"Alright, alright, that's good… and do you hear any ringing?"
"No, Chopper, I don't," I sighed in the tone of the long-suffering. "Now, can you please let me catch up on the current situation so that we can get to saving Robin?" I held up my fist with an irritated glare. "Unless you want to check yourself for a concussion instead?"
"Ack!" Chopper flinched back and grinned nervously. "Ahaha… well, you seem to be mostly alright. I-I'll just go ahead and bandage you up, alright?"
"Yeah, you go ahead and do that," I grumbled.
"Still, though, at least try and be careful, alright?" Chopper pleaded with me. "Concussions are no laughing matter!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I waved him off with a tired sigh. "But seriously, if the monsters on our crew can take them without worry, I'm sure I'll get off without any lasting damage."
"Mmm… well, when you put it like that…" the diminutive doctor hummed in a clearly dissatisfied manner. "Still, I'll be keeping you under observation just in case."
I blinked in confusion. "Observing me for what?"
Chopper snapped his hoof up and opened his mouth to say something, before snapping it shut and electing to simply walk away.
Shaking the strange exchange off, I instead focused on getting my memories of the past hour or so in order.
Waking up in the backstreets—that is, directly in the path of Aqua Laguna—would have been a disaster considering how close the tsunami was, were it not for the fact that Soundbite's Gastro-Amp immediately alerted the crew and the Galley-La search party they were with to my location. One very outstretched arm had me reunited with the rest of the crew… though Luffy's typical ham-handedness with his stretching knocked me right back out. When I woke up again—with a massive headache—I was at the dock where Rocketman was hidden, which was where Chopper was running me through his typical concussion protocol.
Fortunately, now that I had him off my back, I could properly process the current situation. A few faces were missing, but I was a bit too distracted at the moment to properly take stock of who. Instead, I mentally reviewed the conversation I'd had with Zoro and Nami after waking up.
After the conversation they overheard—something about a favorites list that Pinkie and the Brain had registered themselves in when Soundbite and I weren't looking—the rest of the day was quiet. Lucci had vanished by the time Iceburg returned to Galley-La, and though the remaining foremen and the Franky Family had literally torn Blueno's Bar apart from the foundation up looking for clues, they didn't find anything.
Iceburg had tried to help by attempting to halt the day's Puffing Tom on its way to Water 7 and rob the Cipher Pol of its primary escape route, but that hadn't worked out so well. Specifically, CP9 must have compromised the chain of communication, because rather than halting at Blue Station, the Puffing Tom roared right through it at top speed and chugged on to Enies before anyone could stop it.
Undeterred, the crew had converged on Iceburg's manor to protect both him and Franky—much to the cyborg's protests—from any possible attempts on their life, while the Galley-La Foremen stood guard at the Blue Station. With the Monster Trio standing guard over Tom's apprentices, it was presumed that the agents wouldn't dare to try anything.
What nobody had accounted for was the possibility that they would straight up attack the island itself.
And by that, I mean that after over 24 hours of complete silence from CP9, the assassin cell demonstrated that they were most definitely employees of the World Government by detonating dozens, if not hundreds of explosions all across the city mere hours before Aqua Laguna was due.
The first ones went off in the powder storage spaces for Galley-La and the coal storage at Blue Station—in order to snag the most attention, of course—and quickly spread out from there, forcing the crew to thin the defenses around the former apprentices.
I honestly think there's a very real chance that Tom could be deemed Water 7's patron saint sometime in the near future because it was nothing short of an actual, legitimate miracle that the casualty total from the attack was a scant hundred or so wounded and even less deceased, rather than the canals straight-up running red with blood. Thankfully, it appeared that CP9 had been aiming to disrupt the infrastructure and sow pandemonium, rather than maximum body count.
But sadly, that was as far as the silver lining extended. In the midst of all the mayhem, Franky had managed to slip past his guards in an attempt to enter the fray himself and help out in whatever manner he could. Which, naturally, turned out to be a major mistake, considering how every account I'd heard said he all but vanished into thin air between explosions.
In all fairness, my crewmates hadn't been idle. They'd tried to hunt down the assassins, tried to prevent them from reaching Blue Station and the Government-piloted Sea Train that steamed into the station under everyone's noses… but in the end, between providing relief efforts and the agents being ungodly skilled at stealth, they just didn't stand a chance. Through sheer speed and surprise, the assassins managed to incapacitate or otherwise hamper anyone who managed to catch up to them before boarding the Puffing Tom and departing for Enies Lobby.
Of course, the fact that not everyone was here made it clear that we still had one chance left to get out of storming the Judicial Island, though it wasn't as though any of us weren't planning on going at this point. The only thing actually keeping us grounded for the time being was that the Cipher Pol bastards had somehow gotten wind of Rocketman and managed to detonate a brick of explosives in the runaway engine's boiler. Hence, we were currently stalled for as long as it would take Iceburg to finish repairing the speed demon's innards.
Under any other circumstances I'd probably have been impatient and antsy as all hell, but…
I winced and rubbed the back of my skull as I experienced what felt like a railroad spike being shoved into my cranium.
…yeah, no, I was going to take whatever delays I could get my hands on so long as it meant more time to get my head on straight. Still, even if I wasn't currently mobile, that certainly didn't mean I couldn't at least try and gather information.
As such, while our doctor wasn't looking, I surreptitiously waved Nami over. "So, ah, don't tell Chopper, but my head's still actually still a little fuzzy and I'm having a hard time keeping my headcount straight, what with everyone moving around. I'm assuming that some of us, such as Sanji, managed to stow away aboard the Puffing Tom, right? Who's with him?"
"Weeeell…"
-o-
"Ah… ah… AH—MRPH!" Conis froze mid-sneeze, the involuntary reaction halted by a fluffy tail and a finger shoving itself beneath her nose. She held her stance for a moment before relaxing and allowing herself to pop a thumbs-up, at which point the limbs left, and she was able to don a sheepish smile. "Sorry, guys, somebody must be talking about me."
"And why would they not be, sweet Conis?" Sanji crooned softly. "Anyone who knows you has every reason to want to talk about a most beautiful angel like you."
