"Come the hell on, Straw Hat!" Bonney roared as she pounded on the table. "You need to walk out of there in one piece! We still need to see which of us is the bigger glutton! I need my pride as a woman and an eater, damn it!"
"I'm with her, Straw Hat Luffy," Law nodded firmly, the way he was drumming his fingers on his sword's sheath betraying his emotionless demeanour. "You've been interesting thus far, and the insanity you've pulled could be useful in the future. Get the hell out of there and get out alive."
-o-
"Are you fucking kidding me!? You come this fucking far, and then you topple here!?" Kid demanded acridly as he strained against the chain-like bandages that were all but holding his body together.
"Damn it, captain, will you stay still already!?" Killer protested as he tried to hold his superior in place. "That cyborg bastard nearly ripped you in half!"
"To hell with you and to hell with me, I'm more concerned with the rubbery moron who's giving us all a shit-name!" The kid spat before continuing to curse at the snail in the room. "Yeah, that's right, I've got a bone to pick with you, rubber-brain! You've been the gold fucking standard for every pirate of this generation since you beat Crocodile, and now you come this close to losing to a fucking cat?! If you die and make us look bad, I'LL CLIMB DOWN THERE AND TURN YOU INSIDE OUT WITH MY OWN TWO—GRK!"
"DAMN IT, KID!"
-o-
"My predictions have never failed me yet, Straw Hat, and they state quite clearly that you will not die today," Basil Hawkins enunciated coldly as he systematically shuffled around the full deck of cards he had splayed out before him. "I will not be pleased if you are responsible for tarnishing my reputation. Get up. Fight. Win."
The dinosaur Zoan that the mage had formed a brief alliance with stood impassively to the side as he plied his arcane trade. Drake said nothing, but the fire in his eyes, the twitching of his fingers, and the grimace on his face as he stared at the snail said all that needed to be said.
-o-
"Are you certain that this is the right way, brother? Should not more energy be invested in these actions?"
"Let others roar and cajole freely, brother. For now, we shall take another path." Urouge kept his palms pressed together as he bowed his head. "And offer our support in solemn silence. A mad monk I might be, and fallen monks we may be called, but I have not forgotten my teachings. While the rest of the world offers support in an earthly manner, we shall seek it from the heavens."
"As you say, brother."
-o-
"ONE AND TWO, ONE AND TWO, APAPAPA!" Apoo roared as he pounded his fists on his chest.
"ONE AND TWO, ONE AND TWO!" the rest of the On-Air pirates shouted back as they beat their instruments in synch with their captain.
"LOUDER, DAMN IT!" Apoo howled at the sky. "LET THEM HEAR US! MAKE THEM HEAR US ALL THE WAY IN MARIEJOIS!"
[DO IT, STRAW HAT!] Captain Dugong shouted, slamming his fists together. [I'M SPEAKING TO YOU CAPTAIN-TO-CAPTAIN, FIGHTER-TO-FIGHTER, MAN-TO-MAN! IF YOU CAN BEAT ME, YOU CAN BEAT DAMN NEAR ANYONE! DON'T YOU DARE DISGRACE ME NOW! FIIIIGHT!]
[FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!] the rest of the Great Kung-Fu Fleet chorused.
-o-
"You provided me with an inestimable opportunity, Captain Straw Hat Luffy," Capone 'Gang' Bege drawled as he looked over a golden ingot he was holding, taken from one of the countless stacks of similar ingots that surrounded him. "And now, I owe you a debt of gratitude that I will require many years to repay."
The gangster pirate exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke as he replaced the ingot he was holding and cast an eye to the snail in the room. "I do not forget my debts, Straw Hat. As such, I am ordering you to live, so that I can settle my tabs once and for all. It's that simple."
-o-
"KICK HIS ASS, LUFFY!" Captain 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo and Warlord Boa 'Pirate Empress' Hancock cheered in unison.
Or at least, they tried to cheer, anyway, their words slurred by a degree of inebriation that was made clear by the luminescent blushes they were both sporting.
And they were far from the only ones, either, seeing as the crews of both the Cannibal and the Perfume Yuda had congregated to throw one of the most roaring parties in the history of the Calm Belt.
Granted, things had been a bit awkward at first in spite of (or more likely because of) their captains' shared enthusiasm, but the tension had died a swift death once the booze got brought out and started flowing.
While most of the two crews were celebrating with extreme eagerness, some of the crewmates were a little restrained in their reactions.
Mr. 5, being one such example of reticence, watched the two captains drunkenly swaying together as they supported each other. "Never thought I'd see the day where I'd get to see a Warlord get sauced up close and personal."
"Considering how I can't recall ever seeing my sister so much as look at a drop of alcohol in my entire life?" Marigold deadpanned. "That goes double for me."
"I see…" Gin drawled as he cast his gaze about before nodding his head to the side. "While on the other hand, seeing as she's only drunk a few mugs, your other sister is a lightweight?"
Marigold cast a flat look at Sandersonia as she watched her sway about in her hybrid form, undulating her elongated torso to cause the drawn-on face there—her own doing, most likely—to dance. "No, she can handle alcohol just fine. It's the atmosphere that goes straight to her head. And seeing as Hancock never attends any parties whatsoever, I'm left as the designated drinker who keeps everyone in line."
However, her melancholy mood slowly shifted to a smile as she watched the party, from her sisters liberally enjoying themselves to Marguerite chatting animatedly with Apis to Valentine greedily drowning what little sanity she had left. "Admittedly, this is quite fun. It's nice to let loose and relax every once in a while. Dare I say… refreshing?" She punctuated the last word with a shake of her mug.
"Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint," Gin grunted before waving his arm. "Hey, Jack! Another barrel over here!"
-o-
"COME ON, STRAW HAT! YOU SHOWED THAT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS WHEN YOU BEAT ME! SMASH HIS FACE IN, POUND HIM TO PIECES!"
"Pupupupu, he's so loud, but the snail isn't even connected," Hamburg chuckled.
"I KNOW THAT THE SNAIL ISN'T CONNECTED, HAMBURG!" Foxy snapped. "CALLING IN COULD BLOW OUR COVER, SO I HAVE TO SHOUT THAT MUCH LOUDER!"
"Boss, with how many people are calling in right now, who do you think would be able to pick out and recognize your voice from among them?" Porche questioned.
Foxy turned to leer at her. "Considering that Back Fight was on the SBS? Anyone who's paying enough attention, and I'd bet the ship that if everybody else in the World Government isn't, the Five Elder Stars are," he growled.
"…point," Porche conceded and then began waving her baton. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, WHEN I SAY GO, YOU SAY LUFFY! GO!"
"STRAW HAT!"
