~o~
Lassoo and Funkfreed stared at the snivelling snail as he came to the end of his story.
[No wonder you couldn't tell Cross that…] Funkfreed breathed. [Or even Luffy, for that matter…]
[If those two ever found out that Zoro and Nami put their dreams of the throne and a new world ahead of their own…] Lassoo muttered, more to himself than anyone.
[If they managed to come out of that without the knowledge completely tearing them apart inside,] Soundbite sniffed woefully. [Then the resulting butting of heads would almost definitely rip the crew in half. I… I can't tell anyone about this, you hear me? If this ever got out…]
[The end of the Straw Hats… and you're trusting us with it?] Funkfreed said incredulously. Soundbite looked up, puzzlement on his face beneath the tears.
[Ummm…] The snail swung his eyes between the two in honest confusion. [No duh? Why wouldn't I? You're Cross's partners, too.]
[In case you haven't noticed, you've been a bit of a little shit to us the whole time we've been on the crew.] Lassoo only managed half of a deadpan, unable to fully hide his disbelief.
[I'm a little shit to everyone on the crew, why would that mean I consider you lesser than anyone else?] the snail questioned in genuine bewilderment.
The two Zoan-weapons locked eyes, a silent exchange passing between them. After a mutual nod, they gave the snail reassuring smiles.
[Well, look, it's going to be alright, alright?] Funkfreed softly offered. [Nobody's ever going to hear about this, because you've gotten it off your chest, and we'll never say squat.]
[I mean, come on,] Lassoo chuffed, the vocalization shaking his bulky frame. [You know what we did way back when. If there's anyone who knows a thing or two about keeping mum, it's us. You've done everything right, so now all that's left is to—]
[Let it go?] Soundbite finished with a shaky smile. He bowed his head and chuckled, shaking his eyestalks. [Heh… never thought I'd draw comfort from that earworm, especially after Aokiji…] He held his position for a bit before perking up. [Ah… say, seeing as we've still got some time… wanna go fortify that excuse into an actual fact? I wouldn't mind some feedback on the best frequency to vibrate you at for maximum damage.]
Funkfreed nodded proudly, picking the snail up with his trunk. [You got it… partner.]
And with that, the trio started to make their way out of the depths of the forest they'd ensconced themselves in, but after taking a few steps, Lassoo slowed his pace and lagged behind, sniffing inquisitively at the air.
He kept his nose raised for a few seconds, but ultimately chuffed dismissively and loped back up to his fellow weapon before either of the animals could notice his absence.
Of course, he'd noticed their tail, how could he not? Even if Soundbite was too absorbed in his grief and self-loathing to pay attention, Lassoo had sniffed them out as soon as they'd started hanging around at eavesdropping distance. But really, it was no problem. After all, if there was one person on the crew the dog-cannon trusted to be circumspect under the right circumstances, then it was definitely this one.
-o-
[Guuuuh, damn it, damn it, damn it,] a certain peeved gull cursed to himself as he flapped his way back down onto the island-ship once known as Thriller Bark. [Doing something so rookie as forgetting to deliver the damn paper?! I know that we're breaking ties with that over-fluffed moron, and I know that his rag's barely worth lining my roost with, but still! Bah, with any luck he'll at least gimme a good tip or somethi—WAGH!]
Without any forewarning, the coo was suddenly knocked clean out of the air by something small and furry and fast, shooting out of the window of a structure that was still standing, tackling him in midair. The impact knocked the wind out of Coo's sails, and more importantly, the rhythm out of his wings, sending both himself and his attacker plummeting to the earth.
The bird slammed into the ground with a "Woof!" of pain, and the second he got his bearings back, he started scrambling desperately to get his wings back in motion.
[Don't.]
[Urgh!] Coo winced when a heavy weight landed on his chest and, more importantly, a paw slapped down onto his neck and held him in place.
[Don't move,] his attacker intoned. [Don't cry out for help, and don't give me any shit, or I swear that I will ground you permanently. Do I make myself clear?]
[Ggh… w-what the hell—? Who are—?] Coo cracked his eye open and tried to twist his head around to get a glance at his attacker. He promptly blinked in shock when he actually recognized both what and who had him pinned. [What the—Cottontail?!]
[In the flesh,] the fox responded coolly, her normally squinting eyes opened enough to pin the newsbird with enough ice to give Fire Fist Ace a nasty case of frostbite.
[Wh-What's the big idea?] the bird squawked indignantly, trying and failing to get some leverage to move. [I've been nothing but helpful to your crew—!]
[And you're going to give us a little more help,] the cloud fox calmly interrupted. [Specifically, you're going to help me, and you're not going to let anyone else on the crew know about it, especially Soundbite. If anyone ever finds out, I will track you down and feed you your own beak. Are we clear?]
Something in Su's tone gave Coo pause, and after a moment, he nodded frantically. [Alright, alright, my beak is sealed! Now let me up, damn it!]
The fox quickly acquiesced, stepping off the gull, and immediately began barking out a blue streak when he flapped into the air. [SON OF A—!]
[Oh, calm down, I'm not going anywhere,] Coo groused as he landed on a nearby piece of rubble, well out of Su's reach. [I just want to actually talk to you without giving you the chance to bite my head off if I say anything you don't like. And before you say anything, this isn't just for my sake, I'm actually worried about you.]
Su twitched in place, honestly taken aback at that. [Wh-What? What are you—?]
[You're a Straw Hat Pirate,] Coo snapped impatiently. [For all that you guys love to screw around and be smartasses, you're also almost all genuinely good people. You wouldn't do something like this unless the reason for it was serious, and I'm not doing anything until I know what that reason is. So talk.] The bird's gaze softened, ever so slightly. [What's this about?]
For a second, Su fought a very visible war with herself, her diminutive frame shaking and twitching as her pride clashed with her pragmatism. Neither won; she slumped, defeated as the weight of the past twenty-four hours crushed both sides wholesale. [My best friend, Conis, is enamoured with Cross,] she whispered in a broken tone.
Coo blinked, trying to make sense of the sudden non-sequitur. [That's… ah…? I'm… happy for her? Happy for me too, seeing as it means I win that thousand-to-one betting pool—!]