Su graced the cook with a flat look before spinning her paw in the air, indicating the rain cascading around the open-air balcony of Puffing Tom's caboose.
Conis chuckled awkwardly as she nodded in agreement with her pet. "Yes, Su's right, I suppose it could also be on account of all this rain."
Sanji flinched out of his love-hurricane mode with a sheepish chuckle. "Or that, yes…" However, his sheepish demeanour promptly snapped to dead serious. "It's almost time to get going. Conis, I have to ask you again, are you certain that you want to do this? What you're offering to do is extremely dangerous, and I, your most valiant knight, will not be present to protect you."
Conis blinked in surprise before frowning in firm determination. "And I'll tell you the same thing that I told you when you tried to stop me from following you two back at Blue Station," she retorted. "I might be the newest member of the crew, and I might not have as much experience in combat as the rest of you, but I am still a member of this crew, Robin is my crewmate, and I will fight to save her no matter what. So, I will be going on this train, and I will be serving as a distraction while you two make your way to Robin."
Conis smiled beatifically. "Of course, you can always take my place and fight those Government agents inside the nice and safe innards of the Puffing Tom. In which case, I'll just have to take your place and walk across the slick and bucking back of this metal beast myself."
Sanji glanced up at the storm that was rapidly rushing by up above, as well as the water streaming off the slick metal of the train car, looking like he'd bitten into a lemon. "Ah… well, when you put it like that…"
"I'll be fine, Sanji," Conis stated, pointedly slipping one of her pistols out of its harness and holding it up. "I know that I might not look like it, but the point stands that I am a White Beret, well-trained in the art of combat, and I've only gotten stronger since I joined you all." She hesitated for a slight moment before steeling her nerves… and leaning forward to peck Sanji on the cheek. "Go save Robin. I've got this."
For a scant moment, the cook was absolutely frozen. Then…
"I'M COMING, ROBIN-SWA~N!" a category-five Love Hurricane cried out as it shot up and over the roof of the train car, its voice thankfully drowned out by the much larger storm raging around it.
Conis took a moment to stare after her crewmate in befuddled awe before allowing her calm façade to collapse. The angel started to breathe in a heavy but nonetheless controlled manner as she brought her gun up and rested her forehead against its barrel.
"Alright, alright…" she muttered to herself. "Talk it through, just like you were trained. Current loadout: four single-barrel pistols, two in hip holsters, two in shoulder holsters. One sawed-off shotgun and one blunderbuss pistol modified to act as a grenade launcher, both across the small of my back. Two rifles on my back, side to side and angled from my left shoulder to my right hip. One Burn Bazooka on my right, angled from my right shoulder to my left hip. And as for ammunition, several dozen regular rounds and three dozen of Usopp and Chopper's custom shells. Opposition… an indeterminate number of World Government agents, all no doubt highly trained and all certainly armed to their teeth. Overall analysis of the situation… I am way outgunned. Recommended course of action…" She swallowed heavily and glanced up at the heavens. "Run like hell. Ooooh, this is going to su—Ow!"
The White Beret was yanked out of her nascent panic by a soft huff from her hood, followed by the light nip of fangs on her neck.
Conis stared over her shoulder and met Su's flat gaze for a moment before smiling gratefully. "Sorry," she apologized in a thankful tone. "I was getting too caught up in my emotions, but you're right, enough waffling. And besides…" She looked forward with fresh determination. "I'm a Straw Hat." She pulled her goggles up from around her neck and over her eyes before unslinging another of her single-barrelled pistols and holding it at the ready. "We live to do the impossible."
And with that, the gunner squared her shoulders as she stood before the door, her breathing slowed in anticipation. "Ready?" she asked softly.
"Su," Su huffed in agreement.
"Alright…" Conis grit her teeth. "Breaching in three, two—!"
Without further ado, Conis lifted her leg and snapped it out in a side kick. The lock and hinges of the door put up a brave fight, but nothing could save them from shattering almost instantly. The resultant force turned the door into a high-speed projectile of reinforced wood that cannoned down the middle of the car's aisle and bowled over almost a dozen government agents in the process.
Conis didn't wait even for the door to hit the back of the car before she dove into the caboose after it, rolling across the carpet before popping into a kneeling position with her guns raised.
"Pistol Unus, Duo," she whispered to herself before starting to unload. She managed to hit one, two, twelve different Government agents that hadn't had time to take cover, winging them and effectively guaranteeing that they were taken out of the fight. Her guns now empty, she spun her pistols into her hip-holsters and stood up.
"Good evening, gentlemen," she announced, bowing politely at the waist. "I'm terribly sorry about this, but you're all in my way." She straightened up again, unslinging her blunderbuss even as she sported an angelic smile on her face. "And we just can't have that, can we? Blunderbuss."
The few agents that had the courage to peek their heads over their seats only had a second to gape in terror before she pulled the trigger, which in turn fired out a small black sphere. The projectile flew for a short distance before cracking against the far wall of the car—
BOOM!
—and violently detonating in a cloud of pink smoke.
Conis smiled in relief as she re-holstered her hand-cannon on her back, but promptly froze when she heard a loud click sound out immediately to the left of her head.
"Alright, pirate scumbag, put your hands up or else—!"
CRACK!
"—ARGH!"
The agent howled in agony as Conis suddenly moved, grabbing his wrist with one hand and demolishing his elbow with her other fist. Then, without missing a beat, she yanked him into a one-armed necklock and snatched his pistol out of the air. With her makeshift human shield dissuading any other agents from returning fire, she quickly gunned down another six of their number. Once the gun was unloaded, Conis grabbed her impromptu shield's collar and spun on her heel in order to get the appropriate momentum needed to fling him into what few of his comrades had managed to regroup, thus sending them tumbling to the ground again.
While the agents attempted to regroup themselves, Su scurried around Conis' body like a demented squirrel, drawing ammunition out of Conis' bag and pockets and reloading the weapons that she had fired. She clung easily to Conis's clothes as she moved from shoulders to hips and back again; by the time the agents were starting to get back on their feet, Su was back in place, and Conis had her weapons at the ready again.