"CLOSE ENOUGH!"
-o-
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN', LUFFY!?" Dadan roared indignantly. "COME ON, WHO THE HELL CARES IF THAT BASTARD'S A ZOAN, HUH!? YOU ATE BIG CATS FOR BREAKFAST FOUR DAYS OF THE WEEK, AND THAT WAS ONLY IF THE DAMN CROCODILES WEREN'T BITING! SHOW THAT PUSSYCAT WHAT'S WHAT! I RAISED YOU BOYS BETTER THAN THAT, DAMN IT!"
"Did she even raise them at all?" Mogra muttered under his breath.
"I think she's just trying to capitalize," Dogra muttered back. "After all, what's the point of turning the hideout into a dive bar if we're not even associated with the guy it's all—!" THWACK! "YEOW!"
"IF YOU GOT TIME TO GAB, YOU GOT TIME TO WORK, SO GET BACK TO WORK!"
"YES, MA'AM!"
Meanwhile, in a corner of the renovated hideout, a certain old man sighed wearily as he grabbed the nearest bottle. "Oh, forget it. I give up," he groaned.
"That's the spirit, Mayor!" Makino grinned cheerily as she clapped his shoulder.
-o-
"YOU CAN'T GIVE UP NOW, LUFFY!"
"Aisa, you get down from there right—!" THWACK! "—OW!" Laki yelped, clutching the spot where a pebble had slammed into her head.
"GO BLOW IT OUT YOUR RIFLE, LAKI!" Aisa howled from atop the totem pole she was balancing on, a Transponder Snail clutched in one hand and a loaded sling spinning in the other. "I'M GONNA SUPPORT MY CREWMATES NO MATTER WHAT AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"
"YOU'RE NOT A PIRATE, AISA!" Laki protested vigorously.
"Aw, c'mon, Laki, why not leave the kid be?"
The sniper shot an acrid glare at her fellow tribemate, who was leaning against a nearby tree. "You're just taking her side because she's putting up a fight for once!"
Wiper responded with a raised eyebrow. "And the problem with that is…?"
Laki snorted darkly before refocusing on her pseudo-younger sibling. "Aisa, if you don't get down from there right now, then you're grounded!"
"SEE IF I CARE!" Aisa snapped back, then focused on the snail she was carrying. "AND CAPTAIN, YOU HAVE TO WIN! I—!"
Laki paused in her attempt to climb the pole as Aisa suddenly choked up, tears stinging in her eyes. "I HAVEN'T EVEN JOINED YET! I-IT'S NOT FAIR! SO, PLEASE! YOU WON AGAINST GOD, SO WIN NOW! YOU… YOU HAVE TO…"
Aisa threw her head back and screamed to the clear heavens above.
"YOU HAVE TO LIVE!"
-o-
I choked as I processed what I was listening to. So much support, so many calling in from so far. All for us, all for him…
"Can you…" I started weakly before gasping for breath and raising my voice. "CAN YOU HEAR THEM, LUFFY!? THIS… THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING! BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT, THE TRUTH IS PLAIN AND CLEAR! THE WORLD…" I smiled at the sky as I wiped the tears from my eyes. "THE WORLD'S CHEERING YOUR NAME! THE WORLD ITSELF IS BEGGING YOU TO WIN! SO THAT'S WHY… THAT'S WHY… THAT'S WHY NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHAT… YOU CAN'T…"
I sucked in as deep a breath as I could… and then I roared.
"THAT'S WHY NO MATTER WHAT, YOU CAN'T LOSE, LUFFY! YOU CAN'T LOSE!"
-o-
Rob Lucci growled as he heard Jeremiah Cross's words ring out, and so many others joined the chorus. But it didn't matter; Straw Hat's will had been impressive, but he, Lucci, had used his trump card. No amount of cheering would be able to—
"Gear… Second."
His eagerness was gone now; as the leopard Zoan turned back to face the only opponent in his life that he would ever willingly deem an equal, he felt only rage and incredulity. But above those? A foreign emotion had crept into his mind, an emotion whose visits he could count on one hand: fear.
And as soon as that fear flared, it transformed into renewed rage. "You… can still move?" he snarled vehemently.
"I won't give up…" Luffy bit out, through all his pain and all his blood. "Until you go down."
Lucci's scowl twitched minutely, for more reasons than just rage. "Life Return: Release," he huffed, allowing his compressed muscles to expand out to their fullest and relieving some measure of his pain, however incremental. "I'm going to crush you, each and every one of you, in one second!"
With that, the Zoan flashed forward at the pirate and unleashed a barrage of practically simultaneous finger pistols. "Spots—GRGH!" he snarled audibly as rubber knuckles perfectly countered every one of his own shots.
Without a word, Lucci flashed back a foot, giving himself a moment's pause before reappearing in Luffy's face, fists outstretched and at the ready. The flash of fear in the pirate's eyes was supremely satisfying.
"I WON'T FALL FOR THAT AGAI—!"
Lucci's tail lashed out, snaring Straw Hat by his waist for the moment he needed to channel the bulk of, if not all the energy he had left, into one final attack.
"Ultimate Radius," Lucci snarled. "SIX KING GUN!"
The shockwave that erupted from his fists slammed clean through the rubber man's body and devastated the wall on the other side.
The pirate's eyes rolled up in his head as he coughed up what must have been a quart of blood, and his body went limp.
Lucci, on the other hand, was left in a state of exhaustion that he hadn't felt since… since… he hadn't ever truly felt this exhausted, ever. Still, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he'd won. It had been the fight of his life, and he'd won. And now… now he needed to pick up the pieces of his life.
As such, the Zoan let his tail uncurl, turned his back on Luffy, and began walking towards the rest of the bridge, mustering up the remaining strength he'd need to kill the crew that had so foolishly branded themselves as enemies of Justice.
-o-
"LUUUFF—ERGH!"
Soundbite made to join Cross in screaming their captain's name as he staggered drunkenly, but he suddenly cut himself off as his tongue stuck in his throat.
Thanks to his newly awakened abilities, no one ever noticed more than a slight hiccup in the broadcasting of the voices of the world.
Thanks to everyone looking everywhere but at him, no one noticed his gaze coming slightly unfocused.
And thanks to the sheer cacophony that was shaking the world at that moment, no one heard the hiss of static that filled the air.
-o-
As Luffy swayed back and forth on his feet, all he could think of was pain. It hurt… so much. Not just one part of him. Not just his chest, not just his arms, but everything. Standing hurt, breathing hurt, seeing hurt. It all just hurt so bad.
Luffy was strong, incredibly strong, but even the strong had their limits, and he'd reached his. And so, with little choice left to him, Luffy slowly pitched backward, and his mind started to fade into the black.
