For once in my time on the Blue Seas, my senses returned to me faster than I expected. Unfortunately, it didn't do much good with my subconscious, DOSed, trying to figure out what was going on. A few key facts slowly became apparent: I was lying on a rough, uneven surface. There was a rancid stink in the air, like rotting pork, and there was noise coming from nearby. Voices… they sounded like my crew. What was going on?
Thriller-Bark-Moria-Awakened-Nightmares-Crew-Decimated-Draugr-Oars-Eating-Shadows-Nidhogg-Luffy-Victory—
Kuma.
My eyes snapped open, and I leaped to my feet and looked around the area, taking in everything I could. It was still dark… still foggy, even. We were still in the Florian Triangle. The next thing I noticed was some of my crew nearby. All of them looked like Impel Down's finest had personally worked them over, with almost uniform expressions of pain, though thankfully not agony.
To name but a few: Conis was cradling her cranium, a bloody bandage indicating she'd most likely gotten another scar. Boss was steadily burning through a cigar as he leaned against some rubble, his flipper pressed to the shirt-like mass of white wrapped around his torso. And Merry… well, I knew it wasn't right to laugh at another's pain, but damn it, you watch a tyke like her gnawing at a cast-covered arm and say it's not funny as hell! Case in point, Lassoo and Funkfreed were snickering nearby, despite their many bruises.
Moving on, the TDWS and Carue were bandaged up from head to toe, and Robin and Vivi weren't shy for them either; I noticed that the latter was glaring at her necklace, and I winced as I wisely elected to leave that particular hornet's nest the hell alone. And Chopper was lying on his back; from what I could tell, he was regaining his breath from treating so many so fast, his hooves twitching spastically from overuse.
Then… there was Luffy, on his feet and grinning like a loon. My panic calmed briefly as I confirmed that my captain was safe, and then it shot right back up as I realized that Luffy was bouncing around after all of that, as though he hadn't taken any damage.
And as I ran towards them, my panic shot through the roof as I realized something else: so was I.
Luffy perked up as he caught sight of me. "Hey, Cross! Are you up too? That's great!"
"It's also, to repeat, impossible…" Chopper groaned.
"Seriously, I expect this kind of physics-ignoring weirdness from Luffy, but you too, Cross?" Usopp moaned as he poked at his nose.
"Bah, who cares?" Luffy laughed. "Woohoo, this is awesome!"
"NOT EVEN CLOSE, LUFFY!" I roared, injecting as much terror and desperation into my voice as I could manage.
The good mood flew out of him as he and everyone else, conscious, looked at me with alarm and concern, and I made to look at my partner—
"CROSS."
—and instead shot a glare at a newly awakened and very irate Sanji. "I screwed up, and I know it, crap cook, but me facing the music can wait until after we save that noble idiot's life! And in pursuit of that, Soundbite!"
I waited for a reply. After a few seconds of silence, I began glancing around, patting down my clothes with mounting panic. "Soundbite? Soundbite!?"
"I'm here… further OUT…"
My relief at my partner speaking up was weak; I hadn't heard him this exhausted since Navarone.
"…Is he there? Is he alive?" I asked softly.
"For now… but hurry, they need BLOOD, PRONTO," his voice warped and warbled. "HEAD STRAIGHT left from where you are."
"Sonnuva—!" I'd barely taken two steps when Soundbite's words sank in, and I felt a chill like Brook's post-time skip swordplay.
"What," I said slowly, "in the name of Roger, do you mean by 'THEY'?"
Rather than wait for an answer, I swung my head around, took a hasty headcount, and felt my brain crash when I realized who was missing.
"ROCKET US, NOW!" I roared, grabbing Chopper's scruff with one hand and reaching out to Luffy with the other. He didn't hesitate to grab the nearest anchor, and a few seconds later, we landed in the right location.
…I thought I had seen the worst when Moria awakened, but no. Even with the nightmares of the Shadow-Shadow Fruit annihilated, Thriller Bark still had one last scene ripped straight out of hell to torture us with. And here it was.
A barren crater of ground, stripped of all life, the soil straight out of a drought-ravaged wasteland, and smothered in blood. The crusted substance cracked beneath my feet, long since dried, and spread throughout the entire crater, more than one human body could hold. And in the very center stood a single figure, immediately recognizable.
"Z… ZORO!" Luffy screamed.
Chopper blearily took in the scene. Then his eyes snapped open, showing off bloodshot sclera, and he flipped down and dug a flask out of his bag marked with a skull and the label "LAST RESORT". He chugged the entire thing before tossing it aside and snapping into his Walk Point, sprinting over to Zoro with an expression that was equal parts furious and horrified.
"What happened here?"
"Nothing… absolutely—"
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULL!" I roared, grabbing what was left of his shirt with both hands and ignoring the shout of protest Chopper let out. "You've just endured every last bit of punishment that Luffy has over the past who knows how long, but we can deal with your suicidal honour code later because you can take it, NOW WHERE THE HELL'S THE OTHER IDIOT?!"
"H… Here…"
I gagged as a raw and barely audible voice floated over to me, and I hastily shoved our fine-shredded swordsman off to our doctor before running in the direction of the voice. I rounded a stray block of rubble and stopped dead in shock, barely capable of understanding what I was seeing. Finally, I managed to choke out a single word.
"Nami…"
Our navigator lifted her head, which was all she could manage, her expression flushing with relief, and somehow found the gall to give me a bloody glare. "Took… your damn time…" she wheezed. "You always have… to sleep in, don't you?"
I… I couldn't say anything. How could I in the face of the horrific tableau before me?! I'd seen a lot of bad shit during my time as a pirate; I'd experienced bad shit aplenty! But the sight of Nami, one of my closest friends, the one who'd always managed to come out of almost every last one of our escapades squeaky clean, looking like she'd been put through a titanic paper shredder? It was… just overwhelming.