Before the agents could properly draw their weapons, the angel drew both of her rifles over her shoulder and held them at ready. "Who would care to be next?" she said, smiling kindly.
Conis expected to receive any number of responses to her question, but clapping, slow and methodical clapping at that, was most certainly not one of them.
And she didn't expect it to come from above her either.
"Well, well, well," a cool and collected voice drawled, also coming from above. "You're certainly an interesting individual, aren't you?"
Conis slowly looked upwards, and promptly felt her heart drop as she caught sight of a man twice as high as the train car who was somehow… moulded to the ceiling and back of the car, bent over at the waist.
"You have got to be kidding me…" Conis breathed to herself, a sentiment that Su shared if the vulpine groan coming from her back was anything to go by.
The miniature giant smirked as he adjusted his glasses. "To be honest, I'm quite glad. I thought this mission would be boring with nothing to do, but I imagine that fighting you will be a worthwhile distraction… for however long you last, anyway." His grin widened as he drew his hands from his pockets and started tugging on the hems of the gloves he was wearing. "Allow me to introduce myself. The name's Jerry, of Cipher Pol 6. I like boxing and beating the tar out of criminals. Now, come on…" He drew his fists up and threw out a few practice jabs. "Put your dukes up and let's dance."
Conis swallowed heavily as she slowly re-holstered one of her rifles and unslung her Burn Bazooka, cocking it in nervous anticipation.
"I hope that Boss is having an easier time of things…" she whispered to herself.
-o-
[This is most definitely not a Man's Romance,] Boss muttered to himself as the wind, rain, and waves lashed at him. The Dugong was clinging to the edge of Puffing Tom's car, slowly inching his way towards Robin's car. Between the cold, the slick metal, and the necessity to maneuver around the windows, it was slow, unpleasant going.
[Well, actually…] He glanced upward thoughtfully as he slowly shuffled along. [On second thought, going through an ordeal such as this with the intent of rescuing a comrade, a female one at that, who gave herself up to try and save us? That is truly…] He pumped a flipper in the air. [A Man's Romance!]
He paused for a moment, then hung his head and sighed as he remembered that his students weren't with him.
[Knew I kept those shell-brains around for something…] he muttered under his breath.
"Hey, did you hear something?"
Boss froze, barely two inches away from a window he'd almost missed in his musings.
"Oh, definitely. I mean, it's not like we're on a train in a storm."
"Ah, c'mon, ease up on the sarcasm, man. This was different, something like a seal."
Boss ground his teeth and mentally hurled every curse he could think of, as he had only just refrained from bashing his skull against the train wall. It was a long list.
"A seal." The Dugong could practically hear the condescending, indulgent smile. "You heard a seal. A surfaced seal, in the middle of the storm of the century."
Boss started to sigh in relief…
"Yeah? Well, buddy, I've got a foolproof argument for you."
"Yeah? What?"
"We're in the middle of the Grand Line."
Before feeling his blood freeze in his veins.
There was silence for a moment, and then…
The window above Boss popped open, and a World Government stooge popped his head out, staring straight down at Boss.
There was a tense silence as the pirate and the agent stared at one another.
The agent broke first, adopting an exasperated scowl. "Oh, you have got to be—AGH!" The man was unable to finish his statement on account of Boss grabbing his collar, yanking him out the window, and tossing him into the sea in one fluid motion.
The Dugong snarled in frustration as he flipped onto the windowsill and snapped his dart out, spinning it in a circle as he took stock of the mob of agents readying for combat before him. Agents with a lot of guns, he might add.
Moving fast, the Dugong leaped into the train car, rushed to the front, and rammed his elbow into the lock of the door, warping it beyond use. With the agents' only possible route of egress blocked, he faced down his approaching foes with grim determination.
'Sanji and camaraderie be damned,' he thought to himself. 'That witch of an archaeologist owes me for this, damn it!'
-o-
"Ah, wait, hang on a second…" I held up my hand to stop Nami as a thought occurred to me. "You said that Sanji, Conis, Su, and Boss are all on the Puffing Tom, right?"
"Yeah," our navigator nodded with a nervous smile. "They had to leave Brain at Blue Station so that the members of our crew still here on Water 7 could stay in contact, but while we were still connected, we could hear Conis giving Sanji hell. Seriously, she might not look or act like it at times, but that girl's got a will of—!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's impressive, believe me, I know," I waved Nami to silence. "Not what I was gonna ask." I nodded my head at where the rest of our crew was impatiently milling about. "My head feels less like it's being drilled open and more like there's just someone pounding around inside, so I've been able to get a clean headcount. If those four are the only ones who got on the train… then where the hell is Usopp?"
Nami and the rest of the crew stiffened as my words sank in before looking around frantically.
"What the hell—!?" Nami demanded in shock.
"HEY, USOPP, WHERE ARE YOU!?" Luffy belted out at the top of his lungs.
"Did anyone see where he went?" Chopper asked nervously.
"Not a clue, sorry," Donny shrugged.
"Yeah," Raphey tacked on as she gnawed on the 'thumb' of her flipper. "Last I saw him he was pacing around muttering something about… lying better or something? I dunno, it was a bunch of gibb—!"
FWOOMPF!
"GAH!"
"THE HECK!?"
"WHAT THE—!?"
The cause of our distress was a freaking explosion that went off in the middle of the dock, spewing smoke everywhere and absolutely obscuring our vision.
For a second, everyone started to panic, including me, before freezing as a blast of noise roared out through the smoke. A gong, to be exact, followed by a guitar solo.
"THIS IS NOT THE TIME, SOUNDBITE!" Nami roared.
"THAT WASN'T ME!" the snail snapped, before hesitating slightly. "Or, well… IT ISN'T ANYMORE? The hell does he think he's—!?"
"Soundbite, what's going on?!" I demanded as the brass section kicked in. "What are you talking about? And why the hell does this song sound familiar?!"
"Usopp had me play something for HIM AWHILE BACK, AND HE RECORDED IT ON A TONE DIAL!" Soundbite explained in a confused tone. "But I have no clue what he's—!"