But that was as far as he got.
"Hey… Hey, kid. Can you hear me?"
Luffy groaned weakly in the affirmative.
"Heh. Yeah, that's what I thought. Look, kid, I know that you're going through hell right now, but you can't give up, alright? You're not done yet, not even close. Here, I'll even help you through it. First things first. Get back on your feet."
Luffy groaned again, but in spite of that, he gritted his teeth, surged his everything forward, and forced himself back to where he was standing.
"Good, that's good! Alright, next, that Gear Second of yours. Think you can keep it going?"
The rubber man wheezed and panted as he reminded himself to keep breathing, but even so, the amount of steam surging from his body returned to full force. And through his pain, he was able to catch sight of Rob Lucci stopping in his tracks and slowly casting a fearful glance over his shoulder.
"Heh, that caught his attention. Now, this part is the easiest of all. You see that big ugly bastard in front of you, the one who's been kicking the crap out of you this entire time?"
Luffy's head nodded infinitesimally as his lungs sucked in that vital oxygen.
"Well, if you lose here, then he's going to kill your crew. He's going to kill every last one of your friends. The only person who can stop that is you, kid. So, what you're gonna do is you're gonna dig deep. You're gonna pull up every last bit of power you have, every last inch of it, all of it, and you're going to put it towards kicking. His. Tail. Think you can handle that?"
Luffy's eyes slowly filled with absolute hatred as he processed those words. And fueling that hatred…
"The greatest swordsman in the world? That's good! I wouldn't expect anything less from a crewmate of the future King of the Pirates!"
"Eh? What are you talking about? Get on already."
"Shishishi! Looks like I've found my cook!"
…were memories.
"NAMI, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND!"
"Hey, that's a pretty neat trick!"
"SHUT UP! LET'S GO ALREADY!"
His mind ablaze, the pirate leaned back ever so slightly. "Guuuuum-Guuuuum…"
"Heh. Knew you had it in you. Well, you seem to have this handled, so I'll be going. Good luck to ya. Oh, and before I forget?"
A D-shaped smile flashed through Luffy's head.
"You wear my old hat damn well."
And with that, Luffy let all hell fly loose. "Jeeeeet!"
Lucci barely had time to erect a half-assed Iron Body as the first fists hit him. After that…
"I'll make sure Vivi stays safe. We all will."
"SO COOL! So, you guys really want to join my crew?"
"WE HAVE TWO NEW CREWMATES! HIP HIP!"
"ROBIN!"
After that, Lucci lost.
"SAY YOU WANT TO LIVE!"
"GATLIING!"
-o-
It was an absolute miracle that Rob Lucci managed to endure the barrage hammering his body at all. The fists came hard, they came fast, and they came relentlessly, tenderizing every square inch of the assassin's body that they could reach.
His Iron Body didn't matter, his Zoan-enhanced physique didn't matter, not even his own inhuman constitution mattered. None of it mattered because none of it could stand up to the sheer onslaught assaulting him, pounding through his flesh, pounding him into the wall.
But in spite of it all, Lucci managed to remain conscious. In spite of every last bone in his body breaking twice over, in spite of him suffering injuries that would kill weaker men a hundred times over, Lucci stood strong.
And then it happened.
"…rrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!"
Straw Hat Luffy raised his head and screamed his primal fury to the world.
In the moment of that roar, Lucci managed to crack his eye open, and through the haze of blood and pain, he caught sight of a fist.
A single fist, completely like the dozens, hundreds, thousands all around it that were pounding into him… save for a single aspect.
Where those fists glistened red, that fist glistened black.
That one fist rammed itself in the middle of Lucci's face… and Lucci lost.
The next thing he knew, Lucci was staring at the ground, the world wavering in and out of focus as he clung to the waking world.
At the very edge of his consciousness, the sound of misshapen wingbeats hit his ears, followed by the soft thwump of something feathered slapping into his back.
Lucci coughed up a mouthful of blood and croaked painfully, his voice barely above a whisper, his jaws and tongue barely able to form words. "Status… report?"
"Agh…" Hattori twitched minutely on his back. "I'm… afraid we've lost, sir. Utterly, at that. Couldn't be helped, really, they're… just that good."
Lucci snorted out a heavy breath. "Damn…"
"…Honestly, sir? Maybe we should look on the bright side."
"Which is…?"
"Well… you did push him farther than a Warlord and God. And… one way or another… we won't be… seeing Spandam again. That… has to be worth something… right?"
Lucci panted heavily for a moment before allowing a rueful grin to crawl across his face. "It was… one hell… of a fight…"
And with that, Rob Lucci fell asleep with a smile.
-o-
As Luffy's final attack rang out, the SBS fell silent, and a good number of those fighting on the bridge paused to watch what they could of the fight.
And as I saw Lucci fall, I slowly turned to Soundbite, the Luffy-grade grin that was slowly spreading across his face matching mine tooth for tooth.
And then, as if to dispel any and all doubts?
"ROOOBIIIIIIIN!" Luffy roared, his voice stretching across the air even without Soundbite's help. "LET'S ALL GO BACK! TOGETHER!"
I heaved forward and clutched my gut and mouth as I tried to restrain myself. "Pffff…"
However, before I could so much as squeak, the Marines were kind enough to provide a trigger. "C-Calling all ships!" the suddenly panicked voice of God stammered. "J-Just now! T-The pirate, S-Straw Hat Luffy… H-HAS JUST DEFEATED CIPHER POL NO. 9'S ROB LUCCI!"
"PFFFHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" I threw my head back and cackled to the high heavens. "YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS! THE WINNER BY TOTAL KNOCKOUT IN THE BRAWL AGAINST THE SOLDIER OF JUSTICE IS NONE OTHER THAN OUR CAPTAIN, MONKEY D. STRAW HAT LUFFY!"
I then snapped my finger up and jabbed it into the air. "THIS MEANS THAT IN THE END, IN THE CONFLICT BETWEEN US AND THE DREADED BOOGEYMEN OF CIPHER POL NUMBER NINE, THE UNDEFEATED AND UNMITIGATED VICTORS ARE… THE STRAW HAT PIRAAAAATES!"
I swear, nothing, nothing up until that point compared to the sheer torrent of adrenaline coursing through my body at shouting that to the world. The world… Enies Lobby had been earthshaking in canon, but now? This was going to be comparable to Whitebeard punching the planet's core. And it. Was. Intoxicating.
And hence, with no more regard for the warzone around me, I laughed and laughed—
"Dot dot dot—KA-LICK! WAY TO GO, LUFFY!"
"COMPLETE VICTORY, SUCKERS!"