Nami was propped up against the rubble, leaning into it without a hint of energy and for good reason. Her legs and her face looked like sandpaper had been rubbed over them, and her arms… her right arm was relatively unmarred, but her left looked like it had been mauled by some kind of rabid feline; it was such a mess, a segment of her Clima-Tact held so tightly in her fist that I think some of the knuckles were dislocated. And going by the blood-caked state of her right hand's fingers, well…
And it was crazy that she could even move her head; the rest of her body was limp and almost gray, removing any doubt—if there was any, considering the maroon and red trail towards her—that there was more blood outside her body than in it. She was on the brink of death, and somehow still had the strength, strength I'd never even suspected her to have, to keep on living.
"Did you… See that idiot?" She gave her head a minuscule jerk in the direction of Zoro, her lips twisting into a broken but still catty sneer. "Seriously… I told him posing was… a stupid gimmick, but he… just wouldn't budge… But then again, I—ack!" She coughed and wheezed, a mouthful of blood, and I don't even want to know, bubbling out of her throat. "I-I guess I'm no better, huh… every one of us, a big ol' idiot… Do you… think it's in the water, or…?"
My legs gave out under me, bringing me to my knees just in time for my throat to finally respond to my will and choke out a single word.
"Why?"
"Couldn't stop her… could only watch…"
I followed the voice's direction to a branch hanging overhead. Soundbite was there, sagging in his shell from grief and fatigue, his eyestalks drooping and barely open.
"S-Soundbite, what—!?"
"Don't… get mad at him…" Nami coughed, staring up at my partner with a weak smile on her face. "He tried… to stop us… but we… wouldn't listen. It's not like… he tried to do something… as stupid as us…" Don't ask me how, but the damn madwoman somehow managed to make a smile on the edge of death look sunny. "He was… pretty damn brave. Stayed with us… through the whole thing… even though he was scared… out of his mind. He… actually might have even… saved my life… a few times…"
"I… you…" I sputtered, but I fell silent when I noticed that her eyes were starting to lose focus.
"I-In fact…" she slurred, her head starting to sway back and forth. "After what… he did…" She chuckled, a wet noise that was equal parts bittersweet and delirious. "You don't… owe me… anything now. Heheh… I-In fact…"
Nami slipped to the side, and I only just managed to grab her in time to hear her breathe out one last thing before she slipped into oblivion.
"I owe you one, friend…"
-o-
"Alright, you metal-limbed bastard, start spilling your guts or I'll spill them mys—ACK!" Sanji cut himself off after a brief cyan glare from our doctor, who was in the middle of stabilizing the crew. He settled for glowering at me with as much heat as he could muster, and given what he could do, I was sweating like a pig for a variety of reasons.
After discovering that little… scene, we'd relocated everyone into the most stable section of the ruined manor we could find. We then spent several minutes waiting with bated breath and raging questions as we waited for Chopper to finish properly stabilizing our semi-eviscerated friends. It had been touch-and-go for a while, but thanks to some help from the Rolling Pirates, it looked like things would be fine.
Chopper had mended Zoro and Nami's abundance of injuries as fast as he could, desperate enough that he even recruited Merry's skillset and Robin's arms to help. The two of them sped matters along considerably, and he had Zoro and Nami's much-needed transfusions up and running in a matter of minutes. It was a very tense few minutes, but as Chopper measured the progress, he informed us there was no immediate danger to anyone. Which meant that while his attention turned back to handling everyone else, everyone else's attention immediately turned back to me.
Attention, I met with a miserable groan as I continued to pace, as I'd been doing since we arrived. "OK, first of all, yes, I forgot that he was supposed to show up. I thought I'd managed to head his presence off a while back, but clearly I was mistaken. I overlooked that the World Government could send him because of the SBS or for some other reason, in which case I fully accept the blame. On a related note, I need to double-check something as soon as we're done here, because if he was here, why I think he was…" I lapsed into silence for a second, gnawing on my thumb, before shaking my head and moving on.
"Second of all, in this case? Even if I had remembered, it wouldn't have made any difference; you all saw what he did, some of you more than the rest." I shot a pointed glance at Sanji, which got him strangling his lighter so hard I think its casing cracked. "So you've probably figured out that against Bartholomew Kuma, the only thing we could have done was put our heads between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye. Crocodile and Moria are the only Warlords alive who are even close to our level. The rest are just that powerful, and Kuma's in the upper tier even for them." I sighed tiredly and rubbed my face. "Make no mistake, it's the fact that individuals like Kuma are part of the Warlords that makes them a viable counterweight to the Marines and Emperors."
"I guess we were sort of getting spoiled with arrogant bastards," Vivi said with a ferocious grimace as she kneaded the bridge of her nose. "That's the kind of power that Warlords are expected to have; if Crocodile's pride hadn't driven him to sorely underestimate Luffy, we never would have beaten him."
Sanji continued to fume, clearly not satisfied with my explanation. "Even if I accepted that, I would have expected you to tell us that it would put Zoro and Nami-swan in this much danger!"
"It was only Zoro in the story!" I shot back.
A tense silence fell as we looked around. It was only after confirming that there were no Rolling Pirates in earshot that I continued. "The metal bastard came for Luffy's head, but when Zoro stepped in to take his place, Kuma fed him Luffy's pain, expecting him to die from it. Naturally, he didn't because he's that freaking tough! BUT, going by how I feel light as a feather, apparently Kuma was after my head too! That doesn't really surprise me, given how my head could kickstart a small nation's economy, but Nami going through this!?" I jabbed my finger at our comatose navigator, packing all my incredulity into the motion. "Trust me, I'm as confused as you are! And for once, things are flipped because while I don't have the answers we need or want, he does!"
I turned my eyes onto the gastropod who was currently guzzling his second bottle of liquid lozenge, and Sanji, as well as everyone else in earshot, joined me. He eyed us for a second, spat the emptied bottle out, and met our questioning gazes. "Yo." And just that one word provoked a pained wince from him
Ignoring that wince, Sanji painfully shoved himself to his feet and loomed over my partner, cigarette tearing between his teeth. "Everything you saw, snail, or I might actually carry out one of my threats."
I warily side-eyed Sanji. "Not endorsing the death threat…" I hedged. "But I'll second the urgency."