[Not romantically, you moron!] Su snarled at the bird, hackles drawing back in a momentary burst of energy. [She admires him in a mostly platonic way, and that's it!] And then, as fast as it came, the energy left Su, and she shrank in on herself. [Cross… Cross was the entire reason Conis became a pirate. She admires Cross as an inspiration; his tenacity, his intelligence, his will to go forth and venture, she holds them all up as the standards that she aspires to every day.] Su's head drooped as she sighed. [And… she's not alone…]
Coo's eye-feathers shot up as he connected that with the oddly specific threat she'd pinned him with earlier. [You admire Soundbite?]
[How could I not!?] Su demanded incredulously, sounding as though she were on the verge of tears. [He's just a snail, for crying out loud; his physical abilities are jack, he's rock bottom on the food chain, he's barely bigger than my paws, he's not even two years old, and in anyone else's limbs, his powers would be practically useless… and he's still earned every beri of his bounty! He's defiant in the face of the world's dangers, he fights like a wolf even when against a Sea King, and…] She sagged in defeat. [And he never, ever fails to support his partner… no matter what…]
Another piece fell into place for the gull. [This is… about Eneru, isn't it?]
[Cross gave Conis the chance to see the world,] Su whispered tearfully. [Soundbite let me fight. He gave me a voice and a chance to ask for help, when in the past all I could do was suffer in silence, incapable of lifting a paw as my best friend in the whole world died, a little bit more each day. He gave me the courage I needed to leave the only home I've known my whole life, and support Conis as we sail through every kind of hell imaginable. That snail… h-he's more than one of my best friends… he's my hero…]
Coo remained silent, unsure how to respond to such an explanation and not wanting to risk the cloud fox getting angry again. That seemed to be a fool's goal, however, as the fox slowly uncurled and looked at him, cold fury back in her eyes.
[He's my hero… and today, he was made to feel worthless,] she bit out. [Not ten minutes ago, he was brought to tears at the mere memory of what we endured. What did he go through? It's never going to leave him. I'm never going to be able to look at him again without remembering how low this day brought him… and I refuse to ever see him that way again if I can help it. But…]
She glanced away, scowl still marring her features. [The fact is that I literally can't help it. I can talk as big a game as I want, but at the end of the day, I'm just a small fox with a big mouth, and unlike Soundbite, I can't make that work.]
She kept her position for a bit before slowly looking up at Coo, the scowl now steely with determination. [And that's where you flap in.]
Coo flinched back, more than a bit unnerved by the sheer conviction in the fox's gaze. [And… what do you think I can do to help with that?]
The gaze cooled off as Su sat down on her haunches, her tail lashing back and forth. [You not only work for an organization made to gather information, but you're also founding one yourself. Your flock is spread all over the world, and you're going to put each and every last one of them to work, finding me exactly what I need to stand a fighting chance in this mad world of ours, and actually make a damn difference.]
Coo thought it over for a moment before slowly nodding his acceptance. [And… what they'll be looking for would be…?]
[An old legend. One that my mother told me when I was a kit. One that all foxes, no matter where they're from and despite all the endless variations and mutations, know by heart.]
Su's eyes cracked open, shining from within.
[You're going to find me everything you possibly can on the Children of Inari.]
-o-
I've gotta admit, even after living in this world for somewhere over half a year now and living through the craziest and most unique experiences imaginable? I might not have a dearth of experience in the field of such things, but I'm certain that there isn't anything in the world quite like a Straw Hat party, victory or otherwise.
And I'm certain that these parties are unique because nowhere else in the world will you find sights or experiences even remotely similar to what a Straw Hat party has to offer.
Nowhere else will you find a Five-Star East Blue cook from the North Blue fending off a rubber captain from the buffet with kicks capable of shattering concrete, all while lovingly serving whatever female might come by him and tossing measured portions of food down the aforementioned captain's mouth whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Nowhere else will you find a tengu-nosed sniper leading whoever he possibly can in seventy unique songs all praising his crew, with a living skeleton providing background music.
Nowhere else could you find a band of martial-arts-practicing dugongs trying to wrestle a sleepwalking scientist that is also a mad doctor into submission, while an artillery-toting angel scrambles with said mad doctor's bag to find something to put him back down.
And certainly nowhere else in the world will you find a demon-witch tangling with a monster-oni on a couch on the outskirts of said party. Or, rather, a monster-oni snapping at the demon-witch who was baiting him while wearing a grin befitting a certain gaseous feline.
"Still don't get why you get off scot-free, while Luffy's still riding my ass and calling me an idiot! Him! Calling me an idiot!" Zoro groused, scowling furiously into the bottle he was holding with the hand Chopper hadn't triple-bandaged to his chest.
"Well, while I'll admit that Luffy calling you that is a bit hypocritical…" Nami grinned cattily as she stretched her threaded fingers above her head, only slightly hampered by the bandages that had been freshly applied to her arm. "I think I can give you an honest and completely logical reason as to why I'm being left alone."
"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to want to cut you?" Zoro grumbled, his scowl twitching into a half-smirk.
Nami's grin grew in both size and innocence as she got on her knees and pushed her head into the First Mate's personal space, the image only emphasized by the halo of pure white shining around her. "Because I am a cute and adorable lamb of innocence, who can do no wrong~" she practically sang to him.
"I resent that!" Merry called from nearby, not pausing in her consumption of an entire barrel of hot pitch.
Zoro, meanwhile, turned his head to the navigator entirely and butted his forehead with hers, a rictus grin on his face, a vein bulging on his temple and murder gleaming in his eyes. "The shit cook is currently occupied with our idiot captain. What the hell is keeping me from doing what I should have done a long time ago and kicking your ass right here, right now?"
Nami's eyes cracked open, and her grin grew malevolent as her halo darkened ominously. "Because if you do, I will fry your smarmy ass into a briquet and use your ashes to fertilize my beloved tangerines."
Zoro's own grin widened significantly as his free hand started to drift towards Wado. "Bring it—!"
"WELL, NOW!"
"GAH!"/"HOLY—!"
My erstwhile superiors promptly almost sent themselves tumbling ass-over-teakettle when I suddenly leaped over the back of the couch they were sitting on and landed between them.
I gave the pair my best winning grin as I watched them scramble to get their composure back. "You two are acting quite lively! Feeling better, I take it?"