Suddenly, words cut through the music, and my gut and jaw dropped at the same time as I realized where I knew this song from.
"Oh, the wind carries my name~! From Sniper Island far away~!"
I finally got my jaw working and managed to roar over the cacophony. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, LONG-NOSE!?"
Unfortunately, going by how he kept plowing on, it seemed that he'd elected to summarily ignore me. "When I take aim, it's straight and true! Lu-lu-la-la-lu~!"
I ground my teeth as I glanced at Soundbite. "Where is he so that I can slap the stupid out of him?"
The snail immediately shook his head. "He's bouncing the music around THE ROOM, AND THERE ARE TOO MANY WORKERS IN HERE TO TELL which is him!"
"Whether you're a man or mouse: lock on!" Usopp proclaimed proudly. "I will put your heart in my sights, LOCK ON!"
BOMF!
"GAH!"
"AGAIN!? SERIOUSLY!?"
There was a renewed round of protests as a second explosion, this time a smokeless one at that, suddenly detonated somewhere, the sheer force blowing away all the yet-lingering smoke and revealing a certain cloak-wearing individual perched on top of the Rocketman's smokestack.
"BEHOLD!" the cloak-wearer bellowed confidently. "I AM THE GRANDMASTER OF SNIPER ISLAND! THE FLAWLESS MARKSMAN, THE INFALLIBLE SHARPSHOOTER, HE WHO HAS FIRED A HUNDRED SHOTS AND MISSED NOT EVEN ONCE! I! AM! SNIPER—!"
WOOOT!
"GYAH!"
The cloak-wearer leaped off the Sea Train with an agonized holler when a blast of steam suddenly hit him from below. He then unceremoniously faceplanted on the dock.
"Will you stop screwing around, damn it?!" a grease-stained Iceburg demanded as he stuck his head out of the cabin's window. "Getting this hunk of junk moving again is hard enough as is without your bullshit impairing my vision!"
"Sowwy…" the cloaked man mumbled into the dock. He waited a moment for Iceburg to get back to work before popping up into a proud stance, finger jabbed in the air, and his very familiar mask on display for all to see. "BEHOLD!" Usopp proclaimed. "I AM SNIPER KING!"
"Are you serious?!" most of the crew demanded incredulously, myself included.
"SO COOL!" shouted Luffy, Chopper, and… the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad!?
I snagged the back of Leo and Donny's shells and hauled them up to glare-level. "Don't tell me you two actually buy this farce!?"
Leo snorted derisively. "With that nose? He wishes."
"But hey, you gotta give a man props where he's due," Donny shrugged. "The presentation is top-notch."
My eye twitched before I forced myself to drop the Dugongs and march towards my obviously insane crewmate. "Pardon me, everyone, I need to have a word with our… guest." Before anyone could respond, I reached Usopp, spun him around so that he was facing away from everyone, and slung my arm around his shoulders in such a way that it was very clear I could headlock him if I wanted to. "Alright, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" I hissed under my breath.
The so-called Sniper King promptly began blustering. "W-Whatever do you mean, good sir? The entire world knows of the Straw Hat Pirates, even Sniper Island! Do you know where Sniper Island is, good sir? It's in—GRK!" 'Sniper King' stiffened in terror when I crushed him against me.
"I will rip 'Sniper Island' clean out of you and show it to you unless you cut the bullshit. Do not test me, Long Nose, I have had a hell of a day," I growled menacingly.
"Alright-alright-alright-alright!" Usopp yelped, straining to keep his voice at a whisper. "I'll explain, I'll explain, just don't break my legs!"
"I'll consider it if you manage to satisfy me," I hissed. "Talk fast."
Usopp took a second to get his breathing under control before speaking. "L-L-Look, let's be frank, alright? I've done a lot of insane things on this crew, and I love everyone on it, and I want to save Robin, but Enies Lobby!?" He shook his head vigorously. "You don't have the context that I have with that name, that anyone in the world has with that name. We're raised to fear Enies, it's the entryway to either heaven or hell if you're a civilian, or if you're a pirate, just two different kinds of hell! It's a location that's as bad as the boogeyman! I-I-I want to be brave, but…" Usopp gazed miserably at his knees, which were shivering as they desperately fought to support him. "I-I can't, I know I can't, I'm too scared b-but I want to save Robin! So… So I'm compromising and taking your advice."
"When the hell did I ever suggest doing this?!" I demanded incredulously.
"W-W-Well!" Usopp flung his hand up, probably in an attempt to stop the fist I had cocked. "You told me that if I was having trouble building up bravery, I should try lying to myself to convince myself that I could do it! And I tried that, I did, but no matter how badly I lied, I was too scared to go and fight alongside you all! So…"
My jaw dropped as realization hit me. "So you made up someone brave enough to go in your place!?"
I could see the shaky grin stretching behind his mask. "Pretty smart, huh?"
I rapped the butt of my palm against his forehead. "Does this look like the face of someone who approves in any given capacity, you stupid—!" I started to hiss before pausing and forcing myself to take a few breaths and calm down. "Sorry. Again, hell of a day, sporting a concussion, my temper's a little bit wild. But Usopp," I continued, shaking my head. "You don't need to do that. Usopp, in the end, no matter how you cut it, all of the bravery that you manage as Sniper King is the same bravery you can manage as yourself. All of this is… unnecessary! You hear me?"
Usopp was pointedly silent for a moment before jerking his head to look away. I felt a vein pop on my forehead, and I opened my mouth to continue chewing him out… when suddenly a much, much more satisfying way to convince him came to mind. Plastering a smile on my face that I knew looked fake, I loosened my grip on him and patted his back. "Well, if that's your choice, then I suppose that's that, nothing I can do about it!" I stepped to the side and gestured to the rest of the crew. "Go ahead, Sniper King, tell the rest of the crew why you're here!" I said warmly. Soundbite opened his mouth to say something, but I donned a sadistic grin as I popped a finger up to silence him. This… This was going to be fun.
Usopp hesitated a moment as he tried to divine what kind of game I was playing, but he eventually elected to go back to his previous pose with his finger pointing in the air. "SNIPER KING!"