"QUIET, OR THEY'LL FIND US!"
"THAT'S MY BOYS, HAHAHAHAAAA!"
And I laughed and laughed and laughed as we got the solid confirmation that all of our allies were alright—
"ALL UNITS! OPEN FIRE ON THE BRIDGE OF HESITATION! DAMN PLUTON AND DAMN THE ELDER STARS! KILL THE STRAW HAT PIRATES! LEAVE NONE ALIVE!"
And when Sengoku's voice bellowed out, and I turned to see the very, very dented Gates of Justice—
CRACK!
…correction. The cracked gates of Justice.
"Uhhh…" Su hedged nervously, cowering as rays of golden light started to shine through the badly abused doors. "Is metal supposed to act like that?"
Vivi opened her mouth to answer and then choked fearfully as the blood drained from her face. "It does when it's exposed to temperatures several dozen degrees below freezing…" she squeaked as she shakily raised a finger to point.
Indeed, by following her finger, I caught sight of signs of frost starting to creep through and around the Gates.
"PFFHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
And then I just kept laughing.
"WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY!? YOU'RE ALL ABOUT TO DIE!"
"PFFHAHAHAHA!" I howled as I shot my grin at the warships looming around us. "I seriously overestimated how smart you guys were. You still don't get it?! WE'VE ALREADY WON! All that's left now is to get the hell out! And that way out…" I turned my attention skywards. "Should be arriving any second now."
And so I waited.
In reality, it was only for half a minute, at the absolute worst, but to me… it was torture. An infinity after an infinity, each instant tick-tick-ticking away without end.
And at the end of those infinities, I was just about to feel the barest sliver of doubt…
…and then it was there.
Tears welled in the corners of my closed eyes as I smiled blissfully. "I knew you'd come…" I whispered.
Soundbite's jaw all but hit the ground as he stared at nothing. "NO. FUCKING. WAY."
"Eh?" Franky paused mid-punch to put a hand to his ear. "The hell—? Who was that? And what'd they say, it was all garbled."
"Huh!? You goin' deaf, metal-man?!" Boss scoffed as he whipped his rope-dart around to and fro. "That was as clear as day!" He then frowned in confusion. "Ah, the words were, anyway. The actual meaning, though…?"
"Where did that come from…?" Su wondered, glancing every which.
I grinned as I watched everyone react in confusion, but when I noticed Usopp heading for the edge of the bridge, I snapped my hand out. "Don't!" I shouted, even as I kept on smiling. "Don't look, don't question it! You don't have to! Because in the end…" Tears spilled freely down my cheeks as I wept with joy. "We already know who it is, right?"
Usopp stared dubiously at me before an equally euphoric smile came across his face. He then threw his head back…
"THE SEA!"
And shouted.
"JUMP INTO THE SEEEEA!" he cried out, sobbing joyously. "EVERYONE JUMP, RIGHT NOOOW!"
"ROBIN!" I roared at our confused archaeologist. "TOSS HIM IN WITH US!"
Robin stared at me for a second before nodding confidently. "Right!"
"Wha—! Are the two of you nuts!?" Zoro demanded incredulously. "That damn sea is in turmoil, if we go down there—!"
"It'll be fine!" Usopp sobbed in his face. "S-She's here! She's c-come to help us! She's here! She actually came!"
Lassoo glanced between us for a moment before shrugging flatly. "Oh, what the hell." He reared on his hind legs and howled. "TO THE SEA!"
"INTO THE SEA!" Boss and Franky chorused, pumping their fists in synch as they dashed towards the edge.
"THE SEA!" Sanji crowed at the top of his lungs.
"INTO THE SEA!" Vivi and Conis cried out together, the angel helping the Princess to carry Carue with her.
"YOU'RE ALL NUTS, YA KNOW THAT?" Kokoro shouted out as she ran after us.
"THE… THE PIRATES HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS!" the voice of God cried out in confusion.
I honestly couldn't help myself, cackling as I swept my arms out wide. "PFFHAHAHA! YOU ALL ONLY WISH! WE'RE NOT NUTS, YOU BASTARDS JUST DIDN'T COUNT RIGHT! Buuut hey," I scoffed mockingly. "I'm a nice guy. So what the hell, allow me to list off the members who currently compose the crew of the future King of the Pirates!"
I jabbed my thumb at myself. "For starters, we have me, my talking snail, and my ballistic hound!"
"REPRESENT!" Soundbite roared.
"Got that right!" Lassoo bayed.
"The future best swordsman in the world, the ultimate ruler of all snipers, and the best chef to ever come out of the North Blue!"
"TO THE—!"
"WE GET IT ALREADY!" two of our crew's monsters snarled as they grabbed our sniper's shoulders and dragged him along.
"The wicked witch of the weather, the ingenious monster doctor, and the one true heir of Alabasta and her royal guard!"
"SCREW OFF, CROSS!" Nami and Chopper laughed as they ran past us.
"Give 'em hell, Cross!" Vivi eagerly shouted, slapping me on the back as she passed.
"Ditto!" Carue pumped his wing firmly as he hung onto Conis.
"A band of badass dugongs, our angelic gunner, and her pet fox, and the demonic heir of Ohara!"
"OOHRAH!" Boss roared skywards.
"I hope this works…" Conis giggled nervously.
"Of course it will!" Su cackled eagerly. "Haven't you noticed it yet!? With these people, the crazier the scheme is, the more it's absolutely guaranteed to work!"
"That does seem to be a fact of life…" Robin agreed, a blissful smile on her face.
"The very heir to Roger's throne!"
"I-I-I-I'M GETTING DIZZY-Y-Y-Y-Y!"
I spared that comment a snicker before spinning on my heel and continuing. "And finally, to round out our numbers, our most crucial and beloved comrade of all…" My smile stretched from ear to ear as I ran to the very edge of the bridge and jumped, even going so far as to pull a flip midair as the bridge exploded behind me.
I smiled down at the sea…
"Let's go, everyone!"
And laughed as Merry smiled right back up at us, waving her arms over her head.
"Let's all go back! Back to the Sea of Adventure!"
"WE HAVE THE MOST BADASS CARAVEL THE GRAND LINE HAS EVER SEEN!"
-o-
A world away in a fairytale land of sweets, a Long-Leg man and a lion gaped at a cackling snail in shock. Contrary to appearances, this was not the setup to a joke.
"I—! W-Wait, give me a second…" Pekoms stammered hesitantly, holding a hand up as he reached beneath his sunglasses and kneaded the bridge of his nose. "I… t-their ship just came for them? It came for them on its own and spoke!?"
"Bon—Oui, it did—soir…" Tamago breathed in shock. "Bon—Maman… Maman is going to be très interested in this development, sans doubte—soir."