My cheeky smile remained in place even as Zoro's hand slapped me upside my head. "Good enough to kick your ass twice over," he growled good-naturedly at me.
And it still didn't change when Nami gave me her own brand of 'attention' in the form of a chop to the skull. "And make it thrice for me!" she laughed, sounding like she was more than a little drunk on the atmosphere.
Amused chuckles sprang from my throat as I received proof that my friends were hale and hearty. Once they subsided, I glanced at the fresh bandages on Nami's arm. "So, I take it you got your tattoo touched up?"
Nami hesitated briefly before adopting a light smile as she ghosted her fingers over the bandages. "Ah… yeah, yeah, I did. It'll take a week or so for the scars and ink to finish settling, but… yeah." She nodded before continuing with considerably more conviction. "Yeah, good as new!"
"Great!" I clapped my hands and rubbed them together eagerly. "Well, if that's the case, then what say the three of us celebrate, eh?" And with that, I dug through my bag and withdrew the items I'd temporarily left the party to gather.
It wasn't anything special, really. Just a small bottle of sake and three saucers, perfectly average.
Still, however average the items were, Nami and Zoro took one look at them and froze, looking like they'd seen a flying purple people-eater sprout from the table.
Don't ask me how I know what that looks like. Seriously, South Blue tequila: never again.
"Uh, Cross?" Zoro said, cold sweat shining on his brow. "I, ah, this could be a cultural thing or something, but this is—!"
"Eh?" I hummed idly, my innocent smile not shifting an inch as I filled all three saucers, with plenty of overlap between them. "You say something?"
Zoro fell silent as for once he read between the lines, and Nami picked up the torch in his stead, snapping her head around in frantic desperation. "Cross, I-I don't think Robin would—!"
And then our navigator's words died in her throat when she caught our archaeologist's eye, and her only reaction was to smile knowingly and raise her glass in toast, a motion that Luffy eagerly mirrored with his own frothing mug of… what I really hoped was Cola. Drunk Luffy is not something the world will ever be prepared for.
Nami held her open-mouthed stare for almost a minute, and when she finally returned her gaze to me, I met it with a saucer raised in salute. "Cheers?" I offered.
It took a few minutes before their shock finally grew numb enough that they could respond with any semblance of composure.
"You are serious about this, aren't you?" Nami softly stated.
I could only keep my cheeky grin up for a moment longer, at which point I slowly sobered up. Gazing into my saucer, I traced the bottom of the cup through the clear liquid. "Ever since I came here," I said softly. "You two have stuck by my side. Through thick and thin, hell and high water… through every troubled time, all the heartache and pain. You've only ever doubted me with damn good reason and have never let me down. And then today you put your lives on the line for me… and… and…" I swallowed heavily before saying what I had to. "If you… honestly agreed to do this… this downright crazy thing with me… I would be honoured and privileged… and I swear that I will stand by you through every inch of whatever comes next… just as I know you'll stand by me."
Nami stared at me with wide eyes, every gear in her brain visibly turning at full speed in an effort to make sense out of everything I'd just… poured out to her. And finally, her expression still dumbstruck, she slowly raised a finger to point at me. "You," she breathed in a low tone, her voice raw with emotion. "Are an insufferable bastard. And you—" She snapped her attention to Zoro. "Are a suicidal moron…"
And then she scooped her saucer up, head shaking. "And God help me, I'm worse than both of you combined because for the life of me I can't think of anywhere else in the world I'd rather be!" she spat out in a single breath.
Zoro mulled that over for a bit before heaving a sigh of defeat. "Well, you're right about one thing…" The swordsman leaned over and raised his saucer, smirking all the while. "Only someone with a real death wish would agree to try and keep you clowns safe."
I slowly looked between the two, scarcely able to believe it, to believe that they'd actually agreed to this, and when I did, I steeled my gaze and nodded firmly. "OK… OK then. Let's do this. On the count of… ah, screw it!" And with that, I knocked my saucer back, my fellow officers doing the same moments after.
We all drained our cups, holding our positions for a few moments…
"GAH!"/"HOLY HELL!"/"URGH!"
Before we all hunched forward as we suddenly experienced the wonderful sensation of having our faces kicked in by a heaping helping of—!
"THAT WAS VODKA, YOU JERK!" Nami and Zoro raged at me together, slamming the back of my skull at the same time, not that I could notice at the moment!
"Not my fault! Who puts vodka in a sake pitcher!?" I wheezed, massaging my burning throat. "And aren't you two supposed to be our resident anti-drunks?!"
"Not against South Blue COMЯADE-grade Spirits!" Nami hacked, furiously wiping tears from her eyes.
"Those ice-toting bastards use it to tan Sea King hides!" Zoro choked out.
"Alright, alright, my bad," I conceded, waving him off. "Should I, what, go and get an actual bottle and we try again or—?"
"NO NEED!"
"GAH!"
We all jumped when Luffy suddenly bellowed from the rafters, where he was swinging like the animal that gave him his surname.
"YOU GUYS DID IT!" our captain whooped. "CONGRATS, ALL OF YOU! C'MON! PARTY HARDER!"
We all stared at him and the intensifying celebrations before collapsing bonelessly onto our couch.
"That sucked soooo hard…" I breathed through my still-burning throat, my eyes clenched shut.
"Yeah…" Nami and Zoro nodded in agreement, in much the same state.
I paused for a second as I considered things before tilting my head slightly. "…either of you regret it?"
Even without looking, I could tell that the pair had both adopted shameless smiles. "Nope."
"Yeah…" I could tell, because I'm pretty sure I had one myself. "Me neither."
And that, as they say, was that.
-o-
"Don don don don!"
"Oh, thank goodness," Kaya sighed in relief, laying aside the pen that had been writing her thesis on Devil Fruit-inflicted illnesses as Merry moved to pick up the snail. "I was starting to get worried about the delay."
"Given that they seemed to have all but won when last we heard them, I will admit to sharing the sentiment, Miss Kaya," Merry responded as he dutifully made his way to his master's side with snail in hand—or on-platter, as it were. "But it is Luffy and his comrades. I suspect that they've earned some modicum of faith, no?"
