno what I wath exshpecting…"
"Ngagagaga!" Kokoro chortled. "I wouldn't expect anything else from him."
Carue huffed.
"Well!" Vivi announced. "Now that it seems like the only thing we have left to do is wait, anyone up for a game of gin rummy?"
I made to respond—
"LOOK OUT! AQUA LAGUNA, DEAD AHEAD!"
—and instead grinned eagerly. "Sorry, some other time. Right now, I'm much more interested in watching the kick-ass show that's about to happen! LUFFY! ZORO!" I called out, grabbing the attention of the two Monsters with us. "You're up! And for names, I suggest rounding it up to Three Hundred Pounds!"
"Right," the two nodded as they marched out to the engine.
I looked around at the rest of our crewmates. "Anyone else want in on this?"
"Eh…" Chopper tilted his head thoughtfully for a moment before shaking it in denial. "I better not. Sure, it'd be a great way to test my latest formula, but I think it'd be better to wait until we hit the Lobby proper."
"Ditto," Usopp concurred.
The TDWS looked at Leo, who was sporting an uncomfortable grimace. "I would, but the fact is that I'm still sandbagging whenever Zoro can see me so that he doesn't crush me like a seashell."
"And I honestly do not have the firepower, so I'm right out, too," Lassoo muttered before rolling over and going back to sleep.
"Suit yourselves!" I shrugged as I jogged up to the engine. "But still, I suggest you guys keep an eye out! Things are about to get e~pi~c!"
With that, I ran out into the Rocketman's engine cabin, got a firm grip on a railing as I hung myself out the window… and promptly found myself at a loss for words.
"Hooooooly shit!"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!"
Well, any intelligent words, anyway, but honestly, it wasn't like it was my fault.
Aqua Laguna… geeze, where to even begin?
I… I suppose that the closest approximation that I can think of would be to call it an elemental variation of the Red Line. Where the Red Line replaced the horizon with pure stone, Aqua Laguna replaced it with water. Innumerable metric tons—not even gallons, tons—of ocean, rising up and rushing at us almost as fast as we were rushing at it. It could even be defined as grander, because unlike the Red Line, which held a majestic silence, Aqua Laguna came at us with an almighty roar that dwarfed any Sea King I'd ever heard in my life.
The simplest way to summarize it?
"I think we might have a few too many Devil Fruit users on board," I whispered around my face-splitting grin. "Because holy hell is the ocean fucking pissed off at us!"
"YA GOT THAT right, sonny boy!" Soundbite cackled eagerly.
"ALL HANDS, PREPARE TO FIRE! HURRY, OR ELSE IT'S GOING TO SWALLOW US WHOLE!"
However, it seemed like the Franky Family didn't quite share my enthusiasm for the wonders that our ever-abusive Mother Nature had to offer.
I snapped my fingers at Soundbite before twisting my head to look back at the Frankys' trailer home. "BELAY THAT!" I bellowed out. "I TOLD YOU BEFORE, DON'T SHOOT AT THE WAVE! YOU'LL JUST BURN AMMUNITION FOR NOTHING!"
"WHAT!?" Zambai shouted back incredulously. "BUT IF OUR GUNS ARE USELESS, THEN HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET THROUGH THIS DAMN THING!?"
"EASY! WE USE THE ONE THING BETTER THAN ANY NUMBER OF GUNS AND CANNONS!"
"Gum-Gum—!"
"Three-Hundred Calibre—!
I snapped my focus back to the wave, my grin going from ear to ear and looking no doubt utterly demented. "A pissed-off Luffy and Zoro working in tandem. Now, START TAKING PICTURES!"
"CANNON!"
I honestly think that the most impressive part of the attack wasn't the sound, but rather the sudden absence of sound that followed the attack. The roar of Rocket Man, the roar of Laguna, the roar of the storm—hell, there wasn't even a storm at this point, the sheer force of the cannon had blasted away all of the rain around us!
It really just went to show: Mother Nature was strong, sure… but we pirates, who braved her wrath on a daily basis for the fun of it? We outclassed her by a complete and utter factor. And that was clear for the duration of the time that Rocketman… well, rocketed along the track through the watery tunnel, split like the Red Sea all around us until, at last, we emerged on the other side.
Of course, the silence couldn't last forever, and this one broke at the sound of Zambai crying out in tearful euphoria. "WE SURVIVED!" he cheered. "WE ACTUALLY BEAT AQUA LAGUNA!"