The mink processed that for a second before snorting and slamming his glasses back into place with a growl. "Well, if she is, then 'Maman' can take care of it herself."
Tamago looked at his companion with a raised eyebrow. "Bon—Es-tu suicidaire—soir?"
Pekoms gave his partner in crime a flat look. "The Straw Hats may be Paradise rookies, but they're Paradise rookies that just invaded the World Government's turf for one of their crewmates and won, with the entire world as their witness. That is Emperor levels of crazy at minimum, and they didn't even have a fraction of our manpower! I don't care how safe Totland is, or how powerful Linlin is, I am not risking my shell going after their damn ship!"
Tamago hesitated slightly before swallowing and tugging at his collar. "Ahh… Bon—Bien dit—soir."
-o-
"WOAH!" I cried, flailing desperately as I was tossed up!
THWUMP! "OW!"
And then crashed down onto the deck of the Merry. "Nice toss…" I groaned as I rubbed my head.
"Sue me, I was swimmin' drunk!" Kokoro cackled from overboard. "Anyways, gimme a bit, will you? These currents are hell, and I've got a lot of people to find, even with the dugong helping out!"
SPLASH! "WAAAAAGH!" THWUMP! "OW!"
"Make that one less!"
"SCWEW YOU, BOSS!"
I rolled my eyes with a scoff before glancing around—
"Ah, there you are!"
—and picking Soundbite up with a grin, simultaneously discarding the sword I'd been using onto the deck. "Sorry about tossing you like that, I just didn't want you in the seawater, is—!"
"HURK!"
"…all, seriously!?"
"THE FUCKING DECK IS SOAKED, ASSHAT!" Soundbite snarled irately.
"You little—!"
"Cross!"
I spun around at the sound of a very familiar ethereal voice, and grinned joyously and crouched down with my arms held wide as a little raincoat-wearing tyke ran at me. "Merry!"
The Klabautermann leaped into my arms and hugged me tightly with a happy sob, and I hugged back.
"JACKASS!"
THWACK!
"YEOW!"
Before she suddenly hauled off and rammed her foot into my shin. Through my greave. And it hurt. A lot.
"OWOWOWOW—WHAT THE HELL, YOU LITTLE SCUMBOAT!?" I barked as I hopped around on my uninjured leg.
"YOU BASTARDS LEFT ME!" she roared as she flailed her arms indignantly.
"What!?" I froze in place as I stared at her in shock. "That's—! Hell no, that's not it all! We just decided to hold you in reserve, that's all! Come on, you should know this! You don't roll out your pinch hitter in the first inning; you hold her back for the bottom of the ninth!"
Merry snorted and puffed her cheeks out petulantly. "You're just trying to butter me up so that I don't hit you more!"
"…is it working?"
THWACK!
"YEOW!"
"JACKASS!"
"You little—!"
Before I could say anything else, I was cut off by her grabbing my leg and burying her face in my jacket.
"I was so scared…" she whispered tearfully.
I hastily dropped to my knees and hugged her tight, holding onto her as firmly as I could. "I never doubted you would come, not even for a second…" I solemnly promised her.
I heard a few more SPLASH! sounds from nearby, but I didn't look up from where I was. At least, not until Luffy gasped in relief and Kokoro and Boss leaped back on board.
"Phew, that was close! I thought I was going to—MERRY?!" Luffy yelped in shock.
"Hi, Captain!" Merry waved eagerly. "I decided to pop my body to help you guys!"
"Oh, that's cool!" Luffy laughed happily before refocusing his attention. "Oh, and Robin! Thanks for—Mmph?"
He was cut off by an autonomous hand as Robin smiled happily. She then turned her attention back to everyone else. "Everyone," she smiled gratefully. "Thank—!"
"ROBIN!"
"—GWAH!?"
THWUMP!
I blinked in shock as Nico Robin was summarily glomped by Tony Tony Chopper, Nami, and Nefertari Vivi. Sanji tried too, of course, but he missed and crashed into the mast.
"That's new…" I mused numbly.
"THAT HURT, JERK!" Merry roared as she booted Sanji's ass.
"Wha—?" Robin blinked blearily as she looked at the trio on top of her.
"I was so scared that you were going to die before I could say sorry for how I've been treating you!" Vivi sobbed regretfully.
"I thought I was going to be the last sane woman standing on this ship of crazies!" Nami wept fearfully.
"ROBIIIIN!" Chopper blubbered… well, Chopper just straight-up blubbered.
"Ah…" I shook my head, trying to get my brain back on track. "Sooo… Vivi, does this mean you'll stop being such a bitch to her now?"
Vivi swiftly snapped to her feet and coughed into her fist as she regained her usual composure. "Now, now, let's not go crazy here."
Nami stared up at her with a look of clear exasperation. "Seriously!?"
"She crucified my father!"
"It's fine, it's fine, I acknowledge that I made mistakes. I'll send him my sincerest apologies at the earliest convenience." Robin glanced to the side thoughtfully. "I'm sure that I still have the letter template lying around somewhere…"
"You will write him a twenty-page essay by hand, and you know exactly which pair I speak of!" Vivi snapped indignantly.
"IS THIS REALLY THE TIME?!" Zoro roared.
"HEARTLESS BASTARD!" Chopper shouted back as he threw himself at the swordsman.
"HAVE YOU NO RESPECT!?" Usopp demanded as he lunged towards him, his Usopp Pound at the ready.
"DIE, MOSSHEAD!" Sanji declared as he loosed a flurry of kicks.
"THE DAMN BATTLESHIPS ARE GETTING READY TO BLAST US, YOU MORONS!" he shouted back as he hastily blocked.
"Ah…" I flinched and glanced around nervously at the many Marines scrambling frantically around the Battleships. "Point. Reunite and celebrate later, GTFO now."
"Ugh…" Luffy groaned, drawing everyone's attention. Visibly struggling, he held up his arm. "Guys… I've done as much as I can." He grinned weakly. "Can I trust you guys… to do the rest?"
I didn't even hesitate to match his grin tooth for tooth as I dashed up to him and slapped his hand. "Ever and always, captain!" I then reached into my bag and again grabbed the knob controlling the dead zone. "Alright, how long do we have before they fire?"
"Half a minute! THEY'RE FAST!"
"Well, then, guess we'll just have to up that time limit, won't we?" I angled my head at my snail. "Soundbite?"
"Aye?"
I spun the knob clockwise once more before answering through a positively psychotic smile. "Let's have us some good old-fashioned, down and dirty fun."
"AYE-AYE!"
"Oh, those poor bastards," Merry breathed reverentially.