"Just to confirm, when you say Luffy…" Kaya spread her fingers against each other as she raised her gaze heavenward. "You mean the brilliant young man who got lost on his way to the north shore because he thought he was supposed to head in the direction that felt coldest, yes?"
Merry chuckled… well, sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. "Point taken, m'lady: Faith with a grain of salt."
"A lot of salt!"
"A big pile of it!"
"The whole shaker!"
Both mistress and servant looked to the window to see the Veggie Trio perched on Usopp's old branch outside.
"One day I'm going to pour syrup on that branch, just to see how you three react…" Merry mused thoughtfully.
"One day!" Pepper laughed.
"But not today!" Carrot snickered.
"Now c'mon, c'mon! Pick up already!" Onion whined.
"Patience, boys," Merry chuckled, removing the receiver from the snail. The sounds that came out eased what tension remained among them; it was easy to pick out the sounds of a party in the background.
"—take one down, pass it around, no more bottles of rum on the wall! So, how many of you believe that I actually made it all the way down from a thousand bottles?"
The occupants of the room all glanced at each other.
"No way he did that," Onion finally said. "It'd take him, like, five hours to do that! Even Cross wouldn't talk for five hours straight."
"Well, I don't know about that…" Merry hedged. "Jeremiah Cross does love to talk. But I do agree that singing down from a thousand bottles is unlikely."
"Also, how did you get to five hours, Onion?" Kaya asked.
The boy immediately flushed, not-so-surreptitiously glancing towards his buddies. "W-Well, I saw how long it takes to count to a thousand in a book somewhere—"
"Neeeeeerd!"
"—a-and then I timed one of the verses and did a little math—"
"Neeeeeerd!"
"Well, the answer should be obvious, but for now?" Cross grinned cockily, saving Onion from further embarrassment. "We have more important matters to attend to—WHAAAH!" Suddenly, the feed was overwhelmed by a choked squawk. "WHAT ARMMPH!" This was followed by the snail the pirate was talking to gagging on its own tongue.
"RISKIES! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU—mmph?!"
"Got them both gagged!" a foreign voice cackled impishly. "Rolling Pirates, altogether now!"
"START THE SBS!"
"GAAAH!" Cross bellowed, veins bulging on the snail by proxy. "I'M GETTING FREAKING SICK OF PEOPLE DOING THAT TO ME!"
"GET BACK HERE, YOU TWO! TAKE YOUR BEATINGS LIKE MEN!"
"They're gonna get it!" the ex-Usopp pirates sang, Kaya and Merry, snickering in agreement.
"Alright, fine. You want to play hard to get? FUNKFREED, PACHY-RIOT!"
The laughter cut off into somewhat confused awe when the snail started transmitting the noise of a lot of rushing, cannoning water all at once.
"…Oh, dear," the five said together.
-o-
"Huh, so Moria actually kicked it?" Charlotte Pudding mused to herself as she stirred a bowlful of chocolate. For the most part, listening to the SBS was just background noise while she laid the foundation for a new building she was planning to add to Cacao Island. "Sheesh, and after Crocodile went down, too? Either the Straw Hats are really just that strong… oooor the Paradise Warlords are just a bunch of weak bitches, and Hancock doesn't count because she's in the Calm Belt." She glanced over at her personal homies. "What do you guys think?"
Nitro and Rabiyan glanced at one another, and they returned to grinning blankly at their mistress.
"Little bit of both?" Pudding nodded. "Yeah, you're right, probably a bit of both."
Meanwhile, Cross huffed and puffed with exertion as he came down from his rage-high. "Ugh, I liked those two better when they were stuck in frickin' squirrels… Anyway, where was I?"
"Any chance I could cut in here?"
Pudding blinked, outright staring at the snail. "Was that…? No, it couldn't be, she wouldn't dare. I mean, sure, she was always a bit of an idealistic moron, but even she wouldn't be so—!"
"…Well, that depends. Did you take part in—?"
"Of course I did, do you really think anyone in the world wouldn't?"
"I'll concede that much, IT IS fun," Soundbite said.
"Mmrg… eh, fine, go ahead. Can't be too upset in the face of news like this!" Cross said cheerfully, before blinking. "Oh, but let me lead in first. Ahem… people of the world, in case the fact that we're celebrating here isn't evidence enough, Thriller Bark has fallen and Moria and his cronies have disappeared… which actually isn't as good as it sounds, seeing as we have no idea where the hell they've all assed off to. If anyone sees hide, hair, or… well, shadow of them? Call it in to the nearest Marines. Corrupt or not, I feel safe in saying that the whole world wants those monsters locked away."
"Huh, so they couldn't seal the deal?" Pudding pouted cutely, glancing in a mirror to confirm that her mask was as good as ever. "Aw, that's too bad. I guess they really are just a bunch of loud, worthless scum after all. Would have been nice if they could have squirmed a little bit before Mama ground their skulls into paste… ergh, that's revolting!" Pudding shuddered as she took a taste from her bowl. "Ugh, too bitter, needs more sugar…"
"Now, onto more present affairs: See, despite the fact that the denizens of Thriller Bark are all gone, and despite the fact that we… really all but literally raised hell trying to put that shadowy bastard down, the island itself—which, to elaborate, is a massive landmass from the West Blue that Moria converted into a gigantic ship—is still intact, as are all of the seaworthy parts. And as a result of that, one of Moria's more notable prisoners, whose name all of you are very quickly going to come to know, has come up with a crazy, brilliant idea. Which we, as a brilliantly crazy crew, have decided to endorse with 100% of whatever rep we might have! And thus, I cede my speaker to her. Rock the world, my friend!"
"With pleasure! Ladies and gentlemen, assorted buccaneers and corsairs across the six seas! My name is Lola, Captain of the Rolling Pirates, former prisoner of Moria, and newly made ally of the Straw Hat Pirates!"
SMASH!
Pudding gaped at the snail with all three of her eyes wide in shock, ignoring the fact that her bowl had slipped through her fingers and sprayed chocolate all over her cute shoes. "That idiot," she breathed in honest, if disgusted, awe. "She actually got away while being that stupid? Holy shit."