"It's a good thing that we made friends with them, huh, Mozu?" Kiwi muttered from where she was staring out of the car. She then paused and glanced back at her sister before starting in shock when she caught sight of the green hue she'd adopted. "Mozu!?"
The other square sister shuddered in terror. "I-If it weren't for the SBS, the Straw Hats would have just been another pirate crew coming into Water 7… and then Zambai and his guys would have—!"
Kiwi paled in horror as she followed her sibling's logic. "So glad that we made friends with them," she repeated in a far more sickly tone.
I chuckled in amusement as I slid back to safety and started to walk back into the car—
"Why do you need our help?"
—before pausing as Paulie stepped in front of me, looking pensive and slightly confused.
"Not," he held his hand up placatingly. "That we wouldn't come anyway, we all want our pounds of flesh, but I'm just curious, is all. Try and clear this up for me: why do you need our help when you guys are so strong already?"
I took a second to ponder that before shrugging indifferently. "Because strong as we are, Enies Lobby is a World Government installation garrisoned with several thousand troops. We need your help to take them down because we can't handle an army on our own yet."
Paulie considered that for a second before nodding in understanding. "Yeah, alright, that's fair."
I nodded and continued walking away, then grinned when I heard Paulie choke behind me.
"Wait… 'yet'!?"
"We gon' be BADASSES?" Soundbite giggled ecstatically.
"Such badasses," I confirmed gleefully.
"But you already knew that."
Our attention was diverted to Nami, who was standing by the car door, a somewhat playful look on her face.
"After all, Wyvern," she nodded her head at me. "Managed to take down a whole ship of bounty hunters on his own, remember?"
"MMMYEAH," Soundbite hummed, nodding his head in agreement before grinning toothily. "BUT IT'S still nice to get confirmation, ya know?"
Nami rolled her eyes with an exasperated but nonetheless fond sigh. "Yeah, well, I guess…" She then focused her attention on me. "Still, speaking of confirmation, mind sharing what's coming up next?"
I glanced upward as I started to rack my brains. However, I didn't get very far into my thoughts when Soundbite suddenly grinned eagerly.
"Oh oh oh, I GOT THIS ONE! Yo, T-Bone, how's the weather?"
"Rather horrible, I'm afraid, my dear Soundbite," T-Bone's groaning voice filtered throughout the car. "I'm soaked straight to the bone… though honestly, I suppose that's not saying much, is it?"
"Heh, skull-joke, nice!" I snickered.
"W-Wait, that's Captain T-Bone!?" Mozu yelped.
"That's not good!" Kiwi cried in panic. "That man's known as the Ship-Slasher! He's a Captain straight from HQ with a reputation for dismantling pirate ships with his blade alone, carving them apart like steaks! He's going to cut us to pieces!"
There was a brief instant of silence before Soundbite frowned grimly. "You're transmitting me to the whole of the train you pulled out of nowhere?" he asked testily.
"Ah, keep your shirt on and let me handle this," I scoffed, rolling my eyes before raising my voice. "Alright, listen up, everyone! Yes, that is Captain T-Bone of Marine HQ, but do not worry. He's an ally of ours, and he's not going to hack us to pieces. Don't worry, we're safe. Just make sure not to spread the fact that we do know him…" I grinned malevolently. "Or else he really will hunt you down and hack you to pieces."
T-Bone sighed wearily as the non-Straw Hats in the car clamped their hands over their mouths. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't turn me into a boogeyman, Cross."
"But your face makes it so easy~!" I sang.
"Mmrph…" T-Bone grunted before his expression became solemn. "I'd also appreciate it if you didn't make promises that you can't keep."
I blinked in confusion. "Eh?"
Cold sweat suddenly started to trail down Soundbite's body. "AH, CROSS? I just noticed something. THERE ARE THREE TRAIN CARS FLOATING FREE UP AHEAD…" The trail of sweat evolved into a cascade. "But T-Bone's still on the tracks!"
"EH!?" I squawked in shock. "What-!? T-Bone, what the hell do you think you're playing at!?"
"I am truly sorry, Jeremiah Cross," T-Bone intoned in a voice not unlike a funeral dirge. "But I have no choice. So long as you and yours make for Enies Lobby, I have no other choice but to oppose you."
"Are you kidding me!?" I demanded, jerking Soundbite off my shoulder and into my palm so that I could look him in the eye. "Then what the hell happened to MI5, huh, to defending justice, righteousness!? Was that all a lie!?"