"SO COOL!" the usual suspects cheered again. However, unlike last time, Chopper paused shortly after cheering and tilted his head to the side in confusion.
"Ah… hey, Sniper King?" the Zoan-doctor raised his hoof questioningly. "Not that you're not really cool and everything, but why are you here?"
"Oh, yeah!" Luffy stuck his hand up as well. "And have you seen Usopp anywhere? He's our sniper, and we can't find him!"
Usopp snapped into yet another pose, his fingers cradling his chin. "Your questions are fortuitous, for they both share the exact same answer! For you see, your comrade, Usopp, he told me of your plight." He held his fist before his face and shook his head in a most dramatic manner. "The injustice, the inhumanity! His words moved me like none before! Sadly, however…" The 'super'-hero crossed his arms and bowed his head solemnly. "For all that I could tell, that your most skilled sniper wished to aid you in the rescue of your crewmate, he informed me that his will was just not up to the task! As such, he begged me to take his place in your crusade and—!"
"LIAR!" CRACK!
"—GRK!" Usopp choked as he slammed to the ground at my feet, his nose bent way out of shape. "Agh… what just happened?"
"Pfff—!" I snorted through the hand I was using to hide my smile. "You just tried to tell Luffy that one of his crewmates tried to run from a fight to save another crewmate! What do you think just happened?"
I could see Usopp's eyes widen behind his goggles. "Ahhh, shi—WAGH!" That was as far as he got before a Heavy Point Chopper grabbed his collar and hauled him up to both his and Luffy's apoplectic lines of sight.
"You're lying!" Luffy snarled, inches away from letting loose and slugging Usopp again. "Usopp would never run away, not now and especially not from this!"
"Yeah!" Chopper barked in agreement. "Sure, Usopp can be something of a coward, sure, he might lie a lot, sure, he has so much practice at running that he's almost got Shave down pat—!"
"GET ON WITH IT!" the voice of God barked from on high, startling Chopper into dropping the masked sniper and allowing him to stumble back a bit as he rubbed his throat.
I blinked in realization. "Wow, I can't believe that that was the first Monty Python reference I've ever heard you make."
"Seriously?" Soundbite blinked in surprise. "Eesh, I'LL HAVE TO try and make MORE!"
"Usopp wouldn't run away!" Luffy reasserted firmly, so filled with conviction that he failed to notice 'Sniper King' starting to twitch like someone trying to dance to will. . "Not today, not from this! No matter what, Usopp is our crewmate! He's brave, he's smart, he's…" Luffy paused for a moment before glancing to the side and whistling nervously. "He's really strong…"
"You know everyone can tell you're lying, right?" 'Sniper King' muttered as he twitched.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Luffy roared, causing him to jump in shock. "EVEN IF USOPP ISN'T STRONG, I KNOW HE WOULDN'T EVER RUN! USOPP'S MY CREWMATE! I TRUST HIM WITH MY LIFE, AND I KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW SCARED HE WAS, USOPP WOULD NEVER RUN! HE'D STAY, AND HE'D BEAT YOU IN ANY SNIPING CONTEST A MILLION TIMES—!"
"DAMN IT, WILL YOU STOP MAKING THIS SO DIFFICULT ALREADY?!" Usopp, really Usopp this time, finally snapped with an infuriated roar as he ripped his mask off and threw it at the ground.
"USOPP!?" Chopper and Luffy gaped.
"Seriously, Chopper?" Zoro deadpanned.
The reindeer turned cherry blossom-pink and chuckled sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "I, ah, might have gotten carried away with how cool he was…"
"That's one thing to call him…" Nami scoffed before redirecting her attention to where Luffy was staring at Usopp in innocent confusion.
"Why the heck were you wearing that mask, Usopp?" he asked in an utterly clueless tone, which only caused Usopp to gain another infuriated tickmark.
"BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED, DAMN IT!" the sniper bellowed, even going so far as to flail his fists at his side. "WE'RE ABOUT TO RAID ENIES LOBBY, THE GATES OF HELL THEMSELVES! ALL I WANTED WAS TO WEAR THAT MASK AND BECOME SOMEONE ELSE FOR A FEW HOURS, SOMEONE BRAVE AND STRONG ENOUGH TO KICK ASS WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT PISSING HIS PANTS, AND THEN HE WOULD HAVE DISAPPEARED INTO THE NIGHT NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN! WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!?"
"Oooooh…" Luffy nodded slowly in understanding before chuckling sheepishly. "Well, if that's why, then that's alright. You can still wear the mask, I won't be mad!"
"LIKE HELL I CAN AFTER YOU SAID ALL THOSE NICE THINGS ABOUT ME!" Usopp spat. "THANKS TO YOU BEING SO NICE, IF I TRIED WEARING IT NOW, I'D FEEL GUILTY AS ALL HELL! I PUT ALL THAT WORK INTO IT AND NOW I DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE BUT TO FORGET IT! THIS DAMN MASK—!" He raised a foot high...
"IS TOTALLY USELESS!"
CRACK!
And brought it down dead center on the mask.
"USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS—!"
He then proceeded to do it a half dozen times more.
I cocked an eyebrow as I watched the display. "Are you…?"
"Noooope, that's all him."
"Huh," I was silent for a moment before shrugging indifferently. "Ah, well, at least he makes it work." I then grinned as I noted that Usopp had finally stopped his stomping in favour of just standing around and panting. With that out of the way, I walked up to him and slung my arm around his shoulder again, this time in a friendly manner. "Satisfied?"
Usopp took a moment to finish catching his breath before looking down at the shattered mess at his feet. "I… yeah. Yeah, I actually think I am."
"Glad to hear it." I then leaned down, picked up a fragment of the mask, and looked it over. "Fare thee well, Sniper King. You were… actually kind of cool, I'll admit…" I grinned proudly as I looked at Usopp. "But it seems like our sniper's outgrown you a little early."
"As is only just."
"Nope!" I stated flatly as I tossed the fragment off the dock without a second of hesitation. I could put up with a lot of insanity, but there was no way that I was dealing with that.