"I'm taking this opportunity to deliver an announcement to the world: my crew and I have decided that in order to truly desecrate the memory of Moriah's reign upon the island-ship once known as Thriller Bark… here, upon this tainted soil, we will found the single greatest pirate haven this world has ever and hopefully will ever see! A truly free city, beholden to none but those within! A city wholly dedicated to laughter and pleasure and joy for all who have the courage to go out to sea and hoist the black flag in the name of freedom and adventure!"
"Heh… HAHAHAHAHA!" Pudding threw her head back and cackled madly, her years of culinary expertise allowing her to shriek with sadistic joy while also starting a fresh batch. "She really is that stupid! And now Mama's gonna grind her and anyone stupid enough to be near her to dust! Ooooh!" Her laughter ceased, an eager glint in her eyes. "And then, when she and the rest of the neanderthals that I call siblings are celebrating afterward, maybe I can loot their pockets for spare change and—!"
"Oh, and if anyone's thinking of swinging by for whatever reason that doesn't involve a good time?" Lola added almost as an afterthought. "Fair warning to you: We're still located in the Florian Triangle."
Pudding froze mid-celebration, even her stirrer stilling in shock. "…eh?"
"It sounds a bit far-fetched, I'm aware, but rest assured that we of the Rolling Pirates have found a way to… let's say coexist with the Triangle. As such, those who come here with good intentions will be free to enter, but everyone else?" The way the snail's eyes narrowed menacingly, there was no doubt in Pudding's mind as to who specifically her sister was addressing. "Tough luck."
Pudding didn't need a fully functioning Third Eye to see where this was going, and she showed as much when she cursed furiously and leaped at Nitro. "Congeal, congeal!"
Thankfully, the slimy Jelly Homie immediately did just that, its gooey mass thickening right as Pudding stuffed it in her ears…
"—AAAAAAGGGHHH!"
And right as a wave of pure rage slapped clean across Cacao Island, shaking the walls of Pudding's recently cooked house and cracking every sugar-glass window in its pane.
Once the assault was over, Pudding slowly dragged Nitro's slime out of her ears, wincing at the sensation, and stared at the relative destruction around her, this far from Whole Cake Island, in awe, her mind trying and failing to imagine what ground zero looked like.
"Kudos, Lola…" she breathed to herself. "You just managed to paralyze the whole of Totland for weeks."
-o-
"From now on, when a pirate ventures into the mists of the Florian Triangle?" Lola proclaimed proudly. "No longer will they be devoured by the foreboding jaws of Thriller Bark! But rather, they will be met with open arms and good cheer by the pirate nation of SKELTER BITE! YEEEAAAH!"
"YEEEEAAAAAAH!" the rest of the Rolling Pirates cheered alongside their captain.
"…Well. That's the last time I miss a group meeting," Hina said tightly, a breath away from setting the tip of her cigarette aflame. "If this isn't what Ophiuchus called about, I'll eat my gloves."
"You think she's going to clue the rest of the world into how they expect to create an effective haven in that dead, sunless patch of sea?" Fullbody wondered.
"Now, of course, this haven is still a work in progress; it could hardly be anything else when it was Moria's hell not even a day ago, but we can still promise you all a place to rest without worry of persecution," Lola continued. "Once we're up and running, we'll take standard payment, but in the meantime, labour to help make this place what it's meant to be will suffice. For anyone who's alright with that, it won't be hard to find the place; the Rolling Pirates will have scouts on the lookout for any ships that take the leap of faith and venture into the fog, and we'll hail anyone without malicious intent and lead them to the island."
"Guess not," Jango shrugged carelessly. "Makes sense that they would want to keep the secret of how they're keeping the island safe and hidden… well, a secret!"
"I suppose the finer details are for Masons' ears only," Hina muttered. She then side-eyed her seconds-in-command. "And no, we are not swinging by there if they ever have a Dance and/or Karaoke Night!"
"Damn it!" the pair cursed, snapping their fingers in synch.
-o-
"…I still can't get past it!" Namur snapped in exasperation. "How does a group of rookies come out of nowhere and not only topple two Warlords but recruit entire islands in the process?"
"Maybe he's getting a head start on coming after Red-Hair and me," Whitebeard mused with a rumbling chuckle. "But it's still impressive that they managed to get anything good out of that ocean."
"Alright, that's the basics, and hopefully I'll be able to offer more details in a month or two. Now, back to your regularly scheduled Voices of Anarchy."
"Hmm…"
The septuagenarian Emperor glanced down at his First Division Commander, who'd just hummed thoughtfully. "Got something on your mind?"
"Yeah…" Marco nodded slowly, a smirk starting to play across his face. "A dilemma, of sorts: Should the name of the bar our representative sets up on Skelter Bite be named as a reference to the crew, or should they choose it themselves?"
All eyes snapped straight to the First Division Commander, everyone present trying to make sense of what he'd just said.
"A… bar?" Haruta repeated blankly.
"Or rather…" Vista picked up as he sported an eager grin. "An embassy, yes?"
The phoenix-man nodded proudly as he pointed at the other Commander. "Hole in one, swordsman."
"Hrm…" Whitebeard leaned back in his seat (not a throne, as he'd emphasized many a time; at this point, he swore his children were doing it on purpose) and scratched at his cannula. "Now that you mention it… It does sound like the Warlords have been getting uppity back in Paradise… and it would have been nice to give Ace more backup during his hunt than just two of our allies…"
"Still whole!" Speed Jiru dutifully informed them all, the Whitebeards' Vivre card catalogue open at his feet. "Along with Whitey and Squard, and still pointing to Paradise! Probably, I dunno, lost their snails or somethin'?"
"And those issues could have been rectified if we'd kept an active presence across the Red Line, which a base of operations would facilitate," Marco smoothly concluded. "Plus, another line of income never hurts."
"Mmph," Whitebeard nodded in agreement. "Very well then. Get me a list of volunteers, and I'll choose who goes. Can't have all of you running off for a vacation posting at once, now can I?"
While the rest of the crew chuckled good-naturedly at the jab, the SBS forged on.
"Thank you very much, Lola," Cross said with exaggerated—though not mocking—politeness. "Now, as much as I'd love to jump right into the victory party, I have a promise to fulfill. All of you former shadowless all over the world… if you'd like to call in and share your stories? Now is the time. The lines are open."