Soundbite took a second to glance around and take in everyone's anxious expressions before slumping forward, his eyestalks hanging heavy with sorrow. "ALRIGHT, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED. After Kuma showed up out of nowhere and pulled a 'think of the rabbits' on Luffy and Cross, Lola recognized him and asked what he was doing here. He said that they—the Government—had lost contact with Moria and he came to see what was wrong—"
I allowed myself to relax at that, though I was still going to check every inch of the card, which, in retrospect, I should have been watching religiously over the past who-knows-how-long.
"—and then he said that while he had the chance, he was here for Luffy and Cross's heads. I MUST NOT HAVE BEEN A PRIORITY THOUGH, HE JUST FLICKED ME OFF YOUR SHOULDER LIKE LINT. SWEAR HE CRACKED MY—! Ugh… Anyways…" Soundbite cast a pitying glance at my other two partners, who were both nursing some hearty bruises to both flesh and ego. "Lassoo and Funkfreed charged him and got blown away first."
"Felt like I got shot out of a freaking cannon for once…" Lassoo moaned from under his paws, clamped to his head.
"What the hell was that bastard packing?" Funkfreed demanded, an icepack pressed to his forehead with his trunk.
"The Paw-Paw Fruit, one of the most ludicrously jailbroken Devil Fruits I've had the displeasure of witnessing," I explained grimly. "It gives the user paw pads on the palms of their hands that have the power to repel or deflect—or more specifically, 'push'—anything that they touch. And that means anything, from projectiles to air to more abstract concepts like, well…" I gestured between Luffy and me. "Pain and fatigue. And the force of his pushes is often disproportionately powerful, too."
"Tsk, so that's why you and Luffy had my tranquillizers in you. That explains how he woke Moria…" Chopper grumbled as he held a pair of blood-filled vials up to his… eyes…
I briefly contemplated whether or not I was suicidal enough to ask when he'd drawn our blood, but I just as swiftly snapped my attention back to Soundbite. "So, those two got slammed and then… I'm guessing he laid down the ultimatum?"
"What's that mean?" asked… Luffy, worryingly enough, considering the amount of seriousness in his voice.
"That individual, Bartholomew Kuma, was it?" Brook spoke up, his head bowed solemnly. "He gave us all a choice to make: we could let him take the two of you unmolested, or we could refuse and suffer for standing in his way. Naturally, we all opposed him with every fibre of our beings… even though I myself no longer have any fibres to speak of! YOHO—! Ah, wait a moment…" The musician tilted his head quizzically. "Do skeletons have fibres? I forget… tentative skull joke."
"Robin?"
THWACK! "OW!"
"Thank you."
"After that is when things get… fuzzy." Keratin rubbed fur, a pained grimace on Chopper's face. "I think I might have gotten desperate enough to take a third Rumble Ball."
"No, that's the concussion talking," Usopp clarified. "You're fuzzy on the details because there aren't any."
Chopper's chin-scratching stopped in favour of shooting our sniper a blank look. "Aren't any what?"
After a moment of staring, Usopp sighed and turned back to the rest of us. "Anyways, Kuma must have thought that the surroundings weren't wrecked enough, because he used some big air-blast attack to flatten everything and everyone that was left standing near him. That's the last thing I remember."
"LUCKY YOU, long-nose," Soundbite groaned, shuddering.
"And how exactly did you stay conscious?" Franky cut in. "You may have a thick shell, but it's not thicker than my super metal body, and I got knocked out right away, too."
Soundbite frowned in thought. "Short version, I tried a new technique, IT WORKED. BUT FYI, THAT TONIC WAS ONLY TEMPORARY. My throat still feels like I've been gargling gravel. I CAN TALK SHOP, OR I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE HELL I JUST WENT THROUGH. WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER SUFFER?"
I briefly entertained the easier notion, but… "Proceed."
"Well…" Soundbite slowly turned his gaze as he stared off into oblivion.
~o~
"Now suffer the Ursa Shock."
FWOOM.
The Ursa Shock was a technique steeped in contradictions; while an incredibly destructive attack, it was both simple and relatively silent in its execution. A singular blast of air and wind, but the tsunami-sized quantity of air pressure resulted in widespread destruction, and thus a cacophony of demolished and collapsing debris.
Trees and stone, architecture and nature alike, none were capable of withstanding the full, unmitigated fury that was the Ursa Shock.
When the howling winds died down, they left utter silence in their wake. Nothing stood much above chest height. Anything that had been was now sprawled out on the ground, and anything that was once intact was now irrevocably annihilated.
Most people, in the aftermath of such destruction, would have been left gaping as they experienced a range of emotions, from terror to awe to satisfaction at a job well done. Assuming they were still conscious, of course.
As he witnessed the devastation he had wrought with his bare bear hands, Bartholomew Kuma felt none of these things.
Instead, the Tyrant merely shifted his massive bulk with his head, systematically scanning his environs with cold efficiency for any signs of life. A glance downwards confirmed that the first of his primary targets that he'd acquired, the 'Voice of Anarchy' Jeremiah Cross, was still where he'd left him after successfully removing his involvement from the situation's equation: pinned in place beneath his boot, incapable of being shifted even an inch by any on the island, much less the meager blast the Warlord had unleashed.
Satisfied that any potential interfering elements had been dealt with, Kuma reached down, hefted his target by the back of his jacket, and strode into the debris. His secondary target, tracked through the maelstrom by the systems crammed into his head, was still right where he'd left him.
Reaching the calculated location, Kuma dislodged a slab of debris and beheld the slumbering form of his other target, Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy. The titanic entity reached down towards the rubber man—
WARNING!
And froze as his sensors and Haki both blared warnings of imminent danger. Kuma erected a minimal, non-hardened barrier of Armament Haki over his body, a precaution that was very much overkill in the waters of Paradise.
"IMPERIAL LION'S ANTHEM!"
SLASH!
"Gh…" Kuma's mind and processors alike reeled when a disproportionately strong attack was registered, slamming into his chest, actually forcing the naval bioweapon to take a step back for balance. No critical damage arose from the assault, obviously, but it was with no small amount of silent respect that Kuma observed the opening rent in his shirt, and the infinitesimally small scratch in the [CLASSIFIED]-alloy plating that lay beneath.
Not a trace of this respect showed on Kuma's face as he turned to observe his assailant—just cold apathy. "Roronoa Zoro," he calmly stated. "Your power exceeds that which has been previously observed. I shall inform my superiors that your threat level is to be re-evaluated."