"So," Nami drew attention to herself with a clap of her hands. "Now that Usopp's finally managed to grow at least half a pair—"
"HEY!"
"—It seems like the only thing we're waiting on so that we can…" She sighed in resignation. "Officially cement our status as the most infamous pirate crew since the Roger Pirates, is for—"
WOOOOOOOOT!
Nami was cut off by Rocketman blowing its stack again, only this time it wasn't a mere whistle. It was a roar, a roar of pure mechanical power that shook us all straight to our bones.
Iceburg jumped out of the engine's cabin, wiping his hands off on a rag. "He's good to go. Though, of course…" He gave Kokoro a warning look. "Once he starts, he's not going to stop. You realize that, right?"
"Wait, you mean that the brakes on this monster don't work!?" Vivi squeaked in terror.
"Why do you think it's locked away in here?" I scoffed. "Tom may have been a genius, but he couldn't get everything right the first time; Rocketman is the prototype, and it didn't get its name for shits and giggles, it got it because it's nothing but a runaway train. Though, really…" I grinned eagerly. "I don't see what the big deal is."
"BRAKES?" Soundbite cackled. "Where we're going, we don't need brakes!"
"NGAGAGAGA! Ain't that the truth!" Kokoro cackled as she climbed into the train's cabin. "Fair warning, though, we'll be passing eighty-eight by a wide margin!"
I slammed my hand down on Soundbite's shell when I noticed his ecstatic grin. "You can get into a quote-off after we turn Enies inside-out. For now, though?" I spun my finger in the air. "MOUNT UP!"
"Right!" Zambai grinned as he slammed his fist into his palm. "We'll go hop on our King Bulls and hook up with you guys on the way to the tracks! ALRIGHT, MEN!" he raised his voice to address the rest of the Franky Family. "LET'S GO GET OUR BIG BRO BACK!"
"YEAH!" the rest of the disjointed family bellowed at the top of their lungs before following their second-turned-leader out of the dock.
"Uh, Cross?"
I glanced back to see that Kiwi and Mozu had lingered behind. "What is it, you two?"
"Why did they take Big Bro Franky?" Kiwi asked.
"Yeah, I thought all they wanted were those blueprints that you destroyed," Mozu added.
"I suppose I should explain that."
All eyes fell on Iceburg, who was grimacing. "'Franky' is a nickname that I gave him; his real name is Cutty Flam. When Tom was taken away several years ago, Franky was alongside Kokoro and I, and he was unable to cope with the injustice of Tom's sentence. He stole a rifle from one of the Marines nearby and slammed it into the lead investigator's face. He was marked as a criminal, but never persecuted, as he was thought dead not long afterward."
"For good reason," I picked up, drawing everyone's attention back to me. Franky stood on the sea-train tracks, attempting to keep it from running, armed only with a bazooka and his own will. He failed and was cataclysmically injured; the only reason he survived is that he drifted to a scrap ship, where he rebuilt his body with iron. When he finally made his way back to Water 7 years later, Iceburg encouraged him to discard his real name and only go by Franky to avoid persecution."
Iceburg stared quizzically at me for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Perfectly accurate, and if you survive storming Enies, I'm going to enjoy hearing the explanation. But even so…"
"You don't think that CP9 would have gone out of their way to take him when they already had Robin?" I asked. "The reason for that is simple. That bastard agent that Franky pistol-whipped all those years ago? He never fully recovered; he's got leather covering half his face to hold it together. And since then, he's become the chief of CP9. And while I'm sure he's pissed as all hell about not being able to get his hands on the blueprints, he's sure as hell petty enough to get Franky kidnapped so that he can get his revenge."
Iceburg grimaced darkly. "Yes, well… I'm sure as hell not letting that happen. Paulie, Lulu, Tilestone!"
"SIR!" the three shipwrights barked in unison, snapping into uniform salutes.
The foreman stared his men down, causing them to flinch self-consciously. "I imagine that even if I didn't tell you to, the three of you would sneak aboard the Rocketman in order to accompany the Straw Hats and get some measure of justice against our old comrades, right?"
"Ah, w-well, sir…" Paulie muttered, looking away sheepishly.
"Shut it."
The rope-master's jaw snapped shut with a click.
Iceburg eyed them silently for a moment before sighing. "Well, if you're going anyway, I might as well make it official: listen up!" The sudden shout caused the trio to snap to attention again. "I already dismissed Kaku and Kalifa myself, but Lucci is still technically an employee of Galley-La. I am not happy with this situation. So, here." Iceburg drew an envelope from his pocket and handed it off to Paulie.
The shipwright looked it over in confusion. "Eh? What the—? An envelope of cash? The hell?"
"Severance pay," Iceburg explained in an appropriately cold tone. "I don't expect you to fight Lucci one-on-one. I recognize that he's too strong for that, but one way or another, make sure that he gets that envelope." The foreman crossed his arms with a scowl. "Let's be clear: I don't want Rob Lucci's name to be associated with Galley-La for any longer than it has to be, do I make myself clear?"
"SIR, YES, SIR!" the shipwrights saluted proudly.
"Well, now that we're all good and settled!" Kokoro called out. "What say we get this show on the road, huh?"
"Right there with you!" I grinned eagerly as I clambered into the Rocketman's cabin, with the rest of the crew right behind me. I settled on the cushions nearest the window as everyone came inside, and consequently was within earshot of a certain exchange:
"Iceburg… can you watch after Merry while we're gone? I mean, if you have time between the damage—"
"No, it would be my pleasure."
I winced hard as I remembered that little detail. At least Iceburg had agreed, but even with everything she was doing, at this point, there really wasn't much I could do except hope for a miracle… or bargain for one. But I shook those thoughts off as Usopp boarded, and everyone else either milling about or sitting down.
"Alright, everyone, hang on tight!" Kokoro belted out from the engine. "The Runaway Sea Train Rocketman is now departing from Water 7 with Enies Lobby as its terminus! Full steam ahead!"
"You ready for this?" I asked Soundbite eagerly as I stood up and hung my torso out of the window of the train car.