"You know, I have a feeling that if anyone in Marineford is second-guessing that ludicrous bounty," Jozu said. "They won't be for much longer."
"Puru puru puru puru! AND here comes Caller Number One—Puru puru puru puru!" Soundbite sang.
"No time like the present! And you are live!"
"Marine Code 32296, Chief Warrant Officer Ernest Gheilt. May I speak, Jeremiah Cross?"
Any further discussion of embassies was promptly stabbed in the face, all attention going to the snail, which held a carefully neutral expression.
"I won't hang up on someone just because they're a Marine," was all Cross said in response. Gheilt took the silence that followed for the cue that it was.
"I enlisted in the Navy at the earliest opportunity I got, and my iaijutsu helped me advance through the ranks. Two years ago, I was promised a promotion to Ensign and a post in Marineford, but while sailing to reach it via the Tub Current, my ship was caught in a storm and blown off course into the Florian Triangle. It goes without saying what happened there… when I came to and realized what had happened, I called my superiors and informed them… and ever since that day, I've been denied my promotion and kept out of sight. Deskwork and chore duty… I kept my rank, my men, and my ship, but I was reduced to nothing more than a glorified grunt that they would rather forget about! I found myself falling into despair… but I've realized since then that there's one good thing that came of it. Being trapped inside all day as I was, what else could I do… but listen to the SBS?"
The snail's face split into a malicious grin.
"Jeremiah Cross, I am here to affirm, completely, your words about the Marines' corruption, and now that you have restored my life and the lives of my men, it is with great pleasure that I announce our collective resignations. If we ever meet, we are at the service of the Straw Hat Pirates. KA-LICK!"
Gheilt hung up abruptly, and it took a moment for Cross to regain his bearings. And then… he smiled.
"Hoo boy," Haruta winced sympathetically.
"That is the sign," Jozu huffed heavily. "Of the start of a very bad day for the World Government."
"That," Cross smirked victoriously. "Is what I would call a sign of today… being a very good day. For aaaaaall sapient-kind."
And so, over the next few hours, the SBS turned out several more shadowless, some anonymous, others undisguised. Tales such as a teenager talking about his parents being able to step into the sun for the first time in as long as he could remember, a pirate crew that swore out of newfound respect to the Straw Hats to live by their standards from then on, a few more Marines announcing their resignations to the world, and Margarita the maid calling in once more, with a party going on in the background that was just as rambunctious as the Straw Hats'… or, alternatively, the one that was being thrown by the Whitebeards themselves, and likely dozens of others the world over at that point.
In the end, it could be said that both statements, oceans apart, were ultimately played out to their logical extremes.
-o-
A few hours later found myself sighing as I stared over Sunny's edge at the open sea; with the party done, our crew decently recovered, the World Government presumably licking its new wounds, and Skelter Bite ready to start forming as it needed to, there was no more reason to put off setting sail for the next adventure. And so I stood on the edge of the King of the Waves, gazing out unto the horizon… even as two of my closest comrades walked up to stand beside me.
"So, Cross," Nami started, leaning on her elbows as she observed the blue skies with a lazy grin. "What's coming up next on the agenda?"
"Heh," Zoro scoffed dismissively as he waved a hand in the air. "Should be obvious already, witch: Everywhere we go, there's a fight ready and waiting for us. Isn't that right, chatterbox?"
I snorted at that. "'Chatterbox', that's a new one!"
"More appropriate for me too~!" Soundbite sing-sang as Lassoo, who, along with Funkfreed, had apparently become his second-favourite mount on the crew sometime during the party, wandered behind us.
"But, ah, anyways…" I scratched my chin contemplatively. "To answer your questions… I'll admit, things are going to be a bit… interesting going forward."
Images started to flit through my mind, one after the other.
An octopus hanging in a cage, followed swiftly by the same cephalopod tearfully begging for forgiveness.
"Some matters will be a bit personal," I grimaced.
Chains and shackles and blood and misery and THEM.
My fingers dug into the railing as I bore a scowl. "Others will require a hell of a lot of control."
An iron mask, daunting and furious, shattering to reveal PFHAHAHAHA!
I hunched forward with a barely contained snicker. "There'll be some good times, that's for damn sure!"
And then… and then I sobered up as I thought of him. Thought of Kuma, and everything that had once followed him. "And then… and then there are some parts I'm really gonna need some help figuring out. Important things that I just can't handle alone."
We stewed in silence after that, until I stood up straight and dusted my hands off with a victorious grin. "Ah, but big fights, Zoro? Sorry, but we're plumb out!"
That got them staring at me incredulously.
"Wha—? Seriously!?" Nami's mouth fell open in shock.
"You're kidding me," Zoro evaluated flatly.
"Eeeeenope!" I popped the P proudly, swinging on my heels as I tugged on a pair of imaginary suspenders. "Thanks to my careful planning and masterful investments, I've successfully wiped out what should have been the ultimate clusterfuck of the century, topping even our little ditty down at Enies Lobby! But now? Poof! As far as my own knowledge and expert opinion is concerned, it's clear skies and smooth sailing from now on, apart from one or two itty-bitty hiccups!" I splayed my hands proudly. "Aaall thanks to me! No money required, I accept payment in the form of everlasting adulation!"
I waited patiently for them to start said adulation… and was awarded with the two bastards exchanging flat looks!
"We're sailing straight into calamity, aren't we?" Nami asked flatly.
"Big time," Zoro nodded with undeserved sagesse. "You go and get Merry to ready Sunny, I'll make sure everyone's at their battle stations."
"OI!" I waved my arms indignantly. "I'm standing right here!"
"Yes, you are," Nami gave me a half-lidded look. "You, who gave a seminar just yesterday about taunting fate, and who just waved the mother of all red capes in fate's face."
"You. Complete. Idiot," Zoro summarized with a defeated sigh.
I opened my mouth to reply… and promptly spun on my heel and started marching down the deck. "GUNNERY MASTER CONIS! Start inspecting all weapons, double-time! I want every rifle, pistol, cannon, and other such peashooters ready to rumble at a moment's notice!"
"Aye-aye, sir!" Conis saluted instinctively, dashing over to the pavilion and disgorging the ship's arsenal, which she proceeded to inspect with a fine-toothed comb.