"Do not mistake my intentions, Jeremiah!" the captain barked back with just as much heat. "This is not a matter of morality; your righteousness was never in question! This is a matter of strength! Strength of body, strength of will, strength of conviction, nothing more and nothing less!"
I balked in confusion, and Nami and I exchanged hesitant looks before she spoke up. "What… exactly are you talking about?"
T-Bone snorted grimly. "I am sorry, Miss Navigator, but Jeremiah Cross is an integral factor in our crusade! Like or not, whether we shall succeed or fail rests upon his survival! And now…" He bowed his head apologetically. "I am sympathetic to your plight, truly I am, but you now make for the lion's den at all speeds, and I… I cannot let you continue any further! At least…" He looked back up, and I swear to God I felt a paper cut on my finger just from that gaze. "Not without a test! RORONOA ZORO!" he suddenly roared at the top of his lungs. "I KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME! PRESENT YOURSELF AT ONCE!"
Soundbite provided Zoro's reaction from where he stood on the nose of the train, cocking his eyebrow flatly. "What do you want?" he asked.
T-Bone ground his teeth. "Roronoa, your crew's cause is just, but your destination is beyond perilous! As such, I have no choice but to test you all! The strength of your blade will determine whether or not you are truly worthy of continuing your quest, or if your endeavour was doomed from the start! FROM ONE SWORDSMAN TO ANOTHER, I CHALLENGE YOU! EARN YOUR RIGHT TO CONTINUE YOUR QUEST TO SAVE YOUR COMRADE OR RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!"
Zoro didn't even hesitate to grin savagely. "As if I would ever say—!"
"WAIT!"
Everyone looked around in surprise for a few seconds, at least, up until a Dugong clad in a blue bandanna strode forward.
"I'll take you on," Leo announced. Zoro had no audible reaction, but he may have been the only one who didn't. The rest of the TDWS were particularly vocal.
"Leo, what the hell—!?" Raphey spat.
"Dude, are you insane!?" Mikey squawked.
"Leo, if Boss finds out about this—!" Donny started to protest.
Leo weathered them all for a second with a clenched jaw—
"SHUUUT UUUP!"
Before throwing his head back and roaring at the top of his lungs, killing any remaining protests in their respective throats.
The Dugong huffed for a second as he got his breath back before speaking. "Now listen up, all of you," he snarled as he cast a glare about. "Let me make this clear… if Zoro fights that captain, right here and right now, then he will win, we will move on…" He jabbed his 'finger' at Soundbite. "And it will all mean absolutely nothing!"
T-Bone gave Leo a flat look. "What are you talking about, Dugong?"
"I'm talking about the fact that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link," Leo growled firmly. "Zoro can beat you, sure, but what will that prove, that one of our strongest is strong enough? No." He shook his head. "It would be utterly pointless! You want to duel with a swordsman? You want to see how strong we truly are? Then you'll fight me!" Leo slammed his fist into his chest before adopting a scowl. "And besides… this was my fight from the second you uttered your challenge."
He slapped his flipper on the floor of the car. "For the duration of this voyage, this Sea Train is our ship, and we Dugongs are the ship's guards! It is our duty to protect this train with all that we are, and all that we have to give! If I cannot stop you, if I cannot fulfill my duty…" Leo flung his fist out furiously. "THEN WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO CHALLENGE ENIES LOBBY!"
Stunned silence fell—or as silent as you could get in the middle of a storm like this—for the next half minute. Then Luffy broke it.
"Do you think you can win, Leo?" he asked seriously.
The Dugong jerked his head with an indignant snort. "I know I can,"
"Well, then, you'd better get up here, because I can see the Steak-Man!"
A pause, and then a chorus of facepalms rang out. Even Zoro could be heard slapping a hand on his face.
"We really should have seen that one coming," Usopp groused.
Nonetheless, Leo swiftly pulled himself together and nodded firmly. "I'm on my way." With that, he leaped to a window—
"…go, Leo, go…"
And paused when a soft voice sounded out. He twisted his head around to stare at the source.
Mikey met Leo's gaze before slowly pumping his fist and speaking again. "Go, Leo, go," he repeated solemnly.
Raphey and Donny gaped at Mikey for a second before glancing at one another and then gaining determined expressions of their own. "Go, Leo, go," they chorused with Mikey, pumping their fists in synch with him.