Not daring to wait a moment longer, I snapped my finger up and pointed at a nearby Battleship. "Attention—!" I barked in a voice that wasn't mine.
"GUNNERY DECK #2!" Soundbite picked up seamlessly.
"This is—!"
"VICE ADMIRAL STRAWBERRY!"
"The Straw Hats have pulled a trick! Several of their number have infiltrated—!" I swung my finger around to indicate another battleship.
"VESSEL NUMBER 6!"
"Prepare to fire upon the ship on my mark! Any who fail to comply will be summarily executed!"
My grin widened visibly as the line of cannons on the ship reoriented themselves. "FIRE!"
The very moment that the cannon fire began, I pointed towards the ship behind the one being fired upon. "Attention all hands, this is—!" "Rear Admiral Winston!" "The soldiers on board—!" "Vessel number 1!" "Have just mutinied, along with the soldiers on—!" "Vessel number 7!" "Fire on them on my mark!" I gave the cannons a moment to reorient before… "FIRE!"
Ah, that barrage of thunder was music to my ears.
"Who next, who next…" I sang as I danced my finger around. "Eenie meenie minie you."
And so it went as Soundbite, and I proceeded to sow utter mayhem amidst the Buster Call. Oh, and we didn't just order them to fire on one another; that would have been too easy.
We started unwitting mutinies—
"I repeat, the soldiers on decks four through six are compromised! Apprehend them at once so that they may be court-martialed!"
—we undermined authority—
"You thought that voice was me!? FOOLS! That was Jeremiah Cross and his snail! Henceforth, all orders must be preceded by the following passcode!"
—we orchestrated acts of sabotage—
"I am telling you the truth, soldier, the ship is lost! Soak all the gunpowder through, make sure that these bastards can't use our vessel for anything but tinder!"
—but most of all? Throughout the next three interminable minutes—
"Hurry the hell up! If we don't have that birthday cake ready to go in the next minute, Admiral Akainu is going to have all of our heads! And where are the goat hooves!?"
We raised hell.
Once all ships were nice in nice, chaotic disarray, their shots firing anywhere but at Merry, I allowed myself to hunch over and wheeze, panting as I got some breath back in my spent lungs. "Wooo, that was rough…" I panted with a shit-eating grin. "But now… nooooow… nooow we do the coup de grâce."
I exchanged grins with Soundbite before pulling myself to my full height and pointing skywards and shouting out. Our voices sounded in unison as five very specific voices that were not our own.
"FIRE!"
And all at once, every last battleship of the Buster Call fired on one another, and the only reason they didn't all go up in splinters was that the fire was divided instead of concentrated.
"SORRY, GUESS YOU ALL LISTENED TO THE WRONG VOICES!" Soundbite and I cackled in the quintet, myself even going so far as to pull my eyelid down and stick out my tongue. "BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!" And with that, I slashed my hand across my neck, and we just flat-out cackled as the Buster Call imploded around us.
"…I will now repeat myself: I am so very, very glad that I am on your side, Cross," Kokoro muttered, looking honest-to-goodness scared.
"So am I, Granny," I chuckled, before turning towards the rest of my bemused crew and looking towards the second mate. "Now, seeing as how those ships are still somewhat functional, and we've accomplished everything we came here for, what say we leave Enies Lobby to ruin and head back to Water 7?" I raised my hand. "Your turn, o mighty navigator."
Nami grinned as she slapped my hand, looking over her notepad once more before nodding firmly. "Right, then. Everyone to your positions! Half sail on the main, full sail on the mizzen and bowsprit! And whoever's on the whipstaff, course—" She paused, eyeballing what little sky hadn't gone dark from the smoke. "Put the sun off the starboard bow!"
And as soon as we finished scrambling around getting everything perfect—and Nami was up to her usual exacting standards, so that wasn't easy—we were on our way. Now that the threat was mostly disarmed, our navigator chucked the notion of stability out the window in favour of speed.
Nami directed us along those currents as though Merry were her personal bicycle. We weaved around the battleships wallowing in the ever-changing currents, their shattered masts and shredded sails unable to properly maneuver them. And we caught the edges of the whirlpools at just the right moments and angles needed to give us bursts of speed. Musket fire and light swivel cannons barked out in attempts to hit us, but their height, the close range, and the sheer disparity between them and Nami's skills meant that they didn't even come close to hitting us.
But of course, that didn't mean that things were easy by any definition of the word.
"HARD TO PORT!" Nami barked as one of the battleships slewed into our path.
"I've got it!" Boss grunted, lashing out with his rope dart. The weapon bit into the hull of a nearby battleship, swinging us around its prow… with just a bit too much force.
"Too fast too fast TOO FAST!" Merry wailed fearfully as she whipped towards the hull of a battleship portside first. "WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"
"NOT IF I CAN STOP IT!" Nami snapped back before whipping her finger up. "CONIS!"
The angel groaned miserably as she brought her bazooka up to bear. "Oh, this is gonna hurt…" Nevertheless, she squared her stance, levelled the weapon at the warship, and pulled the trigger. "Reject Bazoo—OOMPH!" The rest of the attack's name was cut off as the blast tossed Conis off her feet. Thankfully, it was enough to kill Merry's sideways momentum, which allowed us to continue on track.
"That was weeeiiird," the Klabautermann mumbled as she staggered around dizzily.
"Gnnnnrrrrr…" Conis half-whimpered-half-groaned as she clutched her shoulder.
"Alright, almost there…" Nami muttered to herself as we sped down the water-filled alley.
"NOT QUITE!" Soundbite barked. "We've got a bunch OF CANNONS AIMED AT US, AND I can't stop them all!"
Nami's reaction was… to cast a sidelong glare at the ships around us before heaving an exasperated sigh. "Tch. Yeah, that figures. I guess I might as well take care of them, huh."
…not what I'd expected and not that I really doubted her at this point, but… Ah, what the hell. I raised an eyebrow before addressing her. "Okay, I'll bite, how the heck're you planning to pull that off?"
Nami responded with an angelic smile. "Answer me this: What is Enies Lobby renowned as?" she asked.
"Ah…?"
Those of us who weren't busy panicking at the sight of gun crews swarming on the nearby battleships sent confused glances at each other.
"It's… an eternal day island?" Sanji finally spoke up.
"Right!" Nami said cheerfully. "So then…" She cocked her head to the side innocently. "Why are we fighting in the shade?"
"Fighting in the—" I parroted, looking up, before cutting myself off as I took in the sky. "Ooooohhhhhh holy shit."