"SHIPWRIGHT FRANKY! SNIPER USOPP!" Zoro barked. "Whatever the hell you two were working on before the party started, double-time it and get it finished ON THE DOUBLE!"
"AYE-AYE!" the two of them said hastily, diving below deck.
"CAPTAIN LUFFY!" Nami roared. "Spit that out, you don't know where it's been!"
"Aww…" Luffy groaned momentarily before spitting out Mikey's head, who waddled off with a shudder and mutters of 'BBQ sauce' and 'last time I ever.'
"Oh, Chef Sanji~!" Perona sang as she stretched out in her lawnchair, which did wonders for the moderately skimpy bikini she was sporting. "A platter of six Wake the Dead tequila shots, on the double please~!"
'RIGHT AWAY, MILADY!" The love cook swooned as he spun up and away into the kitchen.
"PERONA!" I snapped my finger up firmly…
CLANG!
Before all but Shaving across the deck and cuffing the pasty bitch's wrist to her chair with the pair of Sea Prism Stone cuffs I kept in my bag.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" I roared at the top of my lungs, drawing the attention of anyone who hadn't been watching us before now.
"Uh… Sunbathing? Obviously," she responded calmly, though there was an audible bit of venom, probably due to the cuffs. "What, do you think I decided to show this much skin for your benefit or something?"
"Not what I asked, Ghost Princess," I spat, enough venom in my voice to put down a cobra.
"Looks like we missed one after all," Lassoo growled, his hackles raised in preparation to maul.
"Apparently so," Su said, her calm tone seemingly betrayed by the way her tail was swishing over our arsenal. "Well, there's only one thing to do now."
"Absolutely," Vivi agreed, before turning towards me!? "Cross, start talking."
"THIS IS NOT—grgh, Scramble!" I paused momentarily to snap a glare at Soundbite, and then I nodded gratefully when the buzzing started, and Perona blinked in confusion. "Thanks, now where was—? Oh, right, NOT REMOTELY MY FAULT!" I continued to roar irately, this time pointing at the snail. "HE said she was gone, so I thought that either she left with Moria or Kuma blew her away!"
"What?!" Sanji suddenly appeared at my side, a scowl on his face and a platter of shot glasses in his hand. "You were going to leave this sweet young lady to die at the hands of another Warlord?"
"NO! Not that kind of… ugh." I ran a hand down my face in exasperation. "Alright, ignoring the 'sweet young lady' bit, I glossed over one other aspect of the Paw-Paw Fruit's power because it wasn't relevant at the time: one of the most creative usages Kuma has for it is pushing himself from place to place, giving the appearance of teleportation."
Sanji simmered down as he understood. "And… he can do it to other people too?"
I nodded, keeping my expression carefully neutral. "That and then some; as far as I can tell, he touches you, and the next thing you know, you're waking up three days later on an island you've probably never been to before. His range is insane, spans the Blues themselves… but his wind-up is to ask the victim where they'd like to go for 'vacation' before sending them off to someplace that fits the bill."
"…So… he's not a bad guy?" Luffy asked with a frown.
"Eh," I waved my hand in a so-so manner. "I'd more compare him to Mihawk: not a lot of conscience, but not a lot of inclination to hurt innocent people, and fair to those who have earned his respect. Force of nature made humanoid and all that."
"Sounds about right," Zoro muttered before refocusing on me. "But we're getting off track. Whatever was supposed to happen didn't, and she's here now. And that really does automatically make it Cross' fault."
I stammered indignantly as all attention turned back to me, and I scrambled for something to say… and an answer came to me.
"Hey, even if I didn't know she'd be here, there are still some people here who have no excuse!" I swung an accusatory finger at my partner. "Soundbite, how did you not hear her!?"
"Because I took precautions," Perona answered.
We jumped in surprise, and then we turned our eyes towards Soundbite, who was looking similarly surprised.
"I HAD THE scramble UP!"
"Not on my hollows," Perona said dryly, gesturing to a trio of ghosts hovering above us, the sea prism stone cuffs on the ground beside her. "And don't bother trying; I ruled out your powers as being able to affect them a long time ago. And before you ask about the cuffs…" She gestured to her pigtails. "You only got one of my hands, dumbass. Any woman pirate who doesn't know to keep a hairpin on their person at all times and know how to use it is not only not a pirate, but criminally ignorant to boot."
"She has a point," most of the females of our crew admitted, while the remaining three turned towards Nami with pleading eyes.
"Later," our navigator sighed tiredly. Then she did a double-take. "Wait a—! You don't even have hair, Raphey!"
"But I have pride!" Raphey vowed tearfully.
"Anyways!" Perona drew attention back to her with an impatient snap. "As I was saying… I took precautions; I snuck into your ship's hold while you were all unconscious and then trailed behind you in my astral form. My body halts all functions when my soul leaves it, so there was nothing for the snail to hear: no heartbeat, no breathing, just a corpse until I returned. Then, when we were far enough out to sea that you couldn't turn back, I came back, came out here, and tried to properly enjoy the first truly beautiful day I've had in over a decade…" she shot me a scathing glare. "Before you decided to so rudely interrupt it."
"Lady," Boss snorted as he slowly cracked his neck side to side. "If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, after all you've done? Then you can count yourself lucky."
Credit to the goth where it was due, if her one-birdie response was anything to go by, she was either stupidly brave or bravely stupid in the face of Boss's implied wrath.
"…OK, so Soundbite has a good excuse… but what about you?" I demanded, pointing at our resident shipgirl. "Why didn't you hear from Sunny right away that we had someone else aboard?"
Merry opened her mouth—
Mrrrrrr…
Only for Sunny to cut in with a soft growl. Merry's eyes widened as her mouth closed.
"…What exactly was that?" Perona asked nervously.
"Aye'd ask if you've nevah been on a ghost ship befoah, but that's an obvious question…" Carue muttered.
"What did he say, sis?" Franky asked.
"He, uh… said…" Merry hemmed and hawed uncertainly before drawing her hood down over her eyes with a self-conscious moan. "That he was following my example…"
"Huh?" was the collective response… until Robin pointedly cleared her throat.
"I believe you're referring to me?" she asked lightly.
Merry nodded miserably. "The last time a surviving member of a criminal group stowed away… she became a beloved crewmate."