"DAMN STRAIGHT!" the snail whooped.
"Hey, what the—?! GET BACK IN HERE, YOU MORO—!"
WOOOOOOOOT!
Vivi was cut off when, with an almighty jerk and roar, the Sea Train shot out of its dock like a freaking cannonball.
Seeing it was one thing, but riding a Sea Train... well, it was something else entirely. Even on the prototype, it was easy to see how the Sea Trains managed to brave waters that swallowed ships daily: they fought the Grand Line and always came out on top because they were complete and utter monsters. Speed, power, and durability were all aspects that the iron horses had in spades, with which they could stampede over the Grand Line without a moment's worry or hesitation.
Honestly, even in spite of the current situation, even in spite of the danger and worry I felt, in the face of the sheer speed of the Rocketman, of the conflict between nature clashing against machine…
"Pff…"
What else could I do but laugh in ecstatic glee?
"PFFFHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! WOOHOO, THIS IS AWESOME!"
"BEST RIDE EVAH! WAHAHA!"
"YOU MORONS ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELVES KILLED!" Nami screamed from within.
Soundbite and I paused and glanced at one another before grinning ecstatically.
"WORTH IT!" we chorused.
"IDIOTS!"
Still, even as I laughed and cheered, I couldn't help but feel some measure of concern in the back of my mind for our comrades off on the Puffing Tom.
-o-
Conis took a moment to regain her breath before glancing at Franky. "Alright, you ready?"
The blue-haired cyborg cracked his head side to side as he rolled his shoulders. "So far, I've been beaten, tied up, and then tossed in a train car like little more than luggage. Trust me, I am SUPER! ready," he growled eagerly.
"Alright, then." Conis took a step back from the door, her grip on her underslung Bazooka tightening. "Breaching in three, two—!" The angel stepped forward and slammed her heel in the dead center of the door, blasting it off its hinges and into the car—
SHINK!
It only managed to fly a few feet forward before splitting into uniform planks of wood that even went so far as to land in a neat stack at the back of the car.
Captain T-Bone snorted as he stood up from his post-swing stance and re-sheathed his sword. "Now, now," the dilapidated Captain wheezed in a scolding tone. "You should be more careful. You could have hurt someone with that stunt of yours."
Conis and Franky both gaped.
"We're dead," they summarized flatly.
"And now that you've so rudely intruded into my car…" T-Bone rumbled as he slowly marched up to the two, towering above them like a human-sized giant… before sinking into a sitting position as one of his subordinates produced a full-fledged tea set before him, from which the Captain picked up a cup and took a sip. "Would you care to relax and join us for a cup of tea?" he continued, all of the Marines in the car raising cups of their own.
The interlopers exchanged dubious looks for a second before they adopted seiza positions of their own, picked up the offered cups, and took deep sips of the drink being offered to them.
Conis promptly reeled back in surprise. "Oh, my, this is quite good!"
"Indeed," Franky hummed. "This is quite the intriguing variety of flavours. It really engages the palate."
"Here, Su," Conis offered, holding her cup over her shoulder. "Would you care for a taste?"
"Su…" The cloud fox ground her paw into her muzzle with a moan.
"I'm glad you enjoy it so much," T-Bone chuckled into his cup. "It's my own personal blend. It's difficult to acquire all the necessary components, but I find the taste to be well worth it."
"I can't help but agree with you there," Franky nodded his head in agreement. "I'm tasting some bits from North Blue, West Blue, New World—!"
SMASH!
"WHY THE HELL ARE WE JUST SITTING AROUND DRINKING TEA!?" Franky roared as he put his fist through the floor where his tea set had been moments earlier.
T-Bone gave Franky a flat look as he held the set out of range before handing it off and looking at the Angel and Cloud Fox in the room. "You are Conis and Su of the Straw Hat Pirates, yes?"
The two nodded their heads hesitantly.
"I trust, then, that you are familiar with the name 'Ophiuchus'? I myself am known as Scorpio."
Conis gasped in realization before leaping to her feet and waving her hands frantically as she interposed herself between the Captain and Franky. "Waitwaitwaitwait!" she pleaded hastily. "I know that this must sound insane, but he's a friend of Cro—MMPH?"
"Su," the fox said with a tone of warning. Conis stared at the fox for a moment before nodding, upon which she removed her tail from her mistress's mouth.
"Ah, ahem, h-he's a friend of a member of our crew," Conis corrected carefully.
"What!?" Franky squawked in shock.
"Ally, to be specific. I wouldn't go so far as to call us friends quite yet, especially with his most… grating attitude," T-Bone corrected.
"Su," Su rolled her eyes with a scoff.
"Ally—are you nuts!?" Franky demanded indignantly. "Cross has done his best to verbally tear the Marines a new one! Why would any Marine want to be the ally of any member of your crew!?"
"Perhaps…" T-Bone posited calmly. "Because there are some Marines who realize that Jeremiah Cross is actually correct about the current state of the Navy's morality—or lack thereof, as it were. And, unable to ignore it any longer, such Marines face the option of either leaving the Navy or fighting against it. Not through piracy, nor through open revolution… or not quite yet, at least. Instead, we have chosen to bide our time and build our numbers, an endeavour for which Ophiuchus has proven to be an invaluable resource."
"I know it sounds crazy, but it's true!" Conis insisted desperately. "Captain T-Bone and his friends—"
"That classification is accurate," T-Bone nodded.
"—Are working with C—Ophiuchus to try and make the world better!" Conis cast a light glare over her shoulder as she rubbed the freshly bitten part of her shoulder.
Franky snorted derisively as he backed down slightly, but not a lot. "Give me one reason why I should believe all this and not punch this guy's head clean off."
T-Bone cocked what little of his eyebrow remained as he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "Would the fact that I subdued the CP7 agent waiting in the next car be sufficient?"
Franky and Conis both snapped, shocked looks at the Captain. They then moved to the doorway in question and exited to the next car. Five seconds later, they were back with disturbed expressions on their faces.
"I didn't think anyone could top Satori's level of ugly," Conis shuddered. "Clearly, I was wrong."
"So much ramen…" Franky moaned.