Suddenly, I was very glad my fear of lightning was almost completely gone. Because if it wasn't, seeing a horizon-to-horizon bank of crackling storm clouds blending in with the smoke probably would've sent me catatonic. And if that seems like a suspiciously specific approximation, that's because, as it was, it still took almost all my strength not to pass out.
"When the hell did you set this up, witch?!" Zoro demanded.
"You didn't think all that staff-spinning I was doing on the Bridge was just to control my Eisen Tempo, did you?" Nami grinned cheerfully. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" She started to swing her staff about, causing her cloudy aura to snap about and darken. "Today's forecast warns of an errant lightning god wandering in the vicinity of Enies Lobby. Signs of said god's approach include freak storms, inordinate pillars of lightning, and maximum carnage. Should you happen to be in the path of this deity, this navigator advises only one course of action."
An evil grin played its way across Nami's face as she pointed her staff skyward. "Pray."
And with that, her Eisen Cloud lashed out a single bolt of lightning and into the tempest above.
While we were all gaping up at the heavens as the clouds steadily started to glow brighter and brighter, Nami smiled cheerily as she spun her Clima-Tact at her side. "Divine Tempo."
She then slammed the butt of her weapon into the deck with a resounding CLACK.
"Jupiter's Fury."
And then the world… pretty much exploded with light and sound as the sky disgorged almost a dozen insanely massive pillars of pure electricity that slammed into the ocean around us, with more than half of them frying the battleships, leaving them dismasted and afire.
Once my vision returned and my ears stopped ringing, I slowly took in the sight of the Marines scrambling about on the now actively burning warships around us before turning a deliberately neutral expression on Nami. "I think I can hear a song playing," I stated.
"Let me guess, 'Hail to the Queen'?" she inquired happily.
"Try 'Pop goes the Bounty'."
That caused Nami to freeze up, her mouth slightly open, before she sighed and shook her head. "Yeah, that's fair," she reluctantly admitted.
I chuckled, mentally sending a thank you to Kalifa—and that was something I never thought I'd think—and then glanced back out to sea.
I then felt euphoria begin to bubble in my chest as I realized that I really was looking out to sea, because before us was the sight of a blue horizon, marred only by the last battleship, drifting along dead in the water on a parallel course.
Everyone else was swift to notice and rejoice as well.
"There's the exit!" Merry leaped and pointed forward joyously.
"Did you ever doubt me?" Nami regained her charisma as she smirked victoriously.
"Do you think I ever don't?" Zoro deadpanned.
"We're free~, we're free~!" Usopp and Chopper sang as they danced around hand-in-hand.
"We made it," Robin breathed as she sighed in relief.
CRASH!
A moment after she said that, the last battleship found itself t-boned as another one came across our path. And at its bow was a figure I immediately recognized.
"Vice Admiral Momonga," I grit out.
"Strong?" Boss queried, his flipper drifting towards his rope-dart, accompanied by an eager glint in his eyes.
"Oh, even better," Vivi lamented miserably.
Momonga proceeded to whip his blade from its sheath and hold it at ready in what was clearly a well-practiced stance.
"Swordsman."
"And she means the 'Sea Kings make a good lunch' kind, too," I provided.
"Erk," Boss responded intelligently as he snapped his hand away from his weapon as though it were on… well, you know.
"Why did I open my mouth?" Robin muttered darkly as she massaged the bridge of her nose. "I know better by now, so why?"
"Infectious insanity?" Lassoo supplied.
"…yes, that sounds about right."
"Nami-swan, you have a plan, right?" Sanji asked nervously.
"Yup," she said, popping the last letter before raising her hand with her palm out. "Tag."
Zoro snorted through his smirk as he slapped her palm with his free hand, the other occupied with tying his bandanna in place. "Right."
Once he was past her, Nami leaned towards me. "He… does have this, right?"
"Eh…" I hedged uncertainly. "Maybe? It all depends—?"
"Asura."
"—Yeah, no, he's got this," I amended seamlessly.
Needless to say, Zoro's illusory doubles appearing around him left everyone gaping in stunned amazement, even me. It was one thing to hear about it in practice, but actually seeing Zoro with three faces and six arms? That was… something else… wait… why did he enter the form before drawing any of his blades?! As it was, he only had three hanging at his—!
My thought process ground to a halt as Zoro spread his legs and took a very specific stance, all six of his hands clutching the hilt of one very specific sword, and going by the way Momonga tensed on his ship, he had a good idea of what was coming too.
"One Sword Style," a trio of hellish voices chorused in synch. "Asura…"
"Hoooo boy," I whispered numbly as I slowly brought out my Vision Dial. "This is gonna be—!"
"Imperial Lion's Anthem!"
Before I could react, there was… I think there was a blur of motion as Zoro and Momonga swung their blades as one—and then everything was still as Zoro slowly returned Wado Ichimonji into its sheath.
The second the crossguard clicked against the lacquered wood, two things happened at once.
The first was that Momonga was flung back from the edge of the battleship, his back slamming into the vessel's hull as the wind was slammed out of him.
And second…
Second, Zoro's Asura clones faded, and he walked over to Luffy, pressing his straw hat back onto his face. "And that's that. Back to you, Captain," he grunted.
"Thanks, Zoro!" Luffy laughed through his hat.
"Um, Zoro?" Nami cocked her eyebrow at him in a decidedly unimpressed manner. "Not that getting rid of a Vice Admiral isn't impressive and everything, I'd just like to point out the fact that his battleship is still—"
"Ah, Nami?" Boss interrupted with a cough as he tugged at her jacket, jabbing his cigar at the ship. "I would kindly suggest shutting up about now."
Nami and I followed the direction he was pointing in and then blinked in confusion as we tried to process what our eyes were telling us. It… appeared like the battleship was moving in two different directions for some reason? But that didn't make any sense. Why would the aft of the ship be rising above… the…
"Did he just cut a Marine BATTLESHIP IN HALF?" Soundbite asked weakly.
I chuckled in dull amazement as I confirmed that yes, the two halves of the Titanic vessel were sliding apart. However, as swiftly as I was stunned, I was just as swiftly snapped out of it as I noticed another result of the attack.
-o-
"Sweet shit, man, you even cut the sea and clouds! N-Not that far, admittedly, but—!"
Mihawk cocked his eyebrow at the snail before glancing away with a scoff. "Two steps forward—"
"I did?" the 'novice' swordsman's voice interrupted, the snail sporting an annoyed scowl. "Tch, damn."
"…why the hell do you sound disappointed?" the navigator asked in a strained tone.
"Because if I'd done that move perfectly, then only the ship would have been split in half. And besides, the ship didn't split all the way through; it broke halfway, and its own weight did the rest. Too much force, not enough control. Tch, guess I still have one hell of a long way to go."