…Well, even I couldn't say anything against that. But apparently, Perona could.
"Oh, please, I have no interest in joining your band of lucky rookies," she waved her hand with a snooty sniff. "I'm only here because I don't have anywhere else to go, and because you wrecked the only home I've known for years now, you all get to take responsibility!"
Dead silence, filled with dread.
Perona glanced around in confusion. "What? What is it?"
"That's exactly what Robin said," deadpanned most of those who had been present for her recruiting, with the archaeologist herself chuckling and blushing quite a bit.
Perona's eye twitched, and she mumbled something beneath her breath. I didn't need Soundbite's help to catch the words, 'knew I'd regret this,' before she huffed and folded her arms proudly. "Alright, let me make it clear what I want!" the ghost princess announced in a haughty tone. "Since you uncute but badass bastards seem to be able to get through anything, I want to hitch a ride on your ship until I can find another island where I'd be happy living, and where the Marines can't get to me! That's! It! After that, no more piracy! I only ever did it because Moria asked me to, and that blew up in my face spectacularly! As of this moment, I am a guest on your ship and nothing more! Happy?"
Our reactions were wide and varied, but most prominent of all were Sanji's "MOST DEFINITELY!", Vivi's "Not a chance in—!", Usopp's "THE POWER OF SNIPER KING COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF SNIPER KING COMPELS YOU!"…
And of course, the crowner of them all… Luffy's "Meh, sure."
That drew a chorus of defeated groans from all of us and a bout of preening from Perona.
"Glad even a dumbass like you can see reason!" she nodded contentedly, even going so far as to give us all a bastardized curtsy as she remained in her supine position. "I am in your care. Please, take good care of me." I swear, butter wouldn't have melted in her anywhere at that moment.
"Well, this isn't a cruise ship, honey," Nami cut in, her fierce growl in stark contrast to her completely pleasant demeanour. "If you want passage, you're going to have to work like the rest of the crew."
Perona's response was to glance at our second mate out of the corner of her eye before withdrawing a file from somewhere and beginning to buff her nails. "Did I mention I offloaded Moria's treasure room into this ship's hold while I was leaving? Because I did that. I think it was worth around, oh… 300 million beris?" She drew the file away and started examining her nails. "I don't really need it, so call it a payment for the passage."
"I knew it didn't make any sense for Moria to not have any treasure, stupid, stupid," Donny muttered as he rapped his forehead against his staff, his fellow disciples nodding in defeated agreement.
"As I said, Sanji, get our passenger those shots she requested," Nami swiftly replied, her expression shifting not an iota.
"Of course, Nami-swan~!"
"That happened with Robin, too," I observed blandly, taking my well-deserved staticky dopeslap on the chin. "And now that I think about it, aren't you supposed to be some kind of a perky goth chick? And don't the goth avoid the sun like acid?"
"Uh, yeah, no duh?" Perona snorted as she squeezed a glob of tanning gunk into her hand. "That's the whole point. Thanks to you getting Moria running and Hogback landing in the Marines' hands, they're going to be after me and Absalom's asses as soon as they can squeeze our descriptions from that fat sack of sweat and slime. And when they start looking, they'll be looking for a pale, pasty goth…" The Ghost Princess's grin widened as she liberally applied the oil to herself. "And not a tanned beach bunny."
"…OK, credit where it's due: that's actually smart," I reluctantly admitted.
"Trickster crew, bigmouth," Perona giggled as she dabbed a stripe of sunscreen down her nose, "I might be a brat, but I'm definitely a brat with a brain."
I took that in, along with everything else… and what I had seen of her before. She was an outright ally last time I saw her, and though I had apparently butterflied that chain of events away, it wasn't unsalvageable. Far from it. For the time being…
"Alright," I said, turning to face everyone else, the look on my face doing enough to reassure them. "I think we can trust her for now; Moria, Hogback, and Absalom may have been incorrigible, but she isn't. Even if she doesn't join us, I'll be happier knowing where she is rather than playing a guessing game. Agreed?"
I took the unsatisfied but relatively affirmative rounds of grumbling I got with a nod. "Close enough. Alright, freak show's over, everyone." I swung my arms out. "Dismissed."
And with that, everyone trickled off to return to whatever it was they'd been doing before, though this time around with a lot more sidelong glares in a certain sunbather's direction.
And that was almost that… except that before Nami could leave, Perona sat up. "Oh, say, hang on a sec," she requested hastily. "Thanks to you guys' demolition derby through the manor, a lot of my wardrobe got wrecked, and I couldn't grab much in the way of changes of clothes. You look like you're my size. Mind if we share?"
"Vivi and Robin all over again…" Nami grumbled as she glanced skywards before nodding reluctantly. "Fine, you can borrow some clothes until the next town we reach, but that's it!" She then jabbed her hand at the Ghost Princess. "And no borrowing my jewelry!"
Perona pouted petulantly. "Aww, seriously?" She pointed at Nami's wrist. "Not even that chic bangle you've got there? It looks really—!"
ZAP!
"GAH!" Perona flinched when a bolt of lightning seared the corner of her chair.
"ESPECIALLY not this," Nami intoned darkly, her Eisen Tempo crackling ominously. "Touch it, and you'll spend this trip tied to the prow."
Perona snapped her hands up in surrender. "OK, OK, no touch, got it!" The second Nami turned her back in a huff, she allowed herself to relax with a scowl. "Greedy bitch…"
I blinked in surprise as I followed Nami, honestly taken aback at how steamed she was. "Well, that was new. You've certainly never threatened us like that before… I take it that that," I pointed at the hoop of gold. "Isn't a typical part of the hoard."
Nami stopped short in her tracks, blinking at me in surprise. "Everything you know, and you don't know what this means to me?"
"I told you before, I'll tell you again: I'm well-informed, not omniscient," I reiterated with a roll of my eyes. "Seriously, what's so important about it?"
"Eh…" Nami hesitated slightly before shrugging dismissively. "In all honesty, not much…" A grin grew on Nami's face as she caressed the bangle lightly. "And at the same time, everything."
Nami looked up and smiled brightly at me.
"Nojiko gave it to me, before I left. She said she wanted me to have a way to always remember the East Blue. Sweet, huh?"