The swordsman didn't respond, too busy glaring daggers at the expanse of metal he'd exposed. "You've got to be kidding me...a Marine cyborg. As soon as I save Cross's ass, I am going to kill him."
Formulating a strategy based around the new information he had analyzed, as well as the information on the swordsman's intent and ability he'd gleaned through his reacting Observation, Kuma spoke the words he knew would incite the desired reaction. "That is false. Monkey D. Luffy and Jeremiah Cross shall both meet their ends at the hands of the Marines' executioners."
An inferno of outrage flared into existence in the swordsman's eyes, and he roared, pouncing on the Warlord. "LIKE HELL, YOU BASTARD! ONI—!"
Kuma snapped his arm up, interposing his insensate captive between himself and his assailant.
Zoro choked, aborting his attack and rolling past Kuma to avoid bisecting Cross. That was as far as he got before Kuma stepped forward and shoved his chest. A shove that sent Zoro skipping across the debris and desperately gasping for breath, ribs creaking ominously.
Finally, the green-haired swordsman collided painfully with a raised rock, his lungs still gasping for air, and the lack of oxygen leaving his vision hazy. Even in his condition, the swordsman did have enough of his wits about him to flip himself onto his hands and knees and react appropriately when he caught sight of the light building in Kuma's gaping maw. That is to say, pale dramatically. "Oh, you son of a—!"
Rather than finish that thought, Zoro bodily heaved himself away, not particularly caring where he landed so long as it was somewhere that qualified as 'not remotely close to the starting point original position'. Good thing, too.
Ping! KABOOM!
"Gah!"
The next second, he was sent sprawling by the thermoluminescent reaction that erupted from whatever the hell was stuffed in the Warlord's throat.
Every one of his wounds from Ryuuma and Moria was throbbing painfully. He was beaten, bruised, and now partially flash-fried all over. All Zoro could do was wheeze in pain as he lay prone on the uneven ground, eyeing the melted remains of the rock he'd been lying against moments earlier. "What…" he bit out. "The hell are you?"
"A Pacifista," Kuma answered bluntly, his voice still devoid of inflection. "A human weapon made to serve the World Government, built by—"
"On second thought, save it," Zoro interrupted, growling with effort as he painstakingly forced himself into a kneeling position. "Cross'll just tell me everything important about your tin can of an ass later."
Kuma took a moment to delete that comment from his memory before replying. "Again, that is incorrect." To emphasize the point, the cyborg hefted his captive again. "Jeremiah Cross and Monkey D. Luffy will be coming with me, and you will never see them again."
Zoro bit out a sharp tsk at that, and then was silent for a long moment, hands balling into fists. "The reason you're taking them… It's because the World Government wants blood, is that right? It wants heads to roll?"
Kuma slowly bowed his head, deepening the shadows cast by his hat. "…that is correct."
"…then in that case, how about a trade?" The swordsman met Kuma's glowing gaze dead-on, without a trace of hesitation or weakness. "My head for theirs. I'm not worth as much as they are, and their faces might be more infamous… but…" He rammed his fist into his chest, his teeth grit with pride and determination. "I am the man who will be the strongest swordsman in the world. Given time, I'll kill a Warlord with nothing but my blade, and my name will be known the world over, more than both of those idiots combined! That has to be worth something to you! That has to be worth their lives!"
Kuma remained impassive throughout the speech and for a little longer afterward. "Your claims bear merit, and I am amenable to what you propose… save for an error you have made."
Zoro tensed furiously. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Kuma held up a single finger on his free hand. "One life in exchange for one life. It does not matter how much acclaim anyone might hold; the fact remains: one does not equal two. You may take the place of Jeremiah Cross, or you may take that of Monkey D. Luffy." Kuma bowed his head, glasses shining from the shadow of his hat. "But you are not worth both. Choose."
For one of the few instances in Zoro's life, his very core was stricken with doubt and hesitancy, and true fear etched itself across his face.
"Tsk. What the hell are you so worried about, mosshead? Sounds easy enough to me."
Both Zoro and Kuma turned their attention to a clearly exhausted Sanji, who was working his way over to them with a scowl on his face.
"You take the shitty captain," he coughed out painfully. "And I'll take the shitty bigmouth. It's not that hard. It's gonna suck like hell, of course, but hey…" The cook shot a bloody grin at his rival. "The things we do for this crew, right?"
"You—!" Zoro started to protest.
"Hey, leadbelly!" Sanji shouted, ignoring the first mate in favour of striding up to the Warlord. "You want a second head? You got one. I'll admit, I'm not as infamous as the rest of these clowns, and my dream… well, compared to them, some might even call it lacklustre…" He jabbed his thumb at his chest. "But damn it all, I've got some worth in me, and if ever there was a time to use it, it's now." He cast a wistful glance back at Luffy's body. "Sorry, Captain… guess you're gonna need a new—"
"MORON!"
~o~
WHAM!
"GAH!" Sanji winced as Luffy brought his fist crashing down on top of his skull. "Sonnuva—! What the hell do you think you're—grk!?" Any protests the cook was about to make were cut off when our captain grabbed his collar and dragged him, face to apoplectic face.
"If you ever do anything that boneheaded again, then I'll kick your ass inside out! GOT IT?!" Luffy snarled
"YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM!" Sanji roared right back.
Luffy… actually blinked in confusion at that. "So, wait, you'll still do it again?"
"Me and every other person on this damn crew! Right, everyone?!"
There was a general rumble of agreement from everyone present, which I myself was a part of. "He's gotcha there, Luffy," I noted.
Luffy eyed us all before slumping in defeat. "Aww… that always worked when Sabo and Ace did it…"
"Probably because they were, ah… more… mature?" Vivi offered tentatively.
Luffy slumped even further. "That's the one thing everyone's always said I can't be…"
Vivi's palm promptly met her forehead before any of us could strike ours to the back.
"Anyway," Su cut in, focusing on our chef. "Sanji, if you were laying your neck on the line, why didn't you go through… that instead of Nami?"
"Zoro stopped you, right?" I posited. "I mean, even with that ultimatum, God knows he's bone-headed enough to try."