"And all from his nose, to boot," T-Bone snorted. "I incapacitated him when he tried to serve that foul concoction of his to my men and I. Honestly now, I do believe that I did the wide world of cuisine a favour."
Conis glanced over her shoulder with an uncomfortable grimace. "I can only imagine how Sanji would have reacted to that…"
Franky hastily shook his head and re-donned his grimace. "S-Still, that doesn't mean anything! You could have just taken that bastard down because he was a freak! That doesn't say anything about you and the Straw Hats!"
T-Bone rolled his eyes with a weary sigh before gesturing to one of his men, who produced a Transponder Snail from a briefcase he was holding. "Please connect me to Pisces," he requested. The snail smiled and nodded before concentrating, during which the Captain cast a glance at the pirate and cyborg. "The Government prohibited the presence of Transponder Snails on this voyage for fear that Jeremiah Cross's partner might learn something that would compromise CP9's mission in any way. It is fortunate, therefore, that I've taken to the habit of keeping one well-hidden at all times, in case of just such an emergency. Such as, say, now."
Not even a second later, the Transponder Snail adopted a carefully neutral expression. "Pisces," it drawled in a mucked-up voice.
"Scorpio," T-Bone wheezed in return. "Since you're the only one with his number, would you be so kind as to connect us to Ophiuchus? I have his crewmate here with me, and I would like to verify my allegiance."
"Sure thing, just give me a second to connect to him," Pisces trailed off for a moment before nodding in satisfaction. "Done. Pisces calling."
"PFFHAHAHA! OPHIUCHUS HERE, BABY!" an equally garbled voice whooped ecstatically over the sound of gale-force winds, driving rain, and a roaring steam engine. "AND DAMN GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS, 'CAUSE WE'VE HIT A SNAG ON OUR END, AND I CAN'T CALL YOU ON MY OWN JUST YET!"
There was a moment of silence before Pisces groaned in resignation. "I swear, every time, the migraine gets worse and worse…"
"Ophiuchus," T-Bone cut in. "I am currently in the presence of your comrades and a number of my own men. If you'd be so kind as to identify yourself, please?"
"EH? SERIOUS—AH, WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND!" The winds died down to nothing, and a breathless voice panted across a moment later. "S-Sorry about that, adrenaline rush… anyway, you said a number of your own men, Scorpio?"
"I trust that they will keep silent about this," he said, scanning over the room. One and all, the men sprang into salutes. "But still, with matters as delicate as these, discretion is the utmost key, so if you would be so kind as to…?"
"Yeah, yeah, on it. So—Ah… Little Dipper, if you would?"
"Little Dipper, my hairy left—!" Suddenly a staticky crackling noise erected around the Captain, the angel, and the cyborg. "THERE! DONE! AND CALL ME LITTLE DIPPER AGAIN, AND I'LL TEAR YOUR EAR OFF."
"Duly noted," Ophiuchus, or rather, Cross, assured someone who could only be Soundbite.
"…You know, I should be surprised that you actually have this kind of alliance in the Navy, Cross," Franky began. "But after you tricked CP9 into showing themselves, I'm really not. I don't think anything you say can surprise me now."
"DON'T CHALLENGE HIM!" roared everyone in earshot.
"Yeah, Franky," Cross snickered tauntingly. "Or would you rather Cutty Flam, for the sake of nostalgia?"
Franky twitched slightly before snorting. "That doesn't prove anything, Kokoro said that in front of you yesterday."
"True, true, but she sure as hell didn't call you Number 36."
"Strike two, Cross. I told you that one my—!"
"Well, yes, but you didn't tell me that this is the first humanoid model, whereas the first thirty-five were more, shall we say… aquatic, designed specifically for the purpose of killing sea kings. Specifically… a very persistent and centipede-y one." Cross was silent for a second before grinning widely. "I totally hit the nail on the head, and Franky's frozen, isn't he?"
"You never fail to amaze and horrify, Cross," T-Bone sighed wearily.
"Tell me about it…" Pisces groaned.
"But nevertheless, moving on while Franky recovers…" Cross said, his tone becoming more serious. "Status report on the Puffing Tom?"
"The train has seven compartments. The rearmost held a large group of agents led by Jerry of Cipher Pol Number 6," T-Bone stated as he glanced at Conis. "Your gunner has dealt with them, I presume?"
Conis nodded in agreement as she worked a crick out of her neck. "The boxer was slippery, but I eventually managed to deal him a head-on blast with my bazooka."
T-Bone nodded. "Moving on, the sixth held only two agents and Franky. The fifth is mine, the fourth held Wanze of CP7, whom I dispatched myself, and the third holds Nero, the newest member of CP9. The agents themselves wait in the second car, and Nico Robin is in the first."
"And the rest of the crew?"
"Boss and Sanji are making their way to Robin on the outside," Su spoke up out of the blue. "Boss is scaling the side of the cars, while Sanji's running along the top. Conis went in through the back in order to act as a distraction. And damn, I never thought I'd say this, but I missed the sound of your voice, slimeball, if only because I missed the sound of my own."
"Back at ya, PUFFBALL!"
"Mrgh… the roof, huh? That means he'll run into Nero, the paranoid rat… but he is stronger than him, so…"
-o-
Several cars ahead and a few feet up, two combatants hastily fell into crouches and used their hands to stabilize themselves as the Puffing Tom mounted a particularly large wave.
'Damn this slippery sea-weasel…' Sanji thought to himself as he absentmindedly shielded his lighter in a futile effort to ignite his cigarette. 'Because of all his damn moving and this footing, I can't get a bead on him! I can tell that he's weak, all I need is to get one good kick in…'
'Damn this slippery pirate-weakling…' Nero mentally cursed as he spat out a bloody tooth, a remnant of the first few instances of the fight where he'd foolishly tried to meet his opponent head-on. 'I don't know what trick he's pulling to stay ahead of a Four Powers user like me, but in the end, he's still just mortal! All I need is to get him to lose his footing, even a little…'
And so, their wills resolved and their breath regained, the pirate and wannabe-assassin dashed at one another anew.