Chopper, Usopp, and Carue joined in for the next round. "Go, Leo, go."
The Square Sisters entered on the next, adding a degree of energy to the cheer. "Go, Leo, go!"
Then came the Galley-La employees, with Tilestone's bellowing amping it up by another factor. "Go, Leo, go!"
And finally, the Franky Family as a whole joined their voices to the chorus, turning it into a straight-up roar. "GO, LEO, GO! GO, LEO, GO! GO, LEO, GO!"
Nami winced and dug a finger into her ear. "Good grief, they're loud…" she mumbled.
"Gotta admit it's pretty epic, though, right?" I said.
Our navigator allowed the corner of her lips to quirk up. "Well, I never said that it wasn't…"
I chuckled a bit before turning my attention to Leo, who was still balancing in the window, and I couldn't help but feel my heart swell at the sight of the tears shining in his eyes. Sadly, I only got a glimpse of them before he blinked them away in favour of a gaze of pure steel before flipping out of the window and up to the roof.
I cackled eagerly as I ripped my jacket's hood up and shoved Soundbite onto my shoulder. "Oh, no way in hell am I missing out on this!" And with that, I ran out between the engine and the car and climbed up onto the roof.
The sheer Gs of being on the roof of a speeding train? Insane.
The rain and seaspray whipping into me? Freezing as all hell.
The effort required to stay standing on the slick steel surface of the Rocketman without falling into the drink? Impossible if not for Zoro's training and the convenient smokestack to cling to.
The scene of complete and utter epicness arrayed before me?
Worth it in more ways than I can possibly describe.
"IS THIS ANOTHER OF YOUR MASTER'S ROMANCES, YOUNG DUGONG?" T-Bone roared over the raging of the ocean. Squinting ahead, I could barely make out his gaunt form on the tracks.
"NO!" Leo shouted back, tightening his bandana's knot as he balanced on Rocketman's nose. "TO DEFEND ONE'S HONOR AT ALL COSTS, AND TO PUT ONE'S LIFE ON THE LINE FOR THE SAKE OF ONE'S FRIENDS IS NOT A MATTER OF A MAN'S ROMANCE! RATHER!" In a flash of movement and steel, the Dugong drew his blades and slammed them together, one blade held horizontal before his face, while the other was twisted into a vertical position so that the blades formed a cross of steel. "IT IS A MATTER OF A MAN'S PRIDE!"
T-Bone snorted as he drew his blade up and positioned it horizontally over his brow. "SMOOTH SOARING BIRD: BONE…!"
Leo tensed even further. "Two-Sword Style..." He whispered to himself, audible only with Soundbite's aid.
The Captain uncoiled in a single smooth motion, sending a wave of pure force ripping through the air as it swooped and spun towards us at absolutely insane speeds. "PHOENIX!"
The Dugong swordsman stood firm even as the attack came ever closer, eyes squeezed shut and teeth grit…
Until the attack was a few feet away, at which point he snapped his eyes open… and they blazed.
"Cross of the Baptist."
In the space of an instant, Leo moved.
And in that same instant, T-Bone's attack was annihilated, and the Captain himself was sent flying through the air, blood flying from both his slack jaws and the cross-shaped slash carved clear through his armour and into his chest.
I winced sympathetically even as I felt a surge of satisfaction.
"Brutal…" Soundbite whispered in awe.
Leo panted as he let his swords hang slack before drawing himself upright and slowly spinning his blades into his sheaths. "Thank you, Captain T-Bone…" he whispered breathlessly before sliding his blades the rest of the way in. "For justifying my position on this crew."
CLONK!
"YEOW!" Leo snapped his flippers to his skull when Luffy and Zoro rapped their fists over it. "WHAT THE HELL, BASTARDS!"
"That was for doubting your right to be on my crew!" Luffy snorted indignantly.
"And for holding back," Zoro added, paralyzing the Dugong with his frigid glare. "When this is all said and done, we're going at it on Water 7, and we're not stopping until you've given me everything you've got. Got it?"
The only response Leo could muster was a pained whimper.
I chuckled as I watched Leo shrink back from Zoro before sliding back down to the engine and car coupling. Well, that was sufficiently epic. Now, to get out of these sopping-soaked clothes and—!
I paused midway through taking my hat off and stared thoughtfully at it for a second before grinning madly and running into the car.
"Hey, Usopp!" I called out, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Got a rush job for you, priority one, ASAP!"