Sanji grimaced and slowly looked away. "Ah…"
"RIGHT POSITION…" Soundbite cut in with a downcast look of his own. "But… WRONG RANKING."
~o~
"Sorry, captain… guess you're gonna need a new—"
KRRRR-ZAP!
"GRK!" Sanji shuddered in agony, his every muscle locking up from the live current invading his body. "What… the…!?"
That was all he managed to get out before his tenderized frame gave up the ghost, and he collapsed into a boneless heap.
Zoro could only blink at the spectacle in shock. "The hell—?!"
"Sorry, Sanji…"
Both Zoro and Kuma—one incredulous and one impassive—stared as 'Weather Witch' Nami hobbled up to them, Eisen cloud wrapped around her bleeding right leg, and her body leaning heavily on her Clima Tact as she limped her way across the shattered stone.
"But just this once…" she huffed painfully. "The knight in shining armour… is going to have to step aside… for the big bad witch."
"You—! How the hell are you still standing!?" Zoro demanded.
The navigator rapped her knuckles on her Eisen cloud, which momentarily broke the strong front she was putting up with a full-body shudder of pain. "My Eisen Tempo. I froze up too long to shield anyone else, and I still got hit pretty bad… but it was enough to keep me going. Meaning that now…" She glared at the Warlord with fierce determination. "I'm available to do my job."
"And what the hell—gugh," Zoro coughed as his body was wracked with tremors. "Do… you think that is!?"
"Easy," Nami growled, her tone brooking no compromise. "I'm the second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, ranking right below you. If it's anybody's business to be offering up their lives for this crew, then it's just as much mine as it is yours! SO COME ON!" This last bit was roared at Kuma, the arm not holding her Clima-Tact gesticulating wildly. "Take me too! I'm the second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, I'm one of the groundbreaking rookies of this generation, and damn it!" A fire blazed in Nami's eyes. "I'm the best damned Navigator in all of Paradise, and I was going to map every inch of this godforsaken world with my own two hands. I'm one of the best… so if you swap me for him?" She jabbed a finger at Cross. "Then congratulations on the bargain, because you won't lose a single damn thing."
For a long moment, Zoro stared at her in disbelief before frowning solemnly. "You're not backing down about this," he said more than asked.
Nami responded with a defiant nod. "I've been in this position before. I've been here…" Her hand ghosted over the tattoo on her shoulder, drawing a grimace from her. "And I am not losing someone again."
Zoro regarded for a moment longer before slowly shifting his glare back to Kuma. "Me for the rubber-brain," he repeated.
"And me for the loudmouth," Nami concurred. "What do you say, Kuma? Deal or no deal? Though either way…" An offshoot of her clouds started to crackle and darken. "They are not leaving this island with you."
"Now show us you have some honour," Zoro growled, throwing his swords at his feet.
The Warlord stared at them, his shielded eyes and perpetually frowning mouth giving away no hint of his feelings. Finally, once more, he sighed.
"If I were to lay a hand on either of them now, I would be put to shame."
The first and second mates relaxed marginally.
"However."
And just like that, the tension rammed right back to maximum.
"As you have both pointed out, for all that you have dreams, you are worth significantly less than your crewmates. As such, you will make up the difference yourselves…" The shadows around Kuma seemed to deepen into pitch-black darkness. "By venturing into the depths of Hell."
Before either of the crew's officers could ask what he meant, Kuma raised his captive in one hand and pressed his other to Cross's back. A large pink sphere with dots floating above it, resembling a pawprint, ballooned out of him and came to a rest in the air before them; it was almost as tall as Kuma himself.
"What the hell did you just do?!" Nami demanded.
"Do not worry. I simply repelled the pain and fatigue that Jeremiah Cross has accumulated over the last twenty-four hours," the Warlord calmly answered. "If you are prepared to take their places, then you will take them in their entirety. With the pain that the two of you have taken already, you will die excruciating deaths from taking in your crewmates' as well. Observe for yourselves." And before the other pirates could react, he ghosted his hand through the orb, withdrew a pair of softball-sized bubbles of the energy, and lobbed them at the mates.
Nami and Zoro grit their teeth, mustering up every ounce of resolve they had in preparation to weather whatever was about to strike them.
The moment that the bubbles entered their bodies, their resolves shattered.
"YEEEEAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
A full five minutes later, Kuma loomed over the pair's twitching forms, his expression still resembling a stone wall.
"Do you still want it?" Kuma asked softly.
Nami ignored him in favour of hacking up a mouthful of blood. "How… the hell is that… what Cross was feeling?" she wheezed hoarsely.
"Huff… huff… the freaking hell we've all just gone through… he got a hole in his side… he's probably gotten used to his limbs while we aren't… all those other health issues he has…" Zoro bit out. "Take your pick."
"Argh…" Nami winced as she slowly inched herself into a sitting position. "I don't suppose… you'd be up for a trade?"
"Ah, yes, I suppose I should show you your captain's as well," Kuma mused. So, saying this, he walked over to where Luffy was, replaced Cross with him, and then started pushing out another bubble of distilled suffering. And then he kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing.
Zoro's eye twitched as he beheld an orb that was bigger than Kuma. "Better not."
The only response Nami could muster was a squeak of agonized terror.
The swordsman let out a tired tsk and shook his head. "Whatever… hey, bear bastard," he said, a glare directed at the Warlord. "We'll do it. Just… let us change the place we do it, alright?" He grunted when Nami looked at him in confusion. "Don't wanna hit anyone by accident while we're…"
The navigator shuddered as she conceded the point, and slowly, painstakingly made her way to her feet, a shaky tendril of clouds moving to offer a hand to the swordsman. "Let's just get this over with before my nerves give out."
And so the two started walking into the woods…
~o~
The snail was torn up by this point, fighting to stay focused. "I, AH, I SPOKE UP THEN. DIDN'T TRY TO STOP THEM, NO POINT IN IT, but… in the end, I, ah… got them to take me with them… COULDN'T JUST… LEAVE THEM ALONE, AFTER ALL. SO THEY… PUT ME on that branch… and I watched. THEY PUSHED INTO THEIR BALLS, and… and…" He started shivering in place, staring at nothing.