"YOU APOLOGIZE TO EVERY BEGINNER AND WEAKLING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!" the Straw Hats' sniper roared indignantly.
Mihawk's eyebrows rose again, and his lips slowly parted into a pleased smile. "Well," he nodded in approval as he took a sip from the cup of wine he was holding. "It would appear that my successor is indeed progressing at an acceptable pace. Good, very good."
"Gurararara! Looks like choosing the one who followed Red-Hair's brat as your own was a good choice," a nearby giant chuckled animatedly before sighing fondly. "Meanwhile, mine is still stuck in the throes of his youth and rebelling with reckless abandon. Honestly…" Whitebeard shook his head with an indulgent sigh. "I love my sons dearly, but sometimes they need a good clock upside the head."
"Like Shanks himself, unfortunately," Mihawk scoffed with a slight leer.
Indeed, it was the very reason that he was in his current situation. His former rival's rampage, undoubtedly to cause more trouble for the World Government to support his protégé, was troubling him by proxy, especially given the fact that Shanks was one of two Emperors on such a rampage. Three would remove any possibility of Mihawk not getting involved, so he had sought out the Moby Dick in hopes of discouraging such actions. He'd succeeded, and as a bonus, found a new drinking companion in the process.
"Gurararara! Now, that's an entirely different matter!" Whitebeard cackled. "Red-Hair can grow as old or strong as he wants, but he'll always be a brat at heart."
The world's greatest swordsman twitched before reaching for his wine bottle. "Don't I know it."
-o-
Once I managed to snap myself out of my shock, I whipped my head around and snapped my finger up at our on-staff cyborg. "FRANKY! GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW!"
Franky hesitated at that, glancing around nervously. "Wait, you mean—!? I can't! I ran out of—!"
"Here you go!" Merry piped up as she pulled a trio of bottles out of… somewhere and shoved them in his arms.
"Eh?!" Franky blinked at them in shock. "Where the hell did you—!?"
"Iceburg said that you'd run out, so he gave me these!"
"…tch. Damn Ice-for-Brains—!" Franky muttered acridly as he opened his gut fridge, swapped out the bottles, and then shuddered in disgust. "Ah, gross, this is diet!"
"FRANKY!"
"Gah, alright, alright!" Franky snapped as half the ship yelled at him, but halfway up the steps, he paused and shot an uncertain look over his shoulder. "But… if I do use it—"
"It's the only way," Merry cut him off with a voice full of iron. "Do it."
Franky turned his uncertain expression towards the Klabautermann, but seeing her immovable expression, he nodded and dashed to the caravel's stern. "Alright, everyone, hang on tight, because I'm giving her all I've got. Max Cola Power!"
"EVERYONE HANG ONTO YOUR EVERYTHING!" I called out as I leaped to the nearest line and wrapped it around my arm. "BECAUSE WE!"
"THIRD TIME, BABY!" Merry laughed ecstatically as she jumped up and down on her own head. "THIS IS AN EAST BLUE RECORD!"
"ARE!"
"LET'S GOOOOO!" Luffy whooped at the top of his lungs.
"OUTTA HERE!"
"SAYONARA, suckahs!" Soundbite roared as loud as he could.
"COUP DE VENT!"
And just like that, I felt a few Gs of wind slamming into me, like Reverse Mountain and the Knock-Up Stream all over again. We were flying again… we were free again.
"And, just to discourage anyone from taking potshots at us, SPECIAL ATTACK: SMOKE STAR!" Usopp declared, letting the smoke bomb fly and complete the image of what we were leaving behind: what had been a deadly fleet in a Government base not one hour ago was now matchsticks and razors.
And at that moment? I let all the tension leave me as I threw back my head, flung my fist in the air…
"WE WOOOOON!"
And shouted our victory to the ends of the earth.
-o-
Sengoku drew in a deep breath through his nose as he kept his eyes firmly closed, slowly counting down from a thousand by multiples of seven in a bid to remain calm.
"Let me see if I have this straight," he stated slowly and clearly. "We have lost Enies Lobby. We have lost CP9. We have lost a dozen battleships. We have lost thousands of soldiers. We are still trying to locate where Kizaru landed. And we have months' worth of repair work to perform on the Gates of Justice. And meanwhile, the Straw Hat Pirates and their sixty allies all left the island alive?"
"That sounds about right, yeah," Admiral Aokiji drawled coolly.
"And you're advocating…" Sengoku slowly cracked his eyes open. "That we let. Them. Go."
Aokiji considered that for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Pretty much, yeah."
Sengoku slowly slid his eyes shut and slowed his breathing anew before slowly reopening them several dozen feet higher and with a lot more light. "If your reasoning isn't the best I have heard since I joined the Navy, I will trade you to Big Mom to act as her refrigerator until the end of your days in exchange for whatever islands I can get."
To his credit, Aokiji only swallowed minutely under the force of Sengoku's divine glare. "Simple," he drawled in an only just calm voice. "The world's already in turmoil, and it's going to get worse as the Straw Hats' latest broadcast sinks in. And that's on top of the casualties we suffered today. The last thing we need is to storm a nominally allied nation to get at the Straw Hats."
"And that's if they still decide to stay allied with us, after the first entry from that blackbook," an older woman's voice cut in from nearby.
"Tsuru," Sengoku growled in a barely civil tone.
"Vice Admiral Tsuru," Aokiji nodded politely to the snail.
"Sengoku, Kuzan. If Iceburg hasn't cancelled all contracts between us by now, he will if we pull a stunt as harebrained as a full-scale military invasion. And if we do that anyway, the best-case scenario would be that Cross and the rest of the Straw Hats die as martyrs, removing any doubt in his words. Tearing an island apart to kill the Straw Hats, and giving no concern to the nation therein? It would be the final nail in the Navy's coffin, and the Government's; Dragon would sink his fangs into the opportunity with gusto, and he wouldn't be the only one. This was a complete and utter defeat, Sengoku; the best we can do now is cut our losses and prepare our next move."
The Fleet Admiral of the Marines stared at the snail silently for a moment before slowly closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath.
Then he released that breath and opened his tired eyes as he stared down at the deck of his ship.
"…is Spandam still alive?" he asked softly.
A slight glint appeared in Aokiji's eye as he perked up a bit. "Yes, Vice Admiral Doberman has him on board his ship. He's in bad shape, clearly, but alive."
-o-
"Shouldn't I be passing out by now?! Oh, God, the pain!"
-o-
Sengoku allowed a smirk to come over his face. "Good. We'll start cutting our losses by publishing every detail of what happens to him. Not even Cross will be able to call it anything but Justice."
"…Sengoku, I do believe that that is easily the best idea you've had all day," Tsuru replied.