"What happened after that?" I asked, as gently but firmly as I could.
Soundbite jerked out of whatever hell he'd been revisiting, allowing himself a massive—if redundant—snort before powering on. "It, uh… n-not much, really. KUMA… H-HE SAW THAT they were still alive, and then, uh… h-he left, easy. YOU GUYS… YOU ALL WOKE UP A BIT AFTER THAT, A-AND HERE WE ARE."
Soundbite was silent after that, probably resting his voice, and nobody spoke, letting the magnitude of what had happened sink in. But it didn't last more than a couple of seconds before Chopper set another bottle of liquid lozenge beside him and moved back towards Nami and Zoro.
"Soundbite, can you give me some specifics on what they went through?" he asked grimly. "I'm sorry, but the more information I have, the better and faster I can make their treatment go."
Soundbite shuddered, but before I could stop him, he snatched up the bottle and took a swift chug before spitting it out. I only just managed to catch it before it hit the ground. "The external wounds, they… they did it to themselves. THEY WERE FLAILING ON THE GROUND, SLAMMING INTO ANYTHING NEARBY. Internals though… I-I don't know, I think some was sheer overexertion, but… OTHERS SOUNDED LIKE THEY JUST OPENED SPONTANEOUSLY."
Chopper frowned, tapping intently at his temple. "I recall reading about a few cases of injuries appearing after dreams due to the dreamer suffering intense pain in the middle of the fantasy… perhaps this is the same phenomenon, the mind making the fantasy real due to the transference of pain being so accurate?" Closing his eyes, he exhaled, and the madness eased from his still-tense frame. "Alright, that'll help, but… what about the more…" He glanced at Nami, or more specifically, her mummified arm.
Soundbite shook his head. "ZORO… he was hurt badly, BUT EVEN THROUGH THE PAIN, THE AGONY, HE COULD PUSH THROUGH IT! AFTER ALL, HE'S ZORO!" For a second, he wore a confident grin, and then the look shattered. "…B-BUT NAMI… she wasn't that strong. She was crying and crying, literally ripping herself to shreds… T-THEN SHE STARTED… T-TO GO FOR HER OWN THROAT. I-I couldn't do anything… so I did THE ONLY THING I could. I SHOUTED MYSELF hoarse for hours, I KEPT TELLING HER SHE WASN'T ALONE, that she could make it through this. I JUST… I COULDN'T LET HER GO THROUGH IT ALONE…"
Soundbite could barely keep swallowing as he finished, tears streaming down his eyestalks. I reached out and patted his shell, as did Sanji and several others.
"You did well, Soundbite," I murmured, and everyone else echoed my words. We watched as he slowly calmed down, the tension that had been present the whole time draining out of him. Then he smiled thankfully and retreated into his shell, asleep in a second. Sanji turned to me, clearly gathering his thoughts, and then, finally, he huffed out a sigh.
"…I won't keep blaming you now that I know what happened, Cross," he said quietly. "But this kind of oversight… the two of them almost died. Even if you knew that we couldn't do anything to change this part of the future… we could have at least changed what came next."
"I get it, and you know that I'm already beating myself up to hell and back for this—"
"Cross."
Luffy's voice ended my babbling almost before it started, the rubber man frowning seriously at me. "You did the best that you could. The only one to blame for this is the World Government. And you already know that Nami doesn't blame you. Zoro won't either. We still beat Thriller Bark, we still beat Moria, and we're all still alive. Don't beat yourself up." He turned to Sanji sternly. "And don't tell him he needs to."
"I'm not." Sanji huffed out a cloud of smoke as he looked me in the eye. "I just want to make sure that we don't end up blindsided like that again. Just… from now on, make sure your plans have a fail-safe for the worst-case scenario, no matter how unlikely it is. That's all I'm asking."
"I…" I searched for a response before finally nodding sadly. "I'll do my best. Though just to reiterate, there was no viable fail-safe in this case. Going up against Kuma… can't win, can't run. Fighting him is as hopeless as fighting Mihawk again, and Mihawk we can try and run from if he doesn't care enough."
"Just gimme a few years…"
Chopper snapped into his Heavy Point and rammed a needle in Zoro's chest in almost a single move. "I am not," he growled out as the swordsman slipped back under. "Dealing with him consciously. For three more hours. Any complaints?"
"Nope!" Funkfreed hastily saluted.
"Not a one!" Conis shook her head vigorously.
"TAKE THE WOMAN, SPARE OUR WORTHLESS LIVES!" Mikey wept as he shoved Raphey in front of him—
"ASSHOLE!" WHAM!
—only for her to spin around and clock him something fierce.
"When I'm done with you—!" the pink-bandanna'd dugong swore furiously, ramming flipper into flat—
THWOCK! "GAH!"
Before yelping in shock when a needle rammed into her neck.
"I believe I heard something earlier," Chopper grinned a very twitchy grin at her. "About sucking side wounds?"
From how fast she paled, it was hard to tell whether Raphey passed out from the drug or the fear. Personally? I give it fifty-fifty.
"Now…" He sloooowly rotated his head around so that he could eye the rest of us, faint traces of cyan madness just waiting to be unleashed. "Does anyone else have something they want looked at?"
"Ah, C-Carue! Get me a ride back to Big Bro Sunny, I've got to make sure he's OK!" Merry yelped, swinging onto the duck's back, who shot off like a bullet.
"HEY, THAT'S MY DUCK! GET BACK HERE!" Vivi shouted, sprinting after the pair as fast as her own bandages allowed. Which, considering how he was a supersonic duck, was pretty admirably fast.
"Uh, wh-why don't we start looting the manor? Get a nice and sizeable horde going so we can appease Nami once she's up?" Donny suggested in a panicked voice. He waited for a response…
"All in favour? Guys?"
Before finally realizing his fellow pupils had already ditched him, a dust cloud indicating their route, he zipped off after them.
"Welp!" Boss stretched energetically, wholly ignoring the swathe of bandages wrapped around his chest. "I'm not going to let something as trivial as a hole in my chest—or several—slow me down. Time to get right back to training." He then snapped a flipper up, nonchalantly catching a syringe-dart out of the air moments before it struck his neck. "Sorry, Doctor, but my schedule trumps your order—GRRK!"
Unfortunately, his gloating left him open to the second syringe that found itself lodged in his flipper.
"Whale… barnacles…" THUD!
Aaaaand that was him down.
"…Well, then. With your permission, Doctor, I believe I'll go investigate the mouth-gate to see if Absalom is still there," Robin said with a cool smile that fooled absolutely no one, walking off into the forest at a slightly too-brisk clip. Sanji glanced between her retreating form and the unconscious Nami presided over by Chopper, sighed, and followed after Robin into the woods.
"Franky, you know the way to the kitchen, yes? Could you lead me there?" Brook asked, actually sounding entirely casual. Either he really wasn't scared (probably foolish enough to think that Chopper didn't have a way to take him down at a moment's notice) or he was just… really good… at hiding his… no, he was just an idiot. "It's just that I'm parched, you see. Why, you could even say that I'm—!"
"Yeah, yeah, bone dry, hilarious, let's go!" And then they were gone.
"Hey, Luffy! I think I just saw a ghost! Do you wanna go ghost hunting? Let's go ghost hunting!" Usopp exclaimed, dragging Luffy along with him… or at least, his arm, which was presently stretching out while Luffy stared curiously after Usopp. Now, he was obviously oblivious.
"Eh? What are you talking about, Usopp?" Luffy asked with honest curiosity. "All the ghosts on the island were fakes, remember? There aren't any real ones… here, anyway. How come you're lying? And why's everyone so scared of Cho—?"
"JUST GET OVER HERE ALREADY!"
"WAH!" Luffy yelped when he was suddenly jerked out of his seated position by a particularly hard yank.
I watched after them with a bit of amusement before glancing to my side. The transceiver was still there, thank goodness; no matter what our crew had done, I wouldn't have put it past Kuma to take it. I made to lift the flap—
TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-THUNK!
And then my hand froze as half a dozen scalpels embedded themselves in said bag, tracing around my fingers in such a way that twitching a millimetre would draw blood. Veeeery slowly, I turned my head and beheld a pair of pure cyan eyes glaring back at me.
"Jeremiah Cross," Chopper intoned darkly. "I have been pushed to my limits even more than Enies over the last several hours, and this is pushing me even more. As soon as I finish restocking my supplies, I am going to sedate myself and spend the next few days sleeping off my exhaustion. So, while I have the chance, I am giving you a doctor's order: do not do anything that would invite the chance of the Marines sending someone to track us down and finish us off before I wake up, or I will tear your limbs out of their sockets and have Sanji prepare them FOR MY DINNER. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal," I squeaked.
Once he turned away from me, I frowned as I considered what to do; doctor's orders aside, with Soundbite out cold, I wouldn't be making any broadcasts or calls anytime soon. I looked over the few crewmates that were still left, and nodded to myself as I got an idea.
"Hey, Conis, could you teach me how to shoot… basically anything that's a sane calibre for people to carry? I'm not planning on using a pistol anytime soon, but I'd be more comfortable if I could hold one without having to worry about a case of leadfoot."
"Oh? Sure thing, Cross," Conis smiled, unstrapping one of her spare pistols and handing it to me.
"What about us, Cross?" Lassoo asked, some indignation in his voice.
"You two are going to be working on something else entirely. And the same goes for you, Su," I ordered, my serious tone causing all three of them to straighten. "I want you to go through what's left of the manor, every nook and cranny, and then comb over the island itself. If by some miracle we missed any zombies, salt them and free them. But more importantly, keep your eyes, ears, noses, and anything else you have available open for the Mysterious Four. If you find any of them, report back to the Sunny; none of them should be combat-ready if they're still here, but I think we can all agree we don't need to deal with another sneak attack. Got it?"
"You can count on us, Cross!" Funkfreed saluted proudly.
Su, meanwhile, grinned widely before jumping onto Lassoo's back and jabbing a paw forward. "Mush, faithful steed!" she sang.
"This 'faithful steed' is gonna chew your tail off…" Lassoo grumbled, but he still started trotting off in the indicated direction, Funkfreed following close behind.
That done, Conis and I both headed off in the general direction of the Sunny. Going by how neither of us wound up taking an anesthetic-aided dirt nap after a few steps, I'm fairly certain that Chopper begrudgingly approved.
-Three Hours Later-
Sunny, once again decked out in paper lanterns to shine like his namesake, fairly glowed in the dreary fog of the Florian Triangle. Part of my mind dwelled on that part as I secured my headphones and took aim at the bullseye again. In canon, Thriller Bark had wound up sailing out of the Florian Triangle by sheer dumb luck courtesy of Oars-Luffy messing with the sailing, which of course hadn't happened here. I grimaced at that; sure, we still had the Log Pose, but I didn't fancy staying in this dead sea any longer than we needed to. And after the literal nightmares of this island, I was seriously aching, ready to see the sun again. Hell, I'd even take the moon and the stars if they were available, just so long as it meant I wasn't being strangled anymore. And I knew I wasn't the only one.
I fired twice, frowning slightly as I took in the placements of my bullets: an improvement from an hour ago, but a long shot from perfect. Like my plans, it seemed. Sure, I had spared the time to sneak another glance at Luffy's (read: Ace's) Vivre Card before coming back to the Sunny, and it was as whole as ever… but Kuma still came.
Even if forewarning wouldn't have made a difference, and even if it hadn't been due to the SBS, I should have figured he was going to come and acted on it. Maybe then Zoro and Nami…
I shook my head, refocusing my body on shooting while I let my mind focus on matters to come. The past was the past, and it sucked, but that was it. Instead of wallowing, I had to focus on what was pertinent: that we'd be seeing Kuma again sooner rather than later, and that I needed to start thinking about what I'd do when that time—
THWACK!
"Yeow!" I yelped, clapping a hand to the new lump I had growing on the back of my head. Damn it, note to self, start wearing my hat more religiously, but for now—! "What the hell was that for!?" I snapped at an irritatingly pleasant Conis, who even had the gall to keep her hand in a post-chop position.
"'That', as you call it, was what we White Berets tend to do when our trainees fail to properly focus when they're in the middle of training," Conis sunnily answered, her smile never wavering. "I hope you honestly don't think I'm going to cut you any slack just because you're only doing this as a 'just-in-case' skill. I won't have you disgracing me as a White Beret~!"
I frowned in protest. "But I—!"
THWACK!
"Mother—!" I clapped my free hand over my throbbing brow.
"Now, Cross," Conis admonished, shaking her finger at me as though she were disciplining a child. "Unless whatever you're thinking about is liable to kill us all in the next few minutes if you don't think about it, then I'm sure you can take a break, even if just for a bit!" Her pleasant demeanour then crumbled into worried fretting. "…uuuunless whatever it is you're thinking about actually could kill us all if you don't think about it, in which case, please carry on thinking about it. Could it?"
I spent a few seconds gaping at her emotional 180… "Pft!" Before hiding a chuckle behind my fist, my tension slipped out along with it. "No… no, you're right, a few minutes won't be the death of us…" I raised my pistol back into a ready position and focused intently on the target. "So, I'll just have to use it, making sure that it'll be the death of someone else!"
Conis smiled anew, stepping back and giving me a thumbs up. "Clear!"
BL-BL-BLAM!
I set the gun down and waited with bated breath as Conis stepped up to inspect the target, cupping her chin as she looked over it. A second later, she nodded. "Three hits… two on the outermost circle and… one just grazing the bullseye? Not bad at all, Cross!"
"Tsk, speak for yourself…" I let out a frustrated sigh, scratching the back of my neck. "Come on, I habitually hit ten for ten with a two-ton cannon; shouldn't my aim with a markedly lower calibre weapon be better?"
"Hweehwee, you hit Jack, loud mouth."
I cast a disgruntled glance over my shoulder as our search party returned, Lassoo leading them with an annoying smirk on his muzzle. "Something you wanna add to the conversation, howlitzer?"
"Just that you're glossing over my part in your prior bouts of applied firepower," Lassoo sniffed haughtily. "You point me in the right directions and hold me steady, while I do the itty-bitty work! Alone? You can't hit a target worth spit! Hweehwee—!"
"Wanna see how well I can plant my boot between your legs?" I asked flatly, tapping the toe of my greave on the lawn.
"—YIP!" I then beheld the unique sight of a dog trying to cross its hind legs in desperate panic. "I'll be good, I'll be good!"
"Anyway," Funkfreed cut in, drawing my attention away from the mutt. "We couldn't find Moria or any of his lackeys. The rest of the crew even helped us out, but… it looks like they're truly gone."
"And all of the zombies have been purified, too," Lola added as she came up onto the deck, waving in greeting. "The only shadows left on this island are all in their proper places. Though…" She scowled irritably. "I'm of two minds about the fact that our tormentors aren't here anymore. Any ideas where they've gotten off to?"
"Hrmph…" I cupped my chin in thought. "If I had to guess? Kuma must have taken them with him when he left. Hogback's got a lot to answer for, and heinous though he might be, Moria is still a Warlord, and the other two's Devil Fruits are useful besides, so—"
"No… that's not… RIGHT…"
"Soundbite?" I asked in surprise, snapping my attention over to the barrel where my snail had been snoozing. Now, however, he was clearly newly awakened and blinking blearily at us.
Either Chopper's medicine is that good or it affected his whole body that fast, I mused.
"What do you mean?" I asked aloud.
"Forgot until now, but…" Soundbite loosed a jaw-cracking yawn before continuing. "KUMA DIDN'T TAKE MORIA. He took Hogback, yeah… but that's it. I HEARD HIM SEARCHING AFTER… THAT, BUT HE COULDN'T FIND HIM. ABSALOM TOO… and Perona for that matter. Hogback was arrested nice and clean, but the rest of THE MYSTERIOUS FOUR… THEY'RE JUST GONE…"
"Cross?" Su eyed me warily.
"I…" I frowned in thought. "I don't know. Normally, I'd guess they did the same thing they did in the story: take the backup ship that they had stashed here and sail away to regroup, but…" I shook my head slowly. "With Moria in the state he was in, and without Hogback around… I… honestly don't have a clue…"
"So they're just… gone?" Lola confirmed slowly. She shook her head in awe as she took it all in. "I… just don't know how to feel about that. To think that everything, well, evil about this place could just disappear like that. It almost doesn't seem real, you know?"
"Well…" Soundbite offered slowly. "I think I can give you ONE EXPLANATION…"
"Oh, yeah?" Su sneered. "What's—gah!"
Our powderfox's exclamation didn't need an explanation, as we were all made aware of a slight bit of misinformation. Despite our expectations, we actually weren't in the Florian Triangle anymore. Or rather, going by how some fog still hung over the island's sky, we were on the very edge of it. While half of the island was still shrouded in fog, a look at the east made it impossible to think we weren't outside the Triangle.
After all, the first light of day shining over us couldn't happen in that dead fog.
"It's the sunrise," Conis breathed.
"And there's your explanation…"
"Soundbite?" I blinked at him in surprise.
My partner responded with a wry grin before speaking.
"If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended—
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream."
We were all silent for a bit as we mulled it over. After chasing a few thoughts down their rabbit holes, I decided to give him a flat look as I scooped him onto my shoulder. "… OK, that's nice, but seriously."
"Hell IF I know!" Soundbite shrugged unashamedly.
"Also, wasn't there another line after that last one?" Funkfreed queried.
"Oh, shut up and let it RHYME."
I chuckled at the exchange, and then perked up as a thought occurred to me. "Ooh, now that I think about it, if ever there were a time—!" I turned in the direction of the manor… and slumped in disappointment when the horizon remained frustratingly silent. "Aww…"
"What did you think was going to happen?" Conis tilted her head expectantly.
"Zoro and Nami would wake up, and then Zoro and Luffy would start raising a ruckus. Come on, the timing would have been perfect!"
"Yeah, too perfect!" Lola snorted in amusement as she finally tore her gaze away from the rising sun. "Come on, that'd be clichéd as anything! What, do you think this is some comic or something?"
We Straw Hats all considered that statement for a moment before leaving Lola as the confused odd-woman-out as we all collapsed into fits of mad